Why is it so hard to talk about sex, even with people we trust? In this episode of The Kink Consultant, I’m joined by Tess and Kels, co-founders of Squirm and co-hosts of the Porn Nerds podcast, to explore how we can make sex ed not just informative but also sexy, playful, and actually useful.

We dive into their journey from coworkers to creative collaborators, their mission to destigmatize conversations about porn and desire, and how they built Squirm as a space where adult sex ed meets humor, eroticism, and real communication. From their audio course Oral Hygiene to their Get Squirmy card deck and live events, Tess and Kels are helping people go beyond shame and speak about sex with clarity, confidence, and creativity.

Whether you’ve struggled to talk about what turns you on, want to bring more curiosity into your kink conversations, or simply wish porn had a better PR team, this episode will expand your vocabulary, your imagination, and your confidence in navigating communication around sex, BDSM, and desire.

Get 20% off of the Get Squirmy Conversation Deck when you use the code: KINKCONSULTANT

https://www.getsquirmy.com/product-page/get-squirmy

Episode Highlights: 

03:45 Introducing Squirm: Sex Ed for Adults

06:32 The Concept of Sexy Sex Ed

17:23 The Role of Porn in Sex Education

21:52 Contextualizing Media and Reality

25:20 Porn as a Tool for Sexual Exploration

27:06 Navigating Sexual Communication

36:45 Exploring the Get Squirmy Events

Connect with Tess and Kels 

https://linktr.ee/squirm

Connect with Me: 

• ⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@thekinkconsultant⁠

• ⁠https://www.instagram.com/the_kinkconsultant/⁠

Speak Your Desires with Confidence - Download this FREE step-by-step guide to having open, honest, and judgment-free conversations about kink, boundaries, and pleasure.

https://www.amandadames.com/Speak-Your-Desires-with-Confidence-opt-in-1

Ready to explore your desires and elevate your intimate life? Book your FREE 20-minute consultation with The Kink Consultant and discover how personalized coaching can help you unlock your full potential. Whether you’re curious about kink, want to spice things up, or need expert guidance, this is your chance to get tailored advice that meets you where you are. Don’t miss out—schedule your session now and take the first step toward a more fulfilling, authentic you! ⁠Book your consultation here⁠.

What actually allows us to feel safe in relationships? In this episode of The Kink Consultant, I’m joined by Aubrey Aust, a Master’s student at NYU researching relational safety, who explores themes of attachment styles, somatics, and kink to examine the systems and sensations that shape how we connect with others.

We talk about how BDSM dynamics bring power, vulnerability, and consent to the surface in ways that most relationships suppress. Aubrey shares why kink can serve as a relational laboratory, how cultural scripts influence our nervous systems, and what it means to move through the world with curiosity and care. We also dive into shadow work, language around needs, and how we unlearn what no longer protects us.

Whether you're navigating kink, reflecting on past patterns, or rethinking how you build safety with others, this conversation is a powerful starting point. You’ll walk away with deeper insight into your own relational wiring and why safety is about more than just feeling comfortable.

Episode Highlights: 

02:40 Power Dynamics in Relationships

06:32 Attachment Styles and Safety

11:58 Language and Communication in Relationships

15:26 Somatic Psychology and Healing

18:07 Exploring EMDR Therapy

22:12 Unlearning and Healing

Connect with Aubrey

http://www.aubreyaust.com/

https://instagram.com/aubrey__aust

https://www.linkedin.com/in/aubrey-aust-8b7744174/

Connect with Me: 

• ⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@thekinkconsultant⁠

• ⁠https://www.instagram.com/the_kinkconsultant/⁠

Join The Kinky Book Club: 

https://www.patreon.com/amandadames/membership

Speak Your Desires with Confidence - Download this FREE step-by-step guide to having open, honest, and judgment-free conversations about kink, boundaries, and pleasure.

https://www.amandadames.com/Speak-Your-Desires-with-Confidence-opt-in-1

Ready to explore your desires and elevate your intimate life? Book your FREE 20-minute consultation with The Kink Consultant and discover how personalized coaching can help you unlock your full potential. Whether you’re curious about kink, want to spice things up, or need expert guidance, this is your chance to get tailored advice that meets you where you are. Don’t miss out—schedule your session now and take the first step toward a more fulfilling, authentic you! ⁠Book your consultation here⁠.

Ever wondered what it’s like to be the face and body on the cover of your favorite romance novel? In this episode of The Kink Consultant, I sit down with real-life couple Jose and Andrea (aka Mama) to talk about what it’s like to build a modeling career out of smut, how kink became part of their dynamic, and the power of being seen, desired, and fully expressed.

