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The Myth of Forgiveness
https://enlighteninglife.com/myth-forgiveness/In a recent conversation with a friend about my family and why I had to establish no contact with them 18 months ago, she asked ‘Will you ever forgive them?”
“Why should I,” I replied, “when their actions just showed me the truth I had been ignoring for years?”
“Well, that’s not very spiritual,” she replied.
“How is it spiritual to continue to let people stay in my life when they have showed me, time and time again, that they do not love, honor, or respect me and that is not going to change?”
I do not plan to forgive them for anything they did because it is not necessary. I have already done all of the forgiving I need to do, by forgiving myself for believing that fixing this family dysfunction was my job and that somehow, if I worked hard enough, overlooked enough toxicity, and forgave often enough, that some day the Norman Rockwell version of family bliss would somehow be mine.
The idea that forgiveness should be given to people who do not want it, care about it, or deserve it has kept us locked in toxic relationships for years or longer. And especially if you consider yourself to be spiritual, you believe that you should unconditionally forgive people for being cruel, unkind, and mean to you. At some point, we accepted the belief that granting forgiveness was going to change their behavior.
It will not and it never has.
Read the rest of the article on the blog at enlighteninglife.com
Created, narrated, and produced by Jennifer Hoffman.
Artwork by Jennifer Hoffman.
Copyright (C) 2004-2026 by Jennifer Hoffman, all US and international rights reserved.
Visit enlighteninglife.com for more information.
Please note our policies regarding copyright infringement, content misuse, and theft of intellectual property. We prosecute all infringers and have a ZERO TOLERANCE POLICY for abuse, infringement, misappropriation, and illegal use of our content. You can read our full Terms of Use at enlighteninglife.com
email [email protected] with questions
View all episodes
By Jennifer Hoffman
5
66 ratings
https://enlighteninglife.com/myth-forgiveness/In a recent conversation with a friend about my family and why I had to establish no contact with them 18 months ago, she asked ‘Will you ever forgive them?”
“Why should I,” I replied, “when their actions just showed me the truth I had been ignoring for years?”
“Well, that’s not very spiritual,” she replied.
“How is it spiritual to continue to let people stay in my life when they have showed me, time and time again, that they do not love, honor, or respect me and that is not going to change?”
I do not plan to forgive them for anything they did because it is not necessary. I have already done all of the forgiving I need to do, by forgiving myself for believing that fixing this family dysfunction was my job and that somehow, if I worked hard enough, overlooked enough toxicity, and forgave often enough, that some day the Norman Rockwell version of family bliss would somehow be mine.
The idea that forgiveness should be given to people who do not want it, care about it, or deserve it has kept us locked in toxic relationships for years or longer. And especially if you consider yourself to be spiritual, you believe that you should unconditionally forgive people for being cruel, unkind, and mean to you. At some point, we accepted the belief that granting forgiveness was going to change their behavior.
It will not and it never has.
Read the rest of the article on the blog at enlighteninglife.com
Created, narrated, and produced by Jennifer Hoffman.
Artwork by Jennifer Hoffman.
Copyright (C) 2004-2026 by Jennifer Hoffman, all US and international rights reserved.
Visit enlighteninglife.com for more information.
Please note our policies regarding copyright infringement, content misuse, and theft of intellectual property. We prosecute all infringers and have a ZERO TOLERANCE POLICY for abuse, infringement, misappropriation, and illegal use of our content. You can read our full Terms of Use at enlighteninglife.com
email [email protected] with questions
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