The Nanny Podcast

Welcome to the Nanny Podcast, I am so happy you are here.

Today I am going to tell you about a request we have gotten in different variations that always leave me with more questions and feelings than others might.

The request is, I want an ugly nanny. First of all, we do not have any ugly nannies. I have met very few ugly people in my life, it’s hard for me to even think of someone ugly, and this is about to get a little personal, so be warned. You know how we say that beauty is in the eyes of the beholder? What does categorizing people as ugly or not ugly say about you?

I am guessing that the people asking for ugly nannies have a few things going on, first they have decided what is visually appealing in a person, my guess is that they don’t know or understand a lot about personality or charisma, which is what most people are ultimately attracted to, but they base their judgement on a person’s physique, facial features and grooming habits, maybe? If they met me what would they think? Their ugly algorithm would probably put me in the ugly category.

The other thing they have going on, apart from judging people around them based on their parameters of beauty is a level of insecurity that makes me feel sad. I’m going to tell you a personal story about a nanny, my husband and a very insecure wife who heard the story.

A few years ago we had a nanny do a trial with us, she didn’t last long, one of the reasons you will find out about in a minute, but that was really the smallest of the reasons, she was not good with kids and didn’t have honest intentions, her flirting with my partner was mostly funny. So I come home from a meeting, my husband and I both work from home. I hear her fake laughing in the dining room where my husband is having lunch and I know him so I knew how uncomfortable that makes him. He gave me the “help me” look as he sneaked out when I came. She would ask him for computer help and have lingerie pages open when he came to her screen, make inappropriate comments and be very flirty with him. I didn’t like it, but it was really my husband who was most uncomfortable with it. A nanny who does that by the way will get fired, at some point. And nannies with this kind of intentions will net get through our screening process, it is very obvious to us what your intentions are, so don’t even.

So I was telling the stories to some friends at a party and one of the moms gasped and was worried for me that he would leave with her. To me, being in a respectful and loving relationship that was not even on my radar, and also, if he wanted to be with her, I am very obviously not a good fit for him and he should leave. So she said “but you don’t want him to leave you do you”. Of course not, but he is not my prisoner. And we love each other and have chosen to live together, and most of all trust each other, other people flirting with us is most of the time not a problem. And I do not want to be my partner’s prison warden. So I think that families who ask for ugly nannies are more like the gasping mom who worries that her partner will leave, and less trusting, that’s my guess.

And of course the nanny who was doing the trial with us was not professional, honest or a person you would want to work with or have take care of your children, but it is a bummer that the assumption that an attractive nanny will try to get in someone’s pants first chance she gets, and it’s sad to think that a partner in a committed relationship would fall for it.

The nannies we work with are professionals, and even though there are people in many industries who rely on their sexuality to get ahead, I have personally been more bothered by the hair flicking woman in the short skirt at my partner’s software company than our flirting nanny, when you know serious nannies you know that it is not a stereotype in the profession.

So you might be asking yourself, but Hanna, affairs between dads and nannies happen, so how do we avoid them?

The times we see it in the tabloids, I don’t think it has much to do with it being a nanny and a dad. I think it’s people who connect and for whatever reasons end up filling a need in each other, it might be a lack of affection, communication or connection. Why do people cheat? There are lots of reasons and lots of research done on the subject, I think most of the time it is when something is unfulfilled in them, I don’t think it has anything to do with their partner, it’s a personal problem and it won’t be fixed by hiring an ugly nanny, just like avoiding a bar does not cure an alcoholic, setting up an obstacle course to make it harder to cheat or drink is a short term solution. What you might want to ask yourself is why you feel like that and talk to your partner about your insecurities, and heal that insecurity instead of insulating your bubble with judgements about other people and making sure your partner sees less pretty by hiring people you find ugly to surround you.

There is so much beauty and awesomeness. Don’t seek out the ugly.

Thank you for spending some time with me today. Head over to Instagram and follow us @rivieranannies and let us know what you want me to talk about next :)

Welcome to the Nanny Podcast, I’m Hanna from Riviera Nannies, I am so happy you are here today.