We dive into how Mama helped launch Jose’s modeling and acting career, what it means to embody fantasy for an audience while staying grounded in real-life connection, and how kink helped deepen their intimacy after decades together. From daddy/little dynamics to caretaking, long-distance journaling, and the gift of growing older while still exploring, this conversation is equal parts sexy, sweet, and deeply affirming.

Whether you’ve ever dreamed of being on a book cover, or you’re just curious what it’s like behind the scenes of a real-life smut model relationship, this one’s for you.

Episode Highlights: 

01:01 From Childhood Friends to Lifelong Partners

05:53 Transitioning from Military to Modeling

12:02 Exploring Romance Novels Together

14:31 Opening Up About Desires

21:59 Navigating Book Conventions

32:35 Balancing Personal and Couple Growth

36:10 Jose's Journey into Acting

39:45 Advice for Aspiring Cover Models

Connect with Me: 

• ⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@thekinkconsultant⁠

• ⁠https://www.instagram.com/the_kinkconsultant/⁠

Join The Kinky Book Club: 

https://www.patreon.com/amandadames/membership

Speak Your Desires with Confidence - Download this FREE step-by-step guide to having open, honest, and judgment-free conversations about kink, boundaries, and pleasure.

https://www.amandadames.com/Speak-Your-Desires-with-Confidence-opt-in-1

Ready to explore your desires and elevate your intimate life? Book your FREE 20-minute consultation with The Kink Consultant and discover how personalized coaching can help you unlock your full potential. Whether you’re curious about kink, want to spice things up, or need expert guidance, this is your chance to get tailored advice that meets you where you are. Don’t miss out—schedule your session now and take the first step toward a more fulfilling, authentic you! ⁠Book your consultation here⁠.

What happens when a professional dom and pleasure coach sits down to unpack the psychology of kink, power, and pleasure?

In this episode of The Kink Consultant, I’m joined by the brilliant Sir Marvelous, a pro dom, educator, and content creator who's on a mission to make BDSM more accessible, intentional, and deeply satisfying. From his early journey with sex toys to his current work guiding individuals and couples through personalized kinky experiences, this conversation is full of both fire and insight.

We talk about everything from the difference between dominance and leadership, to the importance of safe, ongoing negotiation in kink sessions. Sir Marvelous shares his thoughts on why BDSM isn’t just about play. It’s about learning, evolving, and closing the pleasure gap through communication. We dive into topics like edging, mind play, denial, why submission doesn’t mean weakness, and how even a simple sex toy changed the trajectory of his life (shoutout to that random man outside the NYC sex shop!). He also opens up about his teaching philosophy, the role of ego in intimacy, and the importance of making space for joy, curiosity, and mutual exploration.

If you’ve ever been curious about what it’s like to hire a pro dom, how to introduce kink to your relationship, or why pleasure is something worth investing in, this episode is packed with truth bombs and transformative takeaways. Tune in and discover how BDSM can be a path to connection—not just in the bedroom, but in life.

Episode Highlights: 

01:27 Understanding Pro Dom and Pleasure Coach

10:17 The Importance of Continuous Learning in Kink

17:20 Empowering Women Through Sexual Liberation

19:39 Shifting Preferences in Adult Content

25:32 Discovering Kink

31:06 The Importance of Communication in BDSM

Connect with Sir Marvelous

https://www.sirmarvelous.com/

Connect with Me: 

• ⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@thekinkconsultant⁠

• ⁠https://www.instagram.com/the_kinkconsultant/⁠

Speak Your Desires with Confidence - Download this FREE step-by-step guide to having open, honest, and judgment-free conversations about kink, boundaries, and pleasure.

https://www.amandadames.com/Speak-Your-Desires-with-Confidence-opt-in-1

Ready to explore your desires and elevate your intimate life? Book your FREE 20-minute consultation with The Kink Consultant and discover how personalized coaching can help you unlock your full potential. Whether you’re curious about kink, want to spice things up, or need expert guidance, this is your chance to get tailored advice that meets you where you are. Don’t miss out—schedule your session now and take the first step toward a more fulfilling, authentic you! ⁠Book your consultation here⁠.

My favorite kink singer-songwriter needs our help. Deore, the incredible artist behind the Brat EP, is back and this time, she’s gearing up to release a full-length concept album called Tantrums. But in true brat fashion, she’s doing it her way: no label, no safety net, and fully trusting her kinky, ride-or-die community to bring it to life.

