The Overwhelm Cure

Over the past week, I've been connecting with lots of different people — friends, family, clients, leaders. It's truly lovely to share our lives, our successes, our joys, and even our struggles.

Something I noticed, though … when someone I care about is going through a hard time, I often find myself wanting to jump in and fix things. I really don't like to see people struggle, especially those close to me who I care about.

But I've realized that the further removed someone is from our lives, the less their issues actually impact us. And this is normal — our brains are wired for connection, and we're supposed to care when people we love are experiencing challenges.

While I used to feel a strong responsibility to help, this usually led to my own feelings of anxiety and overwhelm. As women, we're usually socialized to be the problem solvers and caregivers. But constantly taking on others' problems can be exhausting!

Not only that, but giving unsolicited advice when trying to "fix things" can feel like criticism to the recipient and lead to resentment on both ends. (I know how I feel on the receiving end of unsolicited advice!)

Here's the thing, though — sometimes, focusing on others' issues can be a distraction from facing our own.

In today's episode, I'm sharing my new practice, even after almost 20 years as a psychologist. This is an important one!

Key Takeaways:

• It's normal to want to help people we care about, and it's just as important to recognize our own emotional responses to their struggles.

• Consider who modeled caregiving and problem-solving in your own life.

• Holding space for others involves managing our own emotions while actively listening and understanding what the other person truly needs.

• Knowing our capacity and setting boundaries is essential for maintaining healthy relationships and avoiding burnout and overwhelm.

• Just because you can help, doesn't mean you should. Before you offer support, ask yourself (or the person you want to help) if it's in everyone's best interest.

Timestamps:

00:00 Introduction to The Overwhelm Cure

01:28 Understanding Empathy and Responsibility

06:42 The Problem with Unsolicited Advice

10:00 How to Hold Space

15:17 Balancing Personal Boundaries When Helping Others

18:57 Facing Our Own Issues

24:00 The Serenity Prayer and Final Thoughts

27:38 Overwhelm Cure Program Invitation

The Overwhelm Cure Program is a six week program, where you'll participate in regular exercises, and we'll come together each week to discuss ways to help you finally overcome feelings of overwhelm.

Connect with me:

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Today, I'm sharing my personal journey and strategies you can use right now to help you rest, reset, and recover, especially after a busy time like Canadian Thanksgiving, where we quickly shift focus to the Christmas season.

Many of us, myself included, come out of a long weekend feeling fulfilled but also totally exhausted.

We think, "there's too much to do and not enough time," which often leads to pushing harder instead of resting and recovering.

I used to operate this way, pushing through despite being completely spent, thinking others needed me, and I had to get things done. This mindset, I've learned, is a direct path to burnout because we're not paying attention to our own needs.

Now, I anticipate feeling tired after busy times like long holiday weekends. I do a body scan to check my physical and emotional energy levels.

My next step is to make a plan. Our brains love to overwhelm us with a million to-dos, so I write everything down, even small tasks like showering or meal prepping. Then, I prioritize. I learned to tackle the most important, often hardest, tasks first, just like my parents used to say, "homework before play." This gives me a big sense of accomplishment.

Each day, I aim to focus on my top three priorities, and anything beyond that is a bonus. It can cause anxiety to limit myself, but sitting with that feeling helps create a more realistic and sustainable day.

This week, I'm committing to rest and recovery, which means I won't tackle everything on my long to-do list — and that's okay because I'll be more productive in the long run.

As we prepare for the next batch of holidays, including Thanksgiving if you're in the U.S., think about how you want the holidays to feel.

In today's episode, you'll hear some of my practical tools and tips to help you truly rest (plus a marathon running analogy that I think will really bring the point home).

Key Takeaways:

• Offer yourself empathy, accept that you're not always going to be at 100%, and allow yourself to rest and recover without judgement.

• List, prioritize, and plan all your tasks so you can see the top 1-3 essential items to focus on each day.

• Do the hard tasks first to reduce stress and boost your feelings of accomplishment.

• Set realistic expectations for yourself after a busy stretch or a series of life events.

• Don't be afraid to ask others for help (trust them to be honest about their availability).

• Spend some time planning for future busy seasons.

And remember, it's also okay to scale back on your plans, holiday events, and to-dos if they don't truly align with your goals.

