The single biggest social change of the last 50 years is also the most taboo to talk about: the disappearance of fathers. Throughout most of our history, family cohesion wasn’t just an abstract goal – to be pursued or not at a person’s convenience – but a necessary precursor to having children, backed by the force of law and reinforced by social stigmas. 

These changes have been most pronounced in the United States: where, in 1960, just 9% of children were born to unwed parents, today 40% are, with the result that America now leads the world in its rate of children living in single-parent households – 23%, compared to a global average of just 7%. Euphemisms like “single-parent households” obscure as much as they enlighten, for the reality is that 81% of those single-parent households are female-led. 

What does this father-absence bode for the United States? What do fathers contribute, and how will their lack be felt? And what does it mean for men, that so many of them are now missing out on one of life’s most important responsibilities?

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What does marriage mean in a postmodern world? By the numbers, things look bleak: fewer people are getting married than ever before, and they’re doing it later, almost as an afterthought. Birth rates have collapsed, smaller families are the norm, and dating has gradually become the pursuit of 30- and 40-something people chasing after their lost youth. 

How did marriage go from having a central role in our lives, a rite of passage most people experienced, to an antiquated, optional extra that only the rich seem still to be interested in? 

Does marriage still have a role to play in the 21st century? Do we want it to?

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The second half of the 20th century saw meteoric changes in the job market. Not only did we begin outsourcing and automating our manufacturing jobs, but women began to enter the workforce in ever-higher numbers.

The consequences of these developments on men have been profound. Male labour force participation has been on a steady decline for decades, and as men’s employment levels have dropped, so too have their marriage rates. Taking stock of these changes in the third decade of the 21st century, we can see that the consequences of these changes have transcended the labour market, and altered society itself.

Men – with fewer and fewer exceptions – are no longer breadwinners and providers. Women are no longer dependent on men for their livelihoods. While many men still chase status and career success, many more have beat a steady retreat into a life of quiet comfort, replacing time once spent raising a family with greater and greater leisure. 

Where do these changes leave us? Have they made us happier? And the most dangerous question of all: what role do we want men to play in the 21st century?

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In the modern dating world, everyone is free, and everyone is unhappy. Marriage and fertility rates have bottomed out, and record numbers of people are living alone, even into middle age.

Why do so many young people find dating unfulfilling, emotionally scarring, and deeply demoralizing? Why are young people having less sex? When did right-swipes replace flowers and late-night texts overtake phone calls? 

What are the assumptions men and women have of one another, and how do those assumptions play out in the age of Tinder and sex positivity, Instagram and OnlyFans? Is there any chance of calling a truce in the gender war, and finding some common ground, or will things continue to spiral?

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You wouldn’t know it from the coverage it gets, but there is at present a crisis in education, and it concerns boys. Dropout and disciplinary rates are both much higher among boys than girls, and boys’ lagging academic performance, over decades, has manifested in a chasmic college attendance gap. Worse still, all of these developments occurred at a time when manufacturing jobs were collapsing or being shipped overseas, making a college diploma a vital passport for entry into the middle class. 

Some of the blame belongs to changes in pedagogy, perhaps, but much also belongs to the wholesale adoption of a vogue ideology that treats boys and girls as interchangeable, malleable beings, equally adaptable to the requirements of classroom learning. The natural rambunctiousness of boys, their energy and their competitiveness, has too frequently been stamped out or pathologized or medicated away. 

What have we forgotten about educating young boys, and how can we turn things around? 

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The greatest untold story of the last 50 years concerns the diminishing role of men in public life, and the consequences of their failings on society at large. By almost every conceivable metric, men are falling behind or dropping out entirely. Their rates of high school graduation, college attendance and labor force participation are at or near all-time lows; their rates of drug and alcohol addiction, incarceration, and suicide at or near all-time highs. Less devastating but perhaps just as consequential has been the sea change in our culture, whose unwritten rules now leave men lost and confused rather than prepared for the demands of work, dating, family formation and old age. They are the Lost Boys.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit thebrokenworld.substack.com