The Loud Quiet - Empty Nest Living

Acts of kindness are the small, observant choices that take about 30 seconds and can turn someone's day around. So why do they feel so rare right now? On Clancy's morning walks, only about 60 percent of people wave or say hello back. Commutes turn into races, a friendly note on a windshield feels like a scam, and the algorithm keeps feeding us the worst of each other. If you've been wondering where all the kindness went, especially in this empty nest season, you're not imagining it.

We're Clancy and Rick Denton, empty nesters and co-authors of The Loud Quiet: Love, Laughter and Life in the Empty Nest, and in this episode we trade the stories that restored a little of our faith in people. A stranger who waved Clancy ahead in the checkout line. A fulfillment center worker who mailed back the truck keys Rick accidentally returned. A quick DM reply from a podcast host that ended with a compliment. We also get honest about how hard it is to be kind to the person you live with, especially during a sick week, and why scheduling kindness works better than waiting to feel it. Clancy reads a passage from Theo of Golden by Allen Levi, and we leave you with a real question: with World Kindness Day coming up on November 13, what could empty nesters do together to bring kindness back?

In this episode, you'll learn:

• Why acts of kindness feel so rare right now, starting with Clancy's morning walk count, where only about 60 percent of people wave or say hello back
• How the commute became the place many of us fall short on kindness, and why turning the other cheek on the road could stop most road rage moments
• Why it can be hardest to be kind to the person you live with, and what a sick week and a 5:40 a.m. alarm taught us
• How small acts of kindness start with being observant, from a stranger offering her spot in line to a warehouse worker mailing back lost truck keys
• Whether social media and the algorithm push us toward negativity, and how a 30 second DM reply proved kindness online still exists
• Why scheduling kindness works, from a family day of kindness to serving with your life group, plus the easiest daily habit: thanking your server
• What Theo of Golden by Allen Levi shows about quiet kindness, and our question for you about what empty nesters could do together

Mentioned in this episode:

Theo of Golden by Allen Levi https://link.amazon/B08aGbrkl (affiliate link)

📖 Our book is here! The Loud Quiet – Love, Laughter and Life in the Empty Nest https://www.theloudquiet.com

Got an idea for an act of kindness empty nesters could do together? Tell us in the Facebook group or leave us a voicemail on our website. https://www.facebook.com/groups/theloudquiet

🎧 Find all episodes, podcast apps, and YouTube links here:

 https://www.theloudquiet.com

CHAPTERS

00:00 Where has all the kindness gone

00:46 Why only 60 percent of people wave back

02:14 Commute kindness and turning the other cheek

06:54 Being kind to the person you live with

10:28 Small acts of kindness in the checkout line

11:29 A company mails back lost truck keys

14:59 Social media, the algorithm and negativity

17:58 A DM reply that made Clancy's day

21:04 Should you schedule kindness

22:02 Why you should always thank your server

27:18 Theo of Golden by Allen Levi

29:30 What can empty nesters do together

Want to be a guest on The Loud Quiet - Empty Nest Living? Send Rick and Clancy Denton a message on PodMatch: https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/theloudquiethost

Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed are those of the hosts and guests and should not be taken as legal, financial, or professional advice. Always consult with a qualified attorney, financial advisor, or other professional regarding your specific situation. The opinions expressed by guests are solely theirs and do not necessarily represent the views or positions of the host(s).

Mid-semester is when a lot of families start asking these questions.

What can a parent do after three weeks of silence? Why do so many students start struggling right around week six? And how do you support your student without stepping back into the driver’s seat?

Annamarie Tellez is the director for parent and family programs at the University of Arizona, where our daughter is a senior. Annamarie is also the parent of three Wildcats. Her office is where families go when they don’t know who to call, and she sees the same worries come up with every new class. This is our second conversation with a university family engagement leader.

