The Merry Menopause Bookclub

For this episode I am joined by Kate Baily co-founder of the Love Sober platform and author of 'Love Your Sober Year.' 

Kate coaches women to feel empowered by their choice to stop drinking alcohol, harnessing their decision to go sober and pivot from surviving to thriving in all areas of their lives using a holistic approach to growth, mindset and wellbeing.

Join Kate and me as we talk about both of our sober journeys during Perimenopause including:-

• Perimenopause and alcohol.
• The important distinction between 'what looks normal' socially vs 'what feels normal' to us. 
• Alcohol and motherhood.
• Alcohol as a coping tool.
• The mental impact of alcohol.
• How we build better lives and get rid of alcohol if it’s costing us more than money.
• Why  we need to be asking ourselves better questions so we can meet our own needs. 
• The comparison between alcohol today and valium in the 60s.
• The stigmatism around women and alcohol, but not so much men and alcohol.
• Judgement
• The marketing behind alcohol, it’s not a coincidence, that next to the back-to-school promotion there will be a wine promotion. 
• Calling out social BS -  to access our personal power, we need to call out the cultural narratives around us.
• Calling out brain fog! 
• If you are struggling with alcohol you are not alone 25 billion people are also struggling with alcohol. 
• What is sober curious?
• How the language around alcohol and addiction has changed
• Getting in touch with our values is the groundwork for a different relationship with alcohol.

Kate’s book choice  - If Women Rose Rooted, by Sharon Blackie

You can find out more about Kate here

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I am joined for this episode by the fabulous Mel Schilling. Human behaviour and performance specialist and Married at First Sight relationship expert Mel Schilling talks to me about her new book The C* Word.

Mel draws on her 20-year background in psychology, with this empowering and practical guide to making friends with our fear, tackling imposter syndrome and building the skills of confidence to enhance every aspect of our lives. 

Join us as we delve into:-

• How can we rebuild our confidence in midlife. 
• Brain fog and hot flushes - two of the biggest reasons that so many of us lose our confidence. Mel openly shares her experience of both of these whilst filming live TV. 
• How humour can be a great asset in re-building confidence 
• Mel opens up about her own journey with brain fog and her decision to start hormone replacement therapy (HRT) to manage it.
• We discuss coaching techniques that can help overcome brain fog, anxiety, and hot flushes, particularly when dealing with presentations or public speaking.
• We explore self-worth in midlife and the feeling of invisibility that many of us experience during this phase of life. 
• Addressing negative self-talk and techniques to re-wire our brains and be kinder to ourselves. 
• Mel reveals how our body has an identical response to "I am scared" to "I am excited" and how to recognise these feelings and make them work to our advantage. 
• Midlife dating advice from the expert! Mel gives me her expert advice on navigating midlife dating - which apps to use, getting clear on dating goals, recognising 'red flags', and the difference between 'deal breakers' for a relationship vs personal preferences. 
• Are you dating un-cooked men too?!
• Mel shares her own experience of online dating, where she met her husband. 

Mel’s Book recommendation - Great Sex Starts at 50 by Tracey Cox. 

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My guest for the final episode of S7 of the podcast is Kim Vopni aka @thevaginacoach. Kim is a speaker, women’s health educator, coach and Menopause support practitioner. She is also the author of the bestselling book Your Pelvic Floor which was The Merry Menopause Bookclub pick in February. 

Menopause can bring several changes to the body, including pelvic health issues. Join us as we discuss:-

• The Importance of Pelvic Floor Health: Kim emphasises the importance of pelvic floor health and how it's often overlooked until something goes wrong. She encourages women to take a proactive approach to their pelvic health by seeking education and treatment early on.
• Signs of Pelvic Floor Dysfunction: Kim explains common signs of pelvic floor dysfunction, including incontinence, prolapse, and pain. She stresses that these issues are treatable and encourages women to seek help from a pelvic floor physiotherapist.
• The Link between Pelvic Health and Back Pain: Kim shares that 95% of women with lower back pain have a pelvic floor issue. She also shares her mother's journey with pelvic floor issues and how working with a physiotherapist at age 77 avoided surgery.
• Strategies for Proactive Pelvic Health: Kim suggests three strategies for proactive pelvic health during menopause: seeking treatment from a pelvic floor physiotherapist, doing pelvic floor exercises, and training the pelvic floor to respond to movement rather than static positions.
• Understanding Overactive Pelvic Floor: Kim explains that pelvic floor dysfunction can also result from an overactive pelvic floor, which can cause tightness rather than weakness. She notes that seeing a pelvic floor physiotherapist can help women understand the status of their pelvic floor and develop appropriate treatment plans.
• Living a Pelvic-Centric Lifestyle: Kim provides practical tips for living a pelvic-centric lifestyle, including staying hydrated, avoiding bladder irritants, and understanding the importance of vaginal PH and its relationship to UTIs.

