The People Builder

Are you constantly chasing your tail and shifting things from one day to the next because you didn't get them done, or are you on top of your priorities and making the progress that you want?

For FREE resources and coaching from one of the leading personal development experts in the world, visit: https://www.grantherbert.com

Get the FULL TRANSCRIPT here: https://www.grantherbert.com/blog

Become A Coach and grow your influence, income, and impact here: https://www.peoplebuildersinstitute.com.au

Do you find it challenging to break old habits, to change your behaviour even when you want to, or do you understand how the process works to rewire your brain and have a new way to do things?

For FREE resources and coaching from one of the leading personal development experts in the world, visit: https://www.grantherbert.com

Get the FULL TRANSCRIPT here: https://www.grantherbert.com/blog

Become A Coach and grow your influence, income, and impact here: https://www.peoplebuildersinstitute.com.au

Are you a little disappointed about the results that you've achieved in the first month of the year, or are you fired up, on track, and heading towards your end of year goals?

For FREE resources and coaching from one of the leading personal development experts in the world, visit: https://www.grantherbert.com

Get the FULL TRANSCRIPT here: https://www.grantherbert.com/blog

Become A Coach and grow your influence, income, and impact here: https://www.peoplebuildersinstitute.com.au

Do you already feel like you are carrying way too much baggage with you on your journey in the first month of 2021, or did you only bring with you what you needed so that you could get where you wanted to go?

For FREE resources and coaching from one of the leading personal development experts in the world, visit: https://www.grantherbert.com

Get the FULL TRANSCRIPT here: https://www.grantherbert.com/blog

Become A Coach and grow your influence, income, and impact here: https://www.peoplebuildersinstitute.com.au

Are you falling a little bit behind with your New Year's resolutions or are you 100% on track and making progress daily?

For FREE resources and coaching from one of the leading personal development experts in the world, visit: https://www.grantherbert.com

Get the FULL TRANSCRIPT here: https://www.grantherbert.com/blog

Become A Coach and grow your influence, income, and impact here: https://www.peoplebuildersinstitute.com.au

Have you already started working on the results that you want to have in 2021, or are you still stuck in 2020 and not sure how to move forward?

For FREE resources and coaching from one of the leading personal development experts in the world, visit: https://www.grantherbert.com

Get the FULL TRANSCRIPT here: https://www.grantherbert.com/blog

Become A Coach and grow your influence, income, and impact here: https://www.peoplebuildersinstitute.com.au

Are you totally ready to kick some butt with your 2021 goals, or do you still need to work out what resources you need to add so that you can overcome your roadblocks and get the results that you want?

For FREE resources and coaching from one of the leading personal development experts in the world, visit: https://www.grantherbert.com

Get the FULL TRANSCRIPT here: https://www.grantherbert.com/blog

Become A Coach and grow your influence, income, and impact here: https://www.peoplebuildersinstitute.com.au

Do you constantly have things getting in your way that stopped you from getting where you want to go, or is it all smooth sailing where you are well-planned and you overcome obstacles along the way? Hi, this is Grant Herbert, Emotional Intelligence Speaker and Trainer of the Year and Sustainable Performance Coach, and today, I want to continue our conversation around getting ourselves set up towards the end of 2020 so that we can have the greatest 2021 possible by talking about the second element of our R4 method of planning, and that is eliminating your roadblocks.

So over the last couple of weeks, we've been talking about planning. We've been talking about setting ourselves up for a win in the next 12 months, and I introduced you to the model, which is a simple, yet powerful model that I use to plan where it is that I'm going and make sure that I set everything in place to give myself the greatest possibility of getting there. A number of weeks ago, we talked about "Being Precedes Doing". So as we go through this today, I want us to keep that in the back of our mind. So the R4 method, we talked about 12 months from now, this is the results that we want to have. And then we talked about the fact that we need to reverse engineer that and have a look at the reality of where you are. Then, we looked at the roadblocks, the things that are currently stopping you from being who you need to be and from doing the things you need to do so that you can get the results you want.