Today I wanted to talk about a complaint that I sometimes see from families, that their nanny is always sick.

I think there are two ways to see and talk about this.

First, is your nanny ok? Is she getting sick from your kid and is she ok? Is she really sick or is she not happy coming to work? For most issues, talking about it and having good communication with your nanny will resolve a lot of problems, so first, talk to her. What is going on with her?

I know how frustrating it can be as a family when you depend on your nanny for your work and to make sure that your kids are well taken care of. There is so much guilt and feelings of not being enough as a parent anyhow, you have hired a nanny because you want your kids taken care of, and now she is not there as consistently as you need. How can you support yourself and your nanny for this to work?

Talk to her. Ask her if there is anything she needs? You get the idea, see her and talk to her. Maybe tell her about how you stay away from germs situations or support yourself during flu season.

The other thing is of course, is it your kid passing germs to her that makes her always sick? Kids have germs and they often make their caretakers sick. There are lots of things to do to prevent it like eating well, exercising, getting enough sleep, taking your supplements of vitamins, minerals and probiotics, and of course, washing your hands and having good hygiene, but sometimes when the kids are sick a lot, whoever is close to them will be too. So what do you do then?

Most families realize this and gives the nanny time to recover, which benefits everyone of course. Legal requirements are different in different countries, we are just talking about the ethical requirements that all employment should have in my opinion. It does not benefit anyone if your nanny is working when she is sick. In some cases maybe look over routines to make sure you eliminate some ways germs might spread. This requires good communication and listening skills on both sides, if someone gets defensive it won’t work. Approach it with kindness and without judgement. We have routines in our house depending on what kind of bugs the kids have to make sure they spread as little as possible. Knock on wood it works most of the time.

The thing to make sure though, as a nanny is that you eat well. Cut out sugar and processed foods. Eat whole foods, take your vitamins, minerals and probiotics. Get your vitamin D levels checked. Move your body, take care of yourself. And get enough sleep. And if you are a family that struggles with a nanny being away a lot, talk to her, and express your desire that she is healthy.

Thank you for spending some time with me today.

Today’s episode is brought to you by Mamatoto, the community for moms through pregnancy and birth and into motherhood. Go to Mamatoto.info to join the club.

Go over to Instagram and follow us @rivieranannies where we post all kinds of nanny things. See you next time :)

D is one of our nannies, she is wonderful, kind and experienced. 

In this episode she shares her story of her nannying with us. 

Enjoy :)

Welcome to the Nanny Podcast season 2 episode 2. I am your host Hanna Schaer from Riviera Nannies, a nanny agency based in the south of France. I am so happy you are here.

Today we are going to talk about cell phones.

I think we can all agree that cell phones are really useful tools, we can choose to do a little or a lot on them. Some people use them just as phones. Some phone and text. Some use them as a camera. Some use them for social media.

I went to a really interesting talk with Elizabeth Milovidov from digitalparentingcoach.com about children and technology, and I thought her talk was really inspiring. I am not going to talk to you in this podcast about children and technology, but about us and technology. There are a lot of similarities though, and the most important points are the same.

I think technology is awesome. Thanks to technology you are listening to me now, I recorded this on my computer, edited it on user friendly software and brought it to you through syndication to your iTunes or android app and you are listening to me on a device. That’s pretty awesome, don’t you think?

We use advanced technology for our client and nanny intake, both for safety, efficiency and ease of use.

The problem I think, is when we are not in charge, and when we can’t stop. You might be surprised that a tech fan like me who always ends up in tech conversations at social events and love learning about new technology do a few things entirely off line. I use an analog watch and a paper calendar. It’s through trial and error that I found that those are distractions I do not need my phone to give me. I am more focused, efficient and present with those things separated from my digital devices.

I am not a multi talker. And if you want to be present, focused and do what you are doing well, you should not be either. There is a bit of research done on efficiency and multi tasking and it looks like if you want to do something well you need to focus on that thing.

I want to talk about two things that really apply to nannying when it comes to cell phone use.

