The Mindful Menopause Reset

Ugh! How many calories is in an apple? A homemade cookie?

Are you sick of trying to use that app to track everything?

Years of diet trauma have created the perfect storm for rebelling against restricting our food in any way.

But wait! Mindful menu planning can be your super power. Allow me to demonstrate a simple five minute morning routine that can revolutionize how you handle food decisions for the rest of the day. It’s a key part of how I lost 25 menopausal pounds without counting a single carb.

Sharing this post helps women like us find more yoga and mindfulness tools for holistic health.

My Planning Story

Let me paint the picture. Here’s the first time I really felt the power of planning ahead.

We were in Florida a few years ago and friends of ours were staying about 45 minutes away. She invited us for happy hour. Now here’s how things would normally go. I’d exercise iron willpower around the happy hour snacks. Getting hungrier and hungrier as dinner time approached. But in front of others, I managed to keep it together.

But as soon as I was out of sight, my “hangry” got ugly. I would grab food and grab it fast.

Can’t tell you the number of times my husband and I would be on a road trip and I’d say “I’m feeling a little peckish”. And he’d keep driving. So I’d say, “I’m getting hungry now”. And he’d keep driving. It didn’t take long for this to evolve into a full scale “you don’t love me” argument, ending up with me stress eating double the human quantity of take out.

This occasion was different though. I had started what eventually molded into the SHE Mindfulness program a couple months before. I was planning my food each day.

So on this occasion, I had anticipated that I would be driving the 45 minutes back home on an empty belly. I knew the temptation to start a fight and then snatch anything to soothe my hunger. I could do something different if I thought ahead.

All it took was a few minutes of consideration earlier in the day and some simple prep. So when we pulled into our trailer, hungry and tired, dinner was just a step or two to hot and ready.

How Can a Few Minutes in the Morning Fix OverEating?

This doesn’t sound like much. Why didn’t days always work out this way?

Because most days, before the SHE Mindfulness program, I didn’t take the time to prioritize my own needs. I figured out meals, snacks, rest breaks, hydration… all of it… on the fly. I had so many things on my mind. Such a big to do list. I left my own self care til I was too frazzled to make elegant decisions.

That all changed with the SHE Mindfulness program.

Now there are many facets to this change…. This prioritizing of self care… but today I want to focus on a key tool of the program… the Daily Planner Sheet.

(Please watch the video to get a full tutorial on how to use the sheet)

This is not a food tracker in the traditional sense. No calories counting. No macros. No foods are off limits. You can eat whatever, whenever, how much ever you want.

The KEY DIFFERENCE is that you are making these decisions early in the day when your brain is fresh. And you are looking at the big picture simultaneously. You are mindful of your goals and dreams AND the fact that you have a late meeting or there’s no good options for lunch at that building.

And that’s what you do in the morning. And it I know it sounds like a lot. It took me a long time to talk about all that. But, really, once you get practice at this, it can be done in under five minutes.

Frequently Asked Questions

* Plan enough food. One thing that’s come up a lot for my clients is they don’t put enough food on the plan. They’re so used to diet programs, where you can only have 1200 calories a day, or you’re not allowed to have any… any of this kind of food or something. Throw all of that out. You don’t have to eat it if you’re not hungry, but make sure you put lots of food on your plan, because you’re literally wrestling with that diet mentality, that diet trauma.

And for me, if I didn’t see that there was plenty of options and plenty of food on my plan, I would get a sense of panic, because what if there’s not enough? I’ve never gone hungry a day in my life, but there was, for some reason, this scarcity mindset. I had to really work with that. So make sure you plan enough food.

* Eating Off Plan: Sometimes you plan something in the morning, and then you realize you don’t have enough, because company’s dropping over, or you get to the meal, and you just can’t look at that leftover again. It’s okay. The planning part is the important part.

If you don’t follow the plan perfectly, we have a protocol for that in mindful eating. It all is part of the process. Not a slip up or failure.

* Ditch the Deprivation: You never want to encourage a feeling of denial or deprivation. There’s no bonus points for being like super iron willpower. This is only going to trigger rebel eating.

One thing you can do though, if you are tempted to go off plan and there’s no real good reason to go off plan, think of this as an invitation to spend a little time visiting with yourself. What are you feeling? Bored? Depressed? Exhausted? Frazzled? Thirsty?

And if a little self care doesn’t solve the issue, you can reassure yourself that you will plan for this food tomorrow or next week. Make the commitment to your plan reflective of your commitment to your own wellness. It doesn’t get compromised on a whim. You are a big boss!

You can always have the foods you love. But in the way your most rested and intelligent self has organized them.

That reassurance that you can always have what you really want might be enough to bring your brain into a calmer state of mind. Alleviate diet trauma.

* Dealing with the Dread of Planning: Once you get practiced at this, you will have done it really quickly in the morning when your brain is fresh and you’ve made so many decisions already about your day.

This approach reduces decision fatigue. We make like 60,000 decisions every day. Do we turn left? Do we turn right? Do do we order this or not? Do we say hello to that person or not? Do we agree to go out for dinner or not? Do we wear red or we we wear blue? There are so many decisions through the day that our brain literally gets fatigued.

It makes perfect sense that we will offload so many of our outright decisions, into automatic pilot because we’re just simply tired. If you’ve made a lot of your food decisions earlier in the day, it’s one less task with which to struggle.

* Relieve General Stress: The stress of being hangry leaves us so vulnerable to binging and stress eating. And I really want us to be able to prioritize our own health care, our own well-being, which means don’t let yourself get so tired and stressed.

Go get out ahead of it. And that’s what the planning is all about.

Get a Free Mindful Eating Guide

This isn’t about just losing pounds for a wedding or a vacation. It’s about prioritizing your needs for once, putting yourself first.

Your outward appearance begins to align with the love you lavish on yourself, and it happens almost effortlessly.

There’s no dieting, no deprivation, no denial, and no drama.

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Lost your job. Watched your kids move out. Ended a relationship. Hit perimenopause. None of these come with a funeral — but your nervous system doesn’t know the difference.

Please join the conversation with Dr. Aoife Earls, a naturopathic doctor in St. Catharines, Ontario who specializes in helping women navigate the kind of grief nobody sends a casserole for.

We’re talking about ambiguous grief, disenfranchised grief, and why so many midlife women feel like they’re “losing it” when really, their body is just trying to process an enormous amount of change at once.

The Physical Toll of Loss

Keep reading to find out what is actually happening physiologically when loss piles up — the adrenaline spikes, the sleep disruption, the digestive chaos — and why rest isn’t a luxury during this time, it’s biology. We also get into why guilt shows up the moment joy tries to return, and a simple tool (the “sidecar”) for carrying that guilt instead of fighting it.

Grief Isn’t Just for Funerals

Most of us have felt but never had language for this kind of grief. By midlife, most women are carrying a long list of losses that never got a formal goodbye — a pet, a job, the family home, even the shift in identity that comes when your kids move out and your role as “mom” changes shape. This ambiguous or disenfranchised grief is real loss. But people around you (and sometimes you yourself) don’t fully recognize as grief at all.

Are you finding this article helpful? Please share it with someone who needs to hear this too.

