The "LET'S TALK!" Podcast

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All of us get discouraged in life. But what if you’re discouraged because you constantly compare yourself to others? In today’s talk, we address how to stay focused in our season of life by not comparing ourselves to others. 

Today’s talk comes out from John 21:15-19. We learn from the conversation of Jesus with Peter that he desires to do three things in our lives: 

1.     Jesus Loves
2.     Jesus Heals
3.     Jesus Leads

We see in John 21:20 – 23 how quickly Peter starts worrying about how John’s life will be in comparison to his. If we’re being honest, we do the same thing. We are a lot like Peter and compare ourselves to others around us. But what if we didn’t have to? What if we just, “Ran our Race?!”

Next Steps:

1. Who or What is distracting you from running your race? Why?
2. Repent: Go to God and ask for forgiveness. He is a patient, gracious, generous God and wants to love, heal and lead you.
3. Out of the Love, Healing and Leadership of Christ, which one do you currently need the most? Pray about it and go all in on that one thing.
4. Run Your Race! Hebrews 12:1-2 

Would love for you to follow me on instagram @markkbentonii for more sneak peeks. You can also ask me any questions through instagram and tag me in your post and stories on IG! I would also really appreciate a review from you on Apple Podcast! It helps to get the podcast recognized and would be a huge blessing to me. 

Thanks for tuning in and will catch you on the next one!

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We conclude todays conversation on the difference between empowering or enabling. Below is a list of things and notes from todays conversation

“10 Ways to be Certain your Pastoral Care is Helpful” by Brad Hambrick

Full Article is available at https://www.careleader.org/10-ways-certain-pastoral-care-helpful/

 1.     Avoid the rescuer mentality
2.     Don’t replace the legal system
3.     Know your role within your church or organization
4.     Never do what someone should do for themselves
5.     Create halfway steps
6.     Model a healthy life and relationship
7.     Know your limits
8.     Never allow team splitting to occur
9.     Don’t allow yourself to be motivated or manipulated by guilt
10.  Ask

 Ask yourself (or with a friend) the following questions:

•  Which one do you struggle with the most? Why?
• What’s a next step you can take to overcome it?

 When guiding others, learn to ask yourself:

• Is this a consequence from a choice they have made?
• If so, how can I continue to remind them that God is continuously with them? 

 When guiding others, remember "The 5 States of Change"

1.     Pre-Contemplation: The individual is not interested at this stage. You can’t make someone interested. They have to want it themselves.
2.     Contemplation: The person is wondering and questioning if they need to change. They don’t know completely, but they are at least thinking about it. At this stage, you still can’t fully provide any action steps because they aren’t ready.
3.     Preparation: This is the turnaround point. They are beginning to make a decision in which they realize they need to change.
4.     Action: At this stage, the individual is more internal than external. They are beginning to make a commitment and are attempting to try to do something about it.
5.     Maintenance: It’s one thing to start it, it’s another thing to maintain it. It’s important for us to not take things personal or get offended when someone relapses. This is why it’s important to know your own personal struggles and triggers. When you are triggered or struggling with your issue, you must know what you are going to do moving forward, instead of relying on unhealthy coping mechanisms that have occurred in the past. Learn to ask yourself and others, “What am I/you going to do, instead of relying on past unhealthy coping mechanisms?”

When serving others, learn to ask yourself:

• Is this a consequence from a choice they have made?
• If so, how can I continue to remind them that God is continuously with them? 

 Next Steps

1.     Be Spirit Filled
2.     Be Spirit Led: Continued through ALL Steps
3.     Be Patient
4.     Identify your Intent: Am I doing this for them? Or Am I doing this for me?
5.     Identify your gifts, talents and personality type ( Read 1 Corinthians 12 and Romans 12)
6.     Identify your triggers, weaknesses and limits
7.     Admit your triggers, weaknesses and limits
8.     Surround yourself with and identify the people who are strong in your areas of weakness

If you're enjoying this podcast, please write us a review at Apple Podcast. It would be your greatest gift to me and helps to grow and expand the channel. Thanks so much for tuning in and we’re looking forward to having you join us on the next one!

