It's like this. You go down to the VFA and vote for a delegate. The delegate votes for an elector. The elector votes for a representative. The representative goes to a cabin. The cabin is in the woods. The woods take a poll of various dogs, foxes, and species of birds. The results are given to the representative, who reads them, and picks a snake. The snake is now in charge. It's not a great system, but it's the system we have. Enjoy the Mildly Alarming Podcast as your snake overlords decide who to constrict and devour first.

In a truly amazing feat, the lads managed to make it through an entire segment on casino games without once mentioning Kenny Rogers or his seminal song, "The Gambler." Their failure will surely be met by swift and savage retribution from the Kennocracy. If they don't hurry, they'll be taken via freight car to a Kenny Rogers Roasters, there to be Kenny Rogers Roasted.

They, um, should probably stop typing this and start running. Anyway, the Mildly Alarming Podcast, everyone!

See, the thing is, that two people build a thing together, and it's theirs. It doesn't belong to just one of them. They sit down to play a board game, and they agree to the rules, and then one of them is jim-jamming the cards, or frosting their dice, or some other rule-breaking crap. And what's the other one supposed to do? What do you do when somebody you trusted takes the whole thing and throws it in the trash? Destroy their car, clearly.

This, ah, bit will make sense by the end of the episode. Trust me. I'm a doctor.

I say, my good chap, how about lovely spot of the old theatre? Sit in a box, watch strumpets with an eyeglass, have a good harrumph. What say you, chap-chap? Perhaps a little skippty-toot? Tumtpy-boodle? Tut-tut, now!

(Mildly Alarming Theater makes a triumphant return this week, as does "Tom writing a description guaranteed to make Johannes roar and foam at the mouth!)

Depending on your point of view, your noble hosts either review a game called PushFight and a book called City of Sand, or they're lizards. Not, like, lizard people who secretly control the Vatican through the mole-person banks on the moon, but just regular lizards. You know, basking in the sun, flicking their tongues in and out, sometimes biting people. Lizards.

If, um, you want a decent podcast I'd pick the first one. Plus, it contains commercials for unhappy birds, and a visit from an old friend. From our perspective, you've already enjoyed it.

Your hosts delve into the higher forms of culture today, starting out with a discussion of acting in games and how that impacts the design process. Then get out your berets and turtlenecks and get ready to snap your fingers, smoke clove cigarettes, and get hit on by a guy named Carnival Moon, because it's Mildly Alarming Poetry Corner time. Plus a note on conservation, and a very real message from a very real astronaut.

Imagine your hosts, standing on a subway platform. Tom extends a hand to Johannes, who turns away. "No," he says. "You have written the bad story." Tom drops his hand. "But I thought it was the good story," he says. "And also we agree that board games are arts." Johannes turns away from the platform. "Go to your faraway place," he says. "Games are arts, but you have made me sad."

I should mention that all of this was translated from The Mildly Alarming Anime. That probably would have made it make more sense. Anyway, it's all about games as art and asymmetric player powers this week. Plus an ad for (against?) vaccines, a Mildly Alarming Theater, and a note for new readers.

Ok, so, how this week's podcast works is that you have three actions points, and listening to any one ad or segment costs one point, so you can only listen to a few of them on your turn. One of the segments is about action points, the other is about liquor and weed, and the ads are for space men and wizards. I have a dollar; Johannes is made of old soap and doesn't read what I write here. Tom is dumb and doesn't check back on these after he writes them. Your plan?

We discuss our dads on this most auspicious Father's Day, and then learn after the fact that it isn't Father's Day, it's not even close, what the hell you guys. So we move on to do a review of Blueprints, which we like, and discuss team-on-team games, which we have not really experienced but think we might like if we were to find one. There's a break for the news, and a very special announcement related to Donald Trump's hands. Don't miss it!

An elephant visits the studio this week, but your glorious hosts ignore it to bring you only the finest in podcastery. First, we discuss the novel "The Light of the Fireflies" by Paul Pen in a new edition of Wrong About Books, and then we take our copies of Eclipse and Arkham Horror and smash them together until candy comes out. Plus adverts from the Jeremy's Own and Burpapolis corporations, and a discussion of Donald Trump's tiny hands (spoiler: they are little).