The Nanny Podcast

Today we are going to talk about something we sometimes hear from our families. That the nanny is dressed inappropriately.

So let’s start from the beginning. What is inappropriate? That depends on the situation.

Have you ever heard the expression dress for the job you want to have? When I get reported to me that nannies are dressed in short skirts, low cut tops and over the knee boots, I am not sure what job they are applying for.

To be clear, I don’t think there is anything categorically wrong dressing in any way at all. I used to go to clubs where clothing was optional or sometimes plastic wrap, I’m pretty jaded on the shock scale when it comes to dressing in alternative ways, but I do think there is a time and a place for everything.

So when you are applying for a job as a nanny, what should you wear? I would say, to start, go conservative and neutral. Then read the situation and go from there. I once had a manny interview with me who showed up in a suit and tie. I wondered, what does he think the job is? Does he think it’s a desk job in an office?

If you are going to be playing with kids, dress  accordingly. I had a nanny show up for a job in a long tight dress. That’s great for a party, not great for taking care of toddlers.

Same with heels. Same with suits. 

If your intention is not to seduce one of the parents, don’t dress like that’s what you intend to do.

Some families have a dress code, most appreciate discretion and function.

Now you know what I think, what do you think? Email me at [email protected] and tell me what you think :)

Today we are going to talk about the simplest way to kindness and compassion. It’s something that means a lot to me. I try to do it every chance I get :)

I hear comments from both nannies and families, as well as parents and kids, it’s all connected, about how they want to be appreciated. How they want to be heard and seen. Acknowledged, as they are.

It is quite rare that people ask for or expect expensive gifts or big bonuses as a token of appreciation. I’m sure lots of people want that too, but from my anecdotal collection of data it seems more important to most people to be seen and heard than to get material compensation as a thank you for being awesome.

What all these people want is to be seen and appreciated. I would even go so far as to say that all people want to be seen and appreciated for what is important to them. A mother wants to be appreciated as a good mother to her kids. She wants her efforts seen and heard. Professionals want to be acknowledged for the work they do whether it is launching rockets or waiting tables. As a nanny it is important to get to hear that your family appreciates all the love and all the things you bring to their kids. It’s important for everyone to be appreciated at work, and in your private life.

So isn’t it awkward saying nice things for no apparent reason? It can be, but it doesn’t have to be :)

I think the key is authenticity. Say things that are real, not exaggerated and that you mean.

As a nanny, you know what is important to your family. I am sure you know where your family might feel insecure, what kind words would mean a lot to them. Tell them something nice. Be sincere. Be thankful and generous.

And as a family, tell your nanny how you appreciate her. I am sure there are lots of things he or she brings to your family that you are so thankful for. Maybe you are thankful for how they make you feel safe. How your child gets exactly what they need. Maybe it’s a specific activity that you like that they do. Maybe it’s something they taught you about yourself. It’s not hard to find.

You see what happens when you do these very small, simple, huge and free gestures, you connect. You do something that makes another person feel good about themselves. And when people feel good in a situation, in a relationship, they go above and beyond what is expected of them and what they have to do.

So think of some nice things to say to your nanny or your family. Be specific and authentic and see their souls thrive.

Welcome to the Nanny Podcast, I am Hanna Schaer from Riviera Nannies. I am so happy you are here :)

Today we are going to talk about governesses.

Sometimes there is a bit of confusion to what a governess is. We recently had a client say they needed a housekeeper or a governess. That’s kind of like saying you need bananas or batteries. Completely different things :)

So let’s talk about what a governess is and isn’t.

A governess is a teacher. It is a quite old fashioned position in a household that is much less common now than it was in Victorian England.

A governess is responsible for a child’s education and usually looks after older kids than a nanny does, but a governess can work with children as young as three. Often there is a nanny working in parallel with a governess because their duties are quite different.

A governess is traditionally responsible for the children’s education, whether it is a well rounded knowledge in English, Maths, Music and the Arts or social things like etiquette and manners. A great governess would teach life and social skills as well as basic academia.

The governesses that we have in our database are highly educated, often teachers with further education and their own specialties that stand out. They often speak several languages and know how to carry themselves in all kinds of situations. The families that hire governesses nowadays are not your average families.

Governesses don’t do nursery duties, but form a child’s all around educational experience, with a deep knowledge of child development.

As you can imagine a governess makes quite a bit more money than the average nanny, figures showing about four to five times more depending on the job, it’s a highly qualified and specialized job that is in many ways quite different from nannying.

