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“Motivation is what gets you started.

Habit is what keeps you going.” 

Jim Rohn

Our habits are foundational to our success. I have been studying personal development for decades and it always fascinates me to learn the success habits of powerful people in life, leadership, and business. I love learning about how people grow and transform their lives. Success leaves clues so it is important to pay attention. Over the years, I have adapted and adjusted my routines to find out work best for me. If I made you pause over the last statement – great! I changed my routines to create new habits.

There is a difference between habits and routines.

Routine

When you have a routine, you have a set of habits. You have a regular way of doing things. A routine requires that you think about you are doing and can take a lot of energy in the beginning. Don’t worry you won’t expend too much energy once it is established. Once you build the routine it will eventually become unconscious.

Habits

Habits are those continual set of behaviors; a repeated way in which you do things. You often do not even think about it.

They are very important to adding structure too often a chaotic schedule of needing to do many things or be several places. You will notice that as children we thrived on structure and routines. As we became adults, we were exposed to new things – some serving us and some not.

When you get into the habit of doing things a certain way it is easy to become comfortable. Staying in this place can get people stuck and dissatisfied with the way things are. There is no challenge. Even the greatest athletes have learned to change things up – to fine-tune their skills. Tiger Woods would change up his swing. Wayne Gretzky would change up the way he skated on the ice. You only grow on the outside of your comfort zone. Growth comes from new experiences and lessons. If everything stays the same, how will you grow? Create a 21-day challenge for yourself to do one thing every day that will challenge you.

Stepping out of your comfort zone exposes you to a new experience in which you see things from a different perspective, challenge assumptions, and stretch into your potential. You may take bigger calculated risks.

According to researchers, it takes 21- 66 days to change or create a new habit. It all starts with your routines. Examine how your day looks. What do you do each day to set up you day for success? I know some of you are shouting coffee – “I can’t start the day without coffee?” Take some time to think about routines you have in place.

What do you do without even thinking about it? For example, some people have a smoke after every meal. They may have been doing this for years. It is something they “just do” after eating. It became a routine. Change up the routine and you can then change the habit. Stop smoking after meals; change the activity. Maybe you go for a short walk instead. If you have a habit of retail therapy and the mall is your trigger to spend. Go with a list or a free-standing store instead if hitting the store up in the mall. Go with a shopping with a specific list or a certain amount of money. Do not take your credit cards with you. Change the association, change the routine, and change the habit.

How you start your day is often how you end it. Start by creating a morning routine and schedule that serves you.

Spend time in silence and clear your head. You may decide to meditate or pray. You are open and ready when you are in a state of calmness.

Repeat powerful affirmations, watch an empowering video or listen to a podcast to get your head in the game.

Write down 3 things you are grateful for? Why not send out a gratitude card?

“Never underestimate what you can accomplish when you believe in yourself.” (Unknown)

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Growing up you may have heard sayings or phrases like, “Be humble.”, “Don’t brag.”, or “Don’t share your successes or accomplishments, you might make someone feel bad.” I do agree that being humble is an honorable trait. Remembering where you came from and being in awe of what you are capable of or how far you have come is important. Sharing your successes and accomplishments are important. You are only bragging when you are sharing with the intent to belittle someone or make someone feel inferior to you. Bragging is very different than celebrating. Celebrating others can share in the experience.

I am dedicating this podcast to my friend, Stephanie, who caught me in a moment of conversation and said, “Deb, you are underestimating yourself.” The comment made me pause and ask, “Was I underestimating yourself?” With some self-reflection, I decided to create this podcast as I know I am more capable and step into a higher potential and, so can you? Let’s do this together! You will no longer play small.

Here are some signs that you may be underestimating yourself:

Compare Yourself to Others. You are constantly checking out Facebook or Instagram comparing people’s outside lives to yours. You may feel that your life is not as exciting or you’re stuck. You must remember people only post the good stuff. They are not going to post themselves all snotty nosed sick with a head cold…wait a minute I know some do – but rarely. You are at a different place on your journey and have had past experiences and learning that others have not. Every person is unique so there can be no comparison. When you see someone’s joyous moment or celebration. You see one moment in time, not the hours of sacrifice or the challenges they faced to get there.

TAKE-AWAY: Focus on your story and your journey. You are the storyteller of your life. Don’t like what you are currently writing – change the story.

Value Other People’s Opinions Over Your Own. You want everyone to like you. You may have been told growing up you needed to act, behave, or do certain things to gain approval from your parents or teachers. You wanted to please them so much that you made what they think more important than what you think. Eventually, you may have placed their opinions above your own.

