The LASTING LOVE Podcast

We've all been that person who's been in a social group or setting and noticed someone on the outskirts, the wallflower, the one who tries to start a conversation very awkwardly, or they only come with one person, and they stay with that person the whole time.

We've all seen these socially awkward situations and been afraid of being that person.  We've also been that person who is new, sees other people socializing, and wants to be a part of that group.

We're focusing today on HOW YOU CAN BREAK into these social groups. The challenge that you're having is really more about what you're doing inside your own head.  If you understand the dynamics of social groups and social interaction, you'll start to realize you can do this: It's really not you. It's your technique!

This is Alisa Goodwin Snell with the Lasting Love Podcast, a service of the LastingLoveAcademy.com. I started off as a Marriage and Family Therapist and became a Dating and Relationship Strategist. I have nearly 30 years of experience in helping people understand dating, relationships, and social dynamics. It's been my passion to break these little elements of communication and social dynamics into pieces that others can understand. 

Some of us are really good at picking up on social cues and interaction. And the rest of us have to learn it through communicating with other people or through learning basic social rules and strategies and applying them. 

So if you want to be more SOCIALLY ACCEPTED, you will NOT WANT TO MISS THIS podcast!

Have you been in a conflict with someone you really care about? You want to be patient and understanding of where they're coming from. You also need to be heard and tell them what you're thinking. You’re upset. You're trying to control your emotions and not say things that will hurt. And then you get to this point where it feels like you've hit a wall. The other person is defensive, angry, arguing, and not really listening to you, so you just want to throw your hands up in the air and walk away. Sometimes you do that, and you feel terrible afterward because you really do love and care about this person, but you feel so hopeless and desperate. You just feel like they're not listening to you. 

This is Alisa Goodwin, Snell. Welcome to the Lasting Love Podcast, where we feature Real Life, Real People, and Real Love. This kind of situation is fairly common, and it's painful and scary. I want to help you solve how to get through to the other person, keep yourself in a good place, feel hopeful, and bring resolution. 

Have you ever noticed that as a single person, it seems so many people are experts at identifying their exes as Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

It's common to hear these terms thrown around. It either makes you sympathetic to the person and what they've gone through (especially if they're attractive) or concerned that they're throwing off their responsibility for their issues by blaming their ex. 

Additionally, when everybody seems to be Borderline, Narcissistic, drug and alcohol addicted, unfaithful, liars, or manipulative, how do you know that you're not dating somebody who is also that way?

It doesn't seem safe, as if the people you're dating can change on a dime. 

Learn more at LastingLoveAcademy.com.

Over 20 years ago, I was set up on a blind date, and when he called, I felt such an immediate connection. He was funny, charming, and confident. It was just intoxicating. We stayed on the phone for hours. My cheeks hurt. After that conversation, he wanted to see me the next morning for breakfast. I could barely sleep; I was giddy. 

The next day, the connection was so immediate. There are a lot of other fun stories about that date. But from that point forward, we spent every day together. And it was amazing. 

This is Alisa Snell with the Lasting Love Podcast, where we feature Real Life, Real People, and Real Love. And today, we're going to be featuring more of my Real Life, Real People, and Real Love story. This has actually been a difficult one for me to prepare for, because it's been over 20 years, and I don't really go back there. I don't think about it. It’s been forgiven. And in many ways, it's been relegated to the Forgotten Place where I just don't go. I don't dwell on it until I'm meeting with a client and they share similar stories. 

Learn more at LastingLoveAcademy.com.

When Jeremy walked into my office as a 22-year-old college student who had never been in a significant relationship and rarely went on dates, there were a couple of things that stood out about him. He was a little overweight. His posture really needed to be improved. He had that total nice guy look about him, which unfortunately can make him be undervalued and dismissed as just a friend. And he also had a style of clothing 10 years older than his age. He really needed to become more aware of what his body language and posture were saying. And I was also concerned that he could be on the Autism Spectrum.

This is Alisa Goodwin Snell, with the Lasting Love Podcast, where we feature Real Life, Real People, and Real Love. I have nearly 30 years of experience as a Dating and Relationship Strategist. And I spent 17 years of that career as a Marriage and Family Therapist. Check out the LastingLoveAcademy.com to learn more about me and to STAY CONNECTED with our PODCASTS, UPDATES, AND MORE so you can be updated every time a new podcast becomes available.

Tim and Tara were in their 40s. They both had two children from previous marriages. And they were having a tremendous amount of conflict in their relationship. When I first started working with Tim, he was very anxious, losing weight, couldn't really concentrate, and was desperate to figure out what was either wrong in the relationship or whether or not he should walk away. 

Situations like Tim and Tara's can fit for a lot of people. It's very painful and difficult when your relationships are in turmoil.  You just feel desperate to get the other person to respond to your needs. You worry about losing the relationship and starting all over. For Tim, this was particularly difficult because of his past relationship traumas and his situation with his ex-wife, who had always been disengaged and disconnected from him. Additionally, there had been some repeated disloyalty.

As with most relationships, we are excited at the beginning about being with somebody and feeling wanted, loved, valued, and needed. Then there's this point where we really hit the reality of real life with a real person, and we have to discover if we're going to do real love together or not.