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All of us at some point have sat down with people we love, heard their story and don't always know if our feedback is helping the problem, or making it worse. If you're like me, at some point you've walked away from a conversation with someone and have asked one of the following questions...

• Did what I say make it better? Or did what I say make it worse?
• Did I help them with their problem? Or did I just make it worse?
• Did I say the right thing? Or did I say the wrong thing?
• Was I the right person to help with this?
• I really care about this person. But am I even qualified to help them?

And so many more!

In this conversation, I sit down with two very good friends of mine Alicia Flowers and Erin Smalley on this topic. As we speak with people on a daily basis to help them grow in their walk with God, this was a conversation that had come up, and we decided to talk about it! How do we know if we are Empowering the person, or Enabling?

Join us and listen to our conversation as we discern the difference!

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Are you currently in a season of your life where you’re asking yourself, “What’s my Purpose?”. Or maybe you’re asking… “Why am I here?” or “Who am I?” Some of you may be asking or have asked, “What am I supposed to be doing right now?” “What’s my next career move?” Or… “What’s the next thing that I’m supposed to be doing?” Every single person at some point in life has asked those questions, and if you haven’t yet, don’t worry… you’ll get there!

But how are we supposed to navigate that? All of those questions have to do with one of two things to which I’d like to call it, “Purpose” or “Assignment”? Because there is a difference! Your purpose is who you are in Christ. And your assignment is how you carry that out based on the season of life God has you. 

Here are some additional resources for you to look at and utilize to help you grow in this particular topic:

o   Session 11: Who Are You? Downloadable Worksheet is available on my landing page at https://letstalkaboutitbymark.ck.page/5af3361b07

o   Craig Groeschel Leadership Podcast: “Q&A with Paula Faris: Calling vs. Career” Released October 15th, 2020 https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/q-a-with-paula-faris-calling-vs-career/id1070649025?i=1000494832254

Don't forget to follow me on Instagram @markkbenton2 Screenshot you listening to the Podcast and share it on your IG story and let me know what you're learning!

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Happy New Year! You’ve made it to 2021! 2020 has been either one of, or the toughest year of our lives. As challenging as 2020 was and has been for all of us, what if we didn’t waste it? What if we used 2020 as an opportunity to reflect and look back on what took place and utilized it as a tool to move forward in a healthy life-giving way. There are 5 questions that we go through to help you, and they are:

·      How has 2020 challenged you?

·      What have you learned about God in 2020?

·      What has God taught you about yourself in 2020?

·      When it comes to your walk with God, who do you think He wants you to become (going into the New Year)?

·      What 1 next step can you take (right now/today) to make that happen?

I encourage you to listen and do this with others! Do it with your family, friends, spouse, kids, co-workers or a best friend. Whenever you decide to do this, do it with people because there is power in accountability and community. Let’s decide right now, today to live with more intentionality and purpose going into the New Year!

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In this session, we talk about one of my favorite discussions and that’s, “Who are you?”. In this talk, I give 3 specific things that will help you to discover and discern who you are and even more so, who you are in Christ. The three things to help you answer the question, "Who Are You?" are:

1. Just Cause - Simon Sinek (What You Do)
2. Vision - (How You Do It)
3. Values - (Why You Do It)

To access the "Who Are You?" PDF Worksheet, Click on my landing page available at the following link https://letstalkaboutitbymark.ck.page/5af3361b07 The PDF Worksheet will be found at the top of the page (if you're on your phone), or bottom of the page (if you're on your computer) with a grey like button that reads...

"Who Are You?" Click Here to Receive the Worksheet

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In this session, we continue our talk on suffering well, but this time we discuss on how we can help others through their pain. Below are a few way to support others through their grief. 

 1.     Know your Limits

·      Realize you are in danger of being pulled under someone else’s pain

·      If you don’t understand where a person is and where they’re coming from, you can further complicate or delay their healing. 

·      Be sure their pain and suffering doesn’t lead you into secondary trauma. 

2.     Gain Biblical Understanding

·      At the appropriate time, the scriptures can serve as a powerful way to give someone hope. 