Kim’s Book Recommendation - Next Level   by Stacy Sims. 

You can find out more about Kim here

Wishing you a Merry Menopause

Jo

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My guests for this episode are the authors of You Me and The Space Between Us, married couple Matt and Sarah Davies .

Matt is a marriage counsellor and psychosexual and relationship therapist, and Sarah is a movement and somatic coach.  

Combing both their areas of expertise, You, Me and The Space Between Us is a blend of personal narrative and expert advice, written with empathy and warmth. It is a book for anyone who is struggling with their relationship. I LOVED IT and would highly recommend whatever your relationship status, I guarantee you will learn something to make your relationships better. 

Join us as we discuss:

• What is 'the space between us' and how working with it can improve our relationships
• How the space between us, is about the ‘us’ not the ‘you or me’
• Why relationships are difficult
• Vulnerability in relationships
• When to ask ‘what does the relationship need” rather than what do I need?
• How we can lose sight of ‘we’
• How to stop an argument - play the game of ’switching sides’
• How to avoid your relationship becoming boring and sexless
• Why people have affairs and the role of the patriarchy
• How to sustain a relationship after the honeymoon period
• How it’s possible to have both freedom and longevity in a relationship
• Simplifying attachment styles - The Octopus and The Turtle
• Why good conflict is vital for a long-lasting relationship
• Stop looking for perfection - embrace the 80/20 rule 
• Desire and sex in midlife
• Are you a couple who has sex or a sexy couple?

Matt and Sarah’s book choice - Come as You Are by Emily Nagoski

If you enjoy this episode please like and subscribe to the podcast and leave a review, it really does make a difference and helps other listeners to find me. Thank you, Jo.

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My guest today is Fran Littlewood author of the best-selling novel Amazing Grace Adams. A story of the rollercoaster ride of Perimenopause which explores love, loss, motherhood, female rage, shame, self-blame, and the societal pressure of perfection.

Join myself and Fran, a former Times Journalist and mother of three teenage daughters as we discuss: 

• The plot of Amazing Grace Adams and how it relates to the experiences of women who feel overwhelmed by their many roles and responsibilities. Fran shares her personal experience with perimenopause, including the "terrible itch" and the importance of advocating for oneself in medical settings.
• The clash of teenage and midlife hormones and the impossible standards women are expected to uphold. Fran talks about the almost "comedic clash" of these two hormonal stages and the societal pressure to be perfect.
• The grief and past trauma that can surface during perimenopause.
• The struggles of parenting a teenager caught between childhood and adulthood. Fran talks about the challenges of navigating this no man's land when your child suddenly becomes a stranger.
• Losing control or taking control? The differences in expectations for men and women and the legacy of our mothers.

Fran’s book choice is Wandering Souls by Cecil Pin which has been shortlisted for the Women's Prize for Fiction 2023.

Want more Fran? You can follow her on Twitter

If you enjoy this episode please like and subscribe to the podcast and leave a review, it really does make a difference and helps other listeners to find me. Thank you, Jo.

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To kick off the NEW season of The Merry Menopause Bookclub Podcast, I am delighted to have as my guest Anya Bergman author of best selling novel The Witches of Vardø. 

In this episode, Anya shares her fascination with the real-life story of three women - Ana, Ingeborg, and Maren - who fought for survival during the brutal Witch trials of 1662 on the remote Norwegian island of Vardø.

Anya's novel is a powerful and poignant blend of historical fact, folktales, and mythology that aims to reclaim the lost voices of the women of Vardø with sensitivity and inspire readers with a fierce sense of "F*** the patriarchy!" 

She discusses her research process, which involved living in Norway and studying the records of the Finmark Witch trials of 1662/1663 to gain a deeper understanding of what happened on Vardø at that time.

Anya sheds light on the tensions in Norway and Denmark with much of the blame falling on the devil and his Witches for the economic situation and an explanation for violent and misogynistic behaviour. And we discuss how the cruelty towards 'Witches' came from the genuine belief and fear of the masses in the devil and Witches. How they were seen as agents of terror that needed to be eradicated.

Anya also explains the link between Scotland and Norway - King James VI of Scotland and Christian IV of Denmark were brothers-in-law - which resulted in Scotland ‘exporting’ Witch hunts to Denmark. Such was the brutality of the torture of women it led them to denounce each other to escape incarceration, unbearable pain and if they survived, being burnt alive. 

