The Kink Consultant

Shelby Devlin returns to the pod to discuss her new book The Pleasure Protocol, why it is the practical guide kinksters have been missing, and how to navigate fantasy, desire, and consent in real life.

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Join KOKO Club Today | Our Online Kink Community⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.amandadames.com/offers/6uC24tgZ⁠

This week on The Kink Consultant Podcast, Amanda sits down with Shelby Devlin, Somatica-trained coach, educator, and author of The Pleasure Protocol: A Contemporary Guide to BDSM. They discuss why she wrote a practical, relational guide to kink when so many books focus only on roles, and why consent, repair, and communication are the pieces most books leave out.

They explore the cultural shift away from masculine dominance and toward feminine dominance, why topping from the bottom can become coercive, and how to tell the difference between a fantasy and a desire. Shelby also shares the concept of repetition with agency, why coaches and therapists should focus on pleasure rather than pathologizing trauma, and what safety third actually means.

If you have ever wanted a practical, current guide to navigating kink relationally, this episode is for you.

Pre-Order The Pleasure Protocol Here: https://www.shelbydevlin.com/the-pleasure-protocol

Join the Koko Club Today! https://www.amandadames.com/offers/6uC24tgZ

Connect with Shelby Devlin: 

https://www.shelbydevlin.com/

https://www.instagram.com/coachshelbydevlin/

Download your FREE Worksheets: 

Fantasy mapping: https://www.amandadames.com/fantasy-mapping-with-amanda-dames-opt-in

Speaking your desires with confidence: https://www.amandadames.com/Speak-Your-Desires-with-Confidence-opt-in-1

Connect with Amanda

⁠https://www.amandadames.com/⁠

⁠https://www.instagram.com/the_kinkconsultant/⁠

Download the BDSM Checklist Here: ⁠https://www.amandadames.com/resource_redirect/landing_pages/2151620560⁠

Courses and Resources to Help Your Kink Journey: ⁠https://www.amandadames.com/store

Auntie Carmen, the desire midwife, joins the podcast to discuss becoming shame proof, claiming your kinks, and having the kind of sex you actually want.

Book A Consult Call with Amanda ⁠http://www.amandadames.com/Coaching

Join KOKO Club Today | Our Online Kink Community⁠ ⁠⁠⁠https://www.amandadames.com/offers/6uC24tgZ⁠

This week on The Kink Consultant Podcast, Amanda sits down with Auntie Carmen, the desire midwife, who helps women who are kink curious or identify as kinky become shame proof so they can uncover their true desires, claim their kinks, and have the sex they actually want.

They explore how women are conditioned to be the receiver of desire rather than the person with the desire, why malnourishment and scarcity push people into settling, and how to tell the difference between fear and a genuine lack of compatibility. Auntie Carmen shares her own journey of discovering her submission in her 40s, meeting her dominant on FetLife from across the world, and why she believes shame should not be released but transformed into an erotic playground.

If you have ever felt like a burden for wanting what you want, this episode is for you.

Connect with Auntie Carmen 

https://www.instagram.com/shameproofyourdesires/

https://shameproofyourdesires.com/

Download your FREE Worksheets: 

Fantasy mapping: https://www.amandadames.com/fantasy-mapping-with-amanda-dames-opt-in

Speaking your desires with confidence: https://www.amandadames.com/Speak-Your-Desires-with-Confidence-opt-in-1

Connect with Amanda

⁠https://www.amandadames.com/⁠

⁠https://www.instagram.com/the_kinkconsultant/⁠

Download the BDSM Checklist Here: ⁠https://www.amandadames.com/resource_redirect/landing_pages/2151620560⁠

Courses and Resources to Help Your Kink Journey: ⁠https://www.amandadames.com/store

In the final installment of this special three-part solo series, I am breaking down what to do if your partner says no or freaks out when you share your kink.

Book A Consult Call with Amanda ⁠http://www.amandadames.com/Coaching

Join KOKO Club Today | Our Online Kink Community⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.amandadames.com/offers/6uC24tgZ⁠⁠

This week on The Kink Consultant Podcast, I close out the series on how to tell your partner you are kinky. In part one, we covered preparation and releasing shame. In part two, we walked through the exact conversation. In part three, we are talking about what happens after, whether it went well or it did not.

I explain how to lead with curiosity about what has been coming up for your partner, how to address their fears without jumping into fix-it mode or defensiveness, and why you do not have to accept shame even when you are asking for understanding. I also break down the different levels of no, why a no is a boundary that must be respected, and how working with a coach or therapist can help you both find a path forward even when the kink itself is off the table.

If you have shared your kink and it did not go the way you hoped, this episode gives you the next steps.

Download your FREE Worksheets: 

Fantasy mapping: https://www.amandadames.com/fantasy-mapping-with-amanda-dames-opt-in

Speaking your desires with confidence: https://www.amandadames.com/Speak-Your-Desires-with-Confidence-opt-in-1

Connect with Amanda

⁠https://www.amandadames.com/⁠

⁠https://www.instagram.com/the_kinkconsultant/⁠

Download the BDSM Checklist Here: ⁠https://www.amandadames.com/resource_redirect/landing_pages/2151620560⁠

Courses and Resources to Help Your Kink Journey: ⁠https://www.amandadames.com/store

In part two of this special three-part solo series, I am breaking down exactly how to have the conversation with your partner about your kink.

