With Apologies to Dr Seuss.
Every Hu-man
Down in Hu-ville
Liked Christmas a lot…
But the Martian,
Who lived just North of Hu-ville,
Did NOT!
The Martian hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!
Now, please don’t ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be that his eyeballs weren’t screwed in quite right.
It could be, perhaps, that he held his raygun too tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that he saw red at sight of santa’s smalls.
But,
Whatever the reason, The gun or the smalls,
He stood there on Christmas Eve, hating the Hu-mans,
Staring down from his cave with a sour, Martian frown
At the warm lighted windows below in their town.
For he knew every Hu-man down in Hu-ville beneath
Was busy now, hanging a mistleoe wreath.
“And they’re hanging their stockings!” he snarled with a sneer.
“Tomorrow is Christmas! It’s practically here!”
Then he growled, with his martian fingers nervously drumming,
“I MUST find a way to keep Christmas from coming!”
For, tomorrow, he knew…
…All the Hu-man girls and boys
Would wake up bright and early. They’d rush for their toys!
And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the noise! Noise! Noise! Noise!
That’s one thing he hated! The NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!
Then the Hu-mans, young and old, would sit down to a feast.
And they’d feast! And they’d feast!
And they’d FEAST! FEAST! FEAST! FEAST!
They would start on Hu-pudding, and rare Hu-roast-beast
Which was something the Martian couldn’t stand in the least!
And THEN
They’d do something he liked least of all!
Every Hu-man down in Hu-ville, the tall and the small,
Would stand close together, with Christmas bells ringing.
They’d stand hand-in-hand. And the Hu-mans would start singing!
They’d sing! And they’d sing!
AND they’d SING! SING! SING! SING!
And the more the Martian thought of the Hu-Christmas-Sing
The more the Martian thought, “I must stop this whole thing!
“Why for four hundred years I’ve put up with it now!
I MUST stop Christmas from coming!
…But HOW?”
Then he got an idea!
An awful idea!
THE MARTIAN
GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!
“I know just what to do!” The Martian Laughed in his throat.
And he made a quick Santy Claus hat and a coat.
And he chuckled, and clucked, “What a great Martian trick!
“With this coat and this hat, I’ll look just like Saint Nick!”
“All I need is a reindeer…”
The Martian looked around.
But since reindeer are scarce, there was none to be found.
Did that stop the old Martian…?
No! The Martian simply said,
“If I can’t find a reindeer, I’ll make one instead!”
So he called his dog Max. Then he took some red thread
And he tied a big horn on top of his head.
THEN
He loaded a sheep-ray to take care of Saint Nick
And some old empty sacks
On a ramshakle sleigh
And he hitched up old Max.
Then the Martian said, “Giddyap!”
And the sleigh started down
Toward the homes where the Hu-mans
Lay a-snooze in their town.
All their windows were dark. Quiet snow filled the air.
All the Hu-mans were all dreaming sweet dreams without care
When he came to the first house in the square.
“This is stop number one,” The old Martian Claus hissed
And he climbed to the roof, empty bags in his fist.
Then he slid down the chimney. A rather tight pinch.
He got stuck only once, for a moment or two.
Then he pulled out his death ray and blew up the flue
He plopped to the ground where little Hu- stockings all hung in a row.
“These stockings,” he grinned, “are the first things to go!”
Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant,
Around the whole room, and he took every present!
Pop guns! And bicycles! Roller skates! Drums!
Checkerboards! Tricycles! Popcorn! And plums!
And to cover his tracks, then the Martian, very nimb[...]