Anya challenges the Menopausal stereotype in her depiction of the fascinating Ana Rhodius. A complex and multifaceted character, Love her or hate her, you as the reader get to decide. 

Finally, Anya tells us about the remarkable memorial to the Witches built and funded by the Norwegian state on the execution site in Vardø. This episode is thought-provoking, offering insight into a dark chapter of history and the importance of reclaiming the voices of innocent women.

Anya’s book choice

Devotion by Hannah Kent 

You can find out more about Anya Bergman here

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What better way to finish off season six of The Merry Menopause Bookclub Podcast than with Bonnie Garmus author of The Sunday Times No 1 Bestseller “Lessons in Chemistry”

Bonnie and I connected on Instagram where I was raving about Lessons in Chemistry, It is one of my favourite  reads this year so far and I was delighted Bonnie said yes to being my guest.

Lessons In Chemistry is about a woman named Elizabeth Zott, a fictional chemist in late 50s early 60s America. She gets fired from her research job for the crime of being unwed and pregnant and as things get a little tight money wise she accepts a job as a TV cooking show host. Most of us would consider it a job to kill for, but Elizabeth Zott doesn't want the job at all. So instead of teaching straight-up cooking, she ends up teaching the nation chemistry - because cooking is chemistry. And as she does so she ends up teaching women what they are made of at a molecular level and she ends up changing a nation because of it.

Join us as we discuss:- 

• Sexual assault in the workplace - 1:6 American women experience it.
• How the character of Elizabeth Zott came into being.
• How a bad day at work inspired Bonnie to write the first chapter of Lessons in Chemistry.
• Bonnie dedicates the book to her incredible mum and I find out why.
• How the ‘The Average Housewives” of the 50s raised a generation of feminists.
• Why Elizabeth Zott is a role model for Bonnie and the joy of creating and writing her. 
• Elizabeth Zott’s rich backstory - depression and loneliness.
• How so many men are totally unaware of the misogyny and sexual assault that happens in the workplace.
• How can we make sure we have allies in men at work and at home.
• The awareness of women’s rights issues that Lessons in Chemistry has raised amongst its male readers.
• A sneak preview of Bonnie’s next book!

Bonnie’s Book Choices:-

The Anthropocene - John Green

The Unlikely Pilgrimage of Harold Fry - Rachel Joyce

Find out more about Bonnie and her work here

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Anniki Sommerville’s specialist subjects include Perimenopause, parenting and work/life juggling. She has written for The Telegraph, The Guardian and Grazia and is the author of 5 books. 

In this episode, we talk about her latest book - The Big Quit  which is all about how to navigate work and find the right balance for you. 

My personal experience and that of friends, clients and The Merry Menopause community drew me to this book.  Perimenopause and Menopause can put a spotlight on our relationship with work and our careers. 

Join us as we discuss:-

• Anniki's experience of Perimenopause.
• 'The reckoning’ that comes up in our early 50s.
• Work ephiphanies.
• How did our ancestors feel about work? A brief history of female working life. 
• The pressure we put on ourselves which leads to overachieving. 
• Recognising that at times you may not have the stamina to keep pushing yourself to achieve - when you have young children and/or reach Perimenopause.
• The concept of ‘quiet quitting’ - in your job doing the bare minimum 
• Asking yourself the important questions - is work serving me? What are my options? Am I regularly feeling overwhelmed, frustrated angry? 
• Get clear on what you don’t want, the not-so-shit job!
• What would the ideal job look like?
• Comparison - comparing ourselves with others who we perceive to have ‘the dream job’ without realising that everyone compromises. 
• Toss away the idea that there is a perfect job - there is no such thing
• We reminisce on the careers advice given, or not, to us in the late 80s
• Anniki’s career aspirations as a 14 year old. 
• Anniki’s career path. 
• The pressure of being the chief earner in a family. 
• Have an open mind and a clear idea of what you want and you will spot the opportunities available to you. 
• If you are in a negative spiral and you can’t see any escape remember all situations are TEMPORARY.
• Mental health and Perimenopause 
• Tools for re-assurance and self-confidence 
• Boundaries and taking a break - work will take over if you allow it to
• Actively manage your phone - think of it as a person. What kind of person would it be?
• Mis-interpreting Zoom calls and texts messages
• Our life skills are valid and valuable in the workplace. Older women are being undervalued by themselves and their employers. 
• You can’t have it all - what are your priorities? 
• How to move on - If you are not enjoying your job, know that it doesn’t have to be forever
• LIFE IS TOO SHORT - Anniki talks about losing her father and the shift in her perspective
• Stop focusing on what you can’t do and start focusing on what you can do.
• Alcohol and Perimenopause. 

