When I was 19, my mother was 46.

Back then, 46 sounded middle-aged to me. Grown grown. Surely by that age, you knew who you were, had life figured out and had done most of the becoming.

Now I’m 46.

And apparently, 19-year-old me had absolutely no idea what she was talking about.

In this episode of The Motherless Mother Podcast, I reflect on midlife, motherhood and mother loss by looking back at the woman my mother, Lillian, was at 46—and at how different my own life looks at the very same age. She had three older children and had been married for 25 years. I have an eight-year-old, a five-year-old, and I'm still figuring out motherhood, marriage, work, purpose and what I want the next part of my life to look like.

But this isn't really about comparing our lives.

It's about realizing that our mothers were still becoming too.

At 46, my mother had no idea that three years later she would become a grandmother or that five years later she would become a mother-in-law. Those versions of herself were still ahead of her.

And maybe there are versions of us we haven't met yet either.

Whether your mother is still here or you're navigating life after losing your mother, this episode is an invitation to think about the woman your mother was at the age you are now—and what may still be waiting for you beyond the life you can see today.

We’re still living forward.

🎧 I Thought I’d Be Grown by Now

A New Perspective on Age, Motherhood and What’s Still Possible

The Motherless Mother Podcast

For the moments you thought were yours alone.

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🌐 TheMotherlessMother.com

I knew my mother very well. But after losing her, I’ve found myself wondering about all the versions of her I never got to meet.

The tomboy-ish little girl who was mischievous but afraid of getting spanked. The young woman who became Miss Nassau Beach Hotel. The sister who went dancing with my Auntie Wasi and gave men fake names—Linda Pinder and Sandra Fernander—and then switched places when those men called the house.

I knew Mummy. But who was Lillian before she was my mother?

In this episode of The Motherless Mother, I explore a part of mother loss and grief we don’t always talk about: the questions that come after our mothers are gone. As we grow older, become mothers ourselves and experience more of life, we can become curious about getting to know our mothers as women—not only as “Mummy,” but as the people they were before us.

For motherless daughters and women mothering without their mothers, those questions can feel bittersweet. But sometimes pieces of our mothers’ stories are still here—in siblings, relatives, photographs and the memories of people who loved them too.

And if your mother is still here, perhaps this episode will leave you thinking about the questions you still have time to ask her.

Who was your mother before she was your mother?

Want to know more about your mother's story?

Download my free guide, 10 Questions I Wish I'd Asked Mummy.

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The Motherless Mother — for the moments you thought were yours alone.

My mother was usually my first call of the morning and my last call at night.

Sometimes I needed advice. Sometimes I had news. But most of the time, I called her about absolutely nothing.

Nearly six years after losing her, there are still moments when something happens and my first thought is: I need to call Mummy.

In this episode of The Motherless Mother, I’m talking about missing your mother after she dies—especially the ordinary phone calls I miss most. I explore the difference between having people who love and support you and still wanting your mother, and the strange reality of mother loss: life keeps giving us new questions long after the person we want to ask is gone.

I also share what receiving some very good news this week made me want to do almost immediately—and how being the person my own children call has made me see those ordinary “Mummy!” moments differently.

In this episode:

• Why sometimes I don’t want an answer—I want her answer
• The ordinary calls I never knew I would miss
• Why relationships aren’t interchangeable
• The limits of memory when life keeps creating new questions
• The privilege hidden inside being someone’s ordinary phone call

If this episode made you think of another motherless mother, please share it with her.

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Follow or subscribe wherever you listen, and if these conversations have meant something to you, consider leaving a rating or review to help another woman find the show.

The Motherless Mother — for the moments you thought were yours alone.

You are still her daughter.

Before I became a mother, I had ideas about the kind of mother I would be—and the kind of woman I would remain.

Then I actually became one.

Motherhood didn't just add children to my life. It changed my priorities, my ambitions, and even my definition of success.

And somewhere along the way, I started wondering about something women hear all the time:

Don't lose yourself in motherhood.

But what if I didn't lose myself?

What if motherhood simply introduced me to a version of myself I couldn't have known before?