The first is, what mindlessly being on your cell phone when working tells your family, both the children and the parents, and I will give you an example of their perspective of it. You might not like it.

The other is how you can protect yourself and your family, especially if you are working with high profile families, this is definitely a conversation you have to have with them about technology at work.

You and I both know that mindlessly being on our cell phones, I am talking about checking social media, scrolling through lists of useless information and playing games, is a waste of our time. When we are doing it we don’t feel it, we are numb to it, but it’s a waste of time. There is research done surveying how people feel on different apps, and the ones I am talking about all make us feel worse, while there are ones, like meditation apps, that make us happier.

In my opinion, you should never be mindlessly scrolling or messing about on your phone, checking messages, texting or spending time on social media when you are at work. What you do in private, at home is your business, but practice self care when at work and do not fall into the black hole that is mindless scrolling. Even if the kids are asleep. I promise you, there are things for you to do that are better for you. If you have to be on your phone, try Headspace and take care of yourself. Or read a book.

You can absolutely not be present and take care of the kids, physically and emotionally the way they need if you are distracted by notifications on your phone. Likes on IG or messages on fb will be there later, and you know what? They don’t matter. If you want to indulge and use the platforms (I sure do), do it after work, and do it in moderation. Make sure you are using tech, not the other way around.

Families ask how to talk to their nannies about tech, about using their phone during work, and I think it is pretty obvious that when you work you do not mindlessly mess around on your phone. If you need it to be able to call or be reached that is fair enough, but otherwise you do not need it. I don’t think it is unreasonable to expect the person you have hired and are paying to take care of your child to not be distracted by their phones, what do you think?

The other thing is really important. Your safety. Do you know that to protect the conversations and integrity of my clients (and myself), I don’t have the facebook app or messenger on my phone? I only use completely encrypted apps to talk to people.

Imagine this, you have given permission to a big social media app to have access to your photos, your sms conversations and your microphone. You are at work with your kids, and you take some photos of them. All your photos are then able to be accessed by the app. And with the access to the microphone it listens to your conversations. That’s how you sometimes get freaky ads in front of you, apps that are listening. Do you know what access you have given to apps? Have you had the conversation about internet safety with your family? Do you even know where to start?

Many families and nannies talk about photos of the children. Some families want photos to see what is going on during the day. How do you share them? Who has access to them? Have you thought about it? It’s not to scare you, just to make you aware of things you need to think of.

Do you know what? When I removed the fb app and messenger from my phone I felt such a relief. And I got back hours every day. I didn’t think I was on it that much, but it was such a distraction. My recommendation to you is to think about it, take off all the things that distract you. Turn off notifications. Decide times you check messages, it is completely and totally ok to not be available all the time. You might not even need as much Headspace after reducing the number of things that demand your attention every day. You are welcome :)

Thank you so much for listening and for spending time with me today, I am very thankful for you.

Today’s episode is brought to you by Mamatoto, the community for moms through pregnancy and birth and into motherhood. Go to Mamatoto.info to join the club.

If you aren’t following us on IG yet, head over and follow us on @rivieranannies Just don’t get stuck scrolling :)

See you next week, I will be talking to one of our awesome nannies Deidre then who will be sharing her story as a nanny with us. Bye :)

Welcome to season 2 of the Nanny Podcast, I am so happy you are here.

Today we are going to ask ourselves the question “are you looking for the wrong things?”

It goes for both nannies and families, I think often nannies are looking for the wrong things in families to work with, and as often, families are looking for things in nannies that is not what is going to work for them.

Let me explain what I mean.

I get a lot of nannies contacting us, looking for work, and when they tell us what kind of work they want, to goal and the path to get there are often not compatible.

For example, we might have a nanny who wants to work in the villas in the cote d’azur, but she doesn’t drive, doesn’t have own transportation and is not interested in getting it. Fair enough, whatever the reason is for that, but looking for jobs in the villas is not going to work out in their favor, because often there is not public transportation that supports it, and the client might is probably not going to want to schedule their childcare around the bus schedule, so they will hire someone else.