What’s in this episode:

• What to do when you haven’t heard from your student
• Who to contact on campus when something feels off
• Why homesickness tends to show up around the six-week mark
• What helps a student find their people on a big campus
• How to support your student without taking over
• Why your second kid’s college experience may look nothing like the first
• How often families can expect to hear from the university

University of Arizona Parent & Family Programs https://uafamily.arizona.edu

📖 Our book is here! The Loud Quiet – Love, Laughter and Life in the Empty Nest https://www.theloudquiet.com

If your student has called home sounding a little different this semester, tell us how you handled it in the Facebook group. https://www.facebook.com/groups/theloudquiet

🎧 Find all episodes, podcast apps, and YouTube links here: https://www.theloudquiet.com

CHAPTERS

0:00 Welcome and our University of Arizona connection

1:16 Adjusting when the school updates stop

4:25 Where families turn for campus resources

6:39 Learning to step aside as a parent

9:20 Easing anxiety after you leave campus

11:53 When you haven’t heard from your student

14:40 Supporting your student without taking over

16:36 Why each kid’s college experience differs

19:17 Homesickness and finding a place on campus

22:58 How a club fair helped our daughter

25:17 How often families hear from the university

Want to be a guest on The Loud Quiet - Empty Nest Living? Send Rick and Clancy Denton a message on PodMatch: https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/theloudquiethost

Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed are those of the hosts and guests and should not be taken as legal, financial, or professional advice. Always consult with a qualified attorney, financial advisor, or other professional regarding your specific situation. The opinions expressed by guests are solely theirs and do not necessarily represent the views or positions of the host(s).

We just got back from Arizona. Another parents' weekend, another hike into the Grand Canyon. That trip sent us straight back to Episode 9, so we're bringing it back as a Greatest Hits episode.

We recorded it in our first few months as empty nesters, a mile and a half down the trail, not even sure the mics were on. If you can, turn on the video.

It was Tanner's last parents' weekend at ASU, and we said yes to everything he wanted to do. Then on to Tucson and Teagan, six weeks into college. This time she had every answer and led us all over campus.

What's in this episode:

• Empty trails on a Monday in September
• Tanner's final parents' weekend, and thirty-two-ounce buckets at Casa
• A Sunday with no flight to catch
• Saguaro National Park outside Tucson
• Teagan back at the restaurant from drop-off, talking nonstop
• All four of us at dinner together, in Arizona

📖 Our book is here! The Loud Quiet – Love, Laughter and Life in the Empty Nest https://www.theloudquiet.com

If your kid has started giving you the campus tour instead of the other way around, come tell us about it in the group. https://www.facebook.com/groups/theloudquiet

🎧 Find all episodes, podcast apps, and YouTube links here: https://www.theloudquiet.com

CHAPTERS

0:00 Back from Arizona, back to this one

1:02 A mile and a half down the Grand Canyon trail

3:21 Tanner's last parents' weekend at ASU

5:25 Thirty-two-ounce buckets at Casa

8:09 A Sunday with no flight home

11:48 Saguaro National Park outside Tucson

13:40 Working East Coast hours from Scottsdale

19:01 Back to the restaurant from drop-off

20:43 Teagan leads the campus tour

22:40 The last child and what's next

26:22 All four of us at dinner

29:03 Parents' weekend on the U of Arizona quad

Want to be a guest on The Loud Quiet - Empty Nest Living? Send Rick and Clancy Denton a message on PodMatch: https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/theloudquiethost

Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed are those of the hosts and guests and should not be taken as legal, financial, or professional advice. Always consult with a qualified attorney, financial advisor, or other professional regarding your specific situation. The opinions expressed by guests are solely theirs and do not necessarily represent the views or positions of the host(s).

Rick gave Clancy a trip to Los Angeles for Christmas, and we finally took it in September.

This is our first trip as just the two of us since Mexico last year. The whole thing was built around one concert. The biggest highlight came from a tour Clancy found the Tuesday before we left, after our original plan fell through. That tour got us into hidden places on the Sunset Strip and the stories behind them, the kind you'd walk right past on your own.

We also get into where we stayed, where we ate, and where to sit (and not sit) at the Hollywood Palladium. If you're thinking about a trip for two, especially one that doesn't have to wait for a school break, this is our list.