And then we top that off with what are the resources that you need to add that you don't currently have, whether that be some training that you need to do, some overcoming that you need to do, some shifts in mindset that you need to have, whatever it is for you to help you to overcome those roadblocks and go from where you are now to where you want to go. Have you ever been on a journey, a road trip, and you come across some roadworks, and then all of a sudden you have to take a detour into unfamiliar territory or worse still, you are stopped in your tracks and you have to sit there for a long period of time, wondering whether you're ever going to get to where you're going to go? And those things are what I like to call roadblocks.

Now, all of us are going to have roadblocks on our journey. We're all going to have it, things that come in front of us, that hinder or slow down our progress. So today, I want to talk about how can we make sure that those internal roadblocks are taken care of as we go into 2021 so that we can become who we need to be to get the results that we want. For me, for many years, I had so many roadblocks; roadblocks that were stopping me from taking a step forward, paralysing me, and most of the challenge, most of the roadblocks that I work with with people are not physical roadblocks, but they are ones that are in their mind. So, what I want to do is speak about and isolate some of the common roadblocks that I see when I work with my clients that stops them from getting where they want go. And year after year, they feel like they haven't achieved what they want to achieve, and they create even more roadblocks by being down on themselves, even more.

The first roadblock I want to talk about are your false and limiting beliefs. Now, we've talked about these before. These are things that you have made up based on what people have said to you, what you've seen, the experiences that you've had. And the particular beliefs that I want to talk about here are the internal beliefs, the beliefs about yourself, the beliefs that are attached to your idea, entity. What you do is one thing. Who you believe you are, your identity, is going to stop you or propel you towards the things that you want to do. So, what I'd love you to do right now is just pause this video. If you're listening to it on the podcast, just pause it and have a conversation with yourself, with your big self leading and facilitating the conversation, and ask yourself this question: What am I believing about myself right now that has stopped me from getting the results that I want? So, go ahead right now. Stop this, go ahead, and do that.

So, welcome back. How did you go? I'd love to see comments down below as to what came up for you. For me, it was things that were related to my fear of rejection. So if I do that, then this will have happen. And it was all based around that fear of rejection, that fear of not being good enough, the fear of not being loved. Now that we have isolated and identified those beliefs that we have about ourselves, the next step is we talked about a few weeks ago is to challenge those beliefs, to get out of the emotional brain, up into the logical brain, and to challenge the beliefs and get rid of all those hearsay and circumstantial evidence beliefs that we have and get the real facts.

Remember I said it's not what you do that's going to be your biggest roadblock. It's who you believe you are. So, who do you need to be in 2021 so that you can get those results that you want to have? And now that we've looked at those beliefs, what I want you to do, as I said, is challenge them. Are they really true or are they beliefs that you've clung on to because having those beliefs stops you from moving out of your comfort zone? When you identify the belief, when you challenge it, when you look for real evidence, so you might have a belief that people don't like me. That belief may have come from particular instances in your childhood, at school, whatever, or even in your adult life. And what you've done is formed a generalised belief that everybody doesn't like me.

So, what we can do when we come up into the logical brain is we can look at it and go, "Is that true?", and look for evidence to the contrary. So, thinking about your friends, your family, the relationships that you have and writing down, "Hey, this person likes me and this person and this person and this person, and this is the reason why I know that." So, we're now looking for a different type of evidence. If it's a belief that I'm too young, or I'm too old, we look for evidence of people that are the same age as us that have done the same thing. So, the first roadblock that I really encourage you to work on as you're going into 2021 is the roadblock of your mind, in particular, the false and limiting beliefs.

The second area of roadblock are those physical roadblocks. The things that you are putting up in front of yourself, the things that you are doing or not doing that is sabotaging your results. So, these roadblocks is like putting sugar in your petrol tank. It goes along okay, and then all of a sudden it starts fluttering and carrying on and now you're stranded on the side of the road and you don't know where to go to get it fixed. What are the habits that you have, what are the things that you've developed over 2020 that could change and give you a different result in 2021? For me, it's about my eating. So during COVID-19, I've developed an unhealthy habit of eating too much of the wrong things because I'm at home and the refrigerator is just near my office. It's not too far to walk out of my studio and down and get something to eat. I've found myself eating too much. So, that becomes a physical roadblock because it reduces my energy, clouds my mind, and it makes me feel less about myself than I need to so that I can be who I need to be to move forward. Other physical roadblocks are lack of skills, things that I haven't yet learned, things that I'm not proficient in, that I need to be for me to be able to go to where I want to go. So the second area, we want to look at the physical roadblocks.

