The Mating Grounds Podcast

In this Q&A episode, Tucker Max, Nils Parker, and Dr. Geoff Miller explain the internal worries (How am I doing? Does she like me?) that many guys have on first dates and how to replace those thoughts with more effective ones (How can I have fun? What is interesting about her?). Also, check out the psychology of choking in our Choke Book Notes or buy the book here.

Also, Tucker, Charlie, and Nils have spent the last two months answering this question on the Helping Joe series. It’s one of Joe’s biggest problems. Listen to Episode 4 and Episode 5 especially.

This episode is sponsored by Dude Wipes, the first flushable wipes for men. Check them out on Amazon for free shipping and sales this month.

In this Q&A episode, Tucker Max, Nils Parker, and Dr. Geoff Miller explain that alcohol lowers your inhibitions and the worries about what others will think or how you will look, which all get in the way of being funny. There may be a deeper problem with your social skills, confidence, or shame. These can all be fixed (check out our other podcasts for more in depth advice).

This episode is a continuation of Episode 7. Tucker Max, Charlie Hoehn, and Joe try to regroup and talk about Joe's other dates that he went on, but they get right back to emotional issues that caused him to completely lose confidence in himself on a different date. The reason for this is absolutely ridiculous. You will laugh when listening to it.

Joe thought this girl was out of his league and rejected himself even though she was into him. There are a lot of lessons to be learned from his mistake about attraction, understanding women, and giving yourself the chance to succeed.

This Bad Advice is from old people who are angry about new technology like texting. 20 years ago when calling was the default, this advice would have been valid. Now the default is texting, especially for young people.

The data shows that many women under 30 think calling is an intrusion of privacy and inconvenient or rude. To them, you are not more manly, courageous, or gentlmanly. You are just weird.

This is why understanding social groups is so important. Everything you do is contingent on that. Whatever is normal to do in that group is what you should be doing:

• If you are in your 40s asking out a woman in her 30s or 40s, call her.
• If you are in your 20s asking out a woman in her 20s, text her.

In this Q&A episode, Tucker Max, Nils Parker, and Dr. Geoff Miller break apart this question, the details he gave, and the assumptions he is making. They explain how if you see a guy who is to be subservient to or "pussy whipped" by his girlfriend or wife, you are only looking at a small part of their relationship and making assumptions based just on that. It's unlikely that you know their entire relationship history and all the dynamics going on.

Sometimes, a woman is just awful or the man has given up too much control and dominance in a relationship (No More Mr. Nice guy is a great analysis of this problem). But ask yourself, "Why is this happening in the first place and why is he still with her?" Staying in that relationship is a choice that as a man you have to take responsibility for.

If you live in a very racist state (Arizona) or city (Boston) move!

In this Q&A Tucker Max, Dr. Geoff Miller, and Nils Parker explain how sometimes the problem is 100% your mating market and not you. If that’s the case and you want to be successful with women, you need to leave.

In week 7 of Helping Joe, Tucker Max and Charlie Hoehn dig into Joe's mess of emotional issues after he has a great date, but ruins it by blowing off the girl he liked. What starts off as a small celebration with good tactical advice gets heated (Tucker gets angry) after they learn what Joe texted after. They rummage through some of his emotional baggage and explain how his fears are crippling his mating opportunities. As Tucker put it, “Joe is a wantrepreneur with women."

This is the idea that the right way to get over a bad breakup, when you feel like shit, is to just sleep with other girls. It's actually only half wrong. For more long-term relationships, where you loved your girlfriend and were together for a while, it's awful advice.

In this episode, we talk about how sleeping around in response to a sad breakup pushes off pain that you need to feel. These emotions are inevitable. It’s better to address them upfront. We talk about how to do this and how humans heal in groups.

Both men and woman can have difficulty realizing they are more attractive after a big positive change like losing weight. In this Q&A Tucker Max, Dr. Geoff Miller, and Nils Parker talk about how to accept and believe you that you are more attractive by getting feedback from women, starting small with exposure therapy, and testing your mating market.

In modern society, there is little threat of violence day-to-day. So how you do you display the Defender part of the Tender Defender model to women? In this Q&A Tucker Max, Dr. Geoff Miller, and Nils Parker break down a big assumption of being a Defender (It’s not all about violence.) and explain the many ways you can be a Defender without fighting. A better way to look at it is being an Effective Provider can solve her problems.