Why It Catches up with Us in Midlife

Between roughly ages 45 and 70, women are often navigating several of these transitions at once — retirement or job loss, kids leaving home, divorce or separation, a health surprise, and the physical upheaval of perimenopause or menopause, all layered on top of each other. The nervous system doesn’t distinguish between a “big” loss and a “small” one; it just registers change, and it responds with the same physiological toolkit regardless: adrenaline spikes, disrupted sleep, digestive issues, a dampened immune response.

The brain craves a predictable story, and when that story suddenly changes, it treats the disruption as a threat that needs managing.

Rest is Mandatory - Real Rest

Rest matters so much more than our culture tends to allow for. Grief recovery is like healing from a concussion: the brain needs real downtime to do the work of rebuilding its sense of self and story, and skipping that stage doesn’t make the work go away, it just gets postponed, often resurfacing later as burnout or a feeling of “why can’t I just push through this anymore?” This is so hard to actually practice —

* the guilt of resting when you have responsibilities,

* the cultural expectation that women bounce back quickly, and

* on paper, you have a full and happy life.

I was blindsided by “empty nest syndrome”. The sense of loss was embarrassing as I never considered myself wrapped up in my kids’ lives. I thought I had a career, social life, travel…. I cried every day for a year when the first one moved out. I just couldn’t adjust to not hearing his car in the driveway or key in the lock. I was gutted. But who would send a casserole for that???

Welcoming Back Joy and Curiosity

It starts with “glimmers” — small, almost throwaway moments of noticing something good - like a nice sunrise or a pair of pants that feel good against your skin — as a way of gently signalling to your nervous system that not everything is unsafe. This is the biochemistry of connection and creativity. Oxytocin and vasopressin, released when we’re engaged in something relational or creative, work in direct opposition to adrenaline, which is part of why returning to something as simple as a dance class or singing in the car can genuinely support recovery.

Remember the old fashioned shows that had the character riding in a motorcycle with a “sidecar”? That’s like our guilt and shame. Instead of trying to eliminate the guilty voice that shows up when joy starts to return (the fear that feeling better means forgetting someone, or that you don’t deserve to feel okay again), let that part of you ride along rather than demanding it disappear before you can move forward.

David Kessler’s book that he co-authored with Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, “On Grief and Grieving”, offers the “three C’s” — you didn’t cause it, you can’t cure it, you can’t control it. This is a way of interrupting the self-blame loop so many women fall into after a job loss, a divorce, or a diagnosis.

I love sharing these teachings with you and I’d love to do more. By Subscribing, you’re helping me broaden my reach.

How a Naturopath Can Help

Beyond supplements or a diet plan, a doctor like Aoife can help at

* rebuilding a predictable rhythm around sleep and nourishment,

* supporting the nervous system directly through herbal medicine and targeted nutrients,

* encouraging rhythmic movement (not exercise for its own sake, but movement that helps the body metabolize adrenaline), and

* gently rebuilding a sense of safe connection, often starting with very small steps.

Now is not the time to overhaul your diet in the middle of an acute loss, like losing a spouse or closing out an estate. That’s often not the moment for a big physical change. Sometimes the kinder, more effective move is to add one small supportive thing rather than restrict or overhaul anything at all.

When to Ask for Help

Almost every woman going through midlife has been “kicked in the knockers” by loss more than once, and asking for help with that, even when you’re the one who usually holds everything together for everyone else, is its own kind of self-compassion practice.

It’s time to ask for help if you are having trouble getting daily tasks done or have been hiding at home for more than three months. This is not carved in stone but general guidelines.

How I Can Help

Understanding that the brain requires rest when processing change gives you the permission to slow down and bring mindfulness into your healing.

That’s where the SHE Mindfulness Program can help. This step by step, guided system blends what you already know from yoga and meditation into a gentle reset for midlife women. The program accounts for the overwhelm that midlife women are tackling. It’s not about deprivation or iron willpower but working with your nervous system compassionately and patiently. There’s a free webinar to try the method and see the effectiveness for yourself.

Final Takeaway

You are not falling apart, and you didn’t cause this. You’re allowed to rest.

About my guest: Dr. Aoife Earls is a naturopathic doctor practicing in St. Catharines, Ontario, specializing in supporting women through loss, transition, and the physical toll grief takes on the body.

[Aoife’s website ]

If you’re navigating a season of change and want more support with the nervous system side of midlife, check out my SHE Mindfulness Program: https://cherylgordonyt.com/she-mindfulness/

Do you eat healthy all day long but then go off the rails after dinner? Ugh!

So many of us midlife women are beating ourselves up, feeling like we’re not measuring up because we blow the healthy eating by 7 pm. But honestly… once you understand WHY this happens, it’s a common sense fix. I’m not talking iron willpower or cleaning out all the junk food from your cupboard.

Let’s clarify what is actually going on when those cravings hit and give you 3 easy strategies for sailing through those nighttime urges.

My Nighttime Pattern… Sound Familiar?

For me, it’s green smoothie for breakfast, high fibre salad for lunch. Even at dinner I start carefully. But then it tastes really good. And I’m not supposed to eat after dinner, so I’d better tank up now. Wouldn’t want to be hungry or I won’t sleep. And then I finish it all and think good, I’m full.

But…. The night stretches out long ahead. I’m tired. But a little wired. My sweet tooth starts grumbling. What about a little chocolate??? Dark chocolate has antioxidants you know. Yup. That sure was good. Another little square won’t hurt. I sit to watch something on YouTube and next thing I know, half the bar is gone. OK, no more of that. This is what goes on in my brain, literally.

This is my night time struggle. Literally every night.

I feel shame for caving on the chocolate. That uncomfortable feeling niggles in the back of my mind while I’m trying to distract with more YouTube or reading. More shame starts piling in because it’s a shame spiral. The more the merrier, right?

“You should sign up for an exercise class at night. You will never fit into your clothes if you don’t tackle this weight around the middle.” And for me, I make a living selling healthy lifestyle. What kind of advertisement is it if I look dumpy????

“Yeah, and I should sign up for a continuing education class. That would keep me away from food at night. I do feel kind of tired after dinner. I put in full days. But if I were really ambitious or organized I would have energy for that” More shame, yay!

How Habits Perpetuate

Meanwhile, my habit brain, the part of my brain that organizes all my background processes, is becoming a little concerned. All this shame coming to the party leads to feelings of isolation, being left out and not measuring up. Wayyyyy back in the caveman days, being left out or ostracized from the tribe was fatal. My habit brain still holds to that notion. So these feelings of isolation are being read as a survival threat. We could die!!!!

Habit brain to the rescue! It has a plan for all potential survival threats. And it has been gathering programming for millennia for just this moment.

Unfortunately, my habit brain does not have room or any desire to embrace my goals, dreams and higher human potential. It’s only interested in basic survival. It doesn’t know that I’ve resolved to kick night time snacking or that I desperately want to fit into my beautiful clothes.

The habit brain steadily amps up the signals that we should do whatever it takes to calm the feelings of isolation, shame and loneliness. Historically, you know what has worked super well???? Eating a snack!

The Role of Dopamine

When we eat something rich in carbohydrates, like chocolate or popcorn or Oreos, the brain receives a strong dopamine hit. This is a pleasure hormone. We are wired, super hard wired, to go after dopamine hits.

Ahhhhh. Pleasurable food. Brain happy. Shame spiral temporarily halted. Deep breath.

Unfortunately, that dopamine hit just band-aided the problem. Logically, I’ve just added more fuel to the shame fire. The whole circle of hell starts again.