·      Pray the scriptures over people in hard times. 

3.     Commit to being very Cautious Remember that an individual is completely overwhelmed when they are first going through a negative experience. Ask Clarifying Questions. Suggested Questions to ask are:

• How have you been grieving?
• What have you been doing to cope with this? 
• How have you been coping with this?
• What can I do to lighten your load?
• What I can do for you right now to help you? What Else?
• How can I serve you in this time? What Else?

4.     Be a conduit for the calming grace of God  

• Words need to be very few
• Be there as a presence for the Holy Spirit to come in and do his work.

5.     Imitate the love and grace of God

• Remember that grace qualifies and characterizes our response. Pray that no words come out of your mouth that don't represent or minister grace.

6.     Accept their words 

• Be ok with letting them say with what they need to say instead of feeling the need to correct their thoughts.
• Don’t Fix it.

7.     Affirm their dignity and value  

• There is a time and season for every word and every concept you want to develop with an individual.  
• Always affirms one’s pain before you guide them out of it. 

 An additional idea is to Text, Send an Audio and/or Video of you praying to others. Why?

o   It holds you accountable
 Too often we say we’ll pray for them and we simply forget. Texting, sending an audio or video of us praying for them keeps us honest and helps us to do it immediately. 

o   There’s Power in Prayer AND power in your Words
Prayer has the power to change things. So do your words. Prayer is a perfect opportunity to speak life into people with the word of God along with a word of personal encouragement from you. 

o   Praying WITH someone vs. Praying FOR someone. 
It’s great to pray for people (and we should continue that). Praying with people is more personal. Texting or Recording a prayer request is a great effective way of letting people know you are thinking of them and stand with them in their trials and tribulations. 

FOLLOW UP! This is by far the most important step. It’s great to do all the other things, but people will value and remember your consistency the most. Put it down in your calendar once a week to check on them (phone call, text, email etc.). Anytime that person or couple comes to mind, use that as a cue to just reach out and say, “I’m thinking of you. How are you?” Or, “You just came to mind, and I wanted you to know so I’m checking on you. How you been?” Those small things go a long way in how you can serve and be present with others. 

We hope you found this helpful. We look forward to having you join us on the next one!

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In this session, we conclude our talk on suffering well. 

7 Steps to Biblical Well-Being

1.     Ask God for Help: Don't be anxious about anything but pray and present your request to God (Philippians 4:4-7).

2.     Praise and Worship: Praise and Worship changes ones focus from the problems faced to the only one that can help and deliver.  Allow and let music help you cope with things in life. Create a playlist that focuses on God or songs that uplift you and give you hope. 

3.     Sense of Call: God desires all of us to know Him and make Him known. Don't ever have a time in your life when you're not sure if God called you to do it. Either God has called you or he hasn't.  Knowing the Call of God on your life has the power to keep you through ANY and ALL Trauma or Suffering. 

4.     Working with God: Together, you can truly do all things through the strength of God. He will arm and strengthen you as you fight through the trauma and suffering so you can encounter and have deliverance (Philippians 4:10-13).

5.     Lamenting and Venting: God invites us to vocally speak our frustration to the Him (Like King David throughout the book of Psalms). Believers can feel betrayed by God and God allows people to blame Him for their suffering. This doesn't make Him angry, because He’s big and gracious enough to take it. 

6.     Suffering: Suffering builds Character and in the midst of the Trauma, remember to trust that God walks with you through it. God employs suffering in a variety of ways. It's also the key to discipleship and molds the identity and mind of a person. Suffering makes you relatable to Christ and places you in a position to get completely dependent on God realizing his strength and power is truly more than enough. It may hurt you to watch your loved ones encounter suffering, but the reality is they need to encounter suffering too in order to get dependent on God and learn from their situation.  We often have expectations of God that were never even Biblical. We like to have our own plan and when God doesn’t bless it, we get upset with Him. God is sovereign and He loves us. Faith holds true to that. 

7.     Assistance from Friends and Family: Suffering will take a team of people to help move others forward through their pain. Realize the people you open up to need to know how to help you cope.  They can often help by placing themselves in danger and fight when the person has no strength. There is power, freedom, connection and protection in the Body of Christ and Believers. 

