The Mustache Rangers Podcast: Comedy | Sci-Fi | Improv

School is a very special time in a child’s life. It’s when they really learn how to be embarrassed. You think Uncle Rick tickling you until you wet your pants is shameful? Just wait until you express an individual sense of style!

The Mustache Rangers explore teaching and testing in this podcast episode. Why don’t you share it with your neighbor? Sure, you only accidentally make eye contact with them when you’re both getting your mail at the same time. But they might like the podcast. Take that risk!

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Misogyny and campfires are the main focus of this, the first Mustache Rangers podcast of 2013. We’re sorry we’ve been gone so long, but we were so anxious for Arrested Development to return we couldn’t concentrate.

Did you know that misogyny still exists? And it’s mainly men who are the cause? Mainly manly men. Mainly many manly men. What were we talking about? Listen to the podcast already, and tell your friends.

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You may love time travel movies, but they don’t make any sense. Don’t worry about it. Your brain and the writer’s brain are too dumb to make heads or tails of time travel. It’s the limitation of this biological sponge in our head. You fill a sponge with protein lines and jab it with electricity and expect it to understand the flow and obstruction of time? If you do, then your sponge could use some extra electricity to the front part of the sponge part.

Enjoy this week’s podcast, dummy.

The post Give Up On Time Travel: Episode 259 appeared first on The Mustache Rangers Podcast.

Diet fads come and go as surely as the tides and bell bottoms. You can say “bootcut” but you’re not fooling anybody, the Gap. But getting back to diets, everyone is looking for the quick fix. The superfood or the magic bacteria that will eat your insides, but just enough so that you look pretty and your bowel movements smell like a kitten’s dreams.

We’re here to tell you that the kitten bacteria doesn’t exist. The only way to properly manage your weight is with a calendar of some kind. One that berates you daily. It’ll say things like “how many doughnuts is that now” or “still putting off buying running shoes, huh?” If the calendar is correct about your laziness, you’ll feel bad and maybe make a change. If the calendar is wrong, you can feel better about yourself for being smarter than a calendar. Either way, improvements are made and you’ll start to feel better.

This is for poor people only, of course. For rich people, get someone to stab the fat out of you. We think it’s called “surgery” or “insurgency.” Those words probably mean the same thing, like “flammable” and “inflammable.” So get insurgency already.

The post Eat More: Podcast Episode 258 appeared first on The Mustache Rangers Podcast.

Other people’s opinions are the topic of discussion in this Mustache Rangers podcast episode. Interesting fact. Did you know that everybody has an opinion? It’s true! Even babies are all, like, “what’s with all the light and the lack of amniotic fluid out here?” That was just translated with a baby translator, by the way. That’s probably why you haven’t heard about it in the news yet.

Some people say “opinions are like assholes, everyone has their finger in one.” Stay away from those sorts of people. They really know how to mess up a good saying. They’re probably mixing up that nursery rhyme about Little Jack Horner and that saying about opinions. At least, that’s our opinion on the mattter.

The post Opinions: Podcast Episode 257 appeared first on The Mustache Rangers Podcast.

Cards, books, and money. Isn’t that really what the holidays are about? You receive cards that look good on your mantel until the year rolls over. You receive books that you’ll never read. Or you get a card full of money. Really, those are the only three options.

Sure, there may be a bike thrown in for good measure when you’re younger. But beyond that, even as a baby who can’t read you get books. Why all the books, adults? We know that rabbits are furry. Do we really need Pat the Bunny to tell us this? If you can’t tell from looking at it that bunnies are soft, then you’re in for a lifetime of hardships. Or soft ships.

You probably don’t want to use soft ships, or “rafts” as they are most commonly known. At least, not on the ocean. A raft is like a serving platter for sharks.

What were we talking about? Oh yeah, the podcast. Listen to the new podcast. It’s about the holidays, we think. And happy Terrance Day to you.

The post Holiday Cards: Podcast Episode 256 appeared first on The Mustache Rangers Podcast.

Hell and decorating are the topics of this Mustache Rangers podcast episode. More decorating than hell, but “go to decoration school” isn’t a very catchy podcast title. Maybe you have a better idea for a title. Well, you can shove it. We don’t want to hear it. Make your own damn podcast. Leave us along. Enjoy!

The post Go to Hell: Podcast Episode 255 appeared first on The Mustache Rangers Podcast.

Andrew Zimmern, host of Bizarre Foods and the Go Fork Yourself podcast, takes time out of his busy schedule to deliver some very urgent news to the Mustache Rangers. Will it be food related news? Yes. Sorry, spoiler alert.

You can see Andrew Zimmern live at HUGE Improv Theater, home of the Mustache Rangers, on December 10th at 8pm. You can find more information on seeing Andrew Zimmern or the Mustache Rangers on stage at hugetheater.com.

The post Andrew Zimmern: Podcast Episode 254 appeared first on The Mustache Rangers Podcast.

Security cameras, Big Brother, and ghosts invade the personal space of the Mustache Rangers in this podcast episode. This is the episode that was actually recorded for Halloween. Whoops? Enjoy it anyway. Don’t worry, there is no candy involved. You won’t have to suspend your disbelief too much.

The post Secure: Podcast Episode 253 appeared first on The Mustache Rangers Podcast.

A podcast about politics the day before a major election? It’s like we planned this or something.

Don’t worry. Your values won’t be challenged. It’s mostly talk about teeth and aspirations. You know, things you talk about every day. Anywho, enjoy this Mustache Rangers podcast episode.

The post Get Political: Podcast Episode 252 appeared first on The Mustache Rangers Podcast.