You've been trying to find the right words. Here's what no one told you: the right words don't exist.
You've been over-explaining. Building the case. Trying to make someone understand why you want what you want — why you're taking the class, starting the project, exploring the direction that doesn't come with a five-year plan or a clear ROI.
And the more you explain, the more you feel like you're failing the explanation. Like if you could just find the right words, they would finally get it.
Here's what I want you to hear today: understanding doesn't come from explanation. It comes from witnessing. The people who need you to justify your dreams will not be convinced by better words. They will be convinced — if they are ever convinced at all — by watching you become.
This Friday Integration Session is the companion to Episode 19, where Kiley introduced the concept of the inarticulate calling — that pull toward something new that doesn't come with a plan or a justification. Today's practice is short, specific, and designed to interrupt the pattern of performing justification before it drains you.
What This Episode Gives You
•The one question to ask yourself when you catch yourself over-explaining: "Am I explaining this because I need clarity — or because they need reassurance?"
•Three replacement phrases to use when someone demands an explanation you don't have yet
•Permission — stated plainly — to start before you can explain it
•The "performing justification" diagnostic: how to recognize when you're doing it and how to stop
•The key insight from Episode 19 you need before this practice lands fully
•A lead magnet to help you get clear on what's calling you, even when you can't explain it to anyone else yet
The Practice: Noticing When You're Performing Justification
This week, notice when you're performing justification.
When you catch yourself over-explaining — building a case, trying to make someone understand why you want what you want — instead of continuing, pause. Ask yourself one question:
"Am I explaining this because I need clarity, or because they need reassurance?"
If the answer is the second one — if you're trying to make them comfortable with your growth — you can stop.
You don't have to convince them. You don't have to make it okay for them. Your job is to trust yourself. Their job is to decide whether they can support you.
Three phrases to use instead of the explanation:
1."I'm still figuring it out, but it feels right."
2."I don't have all the answers yet, but I trust myself with this."
3."I know it doesn't make sense from the outside, but it makes sense to me."
Then let the silence sit. You don't have to fill it.
The Permission You've Been Waiting For
Here it is, stated plainly:
You're allowed to start before you can explain it. You're allowed to say, "I don't know where this is going, but I know I need to follow it." You're allowed to disappoint people who want to stay the same. You're allowed to want more even when you already have enough. And you're allowed to trust yourself more than you trust their confusion.
The pull you're feeling is not a midlife crisis. It is not self-indulgence. It is not random. That is your life trying to expand.
Why the People Asking Don't Understand — And Why That's Not the Problem
Here is what Kiley shared from her own experience: when she was pursuing her coaching certification while working full time and writing romance novels on the side, everyone in her life wanted her to explain why. Why was she adding more? Why wasn't what she already had enough? What was she trying to prove?
She couldn't answer those questions. Not because she didn't want to, but because she didn't know yet. The answers only came through doing the work — not before it.
When she tried to justify her path, her words didn't change anyone's mind. But when she showed up differently — when she started helping other women navigate their own transformations — that's when people started to understand. Not because she had finally found the right explanation. Because they could see the change.
"Understanding doesn't come from explanation. It comes from witnessing."
The people who need you to explain it will never fully understand it from the outside. That is not a failure of your words. That is the nature of growth that happens from the inside out.
If You Haven't Listened to Episode 19 Yet
Go back and listen. It's called "Why You Don't Need to Explain Your Midlife Dreams — And What to Say When They Ask."
It covers the three phases of following a calling you can't explain — the compulsion, the resistance, and the clarity that comes through doing — and gives you the full framework for navigating the season when the pull is strong but the words aren't there yet. Today's practice lands much more fully after you've heard it.
Your Free Resource: The Midlife Reinvention Starter Guide
If you've been sitting on something — a class you want to take, a project you want to start, a direction you want to explore — and you've been waiting for permission or the perfect explanation, the Midlife Reinvention Starter Guide will walk you through the questions that help you get clear on what's calling you, even when you can't explain it to anyone else yet.
Download the Midlife Reinvention Starter Guide
Are you ready to finally give yourself permission to want more? 🙌
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Whether you found this show on your own or someone who loves you sent it your way, welcome to The Joy Shift podcast family. This episode is not just for you. Please share it with every woman in your life who is successful on paper but still searching for something more. It could change everything for her.
It is such an honor to do this work alongside you. And please note: I am not a licensed therapist, and this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional.
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