In this episode of The Kink Consultant, we talk about what it means to quit your job, follow your creative calling, and make music that actually reflects the reality of kink. Deore opens up about writing Tantrums from scratch, navigating service sub dynamics while in creative mode, and the very bratty legal battle over a coffee ban that had all of Instagram in stitches. We also get into how kink shows up in her relationship, how her Dom evolved alongside her, and why the idea of “ready-made” Doms is a myth.

If you’e also craving for more kinky music or just want to support someone making wildly accurate, emotionally raw bangers about submission, dominance, and desire, this is the episode (and the crowdfund) to show up for. Head to Indiegogo and search Tantrums to support the album before time runs out.

Support The Album Here: 

https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/tantrums-a-kinky-concept-album#/

Connect with Deore: 

https://www.instagram.com/deorebby/

Episode Highlights: 

01:44 The Journey of Creating the Brat Album

09:20 The Kink Council and Coffee Ban Saga

21:11 Challenges in Music Production

21:42 Overcoming Vulnerability and Trust Issues

24:18 Crowdfunding and Community Support

26:31 Kink and Relationship Dynamics

28:52 The Role of Media in Kink Exploration

34:39 Upcoming Album and Crowdfunding Details

Connect with Me: 

• ⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@thekinkconsultant⁠

• ⁠https://www.instagram.com/the_kinkconsultant/⁠

  
  

I’m Co-Authoring a Book! Get updated here: 

• https://www.complicatedpleasures.ca

Speak Your Desires with Confidence - Download this FREE step-by-step guide to having open, honest, and judgment-free conversations about kink, boundaries, and pleasure.

https://www.amandadames.com/Speak-Your-Desires-with-Confidence-opt-in-1
Ready to explore your desires and elevate your intimate life? Book your FREE 20-minute consultation with The Kink Consultant and discover how personalized coaching can help you unlock your full potential. Whether you’re curious about kink, want to spice things up, or need expert guidance, this is your chance to get tailored advice that meets you where you are. Don’t miss out—schedule your session now and take the first step toward a more fulfilling, authentic you! ⁠Book your consultation here⁠.

What happens when a self-proclaimed vanilla romance lover brings a spicy book to The Kink Consultant for a breakdown?

In this episode, I’m joined by Brenda (my Bizdom) and Tish (my podcast editor and first-time guest) as we kick off the official Kink Consultant Book Club with a deep dive into The Deep End by Ali Hazelwood, plus a quick update on my own dating life. I share my take on the book through the lens of a kink consultant and why the story felt a little too close to home. Because while we were reading about a dom who disappears for days and a sub who doesn’t speak up for what she needs, I was ending a real-life relationship that unraveled for the exact same reason: lack of communication. The timing couldn’t have been more aligned.

We explore the difference between fantasy and functional dynamics, how kink is portrayed in books versus how it plays out in real life, and why honest communication will always be hotter than skipping straight to the sex.

If you’ve ever read a spicy scene and thought, “Wait… is this how it actually works?” or you’re curious about how kink and power exchange show up beyond the page, this one’s for you.

Episode Highlights: 

04:21 Discussing 'The Deep End' by Ali Hazelwood

11:01 Amanda's Relationship Update

15:09 Navigating Kink and Communication in Relationships

19:03 Cultural Differences in Communication

20:44 The Importance of Communication in Kink

25:32 Sexual vs. Non-Sexual Kinks

30:29 Fantasy vs. Reality in Kink

35:29 Final Thoughts on 'The Deep End'

36:32 Join the Kink Consultant Book Club

Join the Book Club: 

https://www.patreon.com/amandadames/membership

Read Deep End by Ali Hazelwood: 

https://amzn.to/43PFYiY

Connect with Me: 

• ⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@thekinkconsultant⁠

• ⁠https://www.instagram.com/the_kinkconsultant/⁠

  
  

Speak Your Desires with Confidence - Download this FREE step-by-step guide to having open, honest, and judgment-free conversations about kink, boundaries, and pleasure.

https://www.amandadames.com/Speak-Your-Desires-with-Confidence-opt-in-1

Ready to explore your desires and elevate your intimate life? Book your FREE 20-minute consultation with The Kink Consultant and discover how personalized coaching can help you unlock your full potential. Whether you’re curious about kink, want to spice things up, or need expert guidance, this is your chance to get tailored advice that meets you where you are. Don’t miss out—schedule your session now and take the first step toward a more fulfilling, authentic you! ⁠Book your consultation here⁠.