Hopefully, my story helps you understand how absolutely normal you are. This is a trap so many of us fall into. You are not broken. I am not shame worthy. It’s just an unmindful pattern that we can totally hack into.

Hack into the Habit Brain

There are several reasons why this night time snacking cycle gets away from us. In the SHE Mindfulness Program, we take a much deeper dive. And you have access to our private Community within which you can ask questions specific to your situation and share your own strategies with others like us.

1. Trying to “Bank Calories”

Days can be busy. Sometimes it’s hard to fit in proper meals. And I often don’t notice my hunger or cravings because my brain is so entertained by all that’s happening. Also, I might take advantage of that distraction and skip some meals. You know… bank my calories for later. It’s feels so virtuous to say, “Oh I forgot to eat today!” Or “I only had an apple for lunch”.

Meanwhile, that habit brain is getting more and more concerned. Depriving ourselves and ignoring hunger cues can create a panic response in your system. Even mild hunger can trigger stress hormones. You might not notice the build up of anxiety because you are stimulated by your activities. But when the distractions start to wind down, the anxiety hits full tilt.

Do you find you are nibbling while cooking dinner? Do the hunger pangs attack as you drive home to make supper? Do you get “hangry”?

Routinely ignoring hunger cues sensitizes our alarm system so it’s super hard to control eating to enough. There is a brilliant communication loop built into our system. But if we are not attuned, the system loses its calibration. In other words, the habit brain becomes even more of a drama queen and sends these big panic messages as soon as it can find our attention.

Here’s the solution: Eat when you are hungry. And stop eating when you’ve had enough.

How elegant. In Mindful Eating (you can get a FREE copy of the guide ), we study exactly how to read the body for hunger and full cues. It sounds so simple but, for me, it has been an ongoing practice to recalibrate.

This is a long term process of learning to deeply listen to your body again. You don’t have to give up chocolate or popcorn. I promise.

2. Stress and Cortisol

The next strategy is helping to address the hormones that cause unnecessary night time snacking.

Cortisol is a normal hormone that is commonly released in the system to help us feel energized and prepped for activity. It starts to rise about 4 am and steadily grows all day. There’s nothing wrong with cortisol in the system. It’s normal.

But here’s the catch. We sit down at dinner. We’re probably hungry. We’ve been busy. Our brains are tired. Do you know you have to make tens of thousands of decisions each day and each one is an energy gobbler?

The relaxation that comes into the system with food is like a roller coaster downhill. We crash. Our system so needed that relaxation that it doesn’t want it to end. Especially if after dinner, there’s a whole bunch of yucky stuff like laundry or feeling lonely.

The habit brain knows how to keep the party going. Keep eating! It’s simple. So we take a little more chicken. That’s healthy right? And maybe just a spoonful more pasta. It is so good tonight. Did you miss lunch? Well… have seconds of course. You can afford the calories.

The body doesn’t really need those calories. They will likely be stored as fat… For most of human history, famine was a very real threat. The bottom line… you torpedo your weight loss goals before you’ve even really settled in for the evening.

Does this resonate? “Well, I blew through my portion control at supper. I’ll start over tomorrow. But for tonight, I might as well blow it out with chips.” And then it’s the shame spiral all over again.

There is a wonderful solution! In the SHE Mindfulness program we talk a lot more about mindful rest. Rest breaks throughout the day relate to weight loss. Most people think they need to exercise more. So this can be really counter intuitive. But stick with me.

IF you don’t want to try and wrestle with that big tank in cortisol at supper tonight, wouldn’t it make sense to bring it down a bit during the day? This is scientifically possible by taking 5 - 20 minute mid day reset for the nervous system. A restorative yoga pose, a quick nap, a meditation…. There are many options to reduce cortisol product…

Are health issues popping up out of nowhere, stressing you out and sending you down the Dr. Google rabbit hole at 3 am? Me too! It might be TMI but I’d like to share with you the crazy digestive symptoms I’m having right now and what I’m doing about it. It’s not about a special exercise or new supplement. This is down to basics yoga and mindfulness tools that you can start today to feel more yourself.

Be forewarned… we’re going to be very good friends at the end of this. If you are a bit squeamish about bathroom talk, you may want to skip this one.

I help midlife women rediscover their strength, build their sleep back up and lose that fluffy weight without extremes or deprivation. I use the tools that I teach in my SHE Mindfulness program everyday. Hundreds of other women are journeying right along with me. I’m genuinely honoured that you are with me now.

Random Health Issues Cropping Up

What the heck is happening with us? As new things crop up, I feel like a delicate flower… can only eat certain things or go certain places. Am I weak? Am I getting old?

The truth is that our bodies feel everything but can’t escape the way our minds can. The body is in it, 24/7. So all those late nights in your 20’s? Body remembers. All those great parties on vacation last year? Body’s still feeling it. The sleepless nights with kids? Body’s keeping score. You get the picture.

Mentally, I’ve moved on. I maybe don’t even remember half this stuff. But my body still bears the imprint of the stress. The exhaustion. The unhealthy food. Maybe bad drugs in the 60’s …but I admit nothing.

Why Things are Different Now

Before menopause, we had this little helper called estrogen. She floated around binding it all together. I’ve talked before about how estrogen is a little like that mom in our family. She does all this background stuff -remembers doctors appointments, gets permission slips signed, buys toilet paper … we don’t really acknowledge all she does to keep us together. But then mom gets the flu and the house goes to s**t. No one knows where we keep the toilet paper. I think I’m building a theme here. Oh boy. Anyway… you get the idea. When mom goes down, the real cracks start to show. Someone should have been helping mom with the toilet paper all along but she just did it.

This is like our bodies when estrogen goes down. It all goes to s**t. There I go again with the unintended puns. I warned that this episode is a bit down the toilet. The point is that the stuff we got away with in our 20’s, 30’s, even 40’s will now catch up with us. It’s not a personal failing but biology. Unavoidable.

Even if you exercise. Eat super healthy. Do yoga every day. Trust me. I know this from my clients but more intimately from my own experience.

Lessons from the Restroom

Recently my body has decided to send a stern memorandum that I need to make some changes. After returning from a trip in April, I thought I had a parasite. Fast forward through doctor’s visits, antibiotics, herbal remedies and cutting out dairy and gluten… blah blah blah… I’m pretty sure that my newfound desperation to always be by the loo is IBS.

We had some significant family stress in February (normal stuff for women our age) that I think pushed me over the edge. The routines of self care I had no longer were sufficient.

This is Common at our Age

Have you been hit with a health issue out of the blue? One of my clients just shared with me that she’s start bleeding after 10 years post menopause. Another developed a rash with no clear cause. Another client has started waking up at 2:36 am every morning for no reason. She’s exhausted. Another client got slammed with sciatica. Very painful, derailed her whole summer… no discernible cause.

The doctor will have some help for all these problems but as a yoga therapist, I see a common thread amongst all of us.

Stress.

Specifically, the cumulative load of a life lived in overdrive for decades.

Just a quick clarification here: WE DID NOT DO ANYTHING WRONG. A lot of times when people get diagnosed with a chronic disease that is exacerbated by stress, we blame ourselves. I should have retired earlier or left the marriage or been better somehow.

