Do you need a Licensed Therapist or a Life Coach?  It is a question you may have asked yourself.  In this episode Dr. Elizabeth Fedrick and I discuss the differences and similarities of therapy and life coaching along with where the line is for life coaches when it comes to partnering with clients.

Dr. Elizabeth Fedrick is a Licensed Professional Counselor and owns a private practice, Evolve Counseling, in Gilbert, Arizona. She has been providing counseling services for about ten years and specializes in areas such as, relationship issues, depression, anxiety, trauma, and general personal improvement. In addition to providing therapeutic services, Dr. Fedrick teaches psychology courses for Grand Canyon University. 

There is a place for both modalities, but knowing where you are and what is best for you is what’s important. Therapists can help you dive into the past, trauma and resolve issues around anxiety and depression. Life Coaches are future focused, goals driven and provide a great amount of support in many areas of life.  A therapist can also partner with you to move forward, just like a life coach, but your coach should not be crossing the line to address trauma or making any diagnosis.

Both Dr Fedrick and I value both therapy and coaching. We desire for individuals to be their best self. We agree that clients can benefit from working with a therapist and a life coach simultaneously. What’s important for both is equipping our clients with the tools they need to function more effectively and reach their goals. Both of us want to see our clients have success throughout their lifetime. 

Notable Points:

“With therapy it really is digging into these past experiences”

“Life coaching is really about giving current tools and skill set”

“I believe that true treatment and recovery takes place holistically” 

“It’s not just about the short term outcomes...but we really are equipping them with these lifetime tools”

“The purpose of therapy is not to come for the rest of your life”

“It’s not a one versus the other, their not in competition” 

Connect with Dr Fedrick & Evolve Counseling:

www.evolvecounselingaz.com

Instagram: @evolvecounselingaz 

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Here's the question I have heard the most over the years, “Jen, how are you doing it all?” It’s a good question and I can see why it’s asked of me.  I am a mom of four, a homeschooling family, I own and operate my own coaching business and I have this weekly podcast.  So, I get it. The simple answer is, I don’t do it all.  

I don’t hire out help, though it’s certainly on the long-term wish list. It’s not that I would have said “no” to hired help, it’s just never been something we have been willing to allocate money for. No housekeeper, no personal chef, not even a virtual assistant (yet!)...yet I still don’t do it all.

The secret is in the power of one word.  NO. 

I used to feel so guilty saying no to things. I believed it was a badge of honor to do it all and not complain. I would do it all, never saying no, and be a wreck.  I was not fine, while all the while telling everyone I was fine. 

We give our time, our heart, our soul and our mind to things we can say no to. The reason it looks like I am “doing it all” is because the things that I choose to give attention to I do so well because on the backend I am saying no repeatedly. The power is in the boundaries and in the word no. 

Several years ago I even adopted a motto that helped me set and keep my boundaries. Others did not care for it, but I didn’t care! You can love people and still have clear and firm boundaries. You can love people and still say no. 

Notable Points:

“I used to feel so guilty saying no to things.” 

“The secret to doing it all...is not doing it all”

“I say no to more things than anyone will ever know, but me” 

“I don’t even take brain space to something that is going to take away from what I want to accomplish”

“For a long time I was a people pleaser; it was so hard for me to say no”

“It’s not that I don’t care about you, it’s just that I don’t care”

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I am pulling back the curtain and sharing the good, the bad and the changes that have been happening behind the scenes. I believe it’s important to be authentic, even when things are not going well. If you listened to Episode 44, you know that I will not support Toxic Positivity.  We can’t just pretend everything is “ok” when it is clearly not.  

If you had told me a year ago I would be sharing about my breast health on social media, my email list or this podcast I am sure I would have not believed you. Yet, here we are. A lesson learned in the “I will never” statement we often make. 

I am grateful beyond words that I do not have breast cancer. I do however have something called atypical ductal hyperplasia (ADH). I had never heard of this before or knew what it meant to have it.  What I have learned is it can mean different things for different women, but for me it means it’s best to have it surgically removed. It leaves me in a “higher risk” category due to how much I have and my age. It is so important to make decisions that give you peace and are best for you.  Everyone is going to have an opinion about what they believe is best and even share what they might do for themself.  Ultimately, the decisions we make in life have to line up with our heart, our mind and our life. 

