This is ment as a comforting episode for anyone who might feel Xmas is a challenging time.

But I also wanted to tell an entertaining story about my personal Xmas celebration, alone, with boil-in-bag Xmas dinner for one...

Sad and patheic you think? Listen to the episode and find out.

I end this episode by playing my own Xmas song, written to comfort myself, and others. It is called "Angel´s peace".

Go to AGNOmuse.com for more of my music.

Follow my podcast at MedicatedAngel.com

Or get in touch with me at "The Medicated Angel podcast" facebookpage: https://www.facebook.com/TheMedicatedAngel/

I used to HATE to be alone.

It was my biggest FEAR, because I kind of felt I did not exist. And alone, I was left with my EXISTENTIAL ANXIETY...

Then at some point it changed. Perhaps because I got used to having to manage on my own, or maybe I got a better sense of self.

Anyway, at some point I started NEEDING to be on my own for a certain amount of time.

I NEEDED to be ALONE! Preferably in nature, to "connect with myself»… and feel better about BEING.

I felt BETTER about myself this way.

THEN my social life changed. I got to know more people, and this way I got myself some close friends.

I now realise I need both worlds.

I CRAVE the social world!

I CRAVE being able to express myself with other people. (And sometimes I feel I express myself TOO much, especially after a long period of SOLO-time, where I only have my cat to talk to...).

But I also often feel guilty when I have an invitation to a social event, at a time when I REALLY need some SOLO-time. And if I decline, I get scared the invitations will stop coming in. Because I SORELY remember the times when my solitude was NOT voluntary.

AND, when you have been involuntary on "the outside of society" for some time, and you have felt like a "mistake", or some sort of freak, (in loss of better words)...

Then ONE coping mechanism could be to try convince yourself that it´s not YOU that is "wrong", it is the rest...

But unfortunately that does not work for me too long...haha.

I must admit though, that I often try that approach after a period of feeling dysfunctional.

I guess it´s just a way of trying to ease into the future of being a "Crazy cat-lady»…

WELL, unfortunately I am a social creature, and though I actually am in a position where I do not really have to be a part of society… (Freedom?/ Responsibility?/ Challenge? /Pain?)… I Need to be... I think…

So now, I am again entering a social scene, (other than the jams, and open mic´s, which are really just events out of the ordinary). And I have already faced some of the challenging situations that one will face in society.

Question is: Will it be worth it to "power through" those challenges, or should I just submit to the life "Outside of society"?

This is my fourth attempt to make this spesific episode, and I decided to post this one no matter how it turned out, as I need to break the cycle of getting to critical about my episodes, so I don´t stop posting episodes all together.

In this episode i will tell you about books I have read in my life, that has impacted me positively.

Be warned, there will be some far out theories too, wheather there is thruth in them or not.

I will mention Lucid dreaming, near death experiences, and authors/researchers as Eckhart Tolle, Neal Donald Walch, Robert Monroe and

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross.

Then you can have a listen to mysong "TOO CUTE" that I made right before Halloween last year, and watch the musicvideo I made at HALLOWEEN by checking this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QslvE2vGOBU

As I have talked about in earlier episodes, I am going to report every now and then about my experiences with antidepressants, you know; "With or Without you" and such...

Both to help myself while I reduce or taper off the "medicine", but also to provide information and personal experience for others who might be concidering doing the same, or even concidering starting up on Antidepressants.

I do this in hopes to be of help and assistance to someone else.

But DO NOTE that this is just my own personal experience, which might be of use, BUT we are all different, with different needs, and will have a different experience of, and tolerance for the same things.

So draw what is of use to you (like for instance recognizing yourself in what I talk about), but continue research to find the best possible sollution for YOU! It might be different from what is the best for me.

I recently read an article at The Guardian.com called: "Does Prozac help artists be creative", by Alex Preston.

https://www.theguardian.com/culture/2013/may/19/does-prozac-help-artists-be-creative

In this article you get the perspective from different artists who has been on, ore still are on some sort of Antidepressant.

Some says it reduces their creativity, some said it helped them manage to be creative again after severe depression.

Some others again said it helped them, but whatever they created on the "medicine" was no good.

This article made me yet again thinking about continuing the tapering, and reduce even more. But how to know what you will get?

Will you get more depressed again, unable to do anything, or will the creative spark come back?

Does one have to choose between being creative or leading an emotionally stable life?

I discuss this in this episode.

Feel free to give me feedback at The Medicated Angel Podcasts Facebookpage, or at MedicatedAngel.com

PS: I forgot to tell you WHAT the humming noise was. But then again, you can find out by watching the video at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wkspq8XVmBo

In this episode: I originally thought I would be an anonomous Podcaster, in order to be even more FREE in my expression. But then I thought: What do I have to lose, and what to gain? CLAIMING MY PLACE & LEAVING A TRACE!

How is it to grow up with all the social media portals, plastic surgery and loads of caffeinated drinks?

I feel sorry for the new generation´s nervous systems!

When is critisism necessary, and when is it just putting someone else down for no good reason?

Who is a real philosopher? Should one crave the steady normal, or the creative "Je ne sais qui"? This will be an extended philosophy-session about this.

The secret extra plan I had for this podcast was to use it as a security system, and outlet while tapering off Antidepressants. And hopefully provide useful information to other people going through the same thing. Wish me luck!

To be both Extroverted, AND a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), leads to alot of inner conflicts and feelings of guilt.