Book A Consult Call with Amanda ⁠http://www.amandadames.com/coaching

This week on The Kink Consultant Podcast, I continue the series on how to tell your partner you are kinky. In part two, I walk you through the actual conversation from start to finish. I explain how to set up the conversation at the right time, how to lead with curiosity before you share, and why asking for consent to share your fantasy changes everything. I also break down how to explain your kink in a way your partner can actually understand by naming the feeling underneath it, how to give them space to process, and why closing the conversation with gratitude and a future check-in date matters.

If you have been ready to have the conversation but are not sure what to actually say, this episode gives you the exact framework.

Download your FREE Worksheets: 

Fantasy mapping: https://www.amandadames.com/fantasy-mapping-with-amanda-dames-opt-in

Speaking your desires with confidence: https://www.amandadames.com/Speak-Your-Desires-with-Confidence-opt-in-1

Connect with Amanda

⁠https://www.amandadames.com/⁠

⁠https://www.instagram.com/the_kinkconsultant/⁠

Download the BDSM Checklist Here: ⁠https://www.amandadames.com/resource_redirect/landing_pages/2151620560⁠

Courses and Resources to Help Your Kink Journey: ⁠https://www.amandadames.com/store

In the first episode of a special three-part solo series, I am breaking down everything you need to know before you tell your partner you are kinky.

Book A Consult Call with Amanda ⁠http://www.amandadames.com/coaching

This week on The Kink Consultant Podcast, I am launching a special solo series on how to tell your partner you are kinky. In part one, I focus on the preparation that needs to happen before the conversation even starts, because disclosing a kink and asking your partner to participate in it are two very different things.

I walk through the questions you need to ask yourself first, including why you want to tell them, where your kink falls on the spectrum of fantasy, nice to have, and need, and how to identify the feeling underneath the kink so you can explain it in a way your partner can actually understand. I also address how to prepare for a no, why highly stigmatized kinks require extra time and softness, and why releasing shame is the number one thing standing between you and the experiences you want.

If you have been hiding a kink, wondering how to bring it up, or scared of how your partner will react, this episode gives you the foundation you need before part two.

Connect with Amanda

⁠https://www.amandadames.com/⁠

⁠https://www.instagram.com/the_kinkconsultant/⁠

Download the BDSM Checklist Here: ⁠https://www.amandadames.com/resource_redirect/landing_pages/2151620560⁠

Courses and Resources to Help Your Kink Journey: ⁠https://www.amandadames.com/store

Melanie Rose, star of Netflix's How to Build a Sex Room, joins the podcast to discuss sex room design, the history of sex toys, and how to create a pleasure space that works for your body and your relationship.

Book A Consult Call with Amanda ⁠http://www.amandadames.com/coaching

This week on The Kink Consultant Podcast, Amanda sits down with Melanie Rose, interior designer, artist, and host of Netflix's How to Build a Sex Room. They discuss how she went from designing kitchens and bathrooms to creating intimate sanctuaries for couples, why sex rooms do not have to look like dungeons, and how she approaches consultations with curiosity and zero judgment. They also discuss her favorite recommendations for spicing up a master bedroom, including the Tantra Chair, underbed restraint kits, and her curated website where everything has been personally tested or vetted.

If you have ever wanted to add a little spice to your bedroom, wondered how to store your kinky items tastefully, or been curious about what it is really like to design a sex room, this episode is for you.

Connect with Melanie Rose

https://www.melanieruthrose.com/

https://www.instagram.com/melanieruthrose/

https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100013043105080

https://www.pinterest.com/melanieruthrose/

Connect with Amanda

⁠https://www.amandadames.com/⁠

⁠https://www.instagram.com/the_kinkconsultant/⁠

Download the BDSM Checklist Here: ⁠https://www.amandadames.com/resource_redirect/landing_pages/2151620560⁠

Courses and Resources to Help Your Kink Journey: ⁠https://www.amandadames.com/store

The hosts of The Kinky Cocktail Hour join the podcast to share their 24/7 D/S dynamic story, how they evolved their relationship over time, and why kink is the way they communicate.

Book A Consult Call with Amanda ⁠http://www.amandadames.com/coaching

This week on The Kink Consultant Podcast, Amanda sits down with Saffer Master and Lady Petra, hosts and producers of The Kinky Cocktail Hour podcast. They share their powerful origin story of coming out of 30-year marriages, finding each other on FetLife, and building a 24/7 dynamic. They explore how Lady Petra discovered her dominance after years of identifying as a service submissive, why they renew their vows every six months, and how checking your ego at the door is the key to a healthy dynamic. They also discuss the importance of daily debriefs, why kink is the way they communicate, and how they built their relationship through curiosity and connection.

If you have ever wondered how a dynamic can evolve over time or how to navigate a major shift in roles, this episode offers a beautiful example of what is possible when both partners stay open and committed.

