The Global Circus in 30 Seconds:

• Tokyo: BOJ yeets billions to rescue the freefalling Yen. Result? A goldfish defibrillator. "Durability of a soap bubble in a hurricane."
• New York: Tech stocks party like Scrooge McDuck 🦆 on steroids. Powell rains on parade: "Rate cuts? LOL. Stay scared."
• London: Eurozone inflation steps on a Lego. ECB: "Désolé, no baguette subsidies today." Euro vs. Dollar = chihuahua vs. grizzly bear.
• Hong Kong: Property sector plays Debt Jenga (spoiler: crash). Copper prices sigh: "Why bother?"
• Friday: Markets limp toward cocktails. Copper "dead-cat bounces" (cat still dead).

🎪 Finale:

"Global markets: a clown car careening downhill, driven by central bankers arguing over maps. Hajime Tanaka invests in memes 🇯🇵. Pierre becomes an alpaca farmer 🇫🇷. Monday’s forecast? Bring popcorn. And a helmet."

⚠️ DISCLAIMER: ~78% exaggeration, 20% caffeine, 2% actual sentiment. Not financial advice (unless you’re trading comedy tickets).