Is it possible to find a partner that matches your freak? In Part 2 of my conversation with Kai and Sarah, we dig into what it really looks like to build a relationship around a shared spanking fetish, emotional compatibility, and a power exchange dynamic that works in real life, not just in fantasy.

We explore how their connection evolved from long-distance play partners to a deeply aligned partnership, the structure behind their domestic discipline, and the rituals and rules that support their relationship. They also share how they navigate playing with others, how punishment shows up beyond spanking, and what happens when things don’t go as planned in a scene.

Whether you're dreaming of a dynamic like theirs, navigating kink in your own relationship, or simply curious about how this can look in real life, this episode offers insight, nuance, and a reminder that there is no one way to build something meaningful, just your way.

Episode Highlights: 

03:48 Building a Relationship with Power Exchange

15:27 Daily Rituals and Alternative Punishments

21:47 Struggles and Acceptance of Spanking Desires

23:57 The Depth of Kinky Relationships

34:16 The Importance of Community

39:27 Rules and Consequences in Spanko Dynamics

44:46 Advice for Newcomers

46:42 Future Projects and Normalizing Fetishes

Read Kai’s Writings About Spanking: 

• https://fetlife.com/KaiDiscipline/posts/12433740

• https://fetlife.com/KaiDiscipline/posts/11441429

• https://fetlife.com/KaiDiscipline/posts/6366955

  
  

Connect with Kai and Sarah

• https://fetlife.com/KaiDiscipline

• https://fetlife.com/Stormborn9 

  
  

Connect with Me: 

• ⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@thekinkconsultant⁠

• ⁠https://www.instagram.com/the_kinkconsultant/⁠

  
  

I’m Co-Authoring a Book! Get updated here: 

• https://www.complicatedpleasures.ca

  
  

Speak Your Desires with Confidence - Download this FREE step-by-step guide to having open, honest, and judgment-free conversations about kink, boundaries, and pleasure.

https://www.amandadames.com/Speak-Your-Desires-with-Confidence-opt-in-1
Ready to explore your desires and elevate your intimate life? Book your FREE 20-minute consultation with The Kink Consultant and discover how personalized coaching can help you unlock your full potential. Whether you’re curious about kink, want to spice things up, or need expert guidance, this is your chance to get tailored advice that meets you where you are. Don’t miss out—schedule your session now and take the first step toward a more fulfilling, authentic you! ⁠Book your consultation here⁠.

What happens when two people spend years suppressing a core part of themselves only to realize that denying their identity comes at too high a cost? In this episode of The Kink Consultant, I sit down with Kai and Sarah for Part 1 of a powerful two-part series exploring how their shared spanking fetish shaped their personal growth, relationships, and ultimately, their path to each other.

We talk about what it was like to try to “make it work” in partnerships that didn’t share their kink, the emotional toll of trying to suppress a core need, and how meeting one another brought clarity, healing, and fulfillment. This conversation goes deep into identity, compatibility, and the courage it takes to choose alignment over obligation.

Whether you’re wrestling with your identity, navigating kink in a relationship, or searching for connection that truly sees you, this episode offers perspective, validation, and the reminder that you're not alone.

In Part 2, we’ll dive into how Kai and Sarah play within their domestic discipline dynamic, how they navigate playing with others, and the rules and structure they’ve built to make it work, so stay tuned for that! 

Episode Highlights: 

02:53 Challenges in Relationships and Spanking

04:43 Finding Fulfillment and Community

17:03 Discipline and Accountability in Spanking

20:07 Reflecting on First Spanking Experiences

22:12 The Challenges of Exploring Kinks in Marriage

25:39 Finding Compatibility and Connection

31:26 Practicing Domestic Discipline

37:10 Advice for Those Struggling with Kink Acceptance

Connect with Kai and Sarah

• https://fetlife.com/KaiDiscipline

• https://fetlife.com/Stormborn9 

  
  

Connect with Me: 

• ⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@thekinkconsultant⁠

• ⁠https://www.instagram.com/the_kinkconsultant/⁠

Book Mentioned: 

• Sex with Shakespeare by Jillian Keenan

Podcast Mentioned: 

• Never Too Old for Agoodspankin https://open.spotify.com/show/2nmEpCSJn9UEigZp3Z1uKc?si=2e07e3435b174154

  
  

Speak Your Desires with Confidence - Download this FREE step-by-step guide to having open, honest, and judgment-free conversations about kink, boundaries, and pleasure.

https://www.amandadames.com/Speak-Your-Desires-with-Confidence-opt-in-1
Ready to explore your desires and elevate your intimate life? Book your FREE 20-minute consultation with The Kink Consultant and discover how personalized coaching can help you unlock your full potential. Whether you’re curious about kink, want to spice things up, or need expert guidance, this is your chance to get tailored advice that meets you where you are. Don’t miss out—schedule your session now and take the first step toward a more fulfilling, authentic you! ⁠Book your consultation here⁠.