TAKE-AWAY: Learn to trust yourself and value your opinions and ideas. At the end of the day, you are the one who lives with your choices, not anyone else.

Surrounding Yourself with the Wrong Influencers. You are hanging out with people who do not support or encourage you. They may judgmental and negative. They always seem to rant or vent about what has happened in their lives, “Can you believe it…?” Who you surround yourself with impacts how you think and what actions you will take. Are you taking stock of who you are hanging out with? Do they nudge you to become a better version of yourself or are they like a ball and chain attached to your leg?

TAKE-AWAY: Take stock of who is in your circle of influence. You become the average of the 5 people you hang out with the most.

Listening to Negative Self-Talk. There are 50,000 to 80,000 thoughts in a day with 80% of them being negative. When you put focus and attention on a negative thought, it can become a new belief impacting your perspective on things. Even if something does fail or you make a mistake, you must learn that it is necessary to make mistakes to learn from them. These lessons represent growth – the more you grow the better off you become in all areas of life.

When a new situation or challenge comes up, you may shy away from or prevent yourself from doing anything because you think it will fail. You tell yourself,

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How many times have you caught yourself saying, “if there were only more hours in a day.” There is so much we could be doing but should you be doing it all. The hot buzzword in today’s society is BUSY. You ask someone how they are doing and they say, “I am BUSY.” Busy doing what? There is a distinct difference between being busy and being productive.

Being productive means, you are getting a ton done and hopefully the most important things done. You are taking intentional action that lead to results. Busy, on the other hand, tend to be filled with activities that are time fillers. These time fillers or distractors can include and are not limited to as I am sure you can come up with some more: watching TV, surfing the internet and following those blue links in the internet vortex, scrolling through social media to catch all the likes on your recent post, decluttering your desk for the third time, or starting some domestic chores when you really need to be focused in on getting things done. We are all guilty of this at one time or another. The trick is…what are you avoiding or running away from?

We know what we need to do. Chances are you have heard of time management strategies and techniques. Maybe you even attempted a couple but fell off the wagon or never found the strategy that has worked for you. Doing something once, twice, or even three times isn’t going to make a new habit stick. Researchers say it takes between 21-66 days for a habit to be changed or a new habit to be formed. Some people think they are making sacrifices so they do not put in any effort at all. They equate sacrifice with a loss instead of the gain they will achieve. Short-term sacrifice for long-term gain.

There was a study done on preschoolers called The Marshmallow Test were the children were sitting at a table in a room. They were given one marshmallow and if they were able to hold off on eating it until the researcher came back into the room they would be rewarded with a second marshmallow. As you can imagine, there were many different reactions. Some children licked and touched them and stared at them. Others took a big bite as soon as the door closed. The ones that were able to wait received their reward. If you get a chance, you can watch the video on YouTube – it is very entertaining. Years later, they studied those same children. Those children that were able to hold off on the need for instant gratification were more successful in their lives and careers.

It is easy to get caught in the bright shiny object syndrome. You can react to impulsive behaviors or you can build in habits that serve you in being laser-focused on your goals.

Let’s Get Laser Focused:

Eliminate distractions. Put your cellphone on do not disturb or silent. Shut off any notifications. If you are working from home, maybe you need to change your environment – head to a coffee shop. Avoid household chores and assign to a specific time of day you will tend to them. Set up an app on your phone or computer to block or prevent you from going to websites and surfing the internet when not needed for the work you need to get done. Yes! Thoughts will come up that you need to do other things – write it down on a notepad and set it aside for now. You captured the thought you have not lost it.

Start by making a list. What are the things you need to get done? Not only WANT to get done but NEED to get done.

Prioritize the items on the list. What are the top 3-5 things you must get done to move ahead? These may not seem significant but in the whole scheme of things getting these items done is the biggest return on investment of time, money, and resources.

Time-block your priorities into your calendar. What you ink, you think. When you block off time, you make things happen.

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“Wherever you are, be there. If you can be fully present now, you’ll know what it means to live.” ― Steve Goodier

Have you ever been flooded with memories from the past? A song comes on the radio, a car drives by, a Facebook memory comes up in your news feed. Some memories make you smile while others hold onto hurts from the past. They can make you feel anxious, depressed, or even angry. Catch yourself…you are not your thoughts and emotions.

