February 2013 was about stepping back into life—but realising it isn’t always that simple.

In this chapter, I return to work for the first time since my diagnosis, reconnect with my team, and try to find a sense of normality again. From custody duties to familiar banter, it felt like I hadn’t been away—but underneath, things had changed.

This episode also explores the tougher moments. A hospital visit that puts everything into perspective, a stark reminder that life isn’t always fair, and the emotional weight that comes with that realisation.

I also open up about searching for answers—turning to faith, reflection, and conversations that helped me begin to process everything that had happened.

Alongside it all, I was throwing myself back into life—friends, responsibilities, and routines—perhaps a little too quickly.

This chapter is about perspective, purpose, and learning that getting your life back isn’t always a straight path.

Christmas and New Year should have been a time to celebrate—but cancer doesn’t take a holiday. From missing out on simple things like a drink at Christmas, to the emotional weight of leaving 2012 behind, this chapter reflects the quieter challenges of recovery.

In this episode, I share my first hospital appointment of 2013—where I was told the words I’d been waiting for: I could go back to work. A moment that hit harder than I expected, and felt like I was finally getting my life back.

But it didn’t stop there.

From stepping back into Scouting and taking on a major leadership role at Kandersteg, to rebuilding my strength in the gym, this was about more than recovery—it was about taking control again.

This chapter is about progress, purpose, and proving to myself: cancer does not control my life.

December 2012. My stag do, a weekend in Weymouth, and one of the most honest conversations I’ve ever had. From laughs, alcohol, and chaos to fear, anger, and facing mortality—this episode captures it all, just months after my diagnosis.

Seven weeks after my diagnosis, I finally felt like I was making progress. My treatment was working, and for the first time, I was given a break from hospital appointments—something that felt like a huge win.

But recovery isn’t just about the physical side.

In this episode, I talk about missing work, meeting my Guvnor Dave Bowers, and being reminded not to rush back. I also share the reality of boredom and isolation—and how finding a CML support group helped me feel less alone.

This chapter is about small wins, honest moments, and realising that even in the toughest times, you don’t have to face it on your own.

In this episode, I break down my cancer journey into five raw emotions: Fight, Fear, Fairness, Hate & Anger, and Acceptance.

When I was first diagnosed, my instinct was to fight — to beat it. But you can’t fight forever. Eventually, you get tired. Fear followed: fear of dying, fear of lifelong treatment, fear that my dream of becoming a police officer was over.

Then came the “why me?” stage — the unfairness of it all. I realised life isn’t fair, and I had a choice: stay stuck there, or step off the merry-go-round.

Hate and anger nearly changed who I was. That was my lowest point.

Acceptance became the turning point. Not giving up — but focusing on what I could control and letting go of what I couldn’t.

This episode is about resilience, perspective, and learning to live — even with the uncertainty of illness.

During one of the hardest chapters of my life, when most days were spent on the sofa with a cuppa and box sets, golf became part of my recovery.

Out on the course with my mate Tom — and occasionally Stevo — I found space to talk honestly about fear, illness and mental health. Tom was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes at eighteen. Fit and active, he was suddenly given life-changing news — but he didn’t let it define him. Since then, he’s climbed Kilimanjaro, built a family, renovated homes and continued living life fully.

Through simple conversations (sometimes over beer mats in the pub), Tom helped me realise something powerful: you can fight your illness forever, or you can learn to live with it.

This episode is about friendship, acceptance, resilience — and finding healing in unexpected places.

This episode is all about those little moments that kept me sane during the madness of October 2012. From lunch catch-ups in Richmond Park with my skipper-turned-good-mate Marc, to a curry night that ended early (thanks nausea and no booze), and hospital updates that made me realise this illness was going to run the show for a while. I share how I coped with the ups and downs — like awkward bus rides, dodging alcohol, and even a dodgy round of Top Golf with the lads. Most importantly, I talk about how my mates kept me grounded, never treating me like a patient but just “Kiwi” — taking the piss, sharing laughs, and reminding me I’m still me, even with cancer hanging around. Because sometimes, that’s what really keeps you going.

So, here’s a classic “Only bloody Kiwi” moment — I accidentally took half the dose of my Hydroxycarbamide meds for two weeks without realising. In this episode, I walk you through those early hospital visits at Hammersmith, the awkward “How have you been?” chats with doctors, and the “Oops, sorry Doc” moment when the mistake came out. I’ll share the fun side too — like curry nights in my bedroom with mates — and the tough stuff, like sleepless nights and feeling utterly helpless being signed off work for months. Plus, the bit where the doc drops some wisdom that actually sticks: you can’t control the numbers, but you can control taking your meds. One day, one tablet at a time.

Leaving hospital should feel like relief — but for me, it marked the moment everything became real.

In this chapter, I talk about being discharged after my diagnosis, the mix-ups, the medication that would now keep me alive, and the quiet weight that followed me out of the hospital doors. I reflect on my parents, the guilt, the fear, and the moment it truly hit me that this was not a short battle — it was life-long.

Coming home brought warmth, family, friends, and love — but also the first real signs of how chemotherapy would change everything. This is the chapter where the hospital stay ends, and the fight truly begins.

Up until this point, I’d been coping the only way I knew how — humour, sarcasm, and pretending I was fine. But there comes a moment where you can’t keep laughing, and you can’t keep ignoring how you really feel.

In this episode of The Lonely Road, I talk about the night I stopped being strong and reached out to Macmillan Cancer Support. About reading a simple leaflet that gave me clarity, structure, and hope when everything felt overwhelming. And about picking up the phone, calling a helpline, and finally letting everything out.

I didn’t need advice. I didn’t need fixing. I just needed someone to listen while I shouted, swore, cried, and said out loud how unfair cancer is. And that’s exactly what they did.

This episode is about vulnerability, mental health, and the power of being heard. It’s about the weight you carry when you try to be strong for everyone else — and what happens when you finally put it down, even just for a moment.

If you’re walking your own lonely road, this one’s for you. And if you’ve ever helped someone else walk theirs — thank you.