Timestamps:

00:00 Introduction and Overview: Post-Holiday Exhaustion

00:53 The Overwhelm Cycle

01:37 Recognizing our Need for Rest

05:00 Self-Empathy and Planning

06:22 Prioritizing Tasks During Busy Times

07:50 Managing Expectations and Anxiety

09:03 Planning for the Future

12:55 Family Involvement and Delegation

16:15 Conclusion and Final Thoughts

Connect with me:

• Sign up for the next Dare To Lead Workshop

• Schedule a free 20-minute consultation

• Connect on LinkedIn

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Today, I'd like to share a recent experience that led me down a bit of a rabbit hole. I was in a mobility class at the gym, and as I rolled a tiny yoga therapy ball under my foot, I had this overwhelming thought: "I wish I had known about this sooner!"

This really hit home because years ago, before COVID, I injured my foot after a run without much training. And it's been bothering me ever since. After a recent trip that had me on my feet much of the time, my foot was really sore.

But then, regret started to creep in. I wish I had used these yoga balls for my feet ages ago.

My thoughts drifted to my kids, who are athletes, and how they could have benefited. And then, thought back to COVID and how I wished we had been more active as a family back then.

It's incredible how easily we can fall into this pattern of looking back and thinking, "I wish I had been doing this for a long time." I even found myself thinking about my eating habits and wishing I had known more about balancing blood sugar when I was younger.

But here's the thing — while this line of thinking might be true, we often wish we had known things sooner; is it actually helpful?

For me, wishing I had done things differently didn't make me feel motivated or optimistic. It actually made me feel defeated and as though I had wasted my time.

It's an adaptive process, but with our negativity bias, we often use it against ourselves.

So, how can we use the past in a positive way?

We learn! Now I know what happens when I don't take care of my feet, or when I don't take my iron supplements. We can enjoy this process of learning and growing.

Here's what you'll hear about today:

• Regret is a natural human tendency, but not always helpful. Discover how to turn it into motivation.

• Our brains attempt to solve problems by replaying the past. This is an adaptive process, but our negativity bias can lead us to use it against ourselves.

• How to shift from regret to learning and growth, and use past experiences as lessons to inform future actions.

• Why self-compassion is important to move past the negativity in regrets.

• Ways we can extract all the possible lessons from our life experiences so we can do things differently.

• The 1% secret to implementing change through small, consistent habits.

Timestamps:

00:00 Introduction and Personal Story

01:36 Reflecting on Missed Opportunities

03:40 The Impact of Regret

05:07 Shifting to a Positive & Motivational Mindset

08:05 Practical Tips for Self-Compassion and Growth

12:07 Building New Habits

17:47 Conclusion and Final Thoughts

Quick Links:

• Self-Compassion.org

• Atomic Habits by James Clear

Connect with me:

• Sign up for the next Dare To Lead Workshop

• Schedule a free 20-minute consultation

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• "Do I deserve this?"
• "I don't know if I deserve this?"

These brought me to the question: "Do men wonder if they deserve their success?"

Women, it's not your fault.

After speaking with hundreds of women over the past week, I found that this question came up repeatedly.

Here's what feeling undeserving looks like:

• Not asking for higher compensation for work

• Giving more, potentially to the point of overwork and burnout

• Not applying for the promotion

• Working more to compensate for the thoughts that we're undeserving

The thing is, this all leads us to feel overworked, overwhelmed, and burned out.

When these thoughts come up, notice what you feel in your body.

• Where do you feel it?

• Is it a tightness in your chest?

• Do your shoulders creep up towards your ears?

Next, identify the emotion coming up.

Look, when we achieve more than we ever dreamed, our self-concept—our sense of who we believe ourselves to be and what we deserve—needs to evolve.

And often, we lack a frame of reference for this new level of achievement.

I'm exploring this question of deservingness today. Here's what you'll discover:

• Many women, especially leaders, struggle with the feeling that they don't deserve their successes.

• How feelings of unworthiness often lead to self-sabotage—such as not asking for a raise, working long hours, or avoiding career advancement.

• Societal conditioning and traditional gender roles contribute to women's difficulty in defining their worth, especially in professional settings.

• To overcome these feelings of deservedness, it's crucial to redefine our self-concept and imagine who we want to be.

• How to develop grounded confidence by knowing your worth without hustling for it.

Timestamps:

00:00 Introduction to the Overwhelm Care Podcast

00:20 Women Asking, "Do I Deserve This?"