What's in this episode:

• Our first book club, and the discussion guide we built for book clubs
• Why our gifts have shifted toward experiences
• The Sunset Strip rock and roll tour that became the highlight of the trip
• A rare book store with a signed Jaws screenplay
• LA's mocktail menus and a cocktail inspired by Dean Martin
• Griffith Park, the Hollywood sign, and a wander up Rodeo Drive
• Dinner six tables deep in a chef's own kitchen
• Santa Monica to Venice on foot, and brunch
• Peter Hook at the Hollywood Palladium
• Skip the rental car and fly out of Burbank

Places and experiences mentioned in the episode:

Rock and Walk Tours https://rocknwalktours.com/

Jeff Lewis Live show https://www.siriusxm.com/channels/the-jeff-lewis-channel

BookSoup https://booksoup.com/

Rare book store https://www.mysterypierbooks.com/

Montrose at Beverly Hills https://www.montrosewesthollywood.com/

WeHo Bistro https://www.wehobistro.com/

Bar Next Door https://www.barnextdoor.com/

Da Barbara https://barbarapollastrini.com/

Met Her At A Bar https://www.metheratabar.com/

Katana LA https://www.katanarobata.com/

Book Club Guide (in FAQs) https://theloudquiet.com/book/

📖 Our book is here! The Loud Quiet – Love, Laughter and Life in the Empty Nest https://www.theloudquiet.com

Got your own LA favorites, or questions about ours? Share them with us in the Facebook group. https://www.facebook.com/groups/theloudquiet

🎧 Find all episodes, podcast apps, and YouTube links here: https://www.theloudquiet.com

CHAPTERS

00:00 Thank you to our first book club

01:30 A Christmas gift and couples trip

04:15 The Sunset Strip rock and roll tour

10:48 Rare books and a signed Jaws screenplay

14:56 LA's mocktail menus and Bar Next Door

17:21 Griffith Park hike and Beverly Hills

20:56 Dinner in Da Barbara's home kitchen

25:03 Santa Monica, Venice and brunch

27:39 Peter Hook at the Hollywood Palladium

32:37 Uber, Burbank and traveling in September

Want to be a guest on The Loud Quiet - Empty Nest Living? Send Rick and Clancy Denton a message on PodMatch: https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/theloudquiethost

Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed are those of the hosts and guests and should not be taken as legal, financial, or professional advice. Always consult with a qualified attorney, financial advisor, or other professional regarding your specific situation. The opinions expressed by guests are solely theirs and do not necessarily represent the views or positions of the host(s).

John Infortunio writes about his father's Alzheimer's, and he chose fiction over memoir to do it. On this episode, he tells us why a character can hold what a memoir can't.

John is a lifelong educator, a native Brooklynite, and the author of two novels drawn from his own life. We get into how he balances that authenticity with fiction, what actually happens in his editing process, and how growing up in a tight-knit Brooklyn neighborhood shaped the way he writes.

He also talks about caretaking for his aging parents while raising his son, and what it took to stop comparing his son's twenties to his own.

What's in this episode:

• Why John chose fiction over memoir for his father's Alzheimer's
• How he balances personal authenticity with writing fiction
• His editing process, what gets cut and what gets built up
• Growing up in a community-rich Brooklyn neighborhood
• Caretaking for his parents while raising his son and building a career
• Letting go of comparing his son's twenties to his own
• Watching his son grow into his own political and social views

You can find John's books, Destroyed by the Events of the Day and Today Was Tomorrow, on Amazon https://link.amazon/B0dthUWCe (Amazon affiliate link), barnesandnoble.com, and Walmart.com.

Follow him on Instagram @johninfortunio.