My name is Alisa Goodwin Snell from the Lasting Love Podcast. I was a Marriage and Family Therapist for 17 years. I wrote books for singles during the time I was a Marriage and Family Therapist. Then I made the transition to just doing dating and relationship strategies and coaching. I created all of the videos, audios, books, and materials that are part of the Lasting Love Academy courses. Check out the LastingLoveAcademy.com, where you can take advantage of my 30 years of expertise and extensive Lasting Love Academy for as little as $27 a month. It just depends on the results you want to get. So welcome to the Lasting Love Podcast, where we feature real life, real people, and real love. 

If you're like a lot of singles, one of the hardest questions to answer or statements to respond to is, "You're amazing! I can't understand why you're still single," or "How are you not married yet?"  

There are so many different things that singles struggle with in the process of meeting, becoming exclusive, creating a secure attachment, and getting married that it's not as easy as it seems. Simply being amazing isn't enough to guarantee that you're going to get married, so it's just one of the most difficult questions to hear when people ask, "You're amazing! Why are you still single?" Nevertheless, I do have some answers to that question. 

My name is Alisa Goodwin Snell from the Lasting Love Podcast. I was a Marriage and Family Therapist for 17 years. I wrote books for singles during that time. Then I made the transition to just doing dating and relationship strategies and coaching. I created the Lasting Love Academy courses, with comprehensive videos, audios, books, and materials. Check out LastingLoveAcademy.com to take advantage of my 30 years of expertise and extensive Lasting Love Academy. We offer several programs depending on the results you want to get. So welcome to the Lasting Love Podcast, where we feature real life, real people, and real love. 

I began performing Marriage and Family Therapy as a young woman at the age of 23, so my career and passion for lasting love began in the 90s. About 10 to 15 years into that experience, I was working a lot with singles, and one of the things I was most baffled by was how these amazing singles seemed to be struggling so much with either committing to a relationship or getting and keeping the attention of the people that they were really interested in. 

Particularly, I was focused on these couples who really seemed to be intelligent, socially aware, and very dateable, and yet they kept recycling through relationships with a lot of doubts, breakups, uncertainty, and fear of settling when they were obviously so well suited for each other. I just couldn't understand what was holding them back, and I kept thinking, certainly, there's a program out there with a solution. I just needed to be able to find that solution and refer my clients for it. 

When my son was a teenager, he came to me and shared his fear that there must be something wrong with him because he was not in a relationship, like he felt so many of his friends were. As I talked with him about it, it was obvious that he had a view where he was focusing just on those people who did have relationships. He didn't see how many other people, just like him, were struggling to date or were not interested in dating, and they didn't have relationships. It forced me to go back and remember my teenage years, and I could so relate because I didn't have a boyfriend then. Frankly, I wasn't really that interested in having a boyfriend, dating, or relationships. But I did worry that something was wrong with me that I didn't have them.

Well, now I'm in a unique position where, as a dating and relationship strategist and coach, I see people who struggle with some of the same concerns, and they wonder what's wrong with them when, in reality, their experience is quite common. And the truth is, it's not you, it's your technique.

We are in a culture where this is a much more common problem than it's ever been before. In 1960. When my parents were dating, 72% of all adults were married. That meant that the other 28% were single, never married, widowed, divorced, or too young and not married yet. But the rest, 72%, were married, and 59% of 30-year-olds were married. Let's fast forward 50 years, and in 2010, only 20% of 30-year-olds were married, and in 2015, 51% of all adults were married. We have experienced, as a culture, a huge shift in attachment!

My name is Alisa Goodwin Snell, and welcome to the Lasting Love Podcast, where we feature real life, real people, and real love. If you enjoy this podcast, please share it with others who you feel would also benefit from it. And if you're anxious to start your own lasting love journey, please join me at the LastingLoveAcademy.com. 

If you ask someone if they want to get married, you'll receive a variety of different answers. But if you ask them if they want lasting love, across the board, you're going to hear, "Yes, they do want to love and be loved". You're also going to hear some skepticism about whether or not lasting love really even exists anymore, or whether or not they believe it will happen for them.

We are in a culture where this is a much more common problem than it's ever been before. In 1960. When my parents were dating, 72% of all adults were married. That meant that the other 28% were single, never married, widowed, divorced, or not married yet. But the rest, 72%, were married, and 59% of 30-year-olds were married. Let's fast forward 50 years, and in 2010, only 20% of 30-year-olds were married, and in 2015, 51% of all adults were married. We have experienced as a culture a huge shift in attachment!*

My name is Alisa Goodwin Snell, and welcome to the Lasting Love Podcast, where we feature real life, real people, and real love. If you enjoy this podcast, please share it with others who you feel would also benefit from it. And if you're anxious to start your own lasting love journey, please join me at the LastingLoveAcademy.com, where you can take advantage of my 30 years of expertise and extensive LastingLoveAcademy. It just depends on the results you want to get. Depending on the program that you choose, the Lasting Love Academy includes audios, videos, books that are mailed to you, and workbooks on everything from dating to creating lasting love through engagement and marriage.  And we offer Personalized Lasting Love Action Plans that are based on a thorough Needs Assessment of your individual situation so that you can maximize your experience with the Lasting Love Academy and make sure it's tailored specifically to your needs. With our Strategy Sessions, you get hands-on expertise throughout your Lasting Love Journey.