If you are listening and thinking, wow, what an inspiring job, I want that to be my career, depending on what your qualifications look like now you might be closer or further away from that possibly being true for you. If you would like help making out your road map, we offer that service for you and you can email me to find out more at [email protected]

This week we are going to talk about some of the differences between nanny and daycare as childcare options. This is I suppose geared towards families making the choice, and can be helpful for nannies both as a perspective, but also to have a leg to stand on when negotiating and talking to a family.

The first thing that we should talk about is the big elephant in the room, cost.

Having a private nanny for your child is most likely going to cost you a lot more than if they were in daycare. But not always. Depending on how many hours you do it will make more or less of a difference, but in general, a nanny is more expensive than daycare.

The second big question for me as a parent is how much your kid is going to be sick when they are little. There are many variables there, but in general a child in daycare is sick a lot more than one that is with a nanny. But of course, if you are lucky enough to find a daycare where parents don’t bring their kids when they are sick and follow good guidelines, then they might not be as sick as with a nanny who is not well versed in hygiene and illness prevention. But again, generally, for the first year or so, a kid in daycare is sick a lot more than one with a nanny, which might even end up costing you a lot more in lost work time, so a lot of the money saved putting a child in daycare might be lost in sickdays where you either miss work or have to get a, wait for it, nanny.

Getting your child socialized, able to make friends, share toys and function in a group happens organically in most daycares. But, on the other hand when you have a great nanny, he or she will be taking part in playgroups, meet with other kids, learn basic social skills, including good manners and interacting with others, so in this case I think it’s more a question of having a great nanny with an intentional routine, vs how it happens kind of on its own in daycare.

Making friends is closely related to socialization where your kids will make friends from an early age. Again this happens more organically in daycare, but with some organizing you can do the same things with the same kids every week, like music or dance lessons. It’s not really the same as spending all day together though, so if this is important, daycare has the advantage.

Today we are going to talk about what you ask when you are interviewing, either with an agency, or for a job.

I have a pretty radical view on collaborations that most people don’t have. Are you ready? I don’t believe in hierarchy. At least not in the traditional sense. I don’t think anyone is above or below, I think we all bring value and that it would benefit us all to see that value in each other.

So that’s my radical belief. What do you think?

Some people might think that when I say that they are welcome to sweep in and do whatever in my business, family or wherever we are moving. That’s not true. Lack of this particular structure does not mean lack of integrity. Just getting that out of the way.

So when I hire childcare it is with the understanding that they need a job, I need their service. When a client comes to me, they need a nanny, my business needs clients and we happen to provide what they need. We are in symbiosis. It is very tempting to try to take advantage of this situation, but it’s not a good idea. People like me will then move on. I can assure you, it’s not worth it.

I think imagining different fictional people in their jobs, why they are there, what kind of personalities they have and what brought them to where they are is really fun. So I thought, today we are going to talk about Becky Sharp, the fictional governess in Vanity Fair. Becky is thought to be a composite inspired by several real women. And that isn’t really surprising to me, what do you think?

Becky Sharp is the first time a governess was the main character of a story, she was poor without social status, and typically at the time her friend Amelia would have been the main character.

So Becky does something that with the tweaks and twirls of time and culture still happens today, doesn’t it? From a cynical point of view we can read her as being a ruthless opportunist who uses people as stepping stones in her quest to climb the social ladder to riches and glamour. I have seen it in the CVs I get from people from marginalized countries with no childcare experience who say “I will take any job in Monaco”. (just a side note, we do not work with people who are not in it with the same values we have, quality is king with us, so no thank you.)

From a less cynical and more modern and entrepreneurial perspective she disregards the social norms of the time and goes out to get what she wants. I see that too in CVs I get from people who tell me, I know I don’t have any childcare experience, can you please help me build my CV to be a nanny. For those people, I am happy to see if I can help.

Today we are going to talk about something that is kind of a pet peeve of mine, and I have been guilty of it myself as a parent. I am talking about how we expect our kids to do what we say not what we do.

Any experienced parent or nanny will know that this is not how kids learn and work. Right?

I find that when I don’t back up my talk with walk my kids see and know it right away, I can’t fool them, even if I can briefly fool myself that I am not full of it.

Showing our kids that we are real people with flaws and feelings is I think one of the most important things we can do for them. I will explain what I mean.

