Forget Dan Brown—this is more like Monty Python meets National Treasure, with a heavy pour of tequila and bourbon. Nick and Ryan stumble headfirst into the saga of the Knights Templar, nine medieval dudes who thought poverty and celibacy sounded like a good time—as long as they still got horses and swords. Somehow, these broke monks reinvented themselves as history’s first bankers, inventing the medieval version of Venmo, before getting absolutely wrecked on Friday the 13th (yep, that’s why the date still gives you the creeps).

Along the way we get shady Popes, power-tripping kings, and a superstition-shattering plot twist that wrecked more than just their order. The Templar fleet vanishes faster than Ryan’s Don Roberto tequila, possibly reappearing in Scotland just in time to help Braveheart’s bros kick England’s ass. Fast-forward a few centuries and suddenly we’re in New York, with a wannabe castle on the Hudson hiding secret brass seals, octopus carvings, and coded instructions that scream “insert Indiana Jones theme music here.”

Bottom line: it’s less “holy order” and more “holy sh*t,” with history, booze, and enough conspiracy fuel to keep Reddit going for decades.