As we've talked about many times, navigating our emotions in an unresourceful and an unhealthy way is definitely going to create an environment where you are working against your priorities, where your environment is not conducive to you being productive, and your energy levels are not where they need to be. What are the emotions that you constantly experience that lead to those unresourceful behaviours? When I work with people in the area of Emotional Intelligence, this is where I do a lot of work helping them to understand in the moment the emotion that they're going through and what effect it's having on their thinking and their behaviour. And then being able to develop strategies to navigate that emotion in a healthy way is a key element in them being able to be who they need to be to get the results that they want.

So, there we have three areas of roadblocks and there could be more. However, what I want us to do is just have enough to focus on right now so it doesn't become overwhelming and we can go, "Okay, what's the thing that I can do next to ensure that I have less of those three types of roadblocks, less of the roadblocks in my mind, the physical roadblocks and the emotional roadblocks, the things that came up and held me back in 2020 and the years prior to that?" When we work on ourself, and that's what I'm really inviting you to do here, and prepare ourselves to be who we need to be so that we can then do what we need to do, you can have a 2021, which is your best year ever.

Well, that's it for me for another week. Join me again next week, when we talk about the fourth area in the R4 method, as we put our plan together for 2021, and that's the area of resources. I'll see you then.

Is your current reality riddled with blind spots, or do you have a clear and accurate understanding of where you are right now and have a level of an awareness that's going to allow you to set the right action goals moving forward on the journey for 2021? Hi, this is Grant Herbert, Emotional Intelligence Speaker and Trainer of the Year and Sustainable Performance Coach, and today, I want to continue our conversation around getting ourselves ready and planning for a 2021, which is the best year we've ever had by talking about the second area of the R4 method, and that is your current reality.

So last week, we talked about the results that you want to have, and you set some goals and some areas of improvement that you wanted to see at the end of 2021. But now, what we need to do is come back to the other side of the equation and go, "Where am I now?" and reconcile your current reality. So to recap, the model, as we talked about a couple of weeks ago when we started this journey together, is we're looking at the results that we want 12 months from now. And then we reverse engineer it, like we're going to do today, to, "How does that look different right now? What's my current reality?" And when we do that, we've now got a gap. We've got a gap between where we currently are and where we want to go. Knowing that in an accurate way will allow us to set up a plan to not just do some tasks, to get those goals, but to become who we need to become so that we will get them.

Next week, we're going to talk about roadblocks. We're going to talk about the third area, those things that would stop you from getting those results and may have already been stopping you from getting them already. So today, getting a clear picture of your current reality will help you next week to be able to identify those roadblocks, and therefore the week after, we'll be able to talk about the resources to help you overcome those. I know in my own military and corporate career, I had many people that were telling me things about me that I didn't want to listen to because if I change, that would be uncomfortable and I would need to become someone that I didn't think I was capable of becoming. And it wasn't until there were a number of instances in my corporate career where I finally started thinking, "Hang on, there might be some truth in what these people are saying."

I took a deeper look at myself because I was at a position where it was really starting to hurt, and I found that I hadn't been all that accurate in assessing my current reality. So when we assess our current reality, there are two things that can challenge us and actually give us an unhealthy view of where we think we are. The first of these is to underestimate our ability, underestimate where we actually are right now, underestimate the level of success that we already have, because that then keeps us down to where we think we should be. That can be very dangerous because having a deflated view of yourself is not very empowering.