If my kids say or do something that hurts my feelings, or that hurts me physically, I tell them. If they say something rude or unkind, or act dismissively with epic eye rolls, I tell them how it makes me feel. Not overly dramatic, but letting them know that they are not invisible, that their actions have an impact on people around them is essential for them to grow up to be empathic and kind people. And that is my goal, for sure. When my daughter was in preschool she had a teacher who had four children, and she told me that sometimes her kids made her sad and she would cry in the bathroom. I thought that was awful, both for the mother who got her feelings hurt, and for the children who didn’t get to learn how to express themselves and act towards others. I kept thinking that if she pretends that her kids’ hurtful behavior isn’t hurtful, what is she teaching them? Will they go on thinking that what they did, their behavior did’t impact anyone else? How could it benefit anyone to think they are invisible in a vacuum?

Nanny Podcast season 2 episode 8 “Mary Poppins”

Welcome to the Nanny Podcast, my name is Hanna Schaer from Riviera Nannies and I am your host today. I am so happy you are here :)

Today we are going to talk about Mary Poppins, the fictional super nanny that we have followed on her mission and adventures in two movies now, based on the books by P. L Travers. Disney has brought the stories to the big screen and into our homes in the most Disney of ways.

I hadn’t watched the first movie until a few years before I started Riviera Nannies. I had a friend who just couldn’t believe that I hadn’t watched it and it kind of became an event between us when I did. Thank you James for insisting I watch it and for introducing me to the amazing world of Mary Poppins :)

I think there are so many things in Mary Poppins that are great guiding principles for both parents and nannies, so many lessons and learning moments in big and small things. I definitely feel both inspired and validated as an adult spending a lot of time with kids after watching Mary Poppins.

Let’s talk about a few awesome things :)

The Mary Poppins films talk about how sometimes it takes a team to raise kids, and there is no shame in that. In the two films they address the change in nanny culture, in “Mary Poppins Returns” we hear that nobody hires nannies anymore, and the idea that the relationship between nanny and family is one that both nanny and family needs is mentioned. I think that’s something we don’t talk a lot about, not from that angle. When you question the constellation of relationships I think you are approaching how amazing and humble really deep and real relationships can be. Acknowledging that we both need each other is a start.

How helping people to figure out what they need to do by gentle suggestion can be the most effective way. Mary Poppins is clever, suggestive and never aggressive. She plants ideas with people and let them figure it out themselves. Isn’t that what we do on our best parenting days? See, hear and observe our kids and nudge them in the right direction? There is a deep calm in this kind of leadership. A confidence and level of respect for others. When we give others the space to be their best selves that’s pretty beautiful, isn’t it? I think it applies to all kinds of relationships we have, don’t you?

How discipline and good education is not in opposition to a rich imagination. Well behaved kids are not curbed kids, or don’t have to be. Being smart and well educated and letting your imagination take you on the most exciting adventures is possible even when you do your chores and learn how to be a contributing part of your family. Every day events turn into adventures when you dive into the bath tub during bath tub and go on an adventure.

Insisting on magic in your life is a great path to your ethics, morals and your education. Learning right from wrong, and how to not only see right from wrong, but being able to identifying and fighting for what is right, with all the magic and the beautiful places you go in your imagination is again one of the pillars of not only great but amazing parenting and nannying. I am thinking of the movie Life is Beautiful and all the stories through history where grown ups have used the imagination and magic to not only cope but to thrive. Allowing yourself to go with your imagination, creativity and follow your heart without judgement is such a powerful lesson, both for us and the kids. Don’t you think?

It’s about being a rebel, fighting for what is right. I love how the slow, steady and unapologetic the call for rebellion is. Maybe I am reading a lot into this, but I love a rebel, I love someone who decides to do what’s right even when it’s not within the rules or convention. I love a sincere protest and standing up to the man. I feel like Mary Poppins is raising free thinking rebels who are not afraid to protest, and I like that very much personally. Isn’t that what we all want for our kids? I know I do :)

And then there are all the stories that help you through difficult things. Giving kids stories to hold on to, letting them know that they are not alone and that the hard thing they are experiencing will be survived is always a strong message in children’s books, and no less in the teaching of Mary Poppins. There is so much to learn from all of our favorite nanny, and I wish that we could all be so open and willing to see and hear how much we would all benefit from a slower pace, more rebellion and good manners.

Thank you so much for spending some time with me today. Today’s episode is brought to you by the Mamatoto Pregnancy and Birth course from Mamatoto, the community for conscious mothers where support and community is everything. Take a look at mamatoto.info and see how they can support you.