We have over 50,000 to 80,000 thoughts going through our minds at any point and time. The majority of those thoughts are negative. Most negative thoughts are about the past and fear of the future. It is the thoughts we bring into our awareness that we experience. Thoughts will come to mind and go away. When you hang onto a thought, it influences how you feel and your actions. If the thought is negative, it can throw you off track and spin into a spiral of negativity if you do not know how to reframe and shift the thought. Many people would like to run away from or ignore the thought when it triggers strong negative emotions. It makes them feel vulnerable and exposed and raw. If you ignore the thought it will never go away. You want to move toward the thought instead of away from it.

Tony Robbins explains that we hold onto past experiences because of the need for certainty. The past is something we believe we know. The fixation on the future gives us power. Eckart Tolle states that we create and maintain problems because they give us a sense of identity. Internal Dialogue and external events influence how you think. Your thoughts do not describe who you are. You can think or feel anxious or depressed but you are not defined by the thought or feeling. You are experiencing the thought or feeling – you are not it! You can say, “I am feeling anxious about this situation”, instead of saying, “I am anxious.” It is important to notice your thoughts when they surface so you may bring the thought or how you feel into awareness.

As you bring thoughts and feelings into your awareness, start to focus on this present moment and what is going on where you are at. Accept that thoughts and feels are triggered. Acknowledge that they are there. When you accept that you’re experiencing a thought or feeling, it doesn’t mean you have to like what is happening. Focusing on the present allows you to pause and respond thoughtfully versus react to a situation.

Practice self-reflection and understand what is happening during the moment. What about this is triggering your emotions? Why is it affecting you? Is it something you have control over? If so, what are you willing to do? You are putting your attention on it and not dwelling on it. No judgment. You can only take responsibility for your actions and not the thoughts, feelings, or actions of others. Shift your focus onto the here and now. The easiest action to focus on is to focus on your breathing. Practice deep breathing.

Make a commitment to making a change. Instead of letting your thoughts and feelings from the past, focus on the things that matter most to you – the people, your hopes, dreams, and goals. Do the thoughts and feelings you are experiencing help move you toward what matters to you or away? Are they serving you in a positive way? Action leads you to your destiny, not your thoughts.

Your desire to hang onto the past impacts your future. You can shift into an empowering state by changing your habits. Research suggests it takes 21-66 days to change a habit and maintaining it. Here are some tips to get you started:

* Practice Gratitude. Write down and state 3 things you are grateful daily.

* Focus on your daily wins and achievements. You are further ahead than you give yourself credit for.

* Stop rehashing and replaying the story.

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“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.” ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

As you move through different levels of leadership, you learn that new challenges required different approaches and different skillsets. What worked previously may not work again. Challenges appear to more complex in nature. As a leader, you must be able to think on your feet and also be proactive in anticipating situations to minimize how complex the situation can get. Most processes and systems are simple but when you add people to the mix things can get a bit complicated.

Today, you can be working with individuals of 3 or more generations and each communicating and making decisions differently. Although they have different needs, some characteristics do not change, each generation has core values that guide them, they want to be respected for who they are, their ideas, and what they can bring to the table, they want to be heard and receive feedback on their performance. Most people communicate the way they want to be communicated to. If you receive a text, they would appreciate a text. If they left you a voicemail, you would be best to call rather than respond by email. Keep it simple; respond in the same mode of communication they sent the message. Whenever unsure, pick up the phone and call or arrange a face to face meeting.

How you respond to leadership challenges depends on what you know and the experience you have as you have grown in the organizational culture. These experiences have helped you develop your emotional intelligence or what some people refer to as the “soft skills” or “common sense”. Common sense does not appear to be that common. There is nothing soft about soft skills. Soft skills are hard to master and can be difficult to learn. Learning requires that a people be self-reflective and self-aware of their own behaviours and how they communicate with others. Developing soft skills can bring about the BEST in you and your people. With self-awareness, there is accountability and an increase in responsibility for one’s actions.

When hiring for the right fit, you are not only looking for technical skills but you are looking for those intangibles – soft skills that are reflected in their general disposition, attitude, and personality. You do not want to hire someone who lacks awareness and erodes trust by being passive aggressive or gossips. You want to know that you can trust their word and their work ethic to get things done, done well, and they value the people they work with. Trust is the foundation of everything without it the department or organization can crumble.

You need to be able to communicate what the vision is for the organization and what success would look like when achieved. To gain buy-in, people need to be invested in the vision. When you can communicate it in a clear and concise way then you can plan and strategize how to make the vision become a reality.