The truth is when you are in the weeds, you don’t know you’re in the weeds. Maybe it’s a bit of arrogance but we think we can handle it. And we did. But the body kept tally. And now the debt is being called in.

And because of what I do for a living, I’m particularly vulnerable to beating myself up for not recognizing the patterns earlier. But that is not helpful.

Look to Yoga and Mindfulness for Help

What is helpful is knowing simple adjustments and tools to employ to pay off the deficit and get us back into the game of life again.

Let’s talk about 3 simple shifts that you can start today to reassure your body, and your nervous system, that you are serious about getting better. These are really helping with my symptoms. I can get through teaching a whole yoga class now without rushing for the facilities. I’m back to eating cheese and pasta. Thank heavens because I love cheese and pasta. You obviously will assemble many things from your health care team like supplements, prescriptions, creams, dietary changes and other lifestyle habits… all this forms a puzzle unique to you and your healing. But these habits will accelerate your progress.

* Mindfulness Snacks

Ever been on a trip, using your phone for maps and photos and watching YouTube videos and it almost dies half way through the day? Your nervous system needs recharging when there’s a heavy load on it in that same way.

A mindfulness snack is 3 - 5 minutes segregated from normal activities to recharge the batteries.

This can be a quick “legs up the couch”, a short guided meditation or one of my favourite is the 3 minute breathing space. It’s a classic mindfulness tool that can be utilized almost anywhere. If you’re not driving or operating heavy machinery while you listen to this, let’s try it together.

* orient to present moment experience

* Focus on purpose on movements of breath in the belly

* Expand awareness to include breath but also full present moment experience.

2. Technology Boundaries

With smart watches and computer phones a part of our minute to minute lives, I see the nervous system toll for my students. They are getting buzzed and binged even through yoga class. The one place I would hope they could take a break from the outside world. I guarantee that our bodies were never designed for 24/7 connectivity with the entire universe. It’s just overwhelming.

Dumping the tech for long stretches can be even more stressful, or perhaps not practical. And turning off all notifications permanently might not even be safe or desirable.

The first step is just to be more aware of how often you are responding to notifications or prompts. Or how often you are checking the news headlines. Can you set boundaries around that? Be aware that every time you look at your device, your nervous system is getting a jolt. It’s burning through battery power, in other words.

Do you ever close apps on your phone to save the battery? You get the picture.

My suggestion is that you start with limits around bedtime. Maybe a one hour moratorium on devices before bed. No scrolling when you wake up at night. Then try creating sacred silence around mealtime. No devices. And another time of day that is precious real estate is first thing in the morning. So many of us reach for our phones to open our day. Consider creating another sacred space when your brain is fresh and the day is full of exciting new possibilities. Conserve your battery power for your own thoughts and plans.

Which segues to #3

3. Journal more

If you do decide to put the devices away in the morning, you could use that time to visit with the most amazing and fascinating person in the world… YOU.

Journalling can be complicated. But this doesn’t have to be.

Many of my clients who are more visually stimulated start with a blank page and a doodle. I love colour so sometimes I just draw a rainbow and l…

You’re stretching every morning. You’re doing your workouts. You’re doing everything “right.” So why do you still wake up feeling like you slept on a plank of wood?

Here’s the thing — I hear this from women in our community every single week. It’s not you. There’s an actual name for what’s happening in your body right now, and it has nothing to do with how hard you’re trying.

Here’s exactly why your body feels stiffer than ever — even while you’re doing everything you were taught to do — and here are three simple rules that will change how you move, starting this week.

I’ve spent almost 30 years helping women sleep better, feel stronger and find a healthy weight using the tools of yoga and mindfulness.

“I’m doing the stretches. I’m doing the workouts. So why do I still feel like the Tin Man before his oil can?”

Here’s what I want you to know first: this stiffness you’re feeling? It’s real. It’s not in your head, and it’s not because you’re “not trying hard enough.”

What’s Really Going On

There’s actually a term for it that’s gaining more attention in research and in clinical circles — it’s called **Musculoskeletal Syndrome of Menopause**. And once you understand what’s going on underneath the surface, this whole stiffness thing starts to make a lot more sense.

Here’s the short version. As estrogen declines during perimenopause and menopause, it affects way more than your hot flashes and your mood. Estrogen actually plays a role in keeping your connective tissue — your tendons, your ligaments, your fascia — hydrated and elastic. It also plays a role in how your joints stay lubricated, and how quickly your muscles recover after you use them.

You know how your skin is looser? Wrinklier? Drier? The inner layers of skin are part of that fascia. So what you see on the outside is happening inside too.

When estrogen drops, several things can happen at once:

- Your joints can feel drier, stiffer, achier — even first thing in the morning before you’ve done anything at all

- Your muscles may take longer to recover after exercise than they used to

- Your fascia — that connective webbing that wraps around every muscle, bone and organ in your body — can lose some of its natural glide and elasticity

- And you may notice new aches in places that never used to bother you — hips, shoulders, hands

This is why so many women tell me, “I’m doing the same workouts I’ve always done, and somehow I feel worse, not better.” It’s not that you’re doing something wrong. It’s that your body’s underlying chemistry has changed, and the old rules don’t automatically apply anymore.

You Didn’t Invite This

I want to be really clear about something here: this isn’t about scaring you, and it’s definitely not about telling you there’s nothing you can do. It’s actually the opposite — once you understand why this is happening, you can work with your body instead of constantly feeling confused by it.

What About Hormone Therapy?

If you haven’t already, this might be a really good moment to have a conversation with your doctor about hormone therapy.

I know — for a lot of us, that phrase used to carry some baggage. Maybe you heard scary things about hormone therapy years ago, or maybe your mother’s generation was told to avoid it altogether. But the research and the medical guidance around this has evolved a lot, and for many women, it’s worth an honest, individualized conversation with a doctor who’s up to date on the current research — ideally someone who specializes in menopause care.

I’ve had some great conversations with experts like gynaecologists and nurse practitioners and naturopaths here on the podcast. It might be worth a listen before you go to your doctor.

I’m not a doctor, and I’d never tell you what’s right for your specific body and your specific health history. But what I will tell you is this: you deserve to walk into that appointment informed, and you deserve a provider who takes your symptoms seriously instead of brushing them off as “just part of getting older.”

So if stiffness, joint pain, or these musculoskeletal changes are something you’re dealing with — bring it up. Ask specifically about how hormone therapy might relate to joint and connective tissue health. You are allowed to advocate for yourself in that room.

What Does Work Now

What you can actually do — starting today — to work with your body instead of against it. I’ve got three rules for you. Write these down if you need to.

Rule #1: Don’t Stretch

What kind of craziness is this??? I teach yoga, right? I know this sounds backwards. Your body feels tight, so your instinct is to stretch it more, right? Pull a little harder, hold a little longer?

Here’s the problem. When your fascia has already lost some of its natural elasticity, aggressive or forceful stretching can actually create more stress on that tissue — not less. Instead of gently encouraging the tissue to lengthen, you can end up creating micro-stress, which your body then responds to with more tightness, almost like a protective clench.

So here’s the shift: gentle, sustained movement — not forceful stretching. Think slow, breath-led movement that invites your fascia to soften, rather than yanking on it and hoping it gives.

In practice, this means less grabbing a toe in a pose or pulling with a strap. It means stopping the movement before you feel a big sensation. It means smaller, slower, more boring movements. What you are doing is creating a sense of sensitivity and safety for your body. Not overriding its signals. This has a longer term effect of easing discomfort.

