Daiana Bernard and Cassandra Harris Towner, both licensed mental health counselors, talk with Andy Ellwood about quiet grief, identity shifts, and what it looks like to rebuild after multiple losses at once. Andy shares how religious expectations, friendship loss, divorce, miscarriage, career upheaval, and later becoming a father all reshaped his sense of self.

In this episode, Andy explains how he moved from living for external approval to building a life grounded in curiosity, authenticity, and real community. He also offers a practical lesson on slowing down, sharpening your axe, and treating rest as part of the work.

Timestamps

00:00 - Welcome to Living Loss and the theme of hidden grief  

01:18 - Andy’s story and the collapse of his old identity  

02:43 - Growing up in an insular church culture  

05:29 - Moving to London and questioning inherited beliefs  

07:57 - The public reaction to moving in together  

09:45 - Why the backlash validated what had already changed  

15:45 - Moving to New York City and finding his pace  

19:32 - Building startups and the first big professional wins  

20:45 - Marriage, home, pregnancy, and the life he thought he wanted  

21:38 - Miscarriage, divorce, and losing startup funding  

23:25 - Rebuilding after the house of cards collapsed  

28:29 - The rebound relationship and another hard reset  

33:25 - Meeting Maddie and the three-year wait for a first date  

35:30 - Choosing to show up as fully Andy  

41:33 - Becoming a father and losing his mother in the same year  

44:16 - Resilience, presence, and a 1,000% success rate  

50:53 - The lumberjack story and sharpening the axe  

57:04 - Closing reflections on rest, grace, and timing  

Connect with Andy Ellwood 

https://stretchgroceries.com/, https://www.andyellwood.com/,

https://www.tiktok.com/@theandyellwood, 

Connect & Resources

Instagram: @thelivinglosspodcast 

Email: [email protected] (Guest inquiries, Collaborations & story submissions)

Keep in touch, Sign up for our newsletter! 

https://thelivinglossnondeathgriefmentalhealth.riverside.com/newsletter

Support the Show: If this episode resonated with you, please subscribe and share it with a friend!

Work With Us 

Daiana Bernard, LMHC: MeaningfulTherapyFL.com | [email protected] (In-person Riverview, FL & FL Telehealth) 

Cassandra Harris-Towner: [email protected] (In-person Ocala, FL & FL Telehealth)

Disclaimer: This podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not a substitute for clinical care. Guest opinions are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the hosts or The Living Loss Podcast.

1. Have you ever had to step away from a community, belief system, or relationship in order to be true to yourself?
2. When your own house of cards fell apart, what parts of your identity did you choose not to pick back up?
3. When have you had to hold profound joy and deep grief at the same exact time?

Connect & Resources IG: @thelivinglosspodcast 

Email: [email protected] (Guest inquiries, Collaborations & story submissions)

Keep in touch, Sign up for our newsletter! 

https://thelivinglossnondeathgriefmentalhealth.riverside.com/newsletter

Support the Show: If this episode resonated with you, please subscribe and share it with a friend!

Work With Us: Daiana Bernard, LMHC: MeaningfulTherapyFL.com | [email protected] (In-person Riverview, FL & FL Telehealth) 

Cassandra Harris-Towner: [email protected] (In-person Ocala, FL & FL Telehealth)

Disclaimer: This podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not a substitute for clinical care. Guest opinions are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the hosts or The Living Loss Podcast.

When life goes completely off script, how do you navigate the avalanche of multi-layered sorrow? In this episode, Daiana and Cassandra reflect on their powerful conversation with Kristy Halverson (Episode 3). They break down the reality of cumulative grief, the crushing weight of ambiguous loss during her mother's 14-year terminal cancer journey, and the beautiful freedom found in letting go of societal expectations. The co-hosts explore the concept of "coddiwompling", moving purposefully toward an unknown destination and how embracing the illusion of control can actually bring deep peace.

Key Takeaways

• The Bell Curve of Grief: Understanding how sorrow compounds sequentially when dealing with multiple devastating life events at once.