📖 Our book is here! The Loud Quiet – Love, Laughter and Life in the Empty Nest https://www.theloudquiet.com

Distance, protection, and letting go show up in different ways in this one. Join the conversation in our Facebook group. https://www.facebook.com/groups/theloudquiet

🎧 Find all episodes, podcast apps, and YouTube links here: https://www.theloudquiet.com

CHAPTERS

00:00 Why fiction, not memoir, for his father's Alzheimer's

02:58 Hiding behind characters for emotional protection

04:02 Balancing authenticity while still writing fiction

04:21 Editing as the real filter for truth

06:12 Trusting instinct instead of staying guarded

08:23 How teaching shaped his approach to writing

10:44 Growing up in a tight-knit Brooklyn community

14:57 Caretaking for aging parents while raising his son

22:06 Letting go of comparing his son's twenties to his own

25:19 Watching his son grow into social and political awareness

28:22 Healthy disagreement and pushback with grown kids

Want to be a guest on The Loud Quiet - Empty Nest Living? Send Rick and Clancy Denton a message on PodMatch: https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/theloudquiethost

Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed are those of the hosts and guests and should not be taken as legal, financial, or professional advice. Always consult with a qualified attorney, financial advisor, or other professional regarding your specific situation. The opinions expressed by guests are solely theirs and do not necessarily represent the views or positions of the host(s)

This is the second half of their relationship check in, questions Rick and Clancy come back to when it's been too long since the last one. They continue with the 5 love languages conversation, their lowest-ranked ones this time, and move into bigger questions about what the next five to ten years look like.

It's easy to assume things are fine because nothing's actively wrong. A check-in surfaces what's actually going on underneath that, the parts that don't come up on their own until someone asks directly.

What's in this episode:

• The different types of physical touch, and why "bedroom touch" isn't the whole picture
• Rick's lowest love language, receiving gifts, and why he doesn't reach for it naturally
• An old flowers misunderstanding that lasted a lot longer than it should have
• Travel, work, retirement, and where they might live next
• A timing gap in a relocation decision that came up mid-conversation

The check-in questions from this two-part series:

1. Are we still on the same page about how we want to spend our time, such as more togetherness or more independence?

2. What's one thing about our day to day life together that's working really well right now? And what's one thing that you would change?

3. Do we still talk about things other than logistics, the house, the finances, the kids? When is the last time that we've had a conversation that wasn't about a task?

4. What's one way you feel loved right now and one way you wish you felt more loved?

5. What does the next five to ten years look like for us? Travel, work, retirement, relocating.

6. What does staying connected to our now grown kids look like? And are we on the same page around boundaries and involvement?

📖 Our book is here! The Loud Quiet – Love, Laughter and Life in the Empty Nest https://www.theloudquiet.com

If this episode has you thinking about your own check-in questions, our Facebook group is a good place to talk through them with other empty nesters. https://www.facebook.com/groups/theloudquiet

🎧 Find all episodes, podcast apps, and YouTube links here: https://www.theloudquiet.com

CHAPTERS

00:00 Five Love Languages Recap

03:30 Different Types of Touch Explained

06:00 Clancy's Highest: Comforting Touch

07:06 Rick's Lowest: Receiving Gifts

09:30 The Flowers Misunderstanding

13:30 Looking Toward The Next Decade

15:43 Relocating Versus Staying Near Kids

20:36 The Timing They Hadn't Discussed

21:41 Why The Check-In Matters

Want to be a guest on The Loud Quiet - Empty Nest Living? Send Rick and Clancy Denton a message on PodMatch:https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/theloudquiethost

Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed are those of the hosts and guests and should not be taken as legal, financial, or professional advice. Always consult with a qualified attorney, financial advisor, or other professional regarding your specific situation. The opinions expressed by guests are solely theirs and do not necessarily represent the views or positions of the host(s).

What does a relationship check-in look like in the empty nest? This episode, Rick and Clancy go through their actual check-in questions. Unrehearsed. Real reactions.

They cover togetherness versus independence, what's working day to day and what they'd change, and whether they still talk about anything besides logistics and the kids. Then they get into the five love languages, comparing results and where they overlap and where they don't. Part two picks up with their lowest-ranked love languages and what the next five to ten years might look like.