In this episode of The Motherless Mother, I'm reflecting on motherhood and identity—the mother I imagined, the woman I've actually become, and the fear of losing yourself in motherhood. I explore what happens when motherhood changes your ambitions and priorities, and why I'm learning that a changed dream isn't necessarily a smaller one.

Because I may not be the mother I thought I'd be.

But I think I like her.

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Follow or subscribe wherever you listen, and if these conversations have meant something to you, consider leaving a rating or review to help another woman find the show.

The Motherless Mother — for the moments you thought were yours alone.

You are still her daughter.

One day, our children will tell stories about us.

What will they remember?

Losing my mother changed the way I think about memories. I don’t remember whether she got motherhood right every time. I remember her—her smile, her laugh, the scents she wore, the meals she made, the softness of her skin, and the way she showed up.

And lately, I’ve been wondering: What will my children remember about me?

After weeks of traveling together—from watching my son compete for The Bahamas to exploring London and Paris—I’ve been especially aware that we are making their memories right now.

But we don’t get to choose which moments become the memories.

Maybe they’ll remember the big trips and milestones. Or maybe they’ll remember that we laughed together. That we apologized when we got it wrong. That home felt safe. That they never had to earn our love.

In this episode of The Motherless Mother Podcast, I’m reflecting on motherhood, memory and the legacy we leave our children—including the pressure to be a perfect mother and what our children may actually remember about being raised by us.

Because perhaps the goal isn’t to raise children who remember a perfect mother.

It’s to raise children who never have to question whether they were deeply loved.

💌 This week’s question to carry: How does it feel to be loved by me?

If this episode resonates, share it with another mother, follow or subscribe, and consider leaving a rating or review.

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The Motherless Mother — for the moments you thought were yours alone.

You are still her daughter.

There are moments when the joy is so big — and right alongside it comes the ache.

I wish my mother could see this.

As I prepare to travel to Trinidad to watch my son represent The Bahamas as part of the national swim team, I've found myself thinking about the person I most wish could be in the stands with me: my mother.

But one of the things I've learned about grief after losing my mother is that it doesn't only show up in the big moments.

It's there in the funny things our children say. The ordinary Tuesdays. The milestones, struggles and pieces of life we still instinctively want to turn around and share with the woman who knew us first.

In this episode of The Motherless Mother Podcast, I'm reflecting on motherhood after losing your mother—and what it means to miss not only the person, but the witness to the life you're now living.

We talk about the pieces of our mothers we carry into our own motherhood, the way their absence can find us even in joyful moments, and what it means to hold grief, gratitude and faith at the same time.

Because we can trust God and still miss our mothers. We can be deeply grateful for the lives we're living and still wish they were here to see what happened next.

In this episode:

• Missing your mother in life's biggest and smallest moments
• Motherhood after losing your mother
• The instinct to still want to tell her everything
• Carrying your mother's influence into your own motherhood
• Holding joy and grief at the same time
• Finding hope and faith in the midst of grief

If this episode brings to mind something you wish your mother could see, I'd love to hear about it.

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📱 Instagram/Facebook/YouTube: @themotherlessmotherpodcast

If this conversation resonated with you, please share it with another motherless mother, follow or subscribe, and consider leaving a rating or review.

The Motherless Mother — for the moments you thought were yours alone.

You are still her daughter.

When my mother died during the pandemic, the people who loved me wanted to help.

They couldn't stop by.
They couldn't bring a meal.
They couldn't sit beside me.

So they called.

And because they could only call, their words were all they had.

Over the years, I've realized there were things I wish people had understood—not just about grief, but about loving someone who's living through it.

In this episode of The Motherless Mother, I share seven reflections on what to say to someone who has lost her mother, how to support someone grieving her mother, and what helped—and didn't help—after my own mother died.

Six years later, and while raising my own children, I understand some of those early days of grief after losing my mother differently.

If you're a motherless mother, I hope you'll feel seen.

If you love a motherless mother—whether she's your wife, daughter, friend, coworker, or someone else dear to you—I hope this episode helps you love her with greater confidence and compassion.

Because the goal isn't to have all the answers.

It's simply to let her know she doesn't have to carry it alone.

If this episode resonates with you, share it with someone who needs it, follow or subscribe, and consider leaving a rating or review.

