“Stop playing small” is terrible advice because no-one really knows what it means to play big, or how to approach it!
When people talk about playing small, they usually mention things like:
- Not charging their worth
- Self-sabotaging
- Avoiding key projects and actions
- Not being visible
- Not going for their dreams!
Does that mean that playing big is the opposite of this:
- Charging your worth
- Letting yourself have the win!
- Tackling key projects and taking difficult actions
- Being visible and building your brand
- Going for your dreams!
Probably!
But, I think we can go further.
In today’s episode, I’m going to break down the psychology of playing small and offer a very specific approach for showing up differently.
1. Grit vs. Campaign Thinking: The Danger of Living in Crisis Mode
We often celebrate “grit” – the ability to push through, keep going, get it done. Angela Duckworth even made it famous in her work on success, showing that grit (passion + perseverance) is a better predictor of long-term achievement than IQ or talent.
But grit without vision is just survival.
If you wake up every day thinking, “What’s broken? What needs fixing?” – that’s reactivity, not strategy. It’s a common pattern I see in entrepreneurs:
Hustling for last-minute sales.
Overbooking and over-delivering.
Staying up late to make ends meet.
That’s not bad – sometimes it’s necessary. But if you live there for too long, you’ll build a business around firefighting, not future-building.
The Science:
This is partly driven by your brain’s amygdala — the centre for fear and threat detection. When we’re uncertain or under pressure, it activates your fight-or-flight response. That’s when you default to solving immediate problems instead of building long-term solutions.
But playing big requires prefrontal cortex thinking – the part of your brain responsible for planning, reasoning, and imagining the future. It’s not activated when you’re constantly stressed.
The Shift:
Playing big means stepping back to ask:
“Where am I going? And what do I need to build this quarter, this year, to get there?”
That’s campaign thinking. That’s strategy. Grit might get you out of a hole, but campaign thinking builds your true vision.
2. Passive vs. Directive Thinking: Who’s Really in Charge?
One of the hardest ways we play small is by letting our emotions and beliefs steer our decisions. You know it’s happening when you say things like:
“I just wasn’t in the right headspace today.”
“I’ve always struggled with that.”
“I just didn’t feel like it.”
As someone who’s been prone to depressive episodes most of my life, I know what it’s like to feel low, unmotivated, even hopeless.
But I also know this:
You are not your thoughts. You are not your feelings. You are the person who notices them – and chooses what to do next.
The Science:
In cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), there’s a powerful concept called cognitive distancing – the ability to observe your thoughts without attaching to them as truth.
This is a cornerstone of emotional regulation and personal change.
Instead of “I am overwhelmed,” you say, “I’m experiencing overwhelm.”
That tiny shift gives you space to choose a different response.
The Shift:
A passive thinker lets the day happen to them.
A directive thinker observes what’s happening – then acts anyway.
They don’t wait to feel motivated. They create motivation using little tricks like going on a walk, promising yourself a reward in exchange for the work, creating a lovely environment to work just so you can get started.
Sometimes that means waking up at 5am to do the hard thing first. Sometimes it means scheduling joy, like a movie or coffee out, just to trigger some dopamine and keep going. Motivating yourself to do the hard job is a skill. And it is a skill that can be learned.
3. Tasks vs. Projects: Are You Creating or Just Completing?
Let me ask you this:
If I opened your calendar for next week… Would I see tasks? Or would I see projects?
Would I see time blocked out for:
- Writing your book
- Filming your course
- Preparing your TEDx talk
- Building your funnel
- Practising your speaking
Or would I see:
- Meetings
- Admin
- Zooms booked in by other people
- “Reply to emails”
- “Post something on Instagram”
The former moves your life forward. The latter keeps it ticking over.
The Psychology:
This is the difference between being busy and being effective. Our brains are wired to love “completion” – every time we tick off a to-do item, we get a dopamine hit. That’s why it feels good to stay in action mode. But it’s short-lived.
Creative, meaningful work – the kind that actually grows your business – is messy. It’s nonlinear. You don’t get a hit every 15 minutes. You sit in discomfort. You wrestle. And you often feel like you’re failing right before you break through.
The Shift:
Playing big means prioritising outcomes over checklists.
Not “What do I need to get done today?”
But:
“What am I building this month? And have I protected the time to do it properly?”
Final Thought: Playing big isn’t louder. It isn’t shinier. It’s not about showing off.
It’s about being honest with yourself:
Are you building what you really want?
Are you leading your own thoughts?
Are you creating space for the work that matters?
Playing big requires discipline. Not in the punishing, productivity-obsessed way – but in the “this is who I’m becoming” kind of way.
It’s showing up when it’s hard. Doing the work you don’t yet feel ready for. And backing your dreams with action – not just ideas.
So if you’ve been stuck in the busyness, the feelings, or the inbox…
This is your reminder to come back to your power.
What does your version of playing big look like? And what are you going to do about it this week?