Another example is high stress, high demand and high paid jobs. Are they right for everyone? No, they are not. Going into this kind of job requires a certain kind of skill and mind set. Know why you are doing it, the reasons are different for different nannies, and then set yourself up to thrive in that position, depending on what that is for you it can be everything from a social support network, sufficient self care that can be as simple as a good pair of running shoes or enough books to read on your downtime if you are in a remote place.

I see a lot of nannies who just want a job, if they just get the job they will figure it out after and make it work. If you are a quiet person who does not like physical activities you are not going to fit with a family that love the outdoors. If you are a sociable person who needs to feel connected to others, a remote rota position in Russia might not be right for you, no matter how much it pays. Knowing who you are, what your strengths are and where you do best is going to guide you to choose jobs where you shine, remember that there is a place for you to shine, and it might not be where you think it is.

The same things are true for families.

When you look for your nanny you might have a few things that you want, and then there might be things that are like shiny objects of desire on a CV that seem like things you really really want.

Families, I’m going to tell you something you might not like to hear, that shiny thing, that celebrity job or impressive training, it might not be what you need, or what is even compatible with your family.

I will give you an example. Imagine you are looking for a nanny for your six months old baby and you run into a nanny who speaks several languages and have an impressive list of education in early childhood development and has been a nanny to the stars. But she does not have experience with infants, she doesn’t drive and you live outside of the center of town and you need her to be able to drive. Then you run into another candidate who has a long experience working with infants, has been with each of her families for years and, she drives. She has not been a nanny to the stars (I talk about this a lot because it does not necessarily mean that a nanny is good), her formal education is less, but she seems like a great fit for your baby and your family. You click with her, but the CV is less impressive at first glance. And the first nanny is so shiny and has things on her CV that you desire, even though deep down you know that the second one is going to work out better.

Why? She has done what you want her to do, she is experienced. Her requirements match yours. And she has worked with families for a long time on each job, which is a huge piece of information for you about how she will be to work with. Excellent nannies who do short term jobs usually stick to short term jobs and jump around. Excellent nannies who do longer term jobs, and apply for longer terms jobs tend to have stayed with families longer. Which one would you pick? I see all the time that families jump for the shiny one, they interview a few of them, sometimes they even hire them, and then it doesn’t work out. The nanny sees another opportunity that fits her CV profile better and leaves, or you realize that all the certificates in the world do not give you experience with newborns, and the skills you need to figure out how yours works.

I think it’s something to think about for both nannies and families, to not just sell yourselves to get a job or a nanny, but to really look for someone who is compatible with what you are looking for. That’s what we do, and we often see both parties looking for things that are not in their interest.

Thank you for spending time with me today, I am really happy you chose to listen to our podcast.

If you aren’t following us on social media, head over to IG and follow us for tips, tricks and shenanigans @rivieranannies

This episode is brought to you by Mamatoto, the online community that supports women from pregnancy, birth and into motherhood. Go to Mamatoto.info and join the tribe of supportive mothers and their babies.

See you next time when we will talk about cell phones. Bye :)

One time I had a prospective client tell me after we had done her intake interview, filled out all the forms and she had told me exactly what she wanted, which was an au pair, we will get to that in a minute, and I told her that we could find the staff she needed, it just wouldn’t be one person, but two or three.

We have talked about what au pairs are before, they are a cultural exchange program, not a professional doing a job, so while at first it seemed to this family that what they wanted and needed was an au pair, their kids were at school during the day and the parents travel a lot and work out of the area where they live, when the list of duties and the schedule arrived I wasn’t sure what to answer except no, that’s not an au pair, that’s a part time nanny, a cook and a housekeeper. Without going into too much detail about what they wanted let’s just say that the cleaning duties went far past the kid related clean up and meal prep. When the kids were in school all day they wanted the house deep cleaned, dinner prepared for the whole family, groceries shopped for, laundry done for the whole family, the husband’s shirts ironed and before leaving in the evening, the lunches for the next day prepared for the parents. All these services are perfectly fine to outsource, in fact, we often encourage families who want to spend more time with their kids to hire a housekeeper and a chef a few hours per week to clean and prepare meals, but for an au pair, who would take care of the kids in the afternoon after they came home from school and do everything with them until their parents came home from work, the workload during the day was unacceptable. I think in their case, if it was just for the childcare, an au pair might have been fine because they were away a lot and needed the flexibility and the kids were old enough, it wouldn’t be a client for us since we don’t place au pairs. An au pair could do some of the kids’ laundry and clean up, and feed them when the parents are not there, but not clean the house, cook for the whole family and do all their laundry.