It’s like if every time you rounded a corner, you stubbed a toe. After a few times, your body would begin to brace for impact. Your jaw might tighten, Your digestive system might brace. A headache might pop up. If you walked more mindfully, and didn’t stub your toe for a few days, those symptoms would abate. Sensation is your body’s love language.

This is actually one of the core principles we build into every session inside the SHE Mindfulness program — movement that respects where your body actually is today, not where it used to be ten years ago.

Rule #2: Allow Adequate Rest Days Between Workouts

This one trips up a lot of high-achieving women, because so many of us were raised on the “no days off” mentality. But remember what we just talked about — your recovery time isn’t what it used to be, because of those hormonal shifts.

If you’re doing strength training or more vigorous movement back-to-back with no rest, you may actually be working against your own progress. Your muscles and connective tissue need that recovery window to actually rebuild and adapt. Skipping rest days doesn’t make you tougher right now — it can just leave you more inflamed, more stiff, and more exhausted.

So build in real rest. Not guilt-laden rest. Real, intentional recovery.

I know this is so hard for me. It’s like a badge of honour to say I hit the gym today or rode my bike to work. I don’t want to admit to how many injuries it’s taken to teach me this hard lesson.

How does this look for your weekly fitness plan? Strength training twice a week lower body and twice a week upper body. You can combine these into one workout, if you have the time. Which means gym 2x weekly. Or working a muscle group 2x weekly. That allows 3 days recovery. You need that much, girlfriend. To really build the muscle.

For cardio, it means 3 bike rides a week maximum. Or 3 runs a week. Get the picture?

I love to move and I can’t just sit still all week. So fill in the recovery days with very gentle yoga (remember rhythmic, breath centred movement), slow walks in nature, easy swimming, tai chi, etc. So many of the SHE clients have seen scales move and bodies lose their fluffy aspect by incorporating more rest time. This is reflective of what midlife womens’ bodies need.

Rule #3: Balance Slow Strength Training With Vigorous Movement in Mini Doses

This is where a lot of women get stuck in an all-or-nothing pattern — either they’re doing slow, gentle stretching every day and not…

Have you seen a pic of you lately and thought “what happened?”. Did you get out the summer clothes and find nothing felt right? I know you’re eating healthy and walk every day. And the belly fat is still there — and growing. What if I told you it has absolutely nothing to do with willpower?

You’ve heard all this before: eat clean, exercise more, reduce your stress levels.

Yup. Check. But the weight keeps finding you. I know! The same thing happens to me.

I am active. I teach yoga and meditate daily. I eat fresh from my own garden. Yadda yadda yadda. And then I think, what does it matter? I’m 63… a grama. Just be happy with who you are. Right?

But there is a voice inside of me that doesn’t like this giving up. A part of me that feels abandoned when I just let the scale creep up week after week. And clothes don’t fit. And I feel more and more out of my own body.

You start avoiding picture taking. Beach trips. Anything with a belt. You bravely declare that you are body positive but inside, not so much. You know you felt better 10 or 20 pounds ago.

But it is a bloody mystery what it would take to get there these days. You just don’t have the energy to sort it all out, right?

Simple Answers.

There are simple answers. I promise. I found them in mindful eating. At the end of this episode, I’ll share details on how you can get your free guide and start your own journey toward food freedom today.

But let’s dive Into this episode. I want to share • what the fitness dudes totally miss for midlife women

• how pushing ourselves to be perfect = belly fat

• what to focus on instead of dieting & exercise

My approach is grounded in yoga therapy, mindfulness, and modern neuroscience—translated into real life for women in midlife.

🌿 You deserve understanding, not more rules.

Busting Myths around Weight Loss

#1. Should you exercise harder and longer? It isn’t going to help you shed that belly fat. It’ll probably equal a new injury and we have enough of that already, right?

I still believe these old myths. I notice the scale go up a couple pounds and the first thought is… gotta get serious! No more snacking! And tomorrow, I’m doubling my walk time. (Check out this previous podcast on cardio myths)

Even after YEARS of study and proving this in my own body (I lost 25 pounds in 2024 with Mindful Eating)... those old thoughts still haunt me. So you’re definitely not alone in this struggle. We’re all feeling it.

Here’s something that got my attention.

The total daily expenditure of energy (your calorie burn) is a good fundamental concept to understand when it comes to metabolism and weight management.

Basically it’s the total amount of energy your body burns in a day. It’s made up of four parts:

Basal Metabolic Rate (BMR) – This is the energy your body needs just to keep you alive—breathing, circulating blood, and even thinking! It makes up the largest chunk of your TDEE. about 70%

Non-Exercise Activity Thermogenesis (NEAT) – This includes all the little movements we don’t think about—fidgeting, walking to the kitchen, even talking with our hands! Which makes up about 15% of the total

Thermic Effect of Food (TEF) – This is the energy your body uses to digest and process food. Protein-rich foods actually burn more calories during digestion! This uses about 10% of TDEE

Exercise Activity (EA) – This is the energy burned during intentional movement, like workouts, yoga, or a dance class. 5% Just 5%! So it’s not just about the gym! In fact, NEAT can make a bigger impact than you think. Small daily movements add up over time, and understanding your TDEE helps you make smart choices for sustainable energy balance.

So all the diets we’ve been on that calculate our Basic Metabolic Rate plus the calories I’m burning in exercise are - well - pretty much bogus. Well maybe not completely bogus, but definitely incomplete. Most diet plans focus only on BMR and workouts, ignoring NEAT and the Thermic Effect of Food.

Which means, we’ve been missing two key pieces of the puzzle.

If you only focus on exercise, you’re overlooking the 10-15% of calories burned through daily movement. Plus, digestion itself burns calories—especially when you eat protein and fibre-rich foods. The problem is, most diet plans don’t factor in how your body uniquely uses energy.

Sustainable weight management isn’t just about burning calories in the gym—it’s about working with your metabolism all day long.

Myth #2

And this is why going for a run or a zumba class, while great exercise and hopefully lots of fun, doesn’t give you a free pass on calories for the rest of the day. It just doesn’t affect total burn that much.

So if you have been frustrated because you are tracking everything and pushing the calorie burn with extra cardio, but belly pudge won’t budge… now you know why!

Ditch the Smart Device Tracker

And a shout out to the rooftops that all that data on your smart device about calories burned is probably hurting your progress?!!! It can really distracting from mindfulness. Which, in a few minutes, we’ll talk about how essential that is for weight loss.

Eat less = Lose Weight?

Let’s myth bust some more around why calories in and calories out is not an effective model. Eat less and lose weight right? It’s just math. NOT! You’ve tried that so many times and where are we now?

1. The body is a super efficient machine. For most of our existence as humans, starvation was a reality. For the first few minutes of an activity, the body might kick in extra energy but very quickly, it adapts and minimizes energy expenditure. So this phenomenon is not reflected in calorie counters on your smart device.

2. Even if you did burn 500 calories on the treadmill, eating one store bought muffin blows that away.

3. All that time pushing yourself into more and more km or calorie burn means you get pressed for time in other areas. This creates stress. Which inhibits weight loss.

