The Joshua Roy Show

. https://accessworldseminars-ship-it.github.io/results/commit I knew a woman who was once a bank manager—articulate, respected, in control. Years later, I found her drunk and disheveled on a city street, having lost everything. Her story is a stark spiral, but self-sabotage isn't always so dramatic. Often, it's quiet, like crabs in a bucket: as one climbs toward freedom, another, acting only for itself, inadvertently pulls it back down. We do this to ourselves every day. The question is, why? The answer lies in a simple, powerful acronym: LOSERS.

Taking Radical Responsibility: The Only Way Out of the Bucket

Before we diagnose, we must adopt the only mindset that offers a cure: radical responsibility. If something blocks your goal, the most empowering question you can ask is, "How did I create this?" This isn't about blame; it's about power. Believing that external forces—other people, circumstances, bad luck—are in control leaves you helpless. Accepting that your actions, inactions, thoughts, and beliefs shape your reality puts you in the driver's seat.

L - Loss of Self-Worth

This is the deepest cut. When our internal sense of value is fractured—by rejection, failure, or trauma—we unconsciously align our external reality to match that low valuation. This is cognitive dissonance in action: a gap between who we believe we are and what we are achieving. If you believe you're unworthy of success, love, or wealth, you will sabotage your results to "prove" your belief correct. You'll bring yourself down to the level your self-worth can tolerate. The high-school friend ostracized by the group, the spouse crushed by rejection—their world shrinks to fit their diminished sense of self. Healing this requires rebuilding worth from the inside, not waiting for external success to grant it.

O - Out of Control

Human beings have core needs: certainty and variety. We need both, but the balance is personal. When we venture too far outside our comfort zone into extreme uncertainty, the panic of feeling "out of control" can be overwhelming. Like a pilot in a flat spin, we'll do anything to regain stability. Sabotage becomes a perverse tool for control—a way to intentionally sink the ship just to feel our hands back on the wheel, even if it's steering us into familiar failure. We'd rather be in control of a losing game than feel powerless in a winning one. The key is expanding your comfort zone gradually, so certainty grows alongside your ambitions.

S - Scapegoat E - End Boredom R - Revert to What's Familiar S - Smoke and Mirrors

(The session ended before elaborating, but the framework is set.) These final four points reveal other hidden motives: creating a handy excuse for failure (Scapegoat), sabotaging stable success because it's become dull (End Boredom), retreating to old, familiar patterns even if they're painful (Revert), and creating drama or distraction to avoid confronting a deeper truth (Smoke and Mirrors).

From LOSERS to LEARNERS: The Antidote

The opposite of a LOSER isn't just a winner; it's a LEARNER. Adopt this creed: In life, you either win or you learn. There are no losses, only lessons. When you feel the pull of sabotage, pause. Ask: "What's great about this? What can I learn?" Extract the knowledge. This reframe alone can break the spiral. Self-sabotage is a cry from a part of you that feels threatened, unworthy, or scared. Don't fight it. Listen to it.

A $25,000 invoice had two lines: "Drawing X on dial: $1" and "Knowing where to draw the X: $24,999." In your life, you're losing energy—to rumination, anxiety, old trauma—but you don't know where the leak is.

The Unconscious Is the Only True Worksite

All lasting change happens in the unconscious mind.

Tool 1: The Contrast Engine – Reprogramming Your Trajectory

This tool uses the ultimate motivators: pain and pleasure. I first experienced it in a seminar that changed my life's trajectory from hardened police officer to coach.

• The Process: You vividly imagine two futures. First, the Pain Path: You project 5, 10, 20 years into a future where you've given up. You feel the resulting misery, depletion, and regret in your body—hunching over, clenching muscles. Then, you erase that and project into the Pleasure Path: 5, 10, 20 years of living your best life, feeling joy, strength, and abundance.
• The Science: The unconscious mind doesn't distinguish between real and vividly imagined experience. By creating a stark neurological contrast between these futures, you create a powerful "slingshot" effect. Your nervous system, to avoid the pain and seek the pleasure, unconsciously repatterns your present decisions. It’s not positive thinking; it’s experiential programming.

Tool 2: The Gift – Saturating Your Timeline with Joy

If the first tool uses contrast, this one uses saturation. It’s a gentle, profound timeline therapy.