Ultimately, how you perceive the challenges you face as a leader and how your people perceive the challenges are key. Your perception drives your willingness to take action and the decisions you make. You need to be able to weigh the options based on what you perceive a situation to be and the impact that will occur based on your decision. Be careful as your perceptions can be influenced by your emotions. Don’t forget to review the facts before acting impulsively. You simplify your leadership challenges by stepping out of your comfort zone and exposing yourself to as many new situations as you can so you can develop and hone your skills. Boosting your emotional intelligence will help you unravel the complexity of some of your leadership challenges. Remember to keep it simple.

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“Wherever you are, be there totally. If you find your here and now intolerable and it makes you unhappy, you have three options: remove yourself from the situation, change it, or accept it totally. If you want to take responsibility for your life, you must choose one of those three options, and you must choose now. Then accept the consequences.” – Eckart Tolle

 

There are times in life, in business, or your career where you feel life is happening to you versus for you. How do you know if you are stuck in one of those times? When you are stuck, you get caught up in assigning blame to others, complain about what’s not going right, and you make excuses for not getting the results that you want. You are viewing the world from a place of lack or scarcity. You have negative self-talk and you catch yourself falling into a negative spiral of emotion. You stop taking actions because you figure there is no point. It can be a tough place to be.

Everything can change when you decide to make a change. The smallest change in making intentional choices in different aspects of your life can make the biggest shifts. If you decide to be more conscious of your spending or food choices or preparation, chances are you will save money and eat out less. If you start to build and nurture relationships, you will be long lasting connections. If you decide to walk among the people you lead and take interest in them, they will take interest in you. It all starts with intention.

When you start to shift your thinking from the belief that other people are responsible for making the change or creating what you want (they owe you – NO RESPONSIBILITY) to realizing you are the one who has the control. Taking responsibility means you are taking control. That’s when the real power comes into play. You have more power than you realize and give yourself credit for. Start giving yourself permission to create a life or business you really want and believe you deserve it! 

NO RESPONSIBILITY = NO POWER

REAL RESPONSIBILITY = REAL POWER

If you want to create more success in your life, you need to take 100% responsibility for all you experience. It starts with no complaining, no blaming, or finding excuses for why you are not getting the results you want. It’s easy to celebrate the great things and not so easy to learn from things that did not go as planned – because sometimes it stings. The question you need to ask yourself is, “What could I have done differently to get the results I wanted?” Pay attention to what you are thinking and how you feel. Focus on the actions to get results. It is not someone else’s job to deliver the results you want. You are responsible for everything from your achievements, education, personal relationships, your finances, and your thoughts and feelings. You create your results. You are not responsible for the way others react or respond. You are responsible for you!

Some people would rather avoid responsibility as it adds extra pressure and expectation – and of course, effort. They do not want to put in the hard work required to get the results. When you are focused on the penalties – less TV time, less sports time, less social time, spend some money, and the list goes on, you will not take action. Although sacrifice is temporary, it feels like something is taken away versus helping you get closer to the goal. Time for a reframe. Otherwise, maybe you do not want it as badly as you say you do. When this happens, it is a great time to investigate a bit deeper. You could be trapped in the fear of success. You are probably thinking – “Don’t I want success?” People tend to avoid taking the actions needed or they sabotage themselves because success comes with an increase in responsibility and expectation. They worry about how they will maintain or exceed the results they hav...

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Our Special Guest: Robert Clancy, a producer, television host, creative visionary, #1 international bestselling author, and spiritual teacher. He is the co-host of the Mindset Reset Show (mindsetresetTV.com) set to launch this July on cable television, Comcast, Direct TV, Roku Amazon Fire TV and TV2Go in 164 countries worldwide. Robert has been on the board of directors and volunteering with Hugh O’Brian Youth Leadership and Junior Achievement on Northeastern New York teaching high school students leadership through community service for nearly thirty years. Robert shares his inspirational thoughts daily on the 'Robert Clancy–Guide to the Soul' Facebook fan page (FB.com/GuideToTheSoul), now followed by nearly 700,000 people worldwide. He is a sought-after speaker, presenter, and guest. He is managing partner of Spiral Design (SpiralDesign.com), a marketing firm that includes notable clients such as Citi Group, Activision, Disney, Zales, The Home Depot, Best Buy, and American Airlines, among others. Robert is also a regular contributor and weekly guest on Los Angeles KABC Radio's syndicated Late Night Health Radio show. Robert recently filmed his television appearance on the Emmy® Award-winning Dr. Nandi Show with a reach of over 300 million people on a variety of cable and satellite television networks, including Discovery, Lifetime and ABC. His latest bestselling book is, Soul Cyphers: Decoding a Life of Hope and Happiness. He is a husband, father, ordained minister and 5th degree black belt martial arts instructor. (GuideToTheSoul.com)