4. Long periods of steady state cardio exercise can actually reduce muscle mass. And losing muscle mass is not where we need to go. Because muscle is like a metabolic engine—it keeps your body burning energy efficiently. But as we hit midlife, things start to shift.

Midlife Metabolism Doesn’t Have to Slow Down

* We naturally lose muscle mass—starting as early as our 30s. As women, we can lose up to 2% per year, and this loss speeds up in our 40s and 50s. Less muscle means a slower metabolism, which can lead to weight gain, less energy, and even a higher risk of injury.

* Hormonal changes—declining estrogen, progesterone, and even testosterone can make it harder to maintain muscle and easier to store fat.

* We often move less—life gets busy, stress increases, and we might not prioritize movement like we used to. Less movement = fewer calories burned daily.

And that’s why it feels like your metabolism is slowing down. It’s so discouraging when you try to do everything right. Are you sometimes tempted to just give up? And maybe you feel like you have thrown in the towel. That you’re too old to fight this any more.

Of course, that’s normal. So much of what we’re sold around healthy eating and weight loss is - if not just regurgitated programming from some dude’s sports workout - it’s not designed for a mature woman’s needs.

Here’s the good news

Honestly, it’s not that complicated.

It’s a combination of prioritizing muscle building in fitness, focusing on protein and fibre each meal and investing in meaningful self care that shifts the needle… NOT cutting out food groups, starving yourself or doing killer workouts!

This is why I recommend Mindful Eating. As I mentioned earlier, it really helped me tame menopausal weight gain. And, honestly, I had fun doing it. It is a total plan for not only attuning to what I really want and need to eat but also figuring out where I need authentic self care. All this supports my nervous system and builds my energy naturally. Without forcing, restricting or harsh rules. I do have a free guide that I can send you so you ca…

Who hasn’t found themselves wide awake at 3 a.m. with a racing mind?

You’re not broken. You’re not lazy. You’re human, living in a culture that glorifies exhaustion and overstimulation.

If you’re a woman over 50 and waking up between 2–4am feeling wired, anxious, or restless, this episode is for you.

Midlife insomnia isn’t just a sleep issue—it’s often a nervous system and hormonal shift that most women are never taught how to regulate.

In this episode, I explain: • why sleep changes after menopause • how stress and cortisol disrupt deep rest • what actually helps your body feel safe enough to sleep again

I have nearly 30 years of experience helping women over 50 restore energy, calm their nervous system, and feel strong again—without pushing or extreme routines.

Resting is Not Wasted Time

Rest—even when you can’t sleep—isn’t wasted time. It’s medicine.

You’ve heard all the lectures about sleep and how important it is to your metabolism. Sometimes this just adds even more pressure during those restless nights. And anxiety and pressure are the opposite of what is helpful.

So many hormones naturally balance themselves during rest. If you are looking to maximize your energy, weight or strength in midlife, working with this natural system is key.

Busy-ness as a Badge of Honour

Somewhere along the line, busyness became a badge of honour. We say things like, ‘I’ll sleep when I’m dead. Isn’t that crazy??? But the truth is, our bodies haven’t caught up with the pace of modern life. Twenty-four-seven stimulation, blue light, endless entertainment—our nervous system was never designed for this.

My dad was born in 1939 in a small handyman’s cottage on a farm. There was a wood stove for heat and a hand pump at the kitchen sink for running water. My grama had 3 babies in 4 years in that cottage with the help of her older sisters. Can you imagine???? I asked her once and she said, “it seemed busy at the time”. Anyway…. My dad grew up on that farm, rising with the sun and living in synch with natural rhythms. He went to a one room school house. Once, every three weeks or so, they would hitch up the horse and buggy and head the 5 miles into town. Buy the few things they couldn’t produce themselves on the farm. It was a big deal to expose themselves to the bustle of a town with almost 5000 people in it. Whew! Everyone was exhausted after that outing.

That was how my dad’s nervous system was programmed. Quiet country living. Most of our grandparents or a generation of so back were raised the same way. Seeing very few faces over the course of a day and travelling just a few miles from home. Not too exciting by today’s standards.

Think of the number of faces you saw today. The number of images, books, online stimulation, grocery items, etc. Your brain struggles to process all that stimuli. It’s not really wired for that. Our ANS is the same as generations of humans… the cave people really… maybe even dinosaurs. It can’t evolve at the pace of modern change. Do you remember getting a coloured tv? Your first home computer? How about the smart phone? We’re old enough to have experienced that pace of change first hand. It’s dizzying right?

It’s such an overwhelming pace of change and stimulation that our brains just default to auto pilot a lot.

Brains are super big energy gobblers. The biggest calorie burn in your body can be the brain. Your super intelligent body has adapted by shunting a lot of thinking and decisions to habits. Saves energy which is smart as most humans over the course of history didn’t have enough to eat.

But here’s the kicker: If you want to lose weight, feel energized, or learn something new, your brain needs more energy to change old habits. Which means rest isn’t optional—it’s the foundation.

Why Sleep is Less Stable Now in Midlife

This was easier, at least for me, when I was younger. A lot of kids can sleep anywhere if they’re tired enough. I used to sleep… wait for it… ten hours a night! Loved my bed in those days. Every person is wired a little differently but I bet most of us noticed sleep changes as we hit perimenopause. The dramatic change in hormones makes sleep much more challenging.

Here’s why. Your nervous system talks through neurons. Neurons tell your glands what hormones to release. Hormones tell you when to pee, when to eat, when to sleep… even when to feel angry.

In perimenopause, progesterone and estrogen levels drop. These hormones are an essential part of the cocktail that creates a relaxation response. That’s why sleep, mood, and energy often feel unpredictable.

When we skid into bedtime with high cortisol levels (the stress hormone) and insufficient melatonin (the circadian rhythm hormone that responds to increasing darkness), releasing into sleep is more difficult. AND we’re more likely to wake up after that first wave of sleep ie 3 am.

Knowing about cortisol and the changes in sex hormones is one thing. I want to give you solid strategies to start the shift to more natural rhythms. You do have power over hormones and using these tricks are part of your power. Video/audio resources to support you are available in the Sleep Solutions Course. Use promo code sleepbetter to get $10 off.

The Real Story on Sleep

How many of us wish we could get a solid 8 hours? What if I were to share that this goal isn’t necessary or even really worth it? Here’s why.

There are different stages of sleep.

* N1: dreamy, relaxed, drifting.

* N2: light sleep, body is letting go.

* N3 or Slow Wave Sleep: the deep physical recovery zone, critical for healing and learning. NB 20% of sleep is N3 for 20 yr olds, only 5% for 60 yr olds.

* REM: where your brain is wildly active, dreams happen, emotions and memories get sorted.

* We think waking at night is a failure, but it’s normal. Sleep is a series of waves. The first wave has the most deep sleep. Later waves carry more REM. So yes—you may pop awake between cycles. That’s biology, not brokenness. The pineal gland releases 4 hormones (melatonin, serotonin, epithalamin - a naturally occurring polypeptide extract from the pineal gland, known for its anti-aging (geroprotective) effects. It normalizes bodily functions, boosts stress resistance, and works by activating telomerase (to lengthen telomeres), increasing melatonin production, and acting as a powerful antioxidant, potentially slowing cellular aging and improving healthspan - and vasopressin - controls urination) from 9 pm - 2 am.