If you haven’t already, head over to our instagram and follow us at @riveranannies. See you next time when we will talk about showing our kids, not telling our kids. See you then. Bye :)

Nanny Podcast season 2 episode 7 “ending a job”

Welcome to this week’s episode of The Nanny Podcast, my name is Hanna Schaer from Riviera Nannies and I am your host. I am so happy you are here.

Today we are going to talk about ending a job. We get questions about this from nannies from time to time, often from nannies we haven’t placed.

This might sound strange, but how you will end your job has a lot to do with how you started it. Did you feel a good connection with the family? Did you feel like you had a good and honest line of communication?

Ok, so let’s break it down.

You want to end a job. There are lots of reasons why people want to end a job. Let’s say you have decided that you want to take your career in a different direction and you want to look for a job that is a better fit for you.

Of course it could also be that you want to earn more money, that you want to work different hours and you want your tasks to be different.

Then maybe you don’t want to end the job bur rather renegotiate the terms of the job.

Assume you have a good communication and relationship with your family. And you have a contract in place. The importance of a contract has so much nuance. It is an agreement between you and your employer, they know what they can expect from you, and you know what you can expect from them. You have agreed on terms and it is very important that you keep them. It is as important that you honor the salary you have agreed on and don’t go asking for more a few weeks into the job (the time for renegotiating the salary can be in your agreement too) as it is that your family doesn’t start asking you to do things you have not agreed to do, like tasks not related to the kids, unless you have renegotiated the terms of the new work. You see where I am going with this.

If all those things are in place, having a conversation around ending your job might be a difficult conversation from an emotional perspective, but with agreed terms for how long ahead of time you give notice and so on, there aren’t any surprises.

From the nannies who come to us for advice, I know that most people do not set themselves up this way.

This is why it is so important from the beginning that you work with families that share your values, that see your value and that you respect and who respect you.

So if you don’t have that relationship with your family today, there are steps to take. Have very clear agreements. Just as a very basic start, what are the hours you work? What do you get compensated for that time? What happens if you work more, how are you compensated then? What are your tasks? If they want to renegotiate the tasks, you have to bring it up, either say, I am not comfortable doing this task, I am hired to do xyz, or say, with the added work responsibility I would like to talk about how I will be further compensated.

So when you want to end a job, be courteous, be kind, be respectful. Know before hand what you want, so that if you end up in a situation of negotiation where the family might want to keep you with different terms, you know what you want and where your boundaries are. Allow for their feelings and reactions and remember that they have nothing to do with you, it is about how they are feeling. There might be a moment of panic, looking for a new nanny is hard and emotional. Maybe they feel overwhelmed. That is not on you, but you have the option of creating the space for them to end on good terms.

Speaking of ending on good terms, do it. You might need the references, but it is just good manners and good human behavior to try to not end relationships badly if you can help it.

Thank you so much for listening and spending some time with me today.

If you have any comments on today’s episode, if you would like to ask any questions or if you just want to say hi, you can always email me at [email protected] and put podcast in the subject line. I love hearing from you :)

Today’s episode is brought to you by Mamatoto, the place where mothers go for education, support and connection. It’s a great place to learn about prenatal nutrition, take courses to prepare for pregnancy and birth and find support into motherhood. Check them out at mamatoto.info

Nanny podcast season 2 episode 6 “nanny as educator”

Welcome to this week’s episode of The Nanny Podcast, my name is Hanna Schaer from Riviera Nannies and I am your host. I am so happy you are here.

Today we are going to talk about the nanny as educator. I think that when a lot of families think about hiring a nanny or even hire a nanny they think about it as someone who is going to look after their kids and keep them safe. But you and I know that there are benefits way beyond keeping safe and looking after when it comes to what a nanny can do for your family and your child’s education.

As a nanny you have a huge responsibility, not only to keep your kids safe, but to set a good example and emotionally nurture the kids. And to teach them. We know that kids do what we do, not what we say, so setting a good example in your behavior is so important. That’s also why parents who are hiring a nanny should look for how a nanny carries herself, how she communicates and how she interacts, that is what will imprint on your kids if they spend a lot of time together.

Your nanny can teach manners, they can teach your kids how to be respectful to all people and to always say please and thank you. Provided that is how they are themselves, I don’t believe you can be one person in private and one at work.