Anniki’s book choice - Love Your Sober Year by Kate Baily and Mandy Manners 

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Alexandra Pope and Sjanie Hugo Wurlitzer are the co-founders of Red School. Together they have spent over 10,000 hours researching and refining their radical new approach to health, creativity, leadership and spiritual life. And the best bit? It's rooted in the bloody, wild, radical power of the menstrual cycle and Menopause.

They are the authors of two Hay House books Wild Power - which completely changed my life - and the book we are discussing in this epsiode the newly released Wise Power, which is all about discovering the liberating power of Menopause 

They say never meet your heroes but I have now met two of mine. It was a privilege to have Alexandra and Sjanie as my guests. Join as for this beautiful and empowering conversation, that will change the way you look at and experience your Menopuase forever. 

• Alexandra explains the power of the Menstrual cycle and how Menopause is the final stage of the journey and shares her experience. 
• Power! The difference in conscious and unconscious use of our power, how it shows up and how to navigate it. 
• Alexandra talks about her early 50s and her personal experience of the impact of the Menopause process.
• It should be our birthright that we come into Menopause with some degree of connection with ourselves and knowing ourselves because we have been in touch with our body through cycle awareness. 
• Rage and Tiredness - When we feel these without context or reason we can feel there is something wrong with us.
• The dignity of reclaiming our power - This is happening for a reason, this is what you are meant to be feeling.
• Why the preparatory phase of Menopause is so important
• Menopause doesn't just happen in a vacuum its the culmination of our journey
• So much that happens in our 40s is teaching us to care for ourselves and showing us what needs to be healed.

• The five phases of our Menopause initiation

1. Betrayal - at Menopauise we are changing and at the beginning of any time of change there is phase of chaos. 
2. Repair - Rest is EVERYTHING.
3. Revelation - Recognising yourself and the changes you’ve experienced.
4. Visioning - Getting clarity about your vision and what lights you up
5. Emergence - What happens next?!

• How Alexandra and Sjanie met
• How Sjanie is preparing for her Menopause journey. 

Alexandra’s book choice -  Becoming Supernatural  by Dr Joe Dispenza 

Sjanie’s book choice - Mary Magdalene Revealed  by Meggan Watterson

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My guest for this episode is Dr Sharon Blackie award-winning writer, Psychologist and Mythologist. Her highly acclaimed books, courses, lectures and workshops are focused on the development of the mythic imagination, and on the relevance of myth, fairy tales and folk traditions to the personal, cultural and environmental problems we face today.

She joins me to discuss her new book Hagitude which explores how nine very different female archetypes chosen from myths and fairytales can help us to gain a better understanding of our Menopause transition and also create a map of how we want to be as we age.

The key question at the heart of this book is how an exploration of the vividly wonderful and diverse archetypal characters in our fairytales and myths might help us to create a map of what it is to become a good elder

Join us as we discuss:

• How myths and folklore portray the older woman, compared to the modern perception of older women. 
• The struggle to find positive examples of ageing women in literature that are seeing the second half of their life as an adventure rather than a decline. 
• Women are looking for inspiration and different ways to envision why they might want to go on living for decades!
• Jung’s perspective on ageing as a spiritual process, different from the action-orientated first half of our lives. 
• As women we naturally turn inwards and start to ask the bigger questions as we age. 
• Menopause as the time between stories 
• Menopause as an alchemy, burning away the stuff that we are attached to in the first half of our life that won’t serve us as we move forward, we need to make room for our new story. 
• Sharon’s Menopause journey - an accumulation of the rage which started in childhood as a child who had never been allowed to express her anger.
• Wrath vs anger, if we don’t get rid of trapped anger it manifests itself within the body.
• The role of the Fates and the Furies in Greek mythology - two trios of 
• Older women perceived to have the knowledge and stability strength to keep order and hold it together. 
• One big lesson of Menopause is learning how not to hold on desperately to youth and staying young.
• When HRT is presented as a way to stay young and beautiful, that’s wrong. 
• Acceptance of ageing and cultural stereotypes.
• An increasing number of younger women are relating to the Hag or the Crone in fairytales rather than the beautiful princess character. 
• Creating the archetype of our Elder selves
• Our gift - every one of us is a unique expression of what it is to be human, that’s our gift.
• How we find clues in our childhood as to our inner hag that we become in later life. 
• Reclaiming the definition of “Hag”
• Sharon’s dreams and her dream theory.
• The alchemy of Menopause. 

Sharon’s book choice - DH Lawrence The Rainbow

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