This alignment is true for my business as well. I was feeling very misaligned in my business for almost the first two years.  I was coaching on health and weight loss. It’s not that my clients were not having success in what they hired me for, but I was feeling this tug on my heart.  This misalignment. My clients were having transformations in their thoughts and life that had little or nothing to do with their weight. Even in my client reviews, client after client would not the changes in their life not in their body. It was the confirmation for me that I needed to refocus and specialize in Intuitive Eating. I am a Life Coach who specializes in Intuitive Eating.  Fully aligned.

In both instances it was working with a Life Coach that helped me uncover what was already within me.  My Life Coach helps me get clarity and get focused. It’s that work that helped me make the decision for my breast health and it’s what’s led me to pursue training with Evelyn Tribole and become an Intuitive Eating Counselor. 

Grab the First Steps to Intuitive Eating Guide

https://www.healthcoach4life.com/firststeps

Book a Consultation
https://www.healthcoach4life.com/requestsession/?sid=3

Notable Points:

“For this last year I have been going through this crazy journey”

“I made a really empowered decision” 

“If you told me a year ago that all of this would be happening, I never would have believed it”

“I could not advocate more for having a life coach”

“I do not and will not focus on weight loss as the goal”

“2020 has tried to suck hard...but there have been amazing things that have come out of it”

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Do you remember your first dates with your spouse? All the goosebumps and butterflies that came with going out.  Our first date was full of all the butterflies when we saw the movie Titanic in December of 1997. It was so romantic. We started off our relationship in the most amazing way.  Going from seeing Titanic to kissing in Times Square for New Years Eve.  All. The. Feels.

We got so far away from this point.  For a while in our marriage, we were nowhere close to all the feelings that we had experienced on these first dates. 

We don’t want to blame the kids, but we have to acknowledge that having a child every two years was having an impact on our dating relationship. It had an impact on our finances and our free time to even spend alone time together. The good and the bad of this season is that it does not last forever.  Those daughters grew up and we no longer needed to pay a sitter and could have a weekly date night.

Weekly date nights should never be a requirement in a marriage. I do believe there are great benefits to these date nights though, but it’s not all about something that leads to more sex.  For us, it became about keeping our friendship strong. Life is hard and can sometimes just suck (hello 2020!) and our strong friendship is exactly what we needed to lean on. 

Our date nights are about connecting in this friendship.  I have needed my husband to be my bestie, especially this year. Date nights don’t have to be about romance or increasing your sex life.  They can be about strengthening and growing your friendship. When you are Best Friends with someone you also love deeply (and find sexy!), it strengthens everything about your relationship.It’s not always about going out, it’s about hanging out with your best friend. 

Listen to more about Marriage in this series in Episode 56, Episode 57, and Episode 58. You can also listen to my hubby and I talk about all things Marriage on Episode 23 & Episode 24. 

Notable Points:

“We’re not on vacation”

“The love for one another was not feeling so strong, but we had our friendship to fall back on”

“Those date nights kept us connected as friends”

“I’ve needed his friendship”

“You can stay at home and still have amazing date nights” 

Grab the First Steps to Intuitive Eating Guide

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You are two people raising other humans and it is inevitable that you are not going to agree on every single parenting issue.  You both bring different experiences, different childhood memories, different ideas into the role of parent.  

You cannot predict every parenting issue you will have...and you definitely cannot predict the temperament or personality of the tiny humans you will be raising! In fact, all hell can break loose.  I share this from personal experience with our second born.  We were thrown into parenting decisions based on food dye.  Yup, food dye! Our sweet second born had me Googling nonstop trying to figure out what was causing 2 hour long fits at bedtime. We were not prepared in any way for this. 

We had to learn a very important lesson in the midst of both of us losing our minds.  Do not get into the disagreement in the moment. When you disagree in the moment, when emotions are high, you can deflate your spouse and over time it can have the opposite effect you really want.  That spouse can start to believe he/she is not valued and do less and less parenting. Hint, hint...this will leave you more hurt and frustrated. 

I introduce our proactive parenting plan concept.  It’s helped us navigate this bumpy parenting road with a bit more ease and grace. It has not eliminated us at times being reactive, but it has reduced it greatly.  This plan is quite literally written in pencil, because as we have learned, you can’t predict what life will bring.  I am a big believer in keeping your plans in pencil and I talk exclusively about that topic on Episode 26. It’s not too late to make a proactive parenting plan and have more discussions and less disagreements. 

Notable Points:

“I would just lose my crap!”

"I just assumed I knew better”

“I had to shut up!”

