In this wickedly inventive episode , we dive into the surreal tale of Dr. Sylvia Samsa, the esteemed Chief of Surgery who awakens one morning to discover she's been transformed into... synthetic surgical mesh. Yes, you read that correctly.

Follow Dr. Samsa's existential crisis as she finds herself inexplicably stretched across Hesselbach's triangle during a hernia repair, unable to alert her own surgical team to her predicament. With dark humor worthy of Kafka himself, we explore her dawning horror as she realizes she's about to be permanently implanted in a patient's groin while the entire hospital searches for her missing human form.

Five years after her mysterious "disappearance," Dr. Samsa lives on only as a hospital ghost story and the inexplicable sobbing that emanates from the surgical supply cabinet. This episode brilliantly blends medical gallows humor with philosophical questions about identity and professional legacy.

Perfect listening for surgical residents on their coffee breaks... if they dare open the mesh cabinet afterward.

Written by Leo A. Gordon, MD, the American Bard of Medicine. Produced and directed by Dan Gardner, MD

Join sportscaster Chuck "The Mouth" Morrison and former orthopedic surgeon Dr. Phil McCracken as they bring you the slowest-paced action in sports entertainment! This week's episode features a pickleball showdown between aging rivals Jon and Bob ("The Still Got It Squad") versus Stu and Larry ("We Can't Remember What the Score or Who is Serving").

Witness four senior citizens with questionable eyesight, diminishing reflexes, and undiminished trash-talking abilities battle it out on the pickleball court. Marvel at their ability to forget the score every 45 seconds! Cringe at their politically incorrect jokes! Admire their tenacity in the face of impending knee replacements!

This episode contains: dubious medical advice, inappropriate Viagra references, complaints about body parts you didn't know could hurt, and enough dad jokes to make your teenagers run screaming from the room. Not recommended for listeners with taste, decorum, or respect for the elderly.

WARNING: Contains language that was considered mildly risqué in 1975 and references to anatomical procedures that will make you uncomfortable at your next doctor's appointment.

Subscribe now – before these guys forget how to play altogether!

(Produced by Dan Gardner, MD from a recorded pickleball game and assistance from Claude AI)

This humorous dissertation written and read by Leo A. Gordon, MD presents ten "laws of physics" that humorously explain the frustrations and challenges of laparoscopic surgery, attributing them to famous physicists who never actually created these principles.

Heisenberg's Principle of Indeterminacy: The location of the radiology technician at the time of cholangiography is indeterminate.

Thomson's Principle of Negatively Charged Particles: The passage of an x-ray through an empty cassette generates no data.

Schrodinger's Theory of Wave Mechanics: A clamped irrigation system will not allow irrigation fluid to flow.

Descartes's Vortex Theory: All cables and tubing become intertwined despite logical arrangement.

Bradley's Aberration of Light Theory: A laparoscopic light source is ineffective if not plugged in.

Boltzman's Theory of Entropy and Probability: The preceding case will be 20% longer than scheduled, represented by the formula C = P + (T + .2T) + L.

Lavoisier's Law of Gas Insufflation: The rate of insufflation is inversely proportional to the number of laparoscopic cases following in that room.

Bunsen's Law of Reciprocity: If you tie your assistant up on a lengthy laparoscopic case, they will do the same to you at the most inconvenient time.

Cavendish's Law of Condensation: Despite all preventive measures, the laparoscope lens will be obscured by condensation.

Einstein's Theory of Laparoscopic Relativity: Motion, space, and time cease to exist after the second hour of any laparoscopic case.

The piece is a satirical take on the everyday frustrations of laparoscopic surgery, cleverly disguised as scientific principles attributed to famous physicists.

Please join us for a masterful presentation about the union of hard-working biliary tract workers. Dr. Antony Delatorre delivers the presidential address.

He refers to:

Listen as President Delatorre  tackles pressing issues facing biliary tract workers.  From impacted stones to the controversial ERCP faction, all while weaving together medical terminology with union rhetoric in this clever satire of healthcare professionals. 