* Iron processing also changes so nerve signalling is more restless = harder to calm… and there’s just more inflammation in general in our bodies due to circulatory changes …. Which means being more wakeful is NORMAL.

It’s what we do and how we view the wakefulness that makes all the difference.

Turning the Bus Around

When we change behaviour, even in tiny ways, we can calm the all those imbalances. Systematically and patiently, we can train our ANS to “sleep through the night” just like we trained the babies.

That’s why small, sequential shifts are powerful. Sweeping changes? They alarm the habit brain, which just drags us back into overwhelm.

So the secret isn’t more effort. It’s more rest.

When we’re not sleeping, it’s nasty. Super frustrating. We get mad at ourselves. We do feel broken, even embarrassed to keep complaining about it. I was a yoga teacher, for heaven’s sake! How mortifying to drag my sorry butt to a morning class, bleary eyed and promising bliss to the masses. It was unacceptable so I did a deep dive into sleep science, yoga tools, and put them to the test in my own bedroom.

Here’s my most important finding. You don’t need to sleep solid for 8 hours in order to wake rested, focused and positive. What you need to do is find a way to self soothe during those wakeful times.

I know this first hand. I do not sleep solid. But I feel sooo much better since working through these tricks.

Most of us panic. We have to get up in the morning. Not another bad night?!!!

Picture this with me. It’s 3 am. Witching…

So what’s going on for you? Night sweats? Hot flashes? Tossing and turning at night? Belly weight from nowhere? How about the anxiety???

You might feel as though your body is in full blown crisis mode. Digestive issues crop up. Joints go out of whack. Life just feels… well, really hard now.

This is the biggest hormonal upheaval since puberty. And, girlfriend, there is so much misinformation and manipulation out there. We go to our doctor, thinking that’s where we’ll get the real truth, and leave feeling more confused than ever.

Today, my guest is a Nurse Practitioner who got fed up with seeing old, sick and frail women in hospital and doctors’ clinics. She KNEW that if she could get to them earlier, give them supportive hormone treatments to help bring balance back to their systems… their lives would be transformed.

In this post, we’re going to highlight three essential hormones, what their role is in your body and how to boost them in perimenopause and menopause. Our information will give you clarity on what the buzz is all about.

Welcome to the Midlife Reset. My name is Cheryl Gordon. As a yoga therapist, I have helped 1000’s of women create calmer, stronger and more meaningful lives through the tools of yoga and mindfulness.

So many women going through perimenopause or menopause do the right thing: they go to their doctor. They describe the night sweats, the hot flashes, the weight gain, the sleeplessness. And too often, they leave with a prescription for antidepressants or sleeping pills — but without answers, and without feeling seen as a whole person.

That gap in care is exactly what nurse practitioner Jenny Coffey set out to fill.

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A Healthcare System That’s Failing Everyone

Jenny’s path to hormone health wasn’t a straight line. She completed her undergraduate degree at McMaster University (Hamilton, Ontario) to become a registered nurse, spent nine years working in hospitals, then went back to Western University (London, ON) for a graduate degree to become a nurse practitioner — someone who can diagnose, prescribe, and order labs, functioning very similarly to a family doctor.

Her goal was to help people earlier, before they arrived at the hospital with fractures, diabetes, and UTIs.

What she found instead was a system built to manage disease, not prevent it. In all her years of training, she doesn’t remember a single class on menopause, hormones, or even how to keep people healthy.

And it wasn’t just her. Primary care, she’ll tell you, is a tornado. Fifteen to twenty minutes per patient. Piles of prescription refills. Stacks of forms. There’s simply no time to sit with someone and explain the *why* behind their symptoms, let alone explore alternatives to medication.

The system, she’s quick to point out, isn’t just failing patients — it’s failing healthcare providers too.

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The Turning Point

Jenny eventually opened a practice with her sister Camilla, initially focused on medical aesthetics. But they kept hearing the same refrain from clients: *sure, I’ll take the Botox, but what about these night sweats?*

For a while, Jenny didn’t know what to tell them. She had almost no training in it. But the pattern was impossible to ignore.

She started slowly, taking a course here and there, before completing advanced training under physician Dr. Neil Rousier. It changed everything.

“Every time I attended a lecture, my head would just pop off. Wait — what? We can prevent *that*? Why isn’t everybody doing this?”

She came home from each training weekend more fired up than the last. Things, she decided, had to change.

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What Women Are Actually Missing: The Hormone Conversation

When women arrive at Jenny’s clinic, they’ve usually tried everything else. Many believe they’re choosing between hormones and breast cancer risk — and some are so desperate they say they don’t even care anymore.

The first thing Jenny does is untangle that fear.

When we talk about menopause and perimenopause, the hormones in question are the ones made in the ovaries: **estradiol, progesterone, and testosterone**. Much of the fear around hormone therapy stems from studies using *synthetic* versions — the kind found in some birth control pills and older hormone therapies — which behave differently in the body. Bioidentical hormones, by contrast, are structured the same way as what your ovaries used to produce. Your body simply knows what to do with them.

And almost all women, Jenny says, are candidates — even those with a personal or family history of breast cancer.

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Progesterone: More Than Just a Sleep Hormone

Progesterone has remarkable effects on the central nervous system. Jenny has helped women come off Ativan and sleeping pills by simply getting their progesterone to a therapeutic level. The results speak for themselves: better sleep, fewer night sweats, improved mood, no more heart palpitations, no more 3 a.m. racing thoughts.

Beyond that, progesterone has been studied for its protective effects against breast, ovarian, and uterine cancers. It reduces inflammation. It helps regulate mood and anxiety in ways that antidepressants simply don’t address at the root.

One of the most common frustrations Jenny encounters: women who’ve been told “hormones didn’t work for me.” More often than not, it was a dosing issue, not a hormone issue. Some women need very little; others need quite a bit. Getting that calibration right takes time, attention, and the right questions — none of which the current system is set up to provide.

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Estradiol: Protecting Your Future Self

Estradiol is a specific form of estrogen — estrogen being a broad umbrella term, the way “vacation” covers everything from road trips to cruises. Estradiol is the form your ovaries used to make, and it’s what the clinic uses.

Most women wait out their hot flashes thinking that once they pass, they’re done. But that’s actually the moment to pay closest attention. Once the ovaries shut down entirely, bone density begins to break down rapidly. The brain changes. The skin changes faster. And the risks that quietly accumulate — hip fractures, heart attacks, strokes, dementia, serious urinary tract infections — become much more real.

Estradiol is protective against all of these. That’s not a small thing.

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Testosterone: Not Just for Men

Hormones, as Jenny puts it, are for humans — not for genders. Women produce testosterone too, and its absence is felt everywhere.

Testosterone supports muscle mass, energy, mood, and libido — both physically and mentally. It improves the pelvic floor. It maintains the health of vaginal tissue, the bladder, and the urethra, which is part of why UTIs become so common in older women.

One of the most quietly devastating symptoms of menopause is what’s known as genitourinary syndrome of menopause (GSM) — where the anatomy of the vulva and vagina actually changes, tissues thin and shrink, and sex becomes painful or impossible. Many women are told to just relax, or drink more wine. Most eventually stop having sex altogether.

The answer isn’t lubricant. It’s restoring the hormones that kept those tissues healthy in the first place. Lubricant has its place, but it can’t rebuild what hormones built.