Connect with Saffer Master and Lady Petra

https://tinyurl.com/Hard-Married

https://hardmarried.net/

https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/kinky-cocktail-hour/id1505110538

Connect with Amanda

⁠https://www.amandadames.com/⁠

⁠https://www.instagram.com/the_kinkconsultant/⁠

Download the BDSM Checklist Here: ⁠https://www.amandadames.com/resource_redirect/landing_pages/2151620560⁠

Courses and Resources to Help Your Kink Journey: ⁠https://www.amandadames.com/store

Before you get into the episode this week, I wanted to let you know The Kink Bundle is BACK: https://kconsultant--domsubliving.thrivecart.com/kink-bundle/ 

30+ educators helping you level up your skill

Fitrix, personal trainer, and OnlyFans creator Carmilla Vess joins the podcast to discuss how kink and fitness intersect, why butt plugs can teach you to squat, and how to break the binge-restrict cycle. 

Book A Consult Call with Amanda ⁠http://www.amandadames.com/coaching

This week on The Kink Consultant Podcast, Amanda sits down with Carmilla Vess to explore the unexpected overlap between kink, fitness, and binge-eating. Carmilla shares her approach to fit domming, why she refuses to use food or working out as punishment, and how she builds sustainable programs for clients. They also dive into the binge-restrict cycle, why shame keeps people stuck, and how to love your body through the process instead of hating it into change.

If you have ever struggled with consistency in the gym, felt shame around your body, or wondered how kink and fitness actually connect, this episode offers practical tools and a refreshing perspective.

Connect with Carmilla Vess

https://www.instagram.com/fitfor.ofans/

https://www.instagram.com/xo_carmilla/

https://www.tiktok.com/@carmilla_vess

https://x.com/Carmilla_Vess

Connect with Amanda

⁠https://www.amandadames.com/⁠

⁠https://www.instagram.com/the_kinkconsultant/⁠

Download the BDSM Checklist Here: ⁠https://www.amandadames.com/resource_redirect/landing_pages/2151620560⁠

Courses and Resources to Help Your Kink Journey: ⁠https://www.amandadames.com/store

Four real people, four very different kink journeys, and a whole lot of proof that listening to your kink can actually change your life. 

Book A Consult Call with Amanda ⁠http://www.amandadames.com/coaching

For the 100th episode of The Kink Consultant Podcast, Amanda sits down with four former clients to share their real-life stories of kink, BDSM, relationships, desire, and self-discovery. From finding the courage to prioritize a long-suppressed kink, to discovering D/S as an adult virgin, navigating a relationship where partners have different interests, and learning how to bring kink into a long-term partnership, these stories show just how different a kink journey can look. There are no neat fairy-tale endings here. There are hard conversations, changing relationships, boundaries, experimentation, vulnerability, and plenty of growth.

If you've ever wondered what could happen when you stop ignoring what you want, this episode is for you. Hear how embracing kink helped these clients become more honest with themselves, communicate more openly, build stronger relationships, and feel more comfortable in their own skin. 

Connect with Amanda

⁠https://www.amandadames.com/⁠

⁠https://www.instagram.com/the_kinkconsultant/⁠

Download the BDSM Checklist Here: ⁠https://www.amandadames.com/resource_redirect/landing_pages/2151620560⁠

Courses and Resources to Help Your Kink Journey: ⁠https://www.amandadames.com/store

Clinical sexologist Dr. Stacy Friedman joins the podcast to discuss how to talk to your partner about your deepest fantasies, navigate midlife desire, and advocate for your sexual health.

Book A Consult Call with Amanda ⁠http://www.amandadames.com/coaching

This week on The Kink Consultant Podcast, Amanda sits down with Dr. Stacy Friedman, clinical sexologist and intimacy coach, for a conversation on fantasies, desire, and midlife changes. Dr. Stacy shares her personal experience with menopause, hormone replacement therapy, why testosterone is crucial for female libido, and how to advocate for yourself with doctors. They also discuss erectile dysfunction, pegging and anal play shame, alternative lifestyles, and why you shouldn't just ChatGPT your relationship problems.

If you have ever struggled to share a fantasy, felt your desire shift in midlife, or wondered how to reconnect with your partner, this episode offers practical advice and compassionate guidance.

Head to https://www.swinkation.com/signup and use code TKC50 for up to $400 off

Connect with Dr. Stacy Friedman 

https://drstacyfriedman.com/

https://www.instagram.com/drstacyfriedman/

https://www.youtube.com/@DrStacyFriedman

https://tiktok.com/drstacyfriedman

https://threads.com/drstacyfriedman

https://open.spotify.com/show/1Kgh4gvyxZOMjqQZyfRYnb?si=7340b3b967d843f0

Connect with Amanda

⁠https://www.amandadames.com/⁠

⁠https://www.instagram.com/the_kinkconsultant/⁠

Download the BDSM Checklist Here: ⁠https://www.amandadames.com/resource_redirect/landing_pages/2151620560⁠

Courses and Resources to Help Your Kink Journey: ⁠https://www.amandadames.com/store