The address culminates in a historic announcement.

Written and recorded by Leo A. Gordon, MD

Produced by Dan Gardner, MD

Experience a Powerful Therapeutic Breakthrough: When Past Meets Present

Join Dr. Travis Mitchell for an intimate look, in the style of a play by play sportscast,  into a transformative therapy session where unconscious emotions surface in unexpected ways]. Listen as Dr. Sarah Williams masterfully guides her client Janet through complex layers of parental transference, leading to a profound emotional revelation. 

## Episode Highlights

**The Dance of Transference**

**Clinical Excellence in Action**

This episode offers a rare window into the transformative power of therapy, showcasing how unresolved past relationships can shape our present experiences. Perfect for mental health professionals, students, and anyone interested in the depths of human psychology[33].

Written and read by Leo A. Gordon, MD, The American Bard of Medicine. Join a veteran surgeon's poignant and humorous journey through the evolution of modern surgery, where the intimate art of healing transforms into a high-tech romance gone digital. Experience the bittersweet tale of how robotic precision and technological advancement changed the sacred connection between surgeon and patient, told through metaphors of love, loss, and adaptation.

Whether you're a healthcare professional navigating technological change or simply curious about the human side of medical innovation, this episode explores the delicate balance between progress and the timeless essence of the doctor-patient relationship. Discover how one surgeon learned to embrace the future while honoring the past, all while keeping his sense of humor about being "dumped" for a robot.

Written and read by Leo A. Gordon, MD, The American Bard of Medicine. Step back to a bitterly cold Chicago in 1972 where a third-year medical student is about to learn a now-outdated method of locating brain tumors. Join us as we follow Dr. Gordon, a young, eager student, who armed with a bucket of ice water, a red rubber catheter, and a syringe, is sent to diagnose a frightened, wary patient. The chief resident, a tall Texan in cowboy boots, explains the procedure: inject ice water into the ear and observe the eye movements to locate a tumor.

Listen in as this medical mystery unfolds with a patient who is not shy to voice his opinion. This podcast episode will leave you laughing and wondering, what were they thinking back then?

Spoiler alert: the iceman cometh, and then the patient goeth!

This satirical nail-biting episode covers a cholecystectomy with bile duct exploration and extraction of a left hepatic duct stone.

The Southwestern Conference of the American Surgical League brings surgical "drama, controversy, success, failure" as Dr. Floyd McKitrick, known for his innovative offense, goes up against a tough "Rockem Sockem" bag of stones in patient Lou Listister.

Dr. McKitrick faces multiple challenges, including bleeding, poor relaxation, an unexpected hepatic duct stone, and questionable calls by the referees.

But with the help of his longtime first assistant, the "disciplined" and "rigid" Dr. Calvin Duffy, and a solid performance from the rest of the surgical team, Dr. McKhitrick perseveres and emerges with a win.

Tune in to witness surgical history in the making as these skilled surgeons navigate the high-stakes world of the operating room!

Written by Leo A. Gordon, MD, The Bard of American Medicine

Written and read by Leo A. Gordon, MD, The American Bard of Medicine

Step into the quirky and poignant world of Sylvia Kropopnik, a 90-something enigma with a colorful past, an unforgettable walker, and a medical mystery that stumped even the most seasoned physicians. In this episode, we explore her journey through the Rota and Sydney Feldman Empathic Holistic Geriatric Center, her cryptic blue fingernail diagnosis, and her eventual disappearance with Bernie, the walker-ball artisan. Was it love, rebellion, or something more? Join us for a tale that blends humor, humanity, and the unexpected twists of aging—featuring subungual hematomas, Schmaltz nodes, and a jar of extra virgin olive oil.

Witty conversation with my AI Medical chatbot, Algo Chats-A-Lot,III, who offers opinions:  

What to prescribe for a computer virus. 

His version of "take two bytes and call me in the morning"

Medical joke ice breakers in a medical lecture

Effectiveness of chicken soup algorithms in treating human colds.