There is a Biblical way to cope and if you do those principles well, you will thrive, and God will mend every crack you have making you better than before. To overcome suffering, you have to be able to provide people or receive an element of Hope. If there's no element of Hope attached to it, there won't be any progress. The loss of meaning is the doorway to death.  Remember to be anchored in who God is and that He sovereignly rises above human agenda. Suffering is not wasted in the divine agenda of our maker. 

Jesus also encountered suffering (Mathew 26:36-46 and Luke 22:42-44). Let that serve as a reminder that no one is immune to it. In fact, Jesus promises that we will have many trials and tribulations of many kind (John 16:33). Suffering is a catalyst that produces change in every area of our life. 

Psalm 23 and Psalm 91 are great chapters to read and use as a prayer through suffering. Be encouraged and steward your suffering well. 

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Have you ever been in a season in life where you were just completely over it? You’re experiencing challenges, hardship, adversity, trials and you just don’t know what to do with it? Well, in this episode, we talk about suffering, the reasons why suffering exists and even more, how we can respond to it. Though life does have its own challenges, there is a healthy way to navigate our personal hardships. Join us in today’s talk to find out how we can grow in our adversity and life’s challenges. 

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In the concluding session of cultural differences, we have left a list of notes from today’s talk! Take time at your leisure to see some of what we talked about, what next steps you need to take, and how you can use them to connect with others and share the gospel.

Why is knowing these important?

1.     Culture impacts how we read the biblical text. When it comes to the things of God, you cannot be guided by culture. 
2.     Culture impacts how we connect (or disconnect) others
3.     Culture impacts how we befriend (or unfriend) others
4.     Culture impacts how we we learn from others
5.     Culture impacts how we share with others

Next Steps

1.     Identify your Personality Type and the way you see the World. Part of your Personality and your Culture is the way you think. It’s important to remember that everyone has the capacity and has all three ways of thinking. It’s also common that every individual typically leads out of one more than the others. Remember, one way of thinking isn’t superior to the other way of thinking. What type of thinker are you?

The Conceptual Thinker

• Theoretical thinking. 
• Likes an introduction that says exactly what you are point is. 
• Clarity in communication with rational logic that moves to a conclusion.
• Clear effective and biblical preaching.
• Conceptual thinkers take experiences and classifies them scientifically, ethically or theologically and says, “I understand!”

The Intuitional Thinker

• Knowledge that emanates from inner experience and vision. Example: A Wife feels like her Husband is cheating on her. She has no physical evidence or proof but it's just a feeling that she has.
• They don’t reject science; they just see the spiritual first and the science second. 
• They seek the ultimate reality that is hidden in the empirical.
• Avoids over intellectualization 
• Avoids oversimplification 

The Concrete (Relational) Thinker

• Life and reality are seen pictorially in terms of the active emotional relationships present in the concrete situation. These people think in pictures (whereas others think in words).
• Often times, they don’t need a point, the story speaks for itself.
• Verbally communicate by referring to symbols, stories, events, objects etc. 
• Rely heavily on nonverbal communication: gesture and sign language, music, arts (sculpture, ceramics, paintings etc.), ritual drama and image projection. 
• Myths, parables, proverbs, analogies connect very well.
• Like creative use of diagram, pictures and artifacts.  

2.     Identify the healthy positive aspects of your culture (what you think is healthy) and identify the unhealthy aspects of your culture and cross both of them with the Bible. 

3.     Lay aside your cultural differences and perspectives for the sake of others. 

4.     Get into their World and be present! Get present in your:

• Church
• City
• Relationships
• Family
• Friends
• Work

5.     Repeat: This is the most important step. Just because you’ve done it all once, doesn’t mean it ends. This is a journey we stay on for life. 

We hope you enjoyed today’s session! Remember, unpacking our cultural differences is a lifelong journey. Give yourself grace, be patient with yourself as you unpack your culture and the background of others so you can connect well in order to present the Gospel. Let’s be led by God and His Word instead of our cultural upbringing. We look forward to having you join on us on the next one! 

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