Writer, author, and mom of three Sara Peterson has been down all the instagram wormholes and has lived to tell about it. On this episode, your host Alexis , and Sara have a super candid conversation on the ways in which performative motherhood and momfluencers are wearing us all down. Sara shares with us what it means to be a "hot mom", why prescriptive parenting doesn't work, the new mom haircut, and we also discuss . . . haunted Mormons (IYKYK). Sara's book, MOMFLUENCED, will be out this spring. We go deep into momfluencer culture in this episode, so here are a few articles to provide "supplemental reading":

Articles by Sara:

• Momfluencer Culture Enrages Me: Why Can't I Look Away?
• Why I want to quit social media
• Apparently makeup for children is just as much a thing as skincare for children
• Why I’m struggling to explain my beauty routine to my 4-year-old daughter

Also discussed in the episode:

• Mormon influencer exposes ‘soft swinging’ secrets on TikTok: ‘Everyone hooked up’

Subscribe to Sara's Substack, "In Pursuit of Clean Countertops", here.

Poppyseed Health offers 24/7 on-demand text access to doulas, midwives, and nurses.

The National Council on Sexual Addiction Compulsivity has estimated that six to eight percent of Americans, and  approximately one in six women struggle with an addiction to pornography and sex. (Many women with sex addiction engage in casual sex, have multiple partners, or affairs. ) Author, and mom Erica Garza is one of the few women speaking out about her struggles with porn and compulsive masturbation (beginning at age 12), and later, sex addiction.  Her memoir, "Getting Off: One Woman’s Journey Through Sex and Porn Addiction" is a brave and eye-opening story that helps dispel myths and opens up a necessary conversation about addiction. On this episode of the podcast, Erica talks about the underlying anxieties that contributed to her addiction, the pain of living a secret life, and how she finally was able to experience pleasure without feelings of shame. Erica also shares how her former addiction informs how she parents her daughter, and offers tips for those who may be struggling with sex addiction and want to seek help.

Ways to get help:

• Attend Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous which follows the 12 Step Model from Alcoholics Anonymous
• Disrupt unhealthy patterns by turning off your internet or traveling someplace new
• Connect with others who are working to recover from addiction (any kind)

You can find her book here.

Poppyseed Health offers 24/7 on-demand text access to doulas, midwives, and nurses.

Keren Keyzner's daughter Lily was diagnosed with neuroblastoma on the evening of September 16, 2018, at 2.5 years of age. Neuroblastoma is an extremely rare form of cancer, with only about 700 new cases diagnosed every year in the United States.  In this episode, Keren shares her daughter's journey, and how Keren and her family coped with such unimaginable loss. If you've ever wondered how you could support friends and loved ones caring for a sick child, or who are mourning the loss of their child, give this episode a listen.  

Organizations to donate to/ learn more about pediatric cancer and neuroblastoma:

• Candle Lighters: Local non profit that supports families coming to NYC to get treatments- they support the kids, parents and siblings!
• Band of Parents: Grassroots non profit started by parents of children with Neuroblastoma to raise funds for new treatments.
• Whip Pediatric Cancer: Another great org that raises money for childhood cancer at Sloan and supports families. 

Click here to see some images of beautiful Lily and read the poem Keren wrote for her funeral.

Poppyseed Health offers 24/7 on-demand text access to doulas, midwives, and nurses.

Today we have writer, and coach Jenn M. Choi on the podcast, who shares with us her story of surviving the deaths of both of her immigrant parents (on top of going through a huge life change) and how that process helped her face the generational trauma she'd held onto for so many years.  She talks about how she found self-compassion, how reframing healing is a constant process, and how we all have the tools we need within us to become "the moms we wish to be."

