When one feels broken beyond repair, sometimes it's hard to understand the value of existence. Existence itself becomes painful enough that one forgets how to do it properly; but that's merely an illusion from a broken psyche. Existence is wonderful. It's hopeful, and it has so many good that one needs to remember sometimes. Sometimes one needs to look up and thank to all for just... existence itself.

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Sometimes one relies heavily on misremembered memories to gauge a timeline and a situation, and based on those misremembered memories will develop a confidence that is ultimately hollow, without one noticing it. But then reality will settle in when one check's one's old work, and the hollowness of the confidence shows itself; and at that point one will look up to the sky and yell: "F--k Past Me!!!"

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Hope is such a fickle concept. Though it can bring one the vehicle to move out of a slump, it can also be the catalyst for more disappointments and even deeper despair. Hope is fickle, but it's necessary, because hopelessness brings apathy, and apathy brings stillness, and stillness is akin to death itself. When one experiences the depths of hopelessness, one never wants to return to those circumstances again. When one experiences the depths of hopelessness, one will swear to never lose hope again.

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The prospect of demise is harrowing, and so is the prospect of oblivion. Being forgotten is akin to a second death, and so when one is grappling with the idea of oblivion and being forgotten, the first instinct is to yell out to the heavens for all that can hear to remember. To remember is to have a degree of care, and so what happens when one is also grappling with the thoughts of carelessness? To be cared for is to be thought of, and what if one is grappling with the idea of repulsiveness?

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When one looks through one's actions, some seem illogical, some even seem downright counterproductive. So, when one tries to work through why one does such actions, sometimes the answer is much simpler than one expects. The continued acts of keeping on to one's actions might be the answer. When one looks back at why one does certain things, the answer might be self-serving, but that might be the point of it. Sometimes, there's merit in just keeping on, even if it seems meritless at the start.

Chapter 151 - The Origin Story: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/akhamseh88/episodes/Chapter-151-The-Origin-Story-e2k2dro

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For anything in life, one pays a cost. Some costs are monetary, some are emotional and mental, and some are social. So when one is choosing one's path in each aspect, one is always countering and measuring what that path will cost and what that path will require. Sometimes in paying those costs, one becomes so broken that one will continue to pay without thinking. Sometimes though, great things can also come from those costs, but at what cost exactly will they be made?

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Sometimes, life will take such drastically unexpected turns that it will awaken many emotions at once. Other than annoyance at the changing landscape of one's plans, it will bring a litany of different thoughts, from nostalgia for similar moments in one's past to disappointment for similar moments in one's future. The old adage is that will no expectations will come no disappointments, well, what will come when one has a little bit of expectation?

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Self is a construct made of thoughts, actions, abilities and insecurities. Each of them combine together will create the sense of self for one, and each of them are responsible for something in one's life. Insecurities have the dire task of depleting one's will to live and one's desire to act on anything. It is fantastically strong, and knows when to strike. So, when one views a video by Dan Olson, it's time to maybe look at those insecurities in the eye and confront them.

I Don't Know James Rolfe: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b3gZOt1Lo4A

How Anyone Can DRAW Quickly And EFFECTIVELY: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iVGaVqrVhF8

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The desire to change one's life to better one's situation is a noticeable and worthy desire, but it can lead to heartbreak after heartbreak if one is not ready to accept some leniency. Change oftentimes can make one believe that the future is theirs to see, and when things appear less than ideal, that mindset alone will make one break. So, sometimes it's important to find solace, in uncertainties.

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When one's life is in turmoil due to many inside and outside forces beyond one's imagination, one will experience lack of motivation. When the turmoil becomes too much to handle, one ceases to daydream and to hope, and so one will become still and unmoving. In those times, the best approach might be the fooling of one's self, and to move. Move by any means, even if the furthest one goes, is to put one foot in front of the other.

Check out my appearance on "A Happy Moment" in video form: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zRmMnIDiNSA

Check out my appearance on "A Happy Moment" in audio form: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/ahappymoment/episodes/Hammer-Horror-Time-e2kquno

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