01:30 Gender Differences in Self-Worth

02:39 The Impact of Self-Sabotage

03:56 Identifying and Understanding Self-Worth

07:29 Redefining Self-Concept for Women

12:39 Imagining Your Future Self

16:05 Embracing Success and Self-Worth

21:56 Wrap Up and Contact Information

Connect with me:

• Sign up for the next Dare To Lead Workshop

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I'm heading out on a week-long journey, training leaders across the province in resilience and Dare to Lead skills.

While I love my work, this trip also means I'll be missing my daughter's first national competition of the season, and a wave of mom-guilt is washing over me.

While my family is my top priority, my work schedule is planned months in advance, and sometimes my kids' schedules are a bit last-minute.

My husband is taking her instead, and I know they'll do great, but the guilt and fear of missing out (FOMO) are still there under the surface.

This situation reminds me of how often we, as parents, feel guilty when we take a break from our responsibilities.

Sure, I could have rescheduled or canceled one of my commitments to be there, but sometimes it's good for our kids to have time to bond and learn to navigate things without me.

Today's episode is the permission you may have needed to take the trip, put your learning first, and trust that your kids are well-taken care of.

Takeaways from this episode:

• Mom-Guilt and FOMO are common: It's normal to feel guilty or experience fear of missing out when taking a break from responsibilities, especially as parents and leaders.

• Prioritizing ourselves is essential; investing in our mental health and wellness by taking breaks is important for our overall well-being and the health of our personal and professional relationships.

• Challenging the "do it all" mindset: We often believe we're the glue holding everything together, leading to over-responsibility and neglecting our own needs.

• Kids benefit from rested parents: Coming back from a work trip or a kid-free vacation feeling rested and recharged can make you a happier and more effective parent, ultimately benefiting your children.

• Diverse support networks for our kids: When our kids spend time with other trusted adults, it helps them develop their social networks, shows them the extent of their support, and offers fresh perspectives.

Timestamps:

• 00:00 Introduction and A Personal Story

• 00:58 Guilt & FOMO from Taking Breaks

• 03:21 The Importance of Independent Time

• 04:42 Investing in Your Well-Being

• 06:36 The Myth of Parental Sacrifice

• 11:32 The Benefits of Time with Trusted Adults

• 12:53 Conclusion and Final Thoughts

Connect with me:

• Sign up for the next Dare To Lead Workshop

• Schedule a free 20-minute consultation

• Connect on LinkedIn

• Connect on Facebook

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Related Episodes:

• 16. Prioritizing What Matters and Putting Yourself First

• 17. How to Break Free from Mom Guilt

• 24: The Heart of Self-Care: Beyond the Bubble Bath

While I've come a long way in making holiday gatherings special without wearing myself out, I used to approach them with overworking and then eventually resenting the work and being kind of cranky about laboring away in the kitchen instead of enjoying my guests.

The Canadian Thanksgiving is coming up soon, and people have been reaching out, asking, "What can I bring?" and "How can I help?"

Now, I have to admit that these questions make me uncomfortable.

Between hyper-independence and a sprinkle of perfectionism, I used to work really hard and take on too much, while trying to make it look easy. This never works well!

Today, I know better. Now I know it's not going to serve anyone to stay up all night working.

I asked myself: How do I want to feel when hosting a holiday gathering? I want to feel happy and connected. The work is essentially about how I go about creating that result.

Today, you'll hear about how healthy reciprocity is good for our relationships and our overall well-being.

• Why it's important to become aware when we're feeling overwhelmed, so we can address it.

• Why so many of us struggle to accept help without feeling guilty.

• How women often face cultural expectations to be the primary caregiver, host, and problem-solver—leading to hyper-independence and burnout.

• When a desire for perfectionism and control can lead to taking on too much.

• The sneaky way over-functioning leads to stress, exhaustion, anger, and resentment.

• Systems thrive on balance, and people naturally want to give back—so the more we allow others to help, the healthier, more joyful relationships we foster.

• Some sample new thoughts you can practice to help you welcome help, like: "I'm just as important as everyone else," "I don't need to do everything or prove anything," and "My worth is not tied to what I can produce."

Remember, uncomfortable feelings are signals that something is off and needs to change. Question where these thoughts and feelings came from, ask if they're serving you, and see where you can shift your perspective to healthy reciprocity to help you find more joy and connection.