What’s the deal with chastity and why are so many people obsessed with it?

In this episode of The Kink Consultant, I welcome back Larah Sky for her second appearance, and trust me, she delivers. Lara gets candid about the psychology behind chastity, why some men crave the cage, and what it really means to hold power in a dynamic built on denial.

We dive deep into virtual chastity, trust vs. control, emotional responsibility, and the growing appeal of long-term denial. Lara also shares how her experience as a sadist and content creator intersects with power exchange and why she believes true submission isn’t about the latex or the aesthetics, but about mindset. Plus, we talk ghosting subs, fan site pressures, and how boundaries and soft dom energy can still feel just as powerful.

Whether you're new to chastity or just curious about the deeper layers of kink, this episode blends education, honesty, and just the right amount of dominance. Tune in to hear how control, craving, and connection come together in the world of conscious kink.

Episode Highlights: 

00:35 Recap of Previous Episode on Chastity

05:59 Exploring Kink and Fetish Parties

10:15 Strange Encounters and Dating Stories

17:08 Understanding Chastity Fantasies

21:23 Nudity and Femdom Perspectives

25:23 Motivational Domination

29:52 Soft Domination and Content Creation

Connect with Larah Sky: 

https://www.larahsky.com/

Connect with Me: 

• ⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@thekinkconsultant⁠

• ⁠https://www.instagram.com/the_kinkconsultant/⁠

Speak Your Desires with Confidence - Download this FREE step-by-step guide to having open, honest, and judgment-free conversations about kink, boundaries, and pleasure.

https://www.amandadames.com/Speak-Your-Desires-with-Confidence-opt-in-1

Ready to explore your desires and elevate your intimate life? Book your FREE 20-minute consultation with The Kink Consultant and discover how personalized coaching can help you unlock your full potential. Whether you’re curious about kink, want to spice things up, or need expert guidance, this is your chance to get tailored advice that meets you where you are. Don’t miss out—schedule your session now and take the first step toward a more fulfilling, authentic you! ⁠Book your consultation here⁠.

What actually happens when you walk away from a BDSM dynamic that no longer works, and end up with someone who still can’t meet your needs, even after you’ve communicated them clearly, more than once? In this episode of The Kink Consultant, I sit down with Brenda (aka my BizDom) to share an honest and frustrating update on my dating life.

I talk about why I chose to leave a partner who understood my kinks but lacked consistency, and how I entered a new connection with someone who seemed open to kink but has shown little interest in learning more. To make things harder, consistent communication has become its own challenge, despite multiple conversations about what I need.

Whether you’ve been here yourself or are trying to avoid this cycle altogether, this episode offers a real look at the emotional toll of unmet needs, the importance of follow-through, and what it takes to stop settling for almost. Tune in for a candid conversation, some hard truths, and the kind of perspective that might just help you reset your own standards.

Episode Highlights: 

01:48 BDSM Contract and Breakup

03:30 Dating and Political Differences

20:44 Navigating New Relationships

22:36 Recognizing Dominant Traits

23:14 Spanking Fetish and Boundaries

26:46 Communication Struggles

28:43 Feeling Unseen and Unheard

31:20 Reflecting on Compatibility

36:26 Bridget Jones Comparison

44:07 Setting Boundaries and Moving Forward

Connect with Me: 

• ⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@thekinkconsultant⁠

• ⁠https://www.instagram.com/the_kinkconsultant/⁠

Speak Your Desires with Confidence - Download this FREE step-by-step guide to having open, honest, and judgment-free conversations about kink, boundaries, and pleasure.

https://www.amandadames.com/Speak-Your-Desires-with-Confidence-opt-in-1

Ready to explore your desires and elevate your intimate life? Book your FREE 20-minute consultation with The Kink Consultant and discover how personalized coaching can help you unlock your full potential. Whether you’re curious about kink, want to spice things up, or need expert guidance, this is your chance to get tailored advice that meets you where you are. Don’t miss out—schedule your session now and take the first step toward a more fulfilling, authentic you! ⁠Book your consultation here⁠.

Keywords: 

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