The second is just as dangerous and that's to have an overinflated view of where you are right now, to operate out of the Performance Trap and tell ourselves lies so that we feel better, and that if anyone else wants to know about our plans, we can say we're up here, but we're really down there. So, what we want to do is we want to reconcile and coming to the true North with that. We want to get the real story. Now to do that, you may need to go back to some of the things that we've been working on. You may need to get a lot more healthy understanding of who you really are. Remove those limiting and false beliefs, remove the Performance Trap, get that mini-me under control, all those things that I've been working with over the year with you and helping you to understand the things that are holding you back. When we get to that position where we're ready to look at ourselves in a healthy way, where we're doing that forward-focused reflection, and we're realising that we are assessing ourselves and doing an audit of our current reality from our logical brain for the sole purpose of allowing us to work on some things that's going to help us to get where we want to go.

So, it's not an exercise to beat ourselves up and go, "Oh yeah, look, no wonder you haven't got where you wanted to in 2020 because you're this." No, it's about empowering us. So, looking at our reality can either be an anchor that holds us back or an engine that propels us forward. And that's what I want to do today is to help you to look at it in that way. So, there are a few steps that you need to go through to be able to get a real healthy, accurate reality.

The first thing we need to do is we need to get our reality for us. So, this isn't about getting a reality that's part of the Performance Trap, that's pleasing others, that makes us look better in the eyes of others. This is getting a true start point. If we were putting together a road trip and we worked out our timings, we worked out our fuel, we worked out everything, not something that I used to do all that often, but anyway I've learned, if we say, "Oh, look, we're a little bit further down the road than we actually are," when we work that out, we're going to run out of fuel. And it's exactly the same if we overestimate or underestimate where we actually are. So to do this, we need to get our big-thinking voice going, that one that wants us to succeed, to propel us forward. And we need to go, "It's okay that there are some things that I haven't yet achieved. It's okay that I'm in this actual reality right now because I am still growing. The journey is still going. We're not at the end point yet." So, step number one is to make sure that we look at our reality to serve us, not to serve others.

The second thing we need to do is break down our reality into the areas that we have goals in or results that we want 12 months from now. So for example, if it is around our health, we need to look at our health reality. If we've got finances here, we need to look at our financial reality. If we've got relationships here, we need to look at the reality of our current relationships, et cetera. You get the picture. So, what we're doing is getting a clear picture in all those areas of the gap between where we are now and where we want to go. What I'd love you to do is to stop the video, stop the podcast, and just go through that process before you go on and do anything else today. Get that process down. "So, these are the results that I want. Where am I actually now?" When I work with people with Social and Emotional Intelligence or working on their stress levels or working on their behaviour and their communication, I can use actual psychometric and neurometric assessments to help to get a clear understanding.

And if that's something that you are interested in, then go on the website and put in something in the contact us area, and I'll come back to you on that. However, this exercise is one that you're going to do to help you with what you currently know about yourself. Another thing that you may want to do is get a coach. Get someone who can facilitate that conversation with you, so that you get challenged when they sense that you are in congruent with what you think and what you're saying, where they help you to navigate that internal dialogue and get that big voice out there doing this exercise, rather than the small voice. However, get yourself started today. Considering those two things that you want to do as well, just put in this time.

Having a clear reality that is true, that's been reconciled in the right frame of mind is a crucial step in being able to set up a plan to go where you want to be in 2021 so that you know exactly what you need to do and which steps you need to take as we go into next week and look at removing those roadblocks.

Well, that's it from me for another week. Join me again next week, when we continue this journey of the R4 method to set ourselves up for a fantastic 2021 by removing your roadblocks. I'll see you then.

Do you just take off on a journey and hope that you end up somewhere better than you are now, or do you decide where you want to go first and then put a strategic plan together and take the action so that you get there? Hi, this is Grant Herbert, Emotional Intelligence Speaker and Trainer of the Year and Sustainable Performance Coach, and today, I want to continue our conversation around planning and finishing strong in 2020, so that we can have an even greater 2021 than we thought would be possible by unpacking the first element of my R4 method, and that is choosing your destination.