“We just know now, we need to have the discussions before the thing arises”

Four Week Coaching Program
To Enroll Email [email protected]

Details:

Nov 2 - Nov 30th 2020 ONLY 

WeeK 1 - Identify food rules & food police

Week 2 - Increase awareness around hunger, fullness & satisfaction

Week 3 - Integrate Mindful Movement 

Week 4 - Intuitive Eating with gentle nutrition

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We argue in our marriage, it’s just a fact.  And, it’s ok! We are like any best friends; we don’t always agree and there are times we can just get on each other’s nerves.  However, we have learned over the years that when we apply these 6 “rules” we can navigate the argument and the after argument time much better. 

Like I shared in Part 1 of this Marriage Series, there is no perfect way to do marriage.  These rules may or may not work for you.  My desire is that they get you thinking and reflecting.  Maybe they even help start a conversation in your marriage or relationship. Like all things I share about marriage, we are not coming from a place of perfection.  We are two people who mess up and learn from it. 

Our 6 Rules for Arguing discussed in detail on the podcast:

1. Don’t go into the argument trying to win
2. Listen. Don’t take the time your spouse is talking to think about what to say next
3. Ask clarifying questions to gain better understanding
4. Don’t argue in the bedroom
5. Timing is everything and arguing before bed is a bad idea
6. It’s ok to take a pause/break in an argument

This is real authentic talk coming from a spouse who has learned the hard way. I had to do the work on my thoughts about how I was showing up in those “high volume” discussions. I share with all of my mistakes in the hope that it gets you thinking about how you want to show up for arguments in your own relationship. 

Notable Points:

“We had to listen without doing anything else”

“We think we know the heart or the thoughts behind what someone’s saying”

“Bedtime routine used to make us want to poke our eyeballs out with a spoon!”

“It’s ok to take a break, it’s ok to take a pause.”

“We’re not sitting there holding each other to this standard of perfection”

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First I just want to be really clear I am not a marriage expert. I mean I am a marriage expert on my own marriage but I'm definitely not a marriage expert on your marriage and I would never pretend to be. I'm not going to sit here and say there is just one perfect way to be. There is one perfect way to be for me and my husband David and there's one perfect way for you and your husband to be. What I want to do as part of the series is open up a dialogue between you and your spouse. 

I think it's human nature to look at something and then look at our version of that same something. “I don't have enough of that”, “I don't even have that”, “I have more than that” and even, “What I have is better”. It's not always negative however comparison can do a lot of damage. The most obvious is when you believe there's something lacking in your spouse or between the two of you when you look at another marriage.

Remember that what you see is not necessarily what is. You're comparing your marriage to something you don't even know the full story. I always say you don't really know what goes on behind closed doors, whether that's a closed door of where they live or closed doors of their bedroom, of their conversations, of how they talk to each other. People can project whatever image they want to about their date nights, their sex life, the flowers he bought for her.  I'm not saying they have something going on or that they're having issues, but we need to recognize we are comparing to a snapshot.

A second danger of comparison is that you can completely fall apart when a marriage you admired, especially when those on social media end. That might sound really dramatic but I was witness to women feeling heartbroken in their own marriage because another marriage broke up. It was such a reminder of how dangerous comparison can be.

The third danger I actually want to address is comparing your marriage to another marriage and thinking “we're better than them!” You actually set yourself up, building this whole platform for you to fall off of. We are actually building a place of pride. And what happens when we have too much pride? Life happens! And life can knock you down fast.

Whether you struggle with comparison or not I believe there are some golden nuggets for you in this episode.  Next week in Part 2 of this marriage series I will be talking about arguing with your spouse!  

Notable Points:

“You compare your marriage to the snapshot, you start feeling that something’s wrong”

“You want to believe that what you are seeing is the real picture but it is not”

“I really thought I had an amazing marriage and then I had freaking kids”

“Why in the world would we ever want to compare the fullness of our marriage to somebody else's snapshot?” 

“Don’t compare your marriage to your parents’ marriage”

Resources:

Podcast on Instagram 

Intuitive Eating Quiz

Book with Jennifer

Download Negative Self Talk eBook

Connect with Jennifer

Coaching on Instagram

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Email:  [email protected]

What do you get when you put 2 adults, 4 kids, 2 dogs and a sailboat together?  No, this is not a funny riddle...this is the crew of Live the Voyage!  My dear friend Stephanie, her hubby Kevin, their 4 kids and 2 dogs have been sailing and living on their boat for two years.  If you think they have been on a vacation for the past two years this episode will surely surprise you!