Listen to her expert suggestions on how to heal, and move through generational trauma in your own life, and how the ultimate self care is knowing that you need help and that you can't do it all alone:

Jenn's healing go-to's:

• Mindset - Knowing to accept help. This is the first step: To get into the mindset of receiving help and saying, it is ok to not be ok, and I cannot do this alone.
• Therapy is one of the best tools in helping you not implode with feelings of rage. Finding the right modality of therapy and good chemistry with your therapist is essential.
• Coaching - therapy looks at present and past; coaching is more future focused.
• Writing - journaling helps you process and come up with things from your subconscious and bring it to light. Writing a letter to your past self can be very powerful.
• Online communities - going online and finding your community (FB, IG, Reddit’s sub communities).

Poppyseed Health offers 24/7 on-demand text access to doulas, midwives, and nurses.

"I could tell you maybe two people at my son's school know, and this is the crazy thing, maybe even more because I have been around people in those times I was using and you just don't think you look drunk. You did this, you forgot lunch, you did that, and who knows what people picked up on? My disease would lead me to believe they didn't at all, but I'm sure some people did."

In today's episode, we talk with someone who doesn't appear to be an "addict" but only because we have so many misconceptions of how an addict should look. An addict can be someone whose life has completely fallen apart, and it can also be the well-dressed mom at drop-off who is on her way to her C-suite office. Our guest tells us about the origins of her addiction, the career that helped fuel it, and how she has found recovery. She also talks about why she insists on considering herself an "addict" even though she is sober. We'll hear what it is like to parent while in recovery and how she talks to her child about her sobriety.

Resources for recovery:

• Online Intergroup of Alcoholics Anonymous
• Caron.org

Poppyseed Health offers 24/7 on-demand text access to doulas, midwives, and nurses.

SEASON 2 PREMIERE! Today we are talking with award-winning author Angela Garbes, of LIKE A MOTHER: A Feminist Journey Through the Science and Culture of Pregnancy, and the just-released ESSENTIAL LABOR: Mothering as Social Change.  Her latest book reads like a manifesto for the kind of world we aspire to have for mothers and women and all caregivers, and  it asks the question, what if we built a system that lets us care for the people that actually care for us? How do we, in a society that is so detached from our bodies create a world where we value bodies, the human experience, and our right to pleasure?
We talk with Angela about:

• how to establish a strong foundational understanding for our children that their bodies are worthy of love, and good care
•  the responsibility parents hold for teaching our kids to respect all kinds of bodies, and that all bodies are different
• how to navigate talking about difficult topics (like bodies, sex, scary news) with our children
• the benefits of intergenerational living, and caring for elders
• reframing sex and pleasure for ourselves and our kids
• how to reconnect sexually with a partner during/after periods of low libido

LIKE A MOTHER, is out now. Grab this must-read book here.

This episode is sponsored by Poppy Seed Health - 24/7 text access to doulas, midwives, and nurses.

Poppyseed Health offers 24/7 on-demand text access to doulas, midwives, and nurses.

Puberty doesn't start with periods. Our culture's discomfort around puberty often leads us to wait for conversations about puberty until 12 or 13. But many kids start undergoing the body changes that precede menstruation at much younger ages. And yet, there's very little content in books and media that talk about the intersection of puberty and childhood -- which can begin at ages 8, 9, and 10. Where is the book for the kid that's about to go bra shopping for her first bra during the day but will still be leaving a tooth for the Tooth Fairy at night? Today, we are talking with Megan E. Bryant, the author of ABBY IN BETWEEN. ABBY IN BETWEEN introduces us to Abby, a 9-year-old girl trying to handle all the chaos that can come with growing up -- from shifting family dynamics and changing friendships to new observations about herself and the world around her.