• Purposeful Uncertainty: How trading external security for internal freedom allows you to follow the "tickles of your soul" and trust your intuition.

• The Illusion of Control: Why surrendering our grip on how things should go often reveals life's "perfect unfolding."

• The Power of the Pause: Using micro-moments of mindfulness to quiet the noise and reconnect with your internal compass.

Listener Reflection Questions

Grab a journal or ponder on these questions:

• Think about a major loss. What were the invisible or secondary losses attached to it?

• Where in your life are you burning the midnight oil when the healthiest choice might actually be to surrender?

Resources Mentioned

Listen to our full interview with Kristy Halverson: Season 2, Episode 3

The Perfect Unfolding* by Kristy Halverson

Connect With Us

Be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode. If this conversation reminded you of someone who needs to hear that their grief is valid, please share it with them.

Connect & Resources

Instagram: @thelivinglosspodcast Email: [email protected] (Guest inquiries & story submissions)

Keep in touch,

Sign up for our newsletter! 

https://thelivinglossnondeathgriefmentalhealth.riverside.com/newsletter

Support the Show: If this episode resonated with you, please subscribe and share it with a friend!

Work With Us 

Daiana Bernard, LMHC: MeaningfulTherapyFL.com | [email protected] (In-person Riverview, FL & FL Telehealth) 

Cassandra Harris-Towner: [email protected] (In-person Ocala, FL & FL Telehealth)

Disclaimer: This podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not a substitute for clinical care. Guest opinions are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the hosts or The Living Loss Podcast.

Licensed Mental Health Counselors Cassandra and Daiana sit down with author and nomadic traveler Kristy Halvorsen to explore the quiet, layered grief that follows caregiving, major life changes, and profound identity shifts. When loss is invisible to the outside world, how do we find the space to heal? 

Kristy shares her personal journey through overlapping seasons of loss, including the passing of her mother and discusses the impact of letting go, feeling fully, and trusting the “tickles of your soul” to guide you forward without forcing a neat timeline.

Key Takeaways

• Kristy’s raw experience navigating her mother's decline, the end of a relationship, relocating, and adjusting her book launch simultaneously.
• How stepping into a caregiving role fundamentally shifts your emotional capacity, daily identity, and life plans.
• Challenging the myth that "time heals all wounds" by exploring how intentional processing during that time is what actually changes us.
• Using Kristy’s “tickles of your soul” framework to recognize the deep, quiet knowing that points toward your next right step.
• Allowing complex, conflicting emotions like sadness, relief, peace, and disorientation to coexist completely free of judgment.

Check out Kristy's book: The Perfect Unfolding: Seven Years of Life-Changing Solo Adventure, One Year That Broke Me Open

Trailer: PerfectUnfolding.com Website: KristyH.com

IG: @Kristy.Halvorsen LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/kristy-halvorsen/

Facebook: www.facebook.com/1kristy  Goodreads: www.goodreads.com/book/show/241413488-perfect-unfolding

Connect & Resources: Instagram: @thelivinglosspodcast Email: [email protected] (Guest inquiries & story submissions)

Keep in touch, Sign up for our newsletter! 

https://thelivinglossnondeathgriefmentalhealth.riverside.com/newsletter

Support the Show: If this episode resonated with you, please subscribe and share it with a friend!

Work With Us 

Daiana Bernard, LMHC: MeaningfulTherapyFL.com | [email protected] (In-person Riverview, FL & FL Telehealth) 

Cassandra Harris-Towner: [email protected] (In-person Ocala, FL & FL Telehealth)

Disclaimer: This podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not a substitute for clinical care. Guest opinions are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the hosts or The Living Loss Podcast.

Welcome back to the Living Lost Podcast! As licensed mental health counselors, hosts Daiana Bernard and Cassandra Harris Towner are here to unpack the quiet, complex griefs that don't come with a funeral. Because you can't heal what you don't acknowledge.

Before next week's special interview with author Kristy Halvorsen, Daiana and Cassandra set the stage by breaking down the clinical vocabulary of invisible losses. They also debut a brand-new game called "Overrated or Underrated," where they put popular self-care trends and coping mechanisms to the test.