When I tried to politely explain the different roles she was looking for she got really upset and asked me why she should pay for a cleaner when she already paid for the au pair. By the way, she wanted to pay the au pair 100 euros per week, plus room and board. My question then is why should I pay for gas when I paid for groceries? Why should I pay for shoes when I paid for face cream? Why should I pay for a handbag when I paid for a hotel room? You get the gist. They are different things, that’s why. I told them that I pay my nanny and my cleaner. They do different things and I can’t do what they both do at the same time, so why should they? As you can imagine, she didn’t like it and didn’t end up hiring anyone with us. That’s fine, I prefer to work with people who are respectful and not that entitled. The thing I wonder in situations like this is if the family thinks about how it would be if the situation was the opposite. Would they take the job they were offering? Why would they, or why not? What are you offering that benefits the other person, except money, in which case as soon as something with more money comes along they will take that? I think it’s always important to try to see what you are offering from at least two perspectives, both as a nanny taking a new job and a family hiring someone to take care of your kids. Know what you offer and why that is valued by the other person.

Thank you for spending time with me today, let us know what you would like us to talk about, email us at [email protected] and put podcast in the subject line. See you next time :)

Theresa Destrebecq is back to talk to us about getting along. Theresa is a conflict resolution coach and will talk to us about how we can be more successful and get along better in professional relationships.

I want a french live out au pair

Sometimes we get requests that are difficult, sometimes we get requests that are confusing and sometimes we get requests that are impossible and illegal. Even though we don’t place au pairs, we still get a lot of questions about them. I think most people think an au pair is a cheap way to get childcare, it is not, and I will explain why in a minute, but most of all I think a lot of people don’t know the difference between an au pair and a nanny so we will talk a little bit about that.

An au pair is not a professional. Having an au pair is a cultural exchange program, and this is where a lot of misunderstandings happen.

An au pair does not have any training or experience (babysitting is not experience) in general.

Generally they do not know about childhood development or education, they are young people who want to experience another culture and learn a new language in a foreign country.

The laws are different in different countries, but normally, an au pair can work up to 30 hours per week, have at least one or two days off per week and should be treated like a family member.

He or she also needs language lessons, both time for them and have them organized and paid for, it is often needed to even get a visa.

Then you have to pay for their insurance and social charges, and of course you have to house and feed them and pay a weekly stipend, usually about 60-90 euros per week depending on where you live, and you have to provide transportation for them (bus card, scooter, car). The cost is about the same as a part time nanny. A lot of families break several of the rules for keeping an au pair, many don’t pay social charges or insurance or probably language courses, but that is not the legal way to work and it is definitely not the ethical way to work.

So, when we get asked, in France, if we can help someone find a french live out au pair, the answer is no, because 1. they can’t have a french au pair in France, and 2. you can never have a live out au pair because an au pair by default lives with you.

When a family wants full time help that is of course possible and in a lot of cases a great idea, when they can and want to pay for it.

When money is an issue, we always suggest instead of going the route of doing half the things necessary to get an au pair, to get a part time nanny.

Figure out what you really want and need help with and get a professional that you don’t have to worry about housing or having someone in your home all the time.

There are so many stories about au pairs ending up not working out at all, I have one personally too and it is not to say that an au pair is never a good solution, but most of the time it is not the cheapest or easiest.

With a nanny you don’t have to worry about them getting drunk and crashing your car.

With a nanny you don’t have to worry about their boyfriend coming to visit, and then he doesn’t leave.

With a nanny you don’t have to worry about them abusing your children, verbally, emotionally or physically.