• The Process: In a meditative state, you travel back to a specific, joyful childhood memory. You observe your younger self radiating pure, unbounded joy. You then approach that child, introduce yourself as their future self, and give them a “gift”—often a whispered word of love or wisdom. You hug them, merge with them, and pull that crystalline joy forward through your timeline, saturating your teenage years, adulthood, and into your present.
• The Result: This isn't just a feel-good exercise. It’s an emotional clearing. One client, plagued by weekly nightmares, did this process and they stopped. It reprograms the emotional tone of your past, changing how you carry it into the now. The past isn't changed, but your relationship to it is healed.

Tool 3: The Womb of Eternity – Finding Your True Voice

We are plagued by a cacophony of internal voices: critics, doubters, echoes of past hurts. This tool is about finding the volume controls.

• The Process: You journey in meditation back before birth, to a "womb of eternity"—a place of perfect safety and peace. From there, you identify your "Voice of Authority," the one internal voice that is always trustworthy and for your highest good.
• The Result: The negative self-talk doesn’t disappear, but it becomes background noise, like a radio turned low. Your energy is no longer siphoned by internal conflict.

The Coach’s Realization: It’s All About the State

These tools aren’t intellectual. They must be experienced in a receptive state—alpha or theta brainwave states accessed through guided meditation or trance. In the beta (waking) state, change is slow and fought for. In these deeper states, change is absorbed and accepted. The coach’s art is skillfully guiding someone into that state and leading them through the neurological repatterning.

The promise is this: you are not stuck with the factory settings of your mind. You have a control room. With the right tools, you can find the leaky dials, adjust the volumes, and redirect your life’s energy toward creation, not depletion.

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A client asks, "How do I deal with my anger?" Most offer present-tense band-aids. The real answer requires a "Space Odyssey" to the past where the blueprint was etched. True coaching performs emotional archaeology.

Anger is a replay, not a present eruption. You don't wake up angry. You have one painful year of experience, repeated 40 times. To defuse present anger, disarm the original charges on your timeline.

Map the Minefield: Draw a timeline. Identify childhood incidents where anger hit an "8/10" in both intensity and duration. You can't clear a minefield by tiptoeing; you must defuse each charge at its source.

The Space Odyssey Technique: Guide the client (like Gordon, recalling his parents' fight) through a visualized journey:

1. Enter the Scene: Safely acknowledge the old feeling.
2. Ascend to the Sky: Look down from satellite height.
3. Journey to Pluto: View Earth as a tiny dot.
4. Travel to the Universe's Edge: From this vast distance, the emotion often shrinks to zero. Spatial and psychological distance allows the nervous system to let go.

Installation: Neutrality isn't power. Fill the void with a positive resource. For Gordon, it was "I am resilient." We made it tangible:

• Color: Breathing in green energy (growth).
• Sound: A deep sigh of relief.
• Feeling: Pride and strength in the body.

Re-enter the memory filtered through these "green glasses." The past is recoded.

The Coach's Mindset: If emotion persists, amplify: "Thicker glasses. A bigger speaker. A stronger feeling." Double the distance. Borrow from a potent positive memory. Pivot if needed.

The principle is non-negotiable: There is always a way. Hold the unwavering belief in a solution. We don't just process anger; we prove no emotional prison is permanent.

What if the heaviness you carry—the anxiety, the old hurt, the limiting belief—wasn't just a thought, but a tangible shape of energy living inside you? And what if you could not just manage it, but consciously, respectfully release it and choose exactly what takes its place? This isn't just positive thinking. It's a practical, profound technology of the self. Let me guide you through it.

Meeting Your Energy: From Abstract to Tangible

We often talk about "carrying" emotional baggage. Let's make it specific. Close your eyes. Bring to mind a current issue. Where do you feel it in your body? A tight chest? A knot in your stomach? Point to it.

Now, give that feeling form. If it had a shape, what would it be? A jagged rock? A heavy ball? A dark cloud? Give it a color. Is it murky brown, fiery red, dull gray? Feel its texture—rough or smooth? Its temperature—hot or cold? Its weight.

You've just done something powerful. You've translated a vague, oppressive feeling into a specific, observable "energy shape." This isn't woo-woo; it's objectifying the problem so you can work with it. You've moved from being subject to the feeling to being an observer of it.

The Conversation: Learning Before Letting Go

Most techniques try to bulldoze negative feelings. That creates resistance. Here, we engage with respect. Connect to this energy shape from your center of awareness. Ask it:

• How long have you been here?
• What are you trying to teach me?
• What is the one thing I need to learn before I can let you go?

Conscious Release: The Breath of Transformation

Once you've received the lesson, you can release the energy with intention. Ask the shape: Where would you like to go? Into the grounding elements of the earth? To be transformed in fire? To dissolve into spaciousness?

