The Internet Diaries

If you could do 1 thing every day for the rest of your life, what would it be? I ask myself this question before I go to bed and end up with a short list (just a start) of things that I would do every day for the rest of my life. It's part of the process in figuring out my next career move & truthfully, to help me feel excited about getting out of bed in the morning. If you're feeling stuck and need to dig deep on what truly makes you happy - let's walk through it together. Life is too short too feel like you're alive, but not really living - am I right?

remember, you are the main character of your life & you're living in the movie you create for yourself. life is hard & sometimes we just need to make the little movements of our everyday life feel like a work of art. this is why you should romanticize your life, do things for the story & take creative control of the epic masterpiece that is your existence. 

The longest relationship I've ever been in, is my one with the Internet. Starting with my Tumblr days (the best days) and now, posting more often on various platforms to create content, share my work and build a community. Yet, I have to admit - it's a 50/50 love and hate relationship. Posting online has brought me some great friends & opportunities, but it also comes with self-doubt, anxieties, comparison and insecurities I didn't even know I had. In this week's episode, I dive into my feelings about being online and what I'm working on when it comes to sharing more of my life with my internet friends. 

There's no such thing as rest or relaxation for my brain. In fact, it's always on, thinking about what I could be doing instead of taking a break and enjoying the moment for what it is. I'm someone who always needs to have a project in mind or a "reason" for doing things. In short, I have productivity guilt. In this week's episode, I talk about how being productive 100% of the time isn't realistic, how it's ok to take a pause and enjoy living. We are humans, not machines - so let's try to turn our brains off once in a while & just simply appreciate our existence.  

When it comes to others, I'm great at giving advice. But, for myself - I often feel like a lost cause. Why is it so easy for me to be the hype man for the people around me? Yet, when I talk about my dreams and goals - I downplay everything that I've done and accomplished? If you're like me and often find that you're great at helping others, but need help to actually help yourself. It's all here and we're working through it in this week's episode. 

Growing pains or that in-between stage of my life. Where the old me has essentially died and the new, improved version of myself - well, she's not fully there, just yet. We're working on it. In this episode I discuss my past self, why I'm the common thread in all my failed friendships, never fitting in, hitting rock bottom and how I've traded my old life for one as a fully functioning adult. Now, I kinda understand why my parents told me to stop wishing that I was a grownup. Being an adult is tiring, it's hard, but truthfully I don't think I've ever had so much fun. Forever young, baby! 

Your anxiety is lying to you. Or at least, that's what I need to remind myself on a daily basis as someone who is a serious over-thinker. I'm learning that I need a perspective shift, which means I'm learning how to take myself and life far less seriously. Because in the end, nothing really matters - and to be honest, that's a good thing. 

What happens when you decide to drop the career you always thought you wanted? Well, to be honest - I'm still figuring that part out. In this episode, I talk about being a creative, realizing I no longer want to be "just a photographer", my decision to grow a social media following & how I'm figuring out my future. There's a lot going on in my head.

Somedays I hate myself, but I'm working on it. Trying my best to figure out how to give love to myself & others around me. Oh, and dealing with my realization that I'm emotionally unavailable, this is a fun one guys! 

Let's call it a new season of Shan, reinventing myself or just simply, growing. And, how you too - can change your life - if ya want.