With a nanny you don’t have to worry about them leaving in the middle of the night and stealing from you.

With a good nanny you don’t have to worry about any of those things, and the more things you have talked about before the start of the contract that we think you should always have, the less things you have to worry about in general.

One of our awesome nannies shares her thoughts on nannying, what motivates and inspires her and what she thinks is important in the nanny-family relationship.

Welcome to the Nanny Podcast.

My name is Hanna Schaer and I am the founder of Riviera Nannies, a nanny agency in the south of France.

If this is the first time you are listening to our podcast, welcome :) this is where we talk about everything nanny, we talk about how to improve your career, things you love about nannying, how we as an agency work and so much more.

Today I am going to tell you about a kind of situation we run into here at the agency every once in a while. It happens more often than I think it should and I want to talk about why it is unreasonable and what we do when it happens. It is a little bit of a behind the scene of the nanny agency if you want :)

When clients contact us we ask them to fill out a questionnaire, telling us about the kind of nanny they are looking for and what the job they are offering looks like. We want to have a profile of the client, just like we do of the nanny so that we can make the best matches. This is a typical conversation in this kind of scenario:

Client: Hello, I need help finding a nanny for my two children age 18 months and 3 years. Can you help us?

Us: Hello, yes of course we can, can you please fill out the application form. (there is usually more of a conversation going on, but to simplify it a little, it’s usually something like this)

They fill out the application form, often not with all the information we ask for, sometimes because they don’t know, sometimes because they don’t want to tell us right away. Typically, in this particular type of family, they leave out the hours they require and the salary. Our reaction, privately is “oh boy”.

What happens then is that they tell us how qualified they want the nanny to be, on top of the basic trainings and certifications they typically want at least two languages spoken fluently, a good presentation, a smart and sophisticated nanny (which makes us delighted since this fits the profile for most of our nannies) because, you know, they will be taking care of their children. You would think that the person who is going to help them raise their children would be someone they respect and pay fairly, right? This far it sounds good, right?

Ok, then we get to the hours. Many families ask for five or six days work. Often ten to twelve hour days. We often try to negotiate the hours to be more sustainable, explaining that when their nanny is rested and happy, she is a better nanny (it should go without saying, but it doesn’t always) and then we try to explain the benefits of a nanny who is able to have a good balance in her life. That in a good relationship there is room for other things than work and a nanny who has no way of doing things she likes outside of work will not want to stay in the job. In general, there are probably exceptions but I can’t think of any. Maybe there aren’t. For most jobs like this the best solution would be two nannies in rotation.

So they say for example that they want six days per week, 7 to 7. That’s a long day and a long week so for me, I am already thinking in my mind that it leaves me with fewer nannies to present to them and the salary requirement will go up. Remember they are looking for a high end nanny with long working days, and we haven’t even gotten into the fact that they might want the nanny to do some light housekeeping when the kids are sleeping, which may or may not be appropriate or reasonable depending on the qualifications and experience of the nanny and of course, the salary.

What I try to explain to our client at this point is that you have quality, quantity and price. You can pick two. When working with us you always have good quality, so that one has much less flexibility than the others, it is more a question of wanting a junior or senior nanny. You can’t have a senior nanny for many hours for a low price. Do you see what we do here? We are trying to set up the job to be successful for both the family and the nanny, making sure that the expectations are met on both sides and the relationship starts out in a professional manner with open communication. This is the point when we often don’t hear from the client again, I don’t know what their reaction is but I can imagine that they are upset because they can’t have something that is not reasonable, and I told them that they couldn’t, and what do I know, I’m just a nanny agent. Maybe it’s less dramatic than that, and sometimes the clients get back to us a few months later, after they realize that they do in fact need our help finding a good fit for their family and our job wasn’t as easy as they thought and they tried out a less qualified nanny who accepted the terms they offered because she just wanted a job, and now she left because she found something different or it just wasn’t a good fit and now they are back to where they started. And then when they write us again and we ask them to give us the specifications of the job they look a little bit different.

Thank you so much for listening to the Nanny Podcast, please join us again next time.