I'd love to hear your story.

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📱 Instagram/Facebook/YouTube: @themotherlessmotherpodcast

The Motherless Mother 

For the moments you thought were yours alone.

You are still her daughter.

What does it mean to mother your children when you still miss your own mom?

In the very first episode of our Still Her Daughter series, I'm joined by Shonalee King Johnson —a wife, mother, entrepreneur, and, as she says, “always and forever, Gwen's daughter.”

Through honest voice notes recorded in her own time, Shonalee shares what it's like to navigate motherhood after losing your mother, the ways her mother's influence continues to shape her parenting, and the truths that grief can never take away.

Together, we explore:

• What it's really like to be a motherless mother
• Motherhood and grief after losing your mother
• How our mothers continue to shape us after they're gone
• The legacy mothers leave within us
• What death can never take away
• What Shonalee wishes others understood about motherless mothers
• A touching Christmas story that reminds us how love echoes across generations

Whether you lost your mother before becoming a mom, while raising young children, or years into motherhood, this conversation is a reminder that although our stories are different, we are united by one truth:

We are still their daughters.

If this episode encouraged you, consider sharing it with another motherless mother who may need to hear it today.

📧 [email protected]
📱 Instagram/Facebook/YouTube: @themotherlessmotherpodcast

Follow or subscribe wherever you listen, and if these conversations have meant something to you, consider leaving a rating or review to help another woman find the show.

The Motherless Mother — for the moments you thought were yours alone.

You are still her daughter.

What happens after losing your mother?

How does grief change the way you parent, make decisions, face fear, and see yourself?

In this deeply personal episode of The Motherless Mother Podcast, I reflect on the unexpected ways grief has shaped my life since losing both of my parents—and what it means to navigate motherhood after losing your mother.

This isn't a conversation about “getting over” grief.

It's about the ways losing a parent can change you—your relationship with fear, your priorities, the way you mother, and even what you believe you're capable of surviving.

And it's about recognizing that while grief changes our lives, it doesn't get the final word on who we become.

Whether you are a motherless mother, a daughter grieving her mother, or someone navigating motherhood after loss, this episode offers honest reflection, hope, and a reminder that you are not alone.

In this episode:

• The difference between grieving as a daughter and grieving as a mother
• The final act of love I gave my mother before saying goodbye
• How losing a parent can change your relationship with fear
• The unexpected ways grief reshapes motherhood
• Why priorities can change after significant loss
• Finding hope and purpose while navigating grief 

If this episode resonates with you, please share it with another woman who may need it, follow or subscribe, and consider leaving a rating or review.

📧 [email protected]
📱 Instagram/Facebook/YouTube: @themotherlessmotherpodcast

The Motherless Mother — for the moments you thought were yours alone.

You are still her daughter.

Motherhood was never part of my plan.

For years, I was certain I wouldn't have children. Then, just weeks after my husband and I eloped, I discovered I was pregnant.

A few weeks later, my mother discovered she had breast cancer.

In the same season I was preparing to become a mother for the first time, I was also facing the possibility of losing my own.

In this episode of The Motherless Mother, I share the story behind the pregnancy I never imagined and what it was like navigating pregnancy, becoming a mother for the first time, and anticipatory grief at the same time.

I reflect on the expectations that quietly disappeared, the motherhood journey I thought I would have, and what happens when joy and grief arrive in the same season.

If you've ever felt like your life unfolded differently than you planned, this conversation is for you.

And whether you lost your mother before becoming a mother, during pregnancy, or while raising young children, I hope this episode reminds you that you're not alone.

In this episode, we explore:

• Becoming a mother later in life
• Pregnancy after infertility concerns, PCOS, and fibroids
• Receiving joyful and devastating news in the same season
• Anticipatory grief during pregnancy
• Grieving the motherhood journey you expected
• Mothering while grieving your own mother
• Finding hope when life doesn't go according to plan 

If this episode resonates with you, share it with another woman who may need it, follow or subscribe, and consider leaving a rating or review.

📧 [email protected]
📱 Instagram/Facebook/YouTube: @themotherlessmotherpodcast

The Motherless Mother — for the moments you thought were yours alone.

You are still her daughter.