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Special Guest: Michelle Bateman is a transformational Soul Coach, Speaker, and writer and founder of Soul Journey. She created her company after her unhappy life fell apart and she was left to start over. Her Soul Journey led her to discover that she had the power to create a life she loved by changing her thoughts, beliefs, and perceptions of how she saw her self, her life and what was possible and transformed her life into one that was beyond her wildest dreams. She knew that other women were feeling lost and unfulfilled just as she was and they had no idea who they were, what they wanted or how to change, and that she could make a difference to help women discover who they are and create a life they love. Through one on one coaching, workshops, events and destination retreats, she also unites women on the same path to create a Soul Tribe to support each other on their journey  https://www.souljourney.co/

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Our Special Guest: Robert MacPhee is the creator of the Excellent Decisions leadership program and the author of Manifesting for Non-Gurus: How to Quickly & Easily Attract Lasting Results. He has spent the last 15 years working in change facilitation and leadership development. Previously, he collaborated with Jack Canfield (creator of the Chicken Soup for the Soul book series) as the Director of Training for the Canfield Training Group. Robert honed his practical leadership strategies serving as an executive at a variety of large companies and partnering with a number of entrepreneurial ventures. Robert’s first endeavor after graduating from the University of California, San Diego was a summer job that he and his partner built into a company with 400 employees and millions of dollars in revenue. www.excellentdecisions.com

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I was diving into the book, The Willpower Instinct: How Self-Control Works, Why It Matters, and What You Can Do to Get More of It by Dr. Kelly McGonigal and instructor at Stanford University and thought it would be a great topic of discussion. Some people claim to have willpower and others do not. It is topics like these that get me excited about being human – I get curious! According to Dr. McGonigal, “For most of us, the classic test of willpower is resisting temptation, whether the temptation is a doughnut, a cigarette, a clearance sale, or a one-night stand. When people say, “I have no willpower, “what they usually mean is, “I have trouble saying no when my mouth, stomach, heart, or (fill in your anatomical part) wants to say yes.” Think of it as “I won’t” power.” She refers to “I will” power as the ability to do what you need to do, even if part of you does not want to.

"I will power... I won't power...I want power...

She talks about how “I will” and “I won’t” power being two sides of self-control and alone do not define willpower as the is one more power. That is – “I want” power.  McGonigal describes this as the ability to “To say no when you need to say no, and to say yes when you need to say yes” …a third power: the ability to remember what you really want.” We all have willpower.

Why does willpower matter? It has been said that those people who have willpower are not impulsive so they are able to focus their attention and control their emotions and thus their actions. They tend to have more satisfying and meaningful relationships. Those people with willpower tend to make more money and take their careers and businesses to the next level. When you are able to control impulsive behaviours, you are better able to handle stress and deal with conflict. She goes on to discuss how some colleagues would argue that the prefrontal cortex part of the brain – right behind your forehead – helps you do the “hardest thing” otherwise the brain likes to default to the easiest. The easiest being to stay on the couch and binge on Netflix or play video games or eating that dessert but what you really want is to fit into that new pair of jeans. What are some of the “hard things” you know you need to do?

Self-awareness is key in recognizing what we are doing and why we do it. Is what you are doing aligning to what you want and value? Most choices are made on autopilot – yes, without even thinking about the upside or downside of your actions. What’s even worst is that we are surrounded by distractions and multitasking not paying attention to what we are doing. When you are distracted you are more likely to give in to distractions. Your impulsivity kicks in as you are not stopping to assess whether or not your choice will be a good choice or not. Track some of your choices and any excuses for not following through on what you say you want to do. The more aware you become the more you understand why your impulse to do something arises. These impulses could be to check email, social media, or scroll through the last news feeds.

Willpower is like a muscle. When you want something, you will find a way to make it happen. To strengthen your willpower, it is important to tap into your WHY. What motivates you? What is your biggest WANT power? Your WANT power is your motivation that will keep you on track when you face weaker moments – the times you want to follow through on your impulses. Obviously, what weakens willpower is the opposite of what strengthens it – lack of sleep, poor eating and exercise habits, excessive spending, lack of self-awareness, and the inability to deal with stress and the list could go on.

Here are 9 ways to help you strengthen your WILLPOWER:

* Get enough sleep. Studies have shown that when you get less than 6 hours of sleep certain par...