Then, use your breath—the most fundamental life force—as the vehicle. Take a deep, intentional inhale. As you exhale, visualize that shaped energy leaving your body through your breath, traveling to its chosen element. See it go. Feel it depart. Notice the space it leaves behind—a neutral, cleansed void.

Try to bring it back. You can't. It has been consciously dispatched. The more you try to grasp it, the more completely it eludes you. This is active deletion, not passive suppression.

Filling the Void: Installing Your Chosen State

Now, breathe that chosen color-sound-feeling into the void. Layer it in. Watch it expand, filling not just that one spot but permeating your entire being—mind, body, and spirit. You are not just removing a problem; you are architecting your inner state. You are moving from reactive to creative.

Walking Into Your Future: The Compounding Effect

With this new inner architecture, step into your timeline. Don't just hope for the future; observe it from this empowered state.

Look three months ahead. See how this internal shift manifests: perhaps money flows more easily because you've released a "scarcity shape." Relationships feel closer because you've replaced "anxiety" with "open-heartedness." Your health vibrates with more energy.

Now, fast-forward six months, then twelve. Witness the compounding effect.

Integration Questions:

1. What "energy shape" did you identify? What was its core lesson for you before it left?
2. What chosen feeling, color, and sound did you install in its place? Why did you choose those specific sensations?
3. In your 12-month future preview, what was the most surprising or affirming detail you observed in your career, relationships, or health? How did it connect directly to the inner change you made?

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I drove past a line of telegraph poles, each one a potential end to the searing pain inside my chest. My marriage was imploding, and the rejection from the person who knew me best felt like a verdict on my entire worth. Rock bottom isn’t a place you plan to visit. But it’s often in that crushing darkness that a single, profound sentence, offered by a stranger, can become the compass for your entire future.

The Pain of Unchosen Endings

The end wasn’t clean. It was a slow, painful unraveling—nights of her going out, my desperate attempt to hold on, and the devastating sight of her with someone else. The pain was a physical weight. I’d be driving my police car to a call, and a wave of grief would hit so hard I’d have to pull over and sob. As a man raised to “suck it up,” this uncontrollable release was foreign, terrifying, and ultimately therapeutic. My body was forcing out what my mind couldn’t process: deep loss, rejection, and a shattered identity.

In that state of raw vulnerability, I shared my story with a victim—a book-loving woman whose home I was meant to be protecting. I spilled my beans, not as an officer, but as a broken man asking life’s messy, unanswerable questions. She listened with deep empathy. And then she gave me the gift that rerouted my life.

The Sentence That Shattered Blame

She looked at me and said, “Unless you change sufficiently, you will continue to attract the same type of person into your life.”

The ground shifted. This wasn’t about blaming her or playing the victim. This was about radical, personal responsibility. I had chosen. I had selected. I had co-created the dynamic. And if I didn’t fundamentally change, the universe would simply hand me a new actor for the same painful play.

This was my turning point. The pain of the past became fuel for a new mission: to change sufficiently.

The Apprenticeship of the Heart

I embarked on a two-year apprenticeship in relationships. I devoured books, podcasts, seminars—anything that could teach me what I didn’t know. I studied selection, not seduction. I researched the predictors of long-term success, the metrics of compatibility that exist long before the wedding day. I dug into the three pillars I now teach: Commitment (a shared relationship vision), Intimacy (deep, judgment-free emotional connection), and Passion (alive, connected physical love).

This wasn’t academic. It was surgery on my own soul. Who learns more—the student or the teacher? I knew I had to internalize this so deeply that I could teach it. My own healing and growth became the curriculum.

Your Sufficient Change

If you keep attracting the same painful patterns—the same types of partners, the same arguments, the same disappointments—hear the wisdom of that book-loving stranger. The pattern is a mirror. “Changing sufficiently” isn’t about tweaking a habit; it’s about deep, emotional excavation and rebuilding. It’s about studying the science and art of connection as seriously as you would any skilled trade.

Your past pain is not a life sentence. It can be the catalyst for your most profound education. Do the work. Study. Heal. Change from the inside out. Become the person who naturally attracts—and nurtures—a love that lasts, grows, and fills you with joy. The love you want is possible, but it demands a new version of you.

https://accessworldseminars-ship-it.github.io/results/commit A woman once told me she believed we were already in hell—not a place of fire after death, but an internal condition we create with our own minds. I’ve met many people trapped in that personal, internal hell. The bridge out isn’t made of circumstance; it’s built from a single, powerful shift: trading a stuck mindset for a growth mindset.