What We Discuss in This Episode

Overrated vs. Underrated: The hosts debate common coping cliches. Is saying "everything happens for a reason" helpful or invalidating? What is the actual therapeutic value of screaming into a pillow, taking a bubble bath, retail therapy, or making dark jokes about your trauma?

The Power of the Block Button: Why curating your social media feed and muting or blocking accounts, is a top-tier strategy for surviving ambiguous loss and protecting your peace.

Cumulative Grief (Grief Overload): Navigating the "avalanche effect" when multiple losses, like a terminal illness, a breakup, and professional setbacks, occur in close succession without time to process.

Disenfranchised Grief: Validating the quiet losses that society often ignores or dismisses, such as the end of a friendship or a career change.

Identity Loss: How to mourn the intangible losses, like an imagined future, a role transition, or a sudden change in your life's trajectory.

It is not about fixing grief; it is about finding the strength to carry it. Coping isn't always perfect, and sometimes our strategies only offer a fleeting moment of relief. Give yourself the grace to accept that you are doing the best you can, even if that means canceling plans to stay home in your sweatpants.

Connect & Resources

Instagram: @thelivinglosspodcast Email: [email protected] (Guest inquiries & story submissions)

Keep in touch, Sign up for our newsletter! 

https://thelivinglossnondeathgriefmentalhealth.riverside.com/newsletter

Support the Show: If this episode resonated with you, please subscribe and share it with a friend!

Work With Us 

Daiana Bernard, LMHC: MeaningfulTherapyFL.com | [email protected] (In-person Riverview, FL & FL Telehealth) 

Cassandra Harris-Towner: [email protected] (In-person Ocala, FL & FL Telehealth)

Disclaimer: This podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not a substitute for clinical care. Guest opinions are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the hosts or The Living Loss Podcast.

Welcome back to Season Two of The Living Loss Podcast! Licensed Mental Health Counselors Daiana Bernard and Cassandra Harris-Towner kick off the new season by diving into the quiet, non-death losses that disrupt our lives. From navigating summer schedule chaos and sudden life pivots to shattering the "assumptive world" we build in our minds, this episode explores what happens when life simply doesn't go according to the blueprint.

Join Daiana and Cassandra as they play an interactive quiz breaking down real-life scenarios, discuss clinical concepts in plain language, and share their own summer highs, lows, and "wait, what?" moments.

In this episode, we explore:

The "Assumptive World": Why sudden pivots (like unexpected school changes or schedule collapses) trigger genuine grief responses.

Highs, Lows & "Wait, What?": Summer road trips, facing the pain of returning to meaningful places, and unexpected personal trivia.

Interactive Grief Quiz: Naming everyday hidden losses through real-world scenarios.

Living Loss Lessons: Moving toward radical acceptance when control is an illusion, and finding the courage to lean into grief rather than avoid it.

Resources Mentioned:

• Book: How Will I Ever Get Through This? Evidence-based Tools to Help You Heal from Hardship, Grief, and Loss by Dr. Lucy Hone.

Connect & Resources

Instagram: @thelivinglosspodcast Email: [email protected] (Guest inquiries & story submissions)

Support the Show: If this episode resonated with you, please subscribe and share it with a friend!

Work With Us 

Daiana Bernard, LMHC: MeaningfulTherapyFL.com | [email protected] (In-person Riverview, FL & FL Telehealth) 

Cassandra Harris-Towner: [email protected] (In-person Ocala, FL & FL Telehealth)

Disclaimer: This podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not a substitute for clinical care. Guest opinions are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the hosts or The Living Loss Podcast.

If this episode resonated with you, please subscribe, share with a friend, a prima, and leave a review. It helps us reach others who need to hear that their grief is valid.

While Daiana and Cassandra are behind the scenes preparing for Season 2, they wanted to keep the conversation going. This week, they are bringing you Part 2 of our 80’s Baby and cumulative grief conversation. Enjoy the episode, and they will be back with fresh content very soon!