Want to run these check-in questions with your own partner? Here they are:

1. Are we still on the same page about how we want to spend our time, such as more togetherness or more independence?

2. What's one thing about our day to day life together that's working really well right now? And what's one thing that you would change?

3. Do we still talk about things other than logistics, the house, the finances, the kids? When is the last time that we've had a conversation that wasn't about a task?

4. What's one way you feel loved right now and one way you wish you felt more loved?

5. What does the next five to ten years look like for us? Travel, work, retirement, relocating.

6. What does staying connected to our now grown kids look like? And are we on the same page around boundaries and involvement?

Want to find your own love language? Take the quiz here: https://5lovelanguages.com/

Our book, The Loud Quiet – Love, Laughter and Life in the Empty Nest, is available now. https://www.theloudquiet.com

Join our Facebook group for empty nesters and tell us how your own check-in goes. https://www.facebook.com/groups/theloudquiet

🎧 Find all episodes, podcast apps, and YouTube links here: https://www.theloudquiet.com

CHAPTERS

00:00 Why relationship check-ins fade over time

02:15 Pre-crisis intervention vs annual check-in

03:29 Question 1: togetherness or independence

10:19 Question 2: what's working, what they'd change

14:27 Question 3: conversations beyond logistics

19:37 Question 4: how they feel loved, beginning 5 love languages

20:56 Clancy's top love language: acts of service

24:08 Rick's top love language: words of affirmation

26:18 Quality time, dreaming, and shared goals

Want to be a guest on The Loud Quiet - Empty Nest Living? Send Rick and Clancy Denton a message on PodMatch: https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/theloudquiethost

Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed are those of the hosts and guests and should not be taken as legal, financial, or professional advice. Always consult with a qualified attorney, financial advisor, or other professional regarding your specific situation. The opinions expressed by guests are solely theirs and do not necessarily represent the views or positions of the host(s).

Your student isn't the only one at college who has someone in their corner, you might too, if you know who to call.

Heather Deere spends her days on the other end of the phone calls families make when they can't tell if their student is really doing okay three states away. She's the Director of Family Engagement & Student Affairs Communications at William & Mary. In this episode, she walks Rick and Clancy through her coaching model, the shift from directing a student to consulting with one, and why she tells every incoming family that senior year is a sweet chapter nobody should rush through.

What you'll learn in this episode:

• Why William & Mary uses a coaching model for their family engagement approach
• The most common calls Heather fields from families in the first six weeks
• How Heather's own first-gen college experience shapes her advice to families today
• Why she tells families to let their student take their foot off the gas senior year
• The one question to ask before stepping in to handle something for your student

Want to learn more about William & Mary's family engagement approach? Visit wm.edu/families or follow along on Instagram at WM_families.

📖 Our book is here! The Loud Quiet – Love, Laughter and Life in the Empty Nest https://www.theloudquiet.com

Join the conversation in our Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theloudquiet

🎧 Find all episodes, podcast apps, and YouTube links here: https://www.theloudquiet.com

CHAPTERS

00:00 Introducing Heather Deere and William & Mary

01:11 What a coaching model means for families

04:15 Day-to-day calls families actually make

06:26 How differently each kid communicates

08:04 Being a first-gen student shapes her approach

12:10 Encouraging families to enjoy senior year

16:33 What families really feel during move-in

21:14 Common issues in the first semester

23:44 Retroactive guilt over old advice26:31 The question to ask before stepping in

31:55 Where to learn more about William & Mary

Want to be a guest on The Loud Quiet - Empty Nest Living? Send Rick and Clancy Denton a message on PodMatch: https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/theloudquiethost

Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed are those of the hosts and guests and should not be taken as legal, financial, or professional advice. Always consult with a qualified attorney, financial advisor, or other professional regarding your specific situation. The opinions expressed by guests are solely theirs and do not necessarily represent the views or positions of the host(s).

A solo move-in for Teagan and a podcasting conference happened back to back this month, and together they got Rick and Clancy thinking bigger than they have in a while.

The move-in was their tenth, routine on paper, but still came with new lessons. The conference is where the muse appeared.