After taking time to explore the idea of becoming a sailing family their dream became a reality when they boat their boat.  Stephanie shares what led up to this decision, including being diagnosed with cervical cancer and putting life into perspective. 

Stephanie shares what life is like in a 400 square foot floating home.  From homeschooling to fishing to raising teenagers to living a minimalist life and laundry, Stephanie candidly talks about it all.  Real life. 

She said, “things can change at any moment” when I asked her about heading south by the end of September.  And while at the time she shared about covid restrictions in the Caribbean affecting when they would depart from Maine or where they would end up, it is this characteristic of Stephanie that helps her when things did change. About a month after recording this episode and 2 weeks prior to its release Stephanie shared that her cancer has come back. She is currently undergoing treatment and they will be staying in Maine.  

Her sailing community has set up a fund to give help and support to this amazing woman and family.  If you feel led to give please CLICK HERE to be redirected to the Facebook post. 

You can also follow along on this part of the voyage on facebook at https://www.facebook.com/livethevoyage
https://www.instagram.com/livethevoyage

Notable Points:

“What you have is what you have”

“You need very little to live happily”

“Anybody could do it!”

“You still have to just choose the adventure and make the best out of whatever it is”

“Life can suck and still be amazing”

Resources:

Podcast on Instagram 

Intuitive Eating Quiz

Book with Jennifer

Download Negative Self Talk eBook

Connect with Jennifer

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Email:  [email protected]

There are so many positives to having family dinners.  I could share my heart on this for an entire episode, but I am not the only one at the table.  My table includes my sweet hubby of 19 years, 2 teenagers, a preteen and our 9 year old and their thoughts and perspective on family dinner are just as important as mine. 

So, I sat down with each of them and asked what they found most valuable about our family dinners. Their responses did not surprise me.  In fact, I may have been able to generate the same list, however it was affirming that there is great value in family dinners that goes beyond just asking, “how was your day?” 

There are no hard and fast rules when it comes to family dinner frequency.  It needs to work for you and your family.  However, as you will hear again and again from my family is that they all enjoy this time and find value in it.  Some seasons we have eaten together at the table together every night of the week.  But, we have also been in seasons where once a week was all we could manage to squeeze into our schedule.  The key is making time for it while making it work for you. 

Mentioned:

Episode 28 with my oldest teen  

Episode 23 & Episode 24 with my hubby

Notable Points:

“Our family dinners are so loud”

“It’s just a big bonding moment”

“That’s our only time to come together and sit and talk all together” 

“Watching their relationships grow and strengthen, we get to observe it more”

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Resources:

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Intuitive Eating Quiz

Book with Jennifer

Download Negative Self Talk eBook

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Maybe, like me, you were part of clubs in high school and college and even as an adult find yourself involved in professional clubs or organizations. There are many benefits to being part of clubs, except this club. Even though you have been a member of the “Clear Your Plate Club” since a very young age, it is a club you can and should leave now.

How do you know you have been a card holding member of the “Clear Your Plate Club”? Maybe you grew up hearing things like, “don’t get up from the table until you eat all your food” or “you can’t go out and play until you finish your dinner”. You could have heard that there were children starving in another country, therefore you must finish your dinner for the mere fact that they do not have dinner to eat. 

It’s not that our parents were malicious and as a parent myself I know I did not mean any harm to my own daughters in using the “clear your plate club” motto, however the effects of being a member of this club are serious. After just a handful of years I could see the damage done to my own children.  They felt guilty leaving food on their plate and already had interruptions to their intuition. 

If you have been part of this club for 10, 20, 30 years it’s so much harder to leave.  To undo the damage. The good news is that you do not have to go through this alone.  You can have support, encouragement, and intuitive eating tools with you throughout this journey. You can book a consultation with me using the link below.  

Here’s to leaving the “Clear Your Plate Club” once and for all!

Notable Points:

“The club that I’m talking about today is one you have full permission to leave now”

“I grew up in that home, I heard this message repeatedly and as a new parent I brought this message to the dinner table”

“This club is the killer of Intuitive Eating”

“Diet culture has been coming into the dinner table for so long”

Resources:

Podcast on Instagram 

Intuitive Eating Quiz

Book with Jennifer

Download Negative Self Talk eBook

Connect with Jennifer

Coaching on Instagram

Instagram

Facebook

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Email:  [email protected]

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