For many years, I would go on road trips with myself, which wasn't so bad, but with the family, where we just head off and I wouldn't book a hotel. I wouldn't plan where we were going to stop for lunch, where we were going to get fuel, all those things. I would just take off because that was just fun. That was free. That was just doing what you wanted to do. The challenge with that though is on more than one occasion, we got pretty close to being caught out with no fuel, no food, kids in the car, tired, hungry, wanting to go home. And I remember this one time in particular we'd plan to stay at this beautiful place on the beach, which was about two and a half hours from our home, and invest a night there as a family, get up in the morning, have a great breakfast on the beach before we went home.

Unfortunately, because I didn't plan the journey, I just was winging it, and because that's what freedom is all about, right? Yeah, wrong. And what happened was there was no hotels available. So, I went from hotel to hotel, to hotel, to hotel, and there was a big event on in the area and we had no where to stay when we had little toddlers in the back of the car and my wife was less than pleased.

So, what I ended up doing was foregoing our night at the beach and we drove home the extra two and a half hours so that we could put our kids to bed. So, it was a great idea to be free and just go out there and take things as they came. However, the result that I got wasn't the one that I wanted. So remember last week, we started talking about this and we started talking about this being a process, and we're going to look at the year of 2021. And whether you're looking at this for your life in its entirety, or you're doing it with particular parts of your life, the first thing we need to do is decide where we want to land.

What are the results that you want to have at the end of 2021? And then we looked at the fact that we need to look at, "Well, what's my current reality?" How does it look different to that right now? And we'll talk about that next week. Then, we talked about the fact that there could be some roadblocks that are going to stop us from going from where we are now to where we want to go. And then we looked at the fact that we need to add some resources for ourself and around us so that we can overcome those roadblocks and get the results that we want and get to that destination at the end of 2021. Planning is a good thing. This running by the seat of your pants and hoping that things will get better is not a strategy. So, what I want to do is I want to unpack some thinking with you and show you the steps that I take to set those results and therefore choose my destination.

Step number one is to just brainstorm your thoughts. There's a lot of places where you could go, there's a lot of destinations that you could go to, and there are many dreams that you may have had. There might be a bucket list just like you have with your travel and all those sorts of things. So, the first step is to get them all out of here and get them onto paper. And I'd love to go analog with this. I don't go near the computer. I just get out a piece of paper and I use some mind mapping and I just get it down on paper. These are the things that I could do, these are the places that I could go, the results that I could strive for. And the key when doing this is to make sure that we control that inner dialogue, and we talked about that weeks ago.

If you are having challenges with that, go back and listen to that episode. But by controlling that inner dialogue, it means that our big voice is the one that is in control. So when that little voice is in control, we got to write something down, we go, "No, I couldn't possibly do that. I'm not good enough to do that. Look at the results that I got this year." So once again, this goes in tandem with that process of forward-focused reflection that we talked about last week and making sure that we go into the past only to look at our wins and the lessons that we've learned to take forward. So using our big voice, we think of somewhere where we'd like to go, result we'd like to have, and get it down on paper and just come up with a big list. It doesn't matter how many things are on there. Just get them down as many as you can. No need to put them in any order at this point. We're just brain dumping our thoughts.

Number two is to confirm by elimination. You might have plenty of things down on your list that you could do, some places that you could go, some results that you could have. However, not all of those will serve your overall picture, your overall plan of what you're doing over the next 12 months as a part of your three year plan. Some of them you might be doing for the wrong motive. So, what I've done is devised myself a filter that I use with myself and with all my clients. It has two sides of the ledger. On one side of the ledger, I asked myself the question, "For what purpose?", and on the other side of the ledger, I asked myself, "At what cost?"

So, let's have a look at those two things. So, "For what purpose?" means, "Why do I want to go there?" Why is that a result that I want? And we check the motive for which we are doing it for and make sure that it's a positive one and it's not feeding some negative sabotage strategy, some inner uncertainty that we have, some lack of confidence, some people-pleasing Performance Trap, all those things that we continually work through. What I want you to do is have a look at the things on your list and write down the reason you want that. If the reason is something that's going to take you forward in your true priority goals, the things that you truly feel that you're on the planet for, then they get a tick. If they are found to be less than, where they're feeding one of those unhealthy habits that you have, then we push it aside and we eliminate it. And therefore we end up with a list of things that we are doing or want to do