Conversations with fellow attendees, several of them empty nesters themselves, left Rick and Clancy with a clearer sense of how much appetite there is for real connection.

That's what sparked the idea to take this beyond the microphone. Meetups. Happy hours. Retreats. Group travel. Nothing is decided yet, and that's intentional.

What would YOU want to see the empty nest community grow into? Head to the podcast page at https://podcast.theloudquiet.com/ and leave a voicemail. Every one gets listened to, and yours might end up on a future episode.

📖 Our book is here! The Loud Quiet – Love, Laughter and Life in the Empty Nest https://www.theloudquiet.com✈️

Learn more about the brilliant podcast Two Guys On A Plane https://twoguysonaplane.com/

Got an idea for what this community should become? Tell us in the group. https://www.facebook.com/groups/theloudquiet

🎧 Find all episodes, podcast apps, and YouTube links here: https://www.theloudquiet.com

CHAPTERS

00:05 Teagan's Solo Move-In Begins

01:35 Lessons From The Tenth Move-In

03:33 Wondering If She'll Want A Roommate Again

05:04 Straight From Move-In To A Conference

06:55 Feeling Re-Energized About The Business

07:59 Gratitude For This Community

09:45 Why Empty Nest Identity Resonates

11:20 New Ideas Start Taking Shape

12:33 Meetups, Retreats, And Real Life Events

13:23 Exploring Group Travel Together

14:41 Leave A Voicemail With Your Ideas

Want to be a guest on The Loud Quiet - Empty Nest Living? Send Rick and Clancy Denton a message on PodMatch: https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/theloudquiethost

Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed are those of the hosts and guests and should not be taken as legal, financial, or professional advice. Always consult with a qualified attorney, financial advisor, or other professional regarding your specific situation. The opinions expressed by guests are solely theirs and do not necessarily represent the views or positions of the host(s).

Rick and Clancy started rewriting their wills this year, and that's what led them to Jill McClennen, a death doula, who says you don't have to be dying to use one.

"It's also that with a death doula, you don't actually have to be dying to use a death doula. We really actually are probably more effective if we would work with people earlier on." - Jill

In this episode:

-Why death doulas are non-medical and work alongside hospice, not in place of it

-How to know when it's actually time to bring in hospice or a death doula, and why most families wait too long

-What to look for when choosing a death doula, including the questions worth asking before you hire one

-How Jill helps families avoid the fighting and conflict that often show up around end-of-life decisions

-How faith and religion factor into her work with different families

-How she protects her own mental health doing this work full time

You can find Jill and her work at End of Life Clarity: https://www.endoflifeclarity.com/

Her podcast, Seeing Death Clearly, is here: https://www.endoflifeclarity.com/seeing-death-clearly-podcast/

📖 Our book, The Loud Quiet – Love, Laughter and Life in the Empty Nest, is here: https://www.theloudquiet.com

Redoing our own wills is what got us into this conversation in the first place, and we know a lot of you are somewhere in that same process. Come talk through it with us in the group.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/theloudquiet

🎧 Find all episodes, podcast apps, and YouTube links here: https://www.theloudquiet.com

CHAPTERS

00:00 Why we're talking about death doulas

01:52 What led Jill to become a death doula

05:06 What death doula training actually looks like

08:41 Why death doulas are becoming more mainstream

12:03 You don't have to be dying to call one

14:50 How to choose the right death doula

16:31 The hospice timing mistake, and gifting a doula

19:25 Navigating faith and religion at the end of life

21:35 How a death doula works alongside hospice

25:44 Protecting her own mental health in this work

30:10 Why she also hosts a death and dying podcast

Want to be a guest on The Loud Quiet - Empty Nest Living? Send Rick and Clancy Denton a message on PodMatch:https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/theloudquiethost

Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed are those of the hosts and guests and should not be taken as legal, financial, or professional advice. Always consult with a qualified attorney, financial advisor, or other professional regarding your specific situation. The opinions expressed by guests are solely theirs and do not necessarily represent the views or positions of the host(s).