Timestamps:

00:00 Introduction to The Overwhelm Cure

01:06 The Importance of Asking for Help

02:44 Hosting Holidays and the Pressure to Be Perfect

06:08 The Accompanying Guilt Accepting Help

12:36 Understanding Reciprocity & Its Benefits

18:08 Changing Our Mindsets and Practicing New Thoughts

24:59 Invitation

Connect with me:

• Sign up for the next Dare To Lead Workshop

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This is the topic I'm covering today, as the mantra "let them" became my go-to the other week.

You might already be familiar with Mel Robbins' "Let Them" philosophy, which can lessen overwhelm and improve relationships.

The theory she explores in her book, "Let Them," is that we will feel less stress and have better relationships if we let others be who they are, without any interference or judgement.

And in this episode of The Overwhelm Cure, we explore this concept as a practical strategy to reduce our stress and overwhelm so we can free up mental space and energy to look after ourselves.

"Letting them" requires us to fully accept people and their choices.

I get it, it can be hard when we disagree with the decisions or actions of loved ones or friends. But then, there's the freedom we experience when we get to focus on ourselves and take care of our needs.

Key Takeaways:

• Breaking down Mel Robbins' "Let Them" theory helps us let go and allow others to be themselves, making their own choices and effectively taking the stress and pressure off ourselves.

• We often try to change others in an effort to control them, thinking it'll lead to our own peace and happiness. BUT — this usually robs us of our unique journey and learnings while increasing our stress.

• By adopting the "Let Them" approach, we take our power back and can shift our focus from controlling others to managing our own reactions — freeing up the mental and emotional energy that we'd otherwise spend getting frustrated and angry.

• Going beyond "Let Them" and using "Let Me" when we need to take actions to protect ourselves, such as setting boundaries, having direct conversations, or limiting contact.

• Putting our mental health and wellness first, we evaluate relationships, recognize when they're depleting rather than nurturing, and make choices that prioritize our peace.

This episode will help you understand how to apply the "Let Them" and "Let Me" principles to create more calm, peaceful, and fulfilling relationships in your life.

Quick Links:

• Work with me 1:1

• The Overwhelm Cure Program

• Mel Robbins "Let Them" Theory

Timestamps:

00:00 Introduction to Overcoming Overwhelm

00:46 Identifying Sources of Frustration

02:40 The Concept of 'Let Them'

05:03 Accepting Others and Focusing on Ourselves

08:02 Implementing 'Let Them' in Real Life

09:07 Going Beyond 'Let Them'

10:50 Setting Boundaries with 'Let Me'

15:11 Final Thoughts and Invitation

Connect with Kimberly Knull:

• Sign up for the next Dare To Lead Workshop

• Schedule a free 20-minute consultation

• Connect on LinkedIn

• Connect on Facebook

• Connect on Instagram

Recently, my oldest daughter moved out for university, and it was a surprisingly difficult experience for me.

What truly helped actually surprised me.

A friend picked up the phone (like with an actual call) to see how I was doing. It was such a small gesture, but it made me feel so cared for. It really meant a lot to me.

As parents, professionals, or even just women who spend a lot of time and energy looking after others, we often don't get that same care in return. That's why I'm realizing the importance of us taking the time to check in on each other.

Whether it's a quick call or even a text message, it can make someone's day.

Really, it's a highly underrated yet essential way to connect and nurture the people we care about.

As a psychologist, I see firsthand how loneliness is a real and growing problem — even an epidemic in many countries.

I've found it helpful to keep a list of people I want to connect with more often. Then, I schedule time to reach out to them to check in and, in some cases, make plans.

If you find yourself craving more connection and even deeper connections, be the one to reach out. As nice as it would be, our loved ones can't read our minds.

So, don't be afraid to reach out and ask a friend if they'd like to grab a coffee.

Here's what you'll find in today's episode:

• A simple check-in can take 30 seconds and be the thing that completely uplifts someone's mood.

• How I'm nurturing my connections today: Reaching out demonstrates that we value people — we're investing our time and energy.

• How a quick text, email, or phone call can help lessen feelings of loneliness.

• Why, if you're craving connection, I invite you to take the initiative and be the one who reaches out.

• A reminder that if your friends and family aren't checking in on you, don't take it personally. Don't be afraid to ask for support when you need it.

• How checking in on others not only helps them but also contributes to your own happiness and well-being.