In this replay, Cassandra and Daiana shift the conversation from simply surviving a chaotic generational timeline to intentionally living through it. Together, they explore how major events, from 9/11 and the 2008 recession to the COVID-19 pandemic, create delayed grief and hypervigilance in our nervous systems.

Learn why practicing "radical honesty" helps strip away shame, how the body holds onto trauma even when our minds try to power through, and how you can widen your window of tolerance by actively looking for micro-moments of safety, nostalgia, and joy.

Thank you for being part of our circle! If this episode resonated with you, please subscribe, follow, and share it with someone who might be carrying their loss in silence. Instagram: @thelivinglosspodcast  Email: [email protected]

If you’re interested in a consultation for individual therapy with Daiana Bernard, please reach out via email or visit the practice website below.

Email: [email protected] Website: MeaningfulTherapyFL.com Location: Riverview, FL, In-Person, and Telehealth serving clients throughout Florida.

If you’re interested in a consultation with Cassandra Harris-Towner please reach out via email or visit the practice website below. Email: [email protected] Website: firststridezcounseling.com Location: Ocala, FL, In-Person, and Telehealth serving clients throughout Florida.

• Defining the Heavy Stuff: The difference between collective grief (shared societal trauma) and cumulative grief (grief overload from back-to-back losses).

• The Window of Tolerance: Dr. Dan Siegel’s concept, and why our generation's baseline for "normal" has shifted, shrinking our capacity to cope.

• Parenting Through Chaos: Balancing the desire to protect our children's innocence with the necessity of preparing them for reality.

• The Duality of Healing: Finding glimpses of joy and peace when the world feels entirely out of our control.

Instagram: @thelivinglosspodcast  Email: [email protected]

If you’re interested in a consultation for individual therapy with Daiana Bernard, please reach out via email or visit the practice website below.

Email: [email protected] Website: MeaningfulTherapyFL.com Location: Riverview, FL, In-Person, and Telehealth serving clients throughout Florida.

If you’re interested in a consultation with Cassandra Harris-Towner please reach out via email or visit the practice website below. Email: [email protected] Website: firststridezcounseling.com Location: Ocala, FL, In-Person, and Telehealth serving clients throughout Florida.

Disclaimer: This podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes. While we are licensed mental health counselors, we are not your therapists, and this does not replace professional mental health care. If you need support, please reach out to a local professional.

In this special solo edition of The Living Loss Podcast, host Daiana Bernard, LMHC, steps to the mic for an intimate, heart-to-heart conversation in Spanglish. While taking a break between seasons, Daiana shares her personal journey as a Brooklyn-born Dominican-American navigating mental health, psychology, and el duelo in her first language.

Together, we break down what a "Living Loss" (pérdida en vida) really means and hold space for the unique, unspoken grief carried across first-generation experiences. From unpacking cultural definitions of loss to reframing survival mode, this episode offers a compassionate reminder that your pain is valid—even when nobody brings you flowers for it.

• Redefining Grief Beyond Bereavement: Unpacking how nuestra cultura often teaches us that el duelo only happens when someone passes away, and giving a name to the losses that happen while life goes on.
• The First-Gen Balancing Act: Navigating the complex emotional space of straddling two worlds and honoring the subtle grief of feeling ni de aquí, ni de allá.
• First-Gen Guilt & Setting Boundaries: Exploring the heavy guilt that often surfaces as we grow, set healthy boundaries, and choose to do things differently than our parents.
• Loss of Self & Unfulfilled Dreams: Acknowledging the silent pain of outgrowing old versions of yourself, grieving lost identity, or letting go of dreams that didn't materialize.
• Living Loss Lesson: Giving yourself full permission to validate your grief, step out of survival mode, and offer yourself self-compassion without judgment. Because at the end of the day, you can't heal what you don't acknowledge.

If this episode resonated with you, please subscribe, share with a friend, a prima, and leave a review. It helps us reach others who need to hear that their grief is valid.

"In our culture, we are often taught that el duelo only happens when someone passes away. But what about the losses that nobody brings you flowers for?"

— Daiana Bernard, LMHC

Disclaimer: This podcast is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional therapy.