This is an eye-opening discussion where we talk about:

• signs your kid wants to talk about puberty
• how to continue to undo/break down internalized messages that tell us that what happens to the female body is taboo
• how to discuss hygiene-related to physiological changes (i.e. stinky armpits) without making kids feel ashamed
• perspective shift on what 'early' puberty actually means (hint: it's a good sign!)
•  how to know when puberty is beginning for your kid
• consent around these conversations, and when going to the pediatrician

We don't talk about stillbirth and infant loss enough because to acknowledge that they happen is to acknowledge that they could happen to US. We protect ourselves from these stories, which are OTHER PEOPLE'S STORIES, to further separate someone else's reality from that of our own. For Anna Feldberg, our guest on this episode, having lost her first daughter Charlotte, who died suddenly at 35 weeks gestation, is a reality from which she cannot separate. Anna shares with us her very personal story, and how she got to a place where the grief  (and guilt) was no longer something all-encompassing. Folks often wonder what to say to someone who has experienced the loss of a child, as if that friend is on the other side of a wall and we can't begin to reach them. This episode helps us better understand how to support someone who is going through infant loss -- or, if it is something that has touched our own lives, how we can begin to move through our own grief process.

23,000 babies are born still in the US each year -- and often, the causes for these stillbirths are not clear.  After losing Charlotte, Anna found out that her placenta had been small -- something doctors had never mentioned to her during the course of her pregnancy. Anna has become a passionate supporter of consistently measuring the placenta during pregnancy. She now works with an organization called PUSH for Empowered Pregnancy,  to research and integrate similar maternal/fetal monitoring protocols into standard prenatal care.

Resources Anna shares in this episode:

• "What helped me a lot were support groups and connecting with other women (and men) who went through it."
• PUSH's Resource Page: From support groups to medical resources and connections to grief support book suggestions: https://www.pushpregnancy.org/pregnancy-infant-loss
• Star Legacy Foundation: Primarily  focused on pregnancy loss grief support. Also have a mentor program where they pair a “veteran” loss mom up with a new loss mom.
• Our partner Poppy Seed Health provides 24/7 text access to nurses, midwives, and doulas, with a special focus on providing support during pregnancy and infant loss.

When life gets super challenging, we often look towards leaders for guidance -- whether it's a political leader, religious leader, community or group leader, or parent. But what happens when the leader doesn't feel like they can lead? What happens when the leader is struggling just as much as those who are relying on them?

Our guest today is a female rabbi who describes to us not only what its like to go through some of life's biggest shifts in a very public way (IVF, pregnancy, loss of a parent) but also how it feels to try to stay  present for all the people who depend on her in their grief, pain, and joy while a pandemic rages on. Plus, find out how The Indigo Girls kind of helped change everything for the better for her.

When her doctor presented gestational surrogacy (i.e. where the parent - not surrogate - provides own egg for fertilization) as an option for Alexis Cirel, it felt, at first, like defeat. Not only was it something she hadn't ever anticipated, she learned that it wasn't even a legal option in New York at the time ! The paperwork and the sense of disappointment in her body was overwhelming to Alexis, but ultimately the process was a success and she is now the mom of a 5 and 8 year old and recalls the journey as miraculous and special.  Her personal experience with surrogacy and infertility also catapulted her to change course in her professional life, at first to help legalize gestational surrogacy in NY state and advocate for others similarly situated, and now to expand her family law practice to include fertility law including surrogacy arrangements. Today, she shares the physical process, the emotional process, and her thoughts about it a few years after having had her two children with the help of the same surrogate, with whom she remains close today. Listen to her fascinating story, and if you're going through something similar, or are curious, Alexis encourages you to reach out. She loves helping other women and be the connection she didn't have at the time.

More about Alexis Cirel and her contact info:
https://www.wbny.com/cirel-gostork-qa

The Child Parent Security Act:
https://www.health.ny.gov/community/pregnancy/surrogacy/
https://www.nytimes.com/2021/02/15/parenting/fertility/surrogates-new-york.html

Surrogates Letter to Gov. Cuomo:
https://www.familyequality.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/20190220-Surrogates-letter-to-Governor-Cuomo-1.pdf

Alexis's Favorite Kids Books About Surrogacy:
https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-very-kind-koala-kimberly-kluger-bell/1116275910