The Parenting Horizons Podcast

It may be hard to believe when you watch your one year old eat paste, but the truth is that each of these little beings comes into the world with so much competence.  The ultimate challenge for parents is to trust them, to let them explore the world, to get out of their way and watch them unfold. But what does “getting out of their way” look like?

Our guest today is trauma psychologist and best selling author Dr. L. Carol Scott Ph.D. (www.lcarolscott.com), who explains how current research suggests that by age 7 children have already established the relationship strategies they will take with them into adulthood. We’ll discuss what are the most significant “can’t miss” strategies for helping kids develop healthy relationships. We’ll also discuss whether parents should be worried that it’s too late and that they’ve ruined their children (spoiler alert: Don’t worry. You haven’t ruined your children!)

P.S. Email Dr. Scott ([email protected]) and receive a free summary of the techniques for encouraging self-awareness that we talk about in this episode.

One of the more surprising things about being a parent is that we often wind up taking a hard look at our own parents. Most of the time we uncover the unremarkable truth that our parents were just ordinary, flawed people who loved us dearly and did their very best to raise us. 

But sometimes we discover a darker truth: that one of our parents may have struggled with something more serious and that in turn we, as children, may have experienced real trauma at their hands.

In this episode we welcome as our guest psychologist Dr. Stephanie Kriesberg, (www.drstephaniekriesberg.com) who specializes in toxic relationships and anxiety disorders and is the author of the book, Adult Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers: Quiet the Critical Voice in Your Head, Heal Self-Doubt, and Live the Life You Deserve. 

If you had/have a narcissistic parent, or just experienced a difficult parent, you can learn skills to break the cycle and not repeat the experiences with your own children. We’ll discuss what exactly is narcissism, how children are affected by this behavior, and how to quiet the relentless self-criticism that often afflicts children of narcissistic parents.

The term “mindfulness” sometimes conjures visions of sitting in a lotus position and becoming one with the universe, to which most parents roll their eyes and think “Sure, my kid can’t find their homework, the dog threw up, the school bus is honking, I just burned breakfast, I’m late for work and you’re telling me to take time to find my inner peace!”

Ironically, many stress relieving techniques backfire because they just add one more item to an already bursting to-do list. But mindfulness is much more accessible than we’ve been led to think. Our guest today is Shonda Moralis (www.shondamoralis.net), psychotherapist and author of Don’t Forget to Breathe: 5-Minute Mindfulness for Busy Women. We’ll be talking about effective ways to deal with the mental load of being a parent and how a simple five minute break can actually give you more time in your packed and stressful day

In this wide ranging (and NSFW!) interview we talk with Dr. J.J. Kelly (www.drjjkelly.com), known as the “Punk Therapist”, about raising resilient and emotionally intelligent children. Today’s social media saturated landscape pushes several myths that hurt our children. Toxic positivity, relentless comparison, unquestioned patriarchy and a culture that routinely represses uncomfortable feelings all contribute to epidemic levels of stress and anxiety in our young people today.

We’ll talk about the benefits of DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy), how to expose our “gremlins” and what are the warning signs that it may be time to step in and reach out to a therapist.

Today we’re discussing how to deal with your child’s growing sexual agency, and how to discuss consent and bodily autonomy without breaking out in a cold sweat (most of the time.)

Our guest is Dr. Laura McGuire (they/them, https://drlauramcguire.com/about.html) trauma-informed expert, activist and author of the new book, The Sexual Misconduct Prevention Guidebook, (https://www.amazon.com/dp/173794393X) who is sharing how parents can have this important conversation including key takeaways vital for any young adult.

So what exactly IS consent? And while most agree that we should talk to our kids about consent, few stop to think about “why”. The bottom line is we’re giving our kids a life skill, not just a life line. The skills we teach about consent and boundaries are for a lifetime, not just until they get out of high school or college.

Despite a parent’s predictable anxiety, we want to be careful to avoid creating a climate of fear when talking about consent. To that end we’ll talk about that sometimes heart stopping process as your “sweet little baby” begins to assert their sexual agency. And we’ll discuss practical ways parents can find the balance between two seemingly irreconcilable forces: how do I keep my kids safe and still give them bodily autonomy and confidence.

The college application process is a multi-billion dollar industry that profits from fear, uncertainty and doubt. But there are ways to take back control of the process, or at the very least take the anxiety and stress out of it.

Our guest today is Tracy Schaffzin,  a guidance counselor at The Clinton School in New York City. We’ll discuss ways to determine if college is even right for your child and if so, how to navigate the sometimes oversized feelings that go with finding the right fit.

We’ll offer techniques for dealing with your child’s feelings about the process, from calming the overachiever to motivating the apathetic teenager. You’ll hear about effective search strategies that keep your kid’s self-worth intact and avoid falling into the trap of wanting to only go to high profile “name” schools.

Studies say that 1 in 3 kids between the ages of 13 and 18 will experience a diagnosable anxiety disorder. Moreover, diagnosed anxiety and depression in children 3 - 17 years old has risen significantly in the past 5 years.

So what’s the difference between “normal” anxiety and an “anxiety disorder”? And what can parents do? When there’s “normal” anxiety, how do you validate the anxiety without communicating that there is actually something to be anxious about.

In this episode we’ll discuss breaking the stigma of mental health issues and give parents some solid techniques to stay in dialogue with your child, remaining open, curious and non-judgmental.

We’ll talk about what it means to become an emotional mirror and how to talk to your kids about how they can reduce “mental load” to alleviate anxiety. We’ll also tackle the sometimes difficult decision about medication.

Some people pride themselves on being “color-blind” when it comes to race, but actually there’s no such thing. In fact, studies show that kids are already noticing race by the age of 3 months and are making race based decisions shortly after. Our brains are wired to see race, so although it can be a sensitive subject, it’s important to take our heads out the sand and talk about it with our kids.

In this episode we welcome Deanna Singh, an expert in DEI and the author of the book “Actions Speak Louder.” You’ll hear about the many ways to discuss diversity, equity and inclusion with your kids in a positive and constructive way while avoiding preaching or shaming.

Money is an uncomfortable, emotionally charged topic for a lot of parents. In this episode, we discuss how to overcome this last taboo with Anthony Delauney, a financial planner and author of the new book, “Dash and Nikki and the Jellybean Game.”

You’ll get practical advice on such sensitive topics as:

And what do you do when your kid wants to spend their money on something you don’t agree with? You’ll hear solid tips on how to keep power struggles out of money issues by focusing on some key principles:

As of 2020, guns are the leading cause of death among children in the United States. This horrific fact has placed American families in a no-win situation: how and when to talk about it with your kids. 

In this episode we discuss how and when to talk to your kids about the epidemic of gun violence. Feelings of anger and despair are prevalent so you can assume your child has heard something, or at the very least, has picked up on feelings.

Like many sensitive subjects, the rules remain the same:

Open and keep open the door to communication. Keep it simple. Keep it truthful. Only answer the questions that you've been asked.

Since emotions about this topic obviously run high, it’s okay to show your feelings in moderation as long as you model recovery as well. You don’t want your children feeling like they have to comfort you.

Finally, we suggest donating to organizations dedicated to countering gun violence like SandyHookPromise.org or Everytown.org