Hell and Damnedness: It’s Internal

Let’s reframe two heavy concepts. Hell, I’ve come to see, is less about external punishment and more an internal state. It’s the gnawing knowledge that you gave up when you could have persisted, that you settled when you knew you were capable of more. It’s a prison of regret and self-limitation built thought by thought.

Then there’s being damned. Picture a dam holding back a mighty river. The water is trapped, contained, stagnant. That’s the stuck mindset. You are “damned” when your energy, creativity, and potential are blocked, unable to flow freely into your life. The gates need to open. The key is your willingness to change, to believe in possibility. Your mindset is the spillway. Is it open or sealed shut?

The Hero’s Journey and the Dual Reward

Adopting a growth mindset launches you on your hero’s journey. But here’s the crucial, often missed point: every hero’s journey yields two victories.

The first is the external reward we all see—the treasure, the solved problem, the victory. In our lives, that’s the income, the status, the business success.

The second victory, however, is internal and often more valuable. It’s the person you become in the process. The hero isn’t a hero at the start of the tale. The adventure forges the hero. The persistence through failure, the resilience built in the face of tests, the courage mustered—this is the real treasure. The external reward is the trophy; the internal transformation is the unbreakable character that earns it and knows how to hold it.

My $3-an-Hour Pivot

I know the ache of an external reward not matching the effort. Early in my coaching, I was earning about $3 an hour for immense work. I was running seminar after seminar, webinar after webinar. I’d do a two-hour morning routine to prepare, pour my heart into teaching—and often, it felt like my words fell on deaf ears. The external result was negligible. I felt like a failure.

But I kept filing forward, not falling back. And years later, I see the truth with stunning clarity. Those “unsuccessful” seminars were my forge. The skill, the ease, the ability to connect and communicate that I have today—that priceless internal reward—was built in those very rooms where the external payoff was almost zero. I wasn’t just building a business; I was being built into a coach.

Your Mindset Is the Spillway

A growth mindset simply means believing that every situation, even failure, contains data and fuel for growth. It means being open, learning voraciously, and investing in mentors and coaches who help you unblock your own dam.

Your commitment isn’t just to a goal “out there.” It’s to the person you will become on the way. Discover who you really are by choosing growth in every moment.

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Success has a secret half. We fixate on the outcome—the clients, the income, the visible trophy. But the real journey, the one that shapes you, is about the character you forge while your hands are still empty. I learned this the hard way, feeling like a one-legged duck swimming in circles, until my father gave me the one piece of advice that changed everything.

Do Your Apprenticeship

When I started coaching, I poured everything in. The effort was massive; the results were microscopic. I was frustrated, ready to question the entire path. I spoke to my father, and he laid down a truth I’d been avoiding. “Josh,” he said, “you’ve got to do your apprenticeship.”

Think about it. A bricklayer, an electrician, a plumber—they don’t show up day one as masters. They put in years. The pay is modest, the learning is slow, and the work is often tedious. But they’re building a foundation, skill by skill. Why would transforming lives, the most complex work of all, be any quicker or easier? It’s not. My destination felt a continent away, but the apprenticeship is the ship that gets you there. You have to be willing to put in the miles, to learn the skills, and to do the drills long before anyone applauds.

The Marshmallow and the Secret 50%

This persistence is really about delayed gratification. Remember the Marshmallow Experiment? A child is left with one treat and promised two if they can wait. The ability to wait, to delay immediate pleasure for a greater future reward, is directly correlated with future success.

This is the crucible. When you’re not getting the followers, the income, or the recognition “straight away,” you’re being presented with your marshmallow. The easy choice is to eat it—to quit, to backslide, to seek an immediate reward elsewhere (like distraction or old habits).

But here is the big secret, the reframe that changes everything: Who you are becoming is just as important as what you are achieving.

Your Commitment to Yourself

So, if you find yourself slipping, if consistency feels impossible, remember this: success leaves clues. Look at anyone who has achieved what you desire. The pattern is never “overnight.” It’s consistency, dedication, and a focus maintained through setbacks.

Your mission isn’t just to arrive at a destination. It’s to discover who you really are on the way. Unlock that incredible self through the daily grind of your apprenticeship. Become the person whose future is theirs. Then, unleash that person on the world. The results will follow—but you, fortified and changed, will be the greatest result of all.

Integration Questions:

1. In your current “apprenticeship,” what specific skill or character trait are you being forced to develop through the slow, frustrating work?
2. What is your “marshmallow”—the immediate gratification you’re tempted to take that would sabotage your larger goal?
3. Describe the person you are becoming through this journey. List three attributes (e.g., more resilient, more strategic, more patient) that are already growing in you, separate from any external result.