What if the problem isn’t you?

What if some of the behaviors, reactions, and cycles you’ve carried for years aren’t personality traits at all, but patterns that once served a purpose?

This week begins a six-part Break Patterns, Not People series on The Messy Middle.

Over the next six weeks, we’ll work through a simple framework for recognizing and changing the patterns that keep showing up in our lives:

See. Own. Choose. Act. Integrate.

We’re starting with the bigger picture: why patterns form, why they can be so difficult to recognize, and why understanding them isn’t the same thing as excusing them.

Because the goal isn’t to break yourself trying to become someone better.

Break the pattern. Keep the person.

Next week: SEE.

Ever look around and realize you’ve somehow ended up in the same place again?

Different circumstances. Different people. Different year.

Same pattern.

In Break the Loop, we talk about what happens when you finally recognize the patterns running quietly underneath your life, and what it actually takes to interrupt them. Not by fixing everyone around you. Not by pretending everything is your fault. But by getting honest about what belongs to you and realizing there’s a moment between what happens and what you do next.

That moment is where things can change.

See the pattern. Own your part. Choose differently. Act. Learn from what happens next.

You don’t have to have your whole life figured out.

You just have to recognize the next exit.

Indiana Heat and the Last Crusade

What do Job, Peter walking on water, Indiana Jones, a broken Chevy, a rookie tow-truck driver, Zach Bryan, and a freshly striped Indiana lawn have in common?

Apparently more than they should.

After waking up at 4 a.m. with Job 22 on his mind, Tyler starts connecting the pieces of a strange weekend and lands on a question most of us would rather avoid: What do you do when you genuinely don’t know what happens next?

Maybe faith isn’t having the answer. Maybe it isn’t knowing where the path leads or convincing yourself that every setback has some grand meaning.

Maybe it’s having enough humility to say I don’t know, enough awareness to recognize the next step, and enough courage to put your weight on a bridge you can’t see yet.

Sometimes you’re Job. Sometimes you’re Peter. Sometimes you’re Indiana Jones staring across the chasm.

And sometimes, X really does mark the spot.

What do Job, Peter walking on water, Indiana Jones, Zach Bryan, a broken Chevy Traverse, a lawn mower, and a giant X cut into an Indiana backyard have in common?

Apparently, more than I thought.

After a chaotic Saturday and four hours of sleep, I woke up at 4 AM feeling like God had strapped a rocket to my ass. What followed was a trip through Job 22, the uncertainty of limbo, Peter stepping out of the boat, and a lesson from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade that I may have needed more than I realized:

Sometimes you get the clues before you get the answers.

This episode is about faith when you can't see the bridge, the difference between forgiveness and perfection, going over the same ground from a different direction, and learning that obedience might be less about having all the answers and more about staying curious enough to take the next step.

Sometimes I chose differently.

Sometimes I got pissed.

Sometimes I sulked on a lawn mower listening to Zach Bryan.

And sometimes...

X actually does mark the spot.

Welcome to The Messy Middle.

As parents, we spend years wondering if our kids are listening.

Then one day...they answer the question without saying a word.

After watching one son choose compassion over competition and hearing another story that stopped me in my tracks, I realized something that brought me to tears: our children don't just hear our words...they absorb our beliefs.

This episode is about legacy, healing across generations, and the quiet moments that remind us our greatest impact often happens when we're not even in the room.

Because one day, if we're lucky...

our voice becomes their inner voice.

Have you ever heard a song a hundred times...only to have it completely change one day?

Or maybe...the song never changed. You did.

In this episode, I share the stories behind a handful of songs that became milestones in my life, from The Fray and Red Hot Chili Peppers to Audioslave, Foo Fighters, and Forrest Frank. Along the way, we explore how music has a way of meeting us exactly where we are, why certain lyrics don't make sense until we've lived them, and how some of life's greatest lessons come wrapped in a four-minute song.

Maybe songs aren't just memories.

Maybe they're breadcrumbs.

Have you ever felt like you were begging God for a roadmap while He kept handing you another step?

In this episode, I wrestle with one of Jesus' most misunderstood teachings: the cost of being a disciple. What started as a simple search for the story of Lazarus turned into an unexpected detour that changed the entire direction of this episode.

Along the way, we explore what becoming a father has taught me about God's heart, why Jesus wept even when He knew resurrection was coming, the Amish tradition of Rumspringa, and a piece of wisdom my dad repeated my entire life:

"There's more than one way to get there."

Maybe faith isn't about finding the perfect path.

Maybe it's about trusting the Father when you can't yet see where the road is leading.

If you've ever questioned God, struggled with uncertainty, or wondered whether you're on the "right" path, this conversation is for you.

Episode 10: Who Told You to Eat Barnacles?

A movie night with my son turned into something I never saw coming.

What started as a goofy animated film about seals fighting sharks became a mirror that reflected my own life. Somewhere between barnacles, great white sharks, a harmless basking shark named Dave, and an old military seal carrying the weight of his past, I realized I wasn't talking about the movie anymore.

I was talking about the maps we inherit.

The stories we believe.

The fears that quietly shape our lives.

And the courage it takes to choose differently.

In this episode, I explore why not every shadow is a shark, why healing isn't forgetting, and why sometimes the biggest transformation doesn't come from finding a new destination...

...it comes from finding a new map.

As my dad has always said,

"There's more than one way to get there."

So here's my question for you:

Who handed you the map you're using... and is it still taking you where you want to go?

Sometimes the hardest thing you'll ever clean out isn't your garage. It's your life.

After taking a couple weeks away to work through some personal things, I'm back with an honest conversation about loyalty, boundaries, forgiveness, and why some people are only meant to be part of a season.

This isn't about becoming cold.

It's about becoming honest.

Because gratitude doesn't require permanent access.

We've all done it.

A difficult conversation hasn't happened yet.
A project isn't finished.
A relationship is in an uncertain season.
A problem appears on the horizon and before we know it, we've already built an entire story about how badly it's going to end.

This week, Tyler explores the "imaginary bridges" we create in our minds. The fears, assumptions, and worst-case scenarios we cross long before we ever reach the river.

Using stories from the stone industry, marriage, leadership, parenting, and everyday life, this episode dives into the gap between what's actually happening and what we convince ourselves is happening.

Inspired by a quote often attributed to Mark Twain:

"I've lived through some terrible things in my life. Some of which actually happened."

This conversation is a reminder that most of our suffering comes from trying to solve problems that don't exist yet, while the real solution is often found by staying present, trusting ourselves, and taking the next step in front of us.

The rivers that matter will show up when they show up.

And when they do, you'll probably discover you're stronger than you thought.

#Storytelling #PersonalGrowth #Mindset #Leadership #Parenting #Anxiety #SelfAwareness #MentalHealth #Podcast #ImaginaryBridges