Please and thank you, for example.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t really fit into one category of parenting style. I like to think that I am pretty laid back and progressive, but then I find myself really valuing some traditional values and one of my biggest pet peeves are kids that are rude and don’t know how not to be. I’m not talking about less than perfect, I mean kids who act inappropriately towards others. This is maybe a can of worms and might vary a lot between cultures, we are famously a mix culture family who mixes and matches, but this is where the person you choose as a nanny comes in.

Your nanny is probably going to be spending a lot of time with your children, so you want to make sure that they teach your children the values that you promote as a family. This is a great opportunity and potentially really good news.

When you have a good fit with your nanny, she or he will be an essential part of your child’s education and they learn how to navigate socially based on the cues you give them, but also the day to day, minute to minute things their nanny teaches them.

So if your nanny is adamant about pleases and thank you’s, your child might be too, and if you think about how being kind and considerate sets you up for success, the choice of person who is part of your parenting team becomes bigger.

I know one family where the little girl has grown up with the nanny as the primary caretaker, a highly educated, very focused nanny and this girl is the most well rounded, empathetic and polite child you will ever meet. She could have been spoiled and entitled, but she is not, thanks to being raised by an amazing nanny. That’s a good example of both good parenting and nannying, a team working together to give the kid the best it can have.

And your nanny is good for teaching all kinds of things.

Like Tying our shoes, literally and metaphorically.

When I was a kid I had the fastest and coolest shoes. I don’t remember the brand, I think it was “Lejon’”but they were light blue, had white stripes and velcro binding. I was the first one out on the playground at recess. Probably because I didn’t have to tie my shoes. (I went to school in Sweden where we take our shoes off inside.)

My dad always loved technology and novelties. In Sweden in the early 1980s velcro shoes were very new and cool and hip. So were digital watches. So even though my dad meant the best for me when he got me those cool gadgets, I didn’t learn to tie my shoes or read time until I was a bit older. I did have a cool watch though, from Donald Duck, my favorite character.

There are so many big and small gestures, much smaller than tying your shoes or reading time that our kids are learning every day. The person spending time with them is going to be their guide learning a lot of these things, like holding a pen, gross and fine motor skills, recognizing the nuance of colors and shapes, seeing relationships between objects, and navigating different surfaces. Every little thing they meet and experience each day is an opportunity to learn and relate. You want the person next to your child to be tuned in and conscious of that.

Your nanny will help develop your kids gross and fine motor skills.

Like Holding that pen

Children are naturally creative, I find that observing my kids make things, tell stories around their creations and getting to experience their world through their play and creativity is a way of getting to know them in a very deep and meaningful way. Drawing, painting, mark making in general is such an important and fun part of their development, from learning to hold and handle a pen, to the brain-hand connection that helps them process their stories and information in a way a tablet doesn’t, is significant. The time, the patience, the slow pace it takes to master skills like this is often overlooked but is essential.

One of the things I am personally really fascinated by, both for myself and my family, but also for work, is neuroplasticity. It is how our thoughts, actions, experiences and relationships physically change our brains, and the way we think.  How our brains can be rewired and our triggers and reactions changed. I am so interested and inspired by relationships between people, energies and objects and I think it’s pretty amazing how we throughout our lives can rewire our brains. Imagine the possibilities. Imagine exercising and strengthening the connections that make the pathways in our brains.

I have a friend that I love very much. Her name is Cara and she is a visual communicator and facilitator, and she told me something that I really loved. When you work visually, like doodle or draw something, or express yourself visually, your brain lights up in a completely different way than if you are just reading, or listening to something. And you process information more efficiently if you are doodling while listening, did you know that? I didn’t, but I like it. That is one reason that we ask our families to incorporate a visual element at the end of the client intake when hiring a nanny, through your drawing or making of the avatar we get a lot of information about who you are and what you like, in a way we don’t with a questionnaire.

Allowing space for creativity and visual thinking makes better results because it goes deeper. For both children and adults.

Thank you so much for listening and spending some time with me today.

If you have any comments on today’s episode, if you would like to ask any questions or if you just want to say hi, you can always email me at [email protected] and put podcast in the subject line. I love hearing from you :)

Today’s episode is brought to you by Mamatoto, the place where mothers go for education, support and connection. It’s a great place to learn about prenatal nutrition, take courses to prepare for pregnancy and birth and find support into motherhood. Check them out at mamatoto.info

I will see you next week when we will be talking about ending a job. Until then, be safe and awesome. Bye :)