Timestamps:

• 00:00 Introduction & Watching My Daughter Move Away for College
• 01:47 The Importance of Checking In
• 03:43 The Power of Connection
• 08:56 Practical Tips for Reaching Out
• 13:55 Building and Maintaining Relationships
• 17:31 Overcoming Loneliness and Expanding Your Network
• 19:31 Acts of Kindness
• 21:26 Final Thoughts and Professional Support

Quick Links:

• Sign up for the next Dare To Lead Workshop

• Schedule a free 20-minute consultation

• Connect on LinkedIn

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• Connect on Instagram

I'm bringing this idea with me into the changing seasons, as we sadly say goodbye to summer fun and travel, and transition into fall.

Whether the kids are going back to school or, in my case, one is heading off to college, it's a season to review what's been working and what needs to change to close out the rest of the year intentionally.

September often feels like a fresh start, like a "new year" without the countdown and ball drop — making it the perfect season to reevaluate all our routines.

All of my clients are working to make improvements in at least one area of their lives, and this seasonal shift brings an excellent opportunity to review our priorities and embrace some new habits and routines that foster personal growth.

And I'm right there with them reviewing what's been working well and what needs to change. That's why, this week, I'm sharing four simple strategies to help you create intentional and positive changes this fall.

Here's what you'll hear today:

• Why fall is an excellent time to establish new, intentional routines.

• The importance of routines in conserving mental energy and reducing daily decision-making.

• How small, consistent actions are more effective than infrequent, large efforts.

• Why choosing how you'll FEEL is the most important choice in guiding your daily habits.

• An invitation to challenge all the external "shoulds" and prioritize the habits that genuinely serve you.

• The key to making habits stick for the long run.

Timestamps:

00:00 Introduction: Wrapping Up Summer

00:18 Embracing Fall and Its Changes

01:06 The Importance of Routines

03:00 Creating Effective Habits

05:32 Setting Intentions for Fall

09:48 Evaluating and Adjusting Your Fall Routine

12:59 Practical Tips for Daily Habits

16:23 Conclusion: Make Intentional Choices

Quick Links:

• Sign up for the next Dare To Lead Workshop

• Schedule a free 20-minute consultation

• Connect on LinkedIn

• Connect on Facebook

• Connect on Instagram

Related Episodes:

• 31: Beat Decision Fatigue & Make Better Choices

• 21: Navigating Life Transitions: How to Cope with Overwhelm

• 15. How To Create Healthy Daily Routines To Reduce Stress and Overwhelm

These are the sentiments from many parents as their kids head back to school. But for some, it's not quite the best time of the year.

Here in Canada, the weather hasn't been cooperating. Though of course, as Canadians, we know we can get fresh air in any weather with the appropriate clothing.

Barring the rainy summer weather, some of the clients I've been talking with are feeling:

• Stressed from summer vacations and having to change plans while navigating the pressure to make everyone happy

• Overwhelmed with planning when things don't work out "perfectly"

• Challenged by the tests of parenting, from entertaining young kids to changing roles and becoming more of a coach and mentor to your older kids

Even if you've been having some challenges over the summer, these are actually a positive thing. We can learn some essential lessons from the ups and downs of parenting, co-parenting, and life with our families.

Consider it a stress test for your family and your life.

Key takeaways from today's episode of The Overwhelm Cure:

• How to reframe difficult summer moments as opportunities to learn and adjust your parenting strategies.

• Evaluating what's actually fun for ALL your family members. Chances are—simple might be better.

• How to think intentionally about your guiding principles, values, and goals for your kids' childhoods.

• Why it's okay to let struggles happen—while it's uncomfortable, this is how kids learn and grow.

• The importance of taking time to recognize and grieve the shifts in identity that come with kids gaining independence, getting their driver's licenses, and even moving out to go to college.

• Being okay with the imperfect moments—focus on managing your thoughts and stress response so you can be a good role model for your kids.

Most of all, make sure you're taking the time to look after yourself. Take the time to care for your body and mind, and stay connected to what you truly want.

Remember, it takes a village to raise kids. We were never meant to parent alone. It's okay to ask for support.

Timestamps:

00:00 Welcome to Back-to-School Season

00:56 Summer Parenting Challenges

02:41 Stress Tests and Parenting Insights

05:42 Traveling with Kids: Lessons Learned

07:48 Simplifying Family Vacations

13:02 Reflecting on Parenting through Your Childhood

15:31 Parenting Plans and Values

20:54 Identity Shift as Kids Grow More Independent

24:56 Final Thoughts on Parenting & Invitation to Seek Support

Quick Links:

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