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Thyroid: The Missing Piece

One more thing that often gets overlooked: thyroid function. Changes in the thyroid frequently accompany perimenopause and menopause, but because doctors are trained to look for *disease*, a thyroid that’s simply becoming less efficient often goes unnoticed and untreated.

A sluggish thyroid affects metabolism, energy, joint pain, hair, and body composition — all things women are often told are just part of getting older. They don’t have to be.

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A Different Kind of Care

At Jenny’s clinic, Font Health, new patients go through a 16-week program — because that’s roughly how long it takes to get hormones dialed in, address the misinformation people have absorbed, interpret labs in context, and truly move the needle. After that, many choose to stay on a maintenance plan, because their family doctors often don’t know wha…

Are we gonna have sex or what? This is the question that so many of us midlife women are asking. Desire has been lost in a haze of hormones, deadlines, sleep deprivation and relationship meltdown.

Let’s unpack what it will take to get you back to feeling pleasure again. And girlfriend… it’s not what you think!

Reclaiming desire is one part of your midlife reset. Watch a full masterclass on reclaiming better sleep, losing midlife weight and building strength.

Meet Dr. Julie Merriman, clinical therapist, author and podcast host. She has spent 25 years counselling high-achieving women over 50 on burnout, compassion fatigue, and nervous system depletion— including how this stress shows up as disconnection, shutdown, and loss of intimacy.

By the end of this post, you’ll understand that lacking desire is not a character flaw. You are not broken. This state of affairs is an adaptive nervous system response to decades of responsibility, care, and chronic demand. Let us help you start to unwind the mess right now.

Why Midlife Changes Everything About Desire

“Are We Gonna Have Sex or What?” is the title of Dr. Julie’s new book. This is a question that’s big on my mind. I’m actually going to turn 63 at the end of this week. I have always loved intimacy with my partner — it was a big part of who I am and who I was. Through my menopausal journey it’s been really challenging. Challenging to keep up the libido, to keep my parts functioning.

Hormones are an issue — at one time estrogen was flooding through our bodies. And estrogen plays a big role not only in reproduction but also in brain function, which I think we forget.

Here’s something most women don’t know: it doesn’t matter if you’re 25 or 65 — only about 10 to 15% of women experience spontaneous desire.

The rest of us — that’s 85 to 90% — depend on responsive desire, where we’re responding to our partner or responding to a context. As we age, it’s still there, but it might take a little longer to get her online. And our nervous system plays a huge role in this. Hormones are very important, but the full picture isn’t just hormones. You have to look at the person holistically.

The Superwoman Myth and the Fried Nervous System

Think about women over 50. A lot of us came up with the superwoman myth — you can have all the jobs, raise all the kids, take care of the house, and how dare you say you’re tired.

You have to stay thin and sexy, keep a perfect house, remember everyone’s birthday, get all the kids to the doctor’s appointments, and be ambitious at work.

And we were told, if you weren’t doing that, something was wrong with you. That was a myth — we cannot do all of that. But we arrive in midlife completely fried. Our nervous system has been in a pressure cooker for 20 or 30 years. There’s an allostatic load that builds — it’s not just one stress cycle, it’s decades of unfinished stress cycles.

When our nervous system is dysregulated — when we’re over-functioning and holding everyone’s emotional load — we cycle through three states. There’s the ventral state, where we’re regulated and social, and that’s where intimacy feels wonderful. There’s the sympathetic state, where we’re in fight or flight, which is where many of us live. And then there’s the vagal state, where we’re dissociated from our body entirely.

Our nervous system’s job is to keep us alive. So it tells our brain: you are in survival mode, and I’m taking pleasure off the table. We just need to get you through this day.

After 20 or 30 years of this, we’re living on adrenaline and cortisol.

And coffee.

It’s become quite habitual. I call it the habit brain running the show. Because when we’re going through those busy years, we didn’t even have time to think about it. Kids hanging off of us, gym, laundry — and then at night, husband winks at us and we’re like, no way, buddy. Resentment builds up. He got to go to hockey, or golf, or guys’ night out. All of that has been building for 20 or 30 years.

There’s a myth that we can’t pour from an empty cup — except we’ve done it for years, to the point that we’ve become the empty cup.

We bring forward from childhood the belief that our worth is tied to our performance. The idea of not doing, or even receiving, is deeply uncomfortable.

Dr Julie works with women where she’ll give them an assignment: just colour for 10 minutes this weekend. Something completely unproductive. And the client comes back and say, I nearly crawled out of my skin — I couldn’t just sit there without feeling guilty.

So yes, we have years of unmet needs, and of course it leads to resentment.

Chakras, the Vagus Nerve, and Sacred Resentment

It can be helpful to use chakra psychology alongside somatic psychology. If one has their neuroscientist hat on, one talks about the vagus nerve through neuroscience language. If one has a yoga instructor hat on, one talks about it through chakra language. They’re the same thing — our vagus nerve runs right through our chakra system. And for my clients, that framework is often more tangible than an anatomy chart.

What it reveals is this: for years, we’ve swallowed our truth to keep the peace — and that lives in the throat chakra. The unexpressed accumulates and moves down into the heart and solar plexus as resentment. I think of it as sacred resentment, because if we’ll slow down and listen to it, she has a lot to tell us about the needs we need met.

Until we make our body a safe place to live, desire cannot return. When we’re in a constant state of fight or flight, our body doesn’t feel safe. And pleasure really depends on a safe body to open up to. Sex is wonderful, but it’s a very vulnerable place to be.

From a very basic biological point of view, there’s no point in procreating if lions are about to eat you.

It’s so fascinating that the chakras line up with where the vagus nerve is most active. The vagus nerve is a long-wandering nerve that activates our rest-and-digest response. It’s attached to the parasympathetic side of the autonomic nervous system — and it has branches in the groin, the gut, the heart, the throat, and the face.

I usually start with the root chakra, because that’s where safety lives. The root chakra runs from the sits bones down to the tips of the toes. Right above it is the sacral chakra — that’s where our sensuality, creativity, and emotions live. Those two need to be balanced and talking to each other. When we’ve been in a state of functional freeze with a dysregulated nervous system, those two areas are completely depleted.

And I want to name something about the self-care industry.

It can be very gaslighting to say, just go get a massage. Or just meditate. When you are in a dysregulated state, your frontal cortex isn’t available to settle into meditation — and then we feel like we’ve failed at that too. Which just dysregulates us a little more.

Defrosting — Practical Tools to Regulate and Re-Embody

Grounding, above everything else, is the place to start. I want clients to start with a walking meditation — going outside without a phone, just birds, leaves, vitamin D from the sun. Five to ten minutes. That’s it.

Because a walking meditation starts at the root chakra, and it begins the process of re-embodiment. We are floating heads of competence, completely disconnected from the fact that we have a body.

The next tool is shaking. Dr. Julie lives on a cattle ranch in Texas, and after a ride, her horse will shake from nose to tail. That’s the nervous system completing its cycle. So she has her clients do full body shakes, especially when something has activated them.

Then hip circles — so many women carry trauma, shame, and tension in the hips and the sacral area. Just gentle hip circles, placing a hand on the sacral chakra, inviting movement and groundedness.

From there, a full body scan — approaching your body with curiosity and self-compassion, noticing any physical sensation. We have told our bodies for years: shut up, I don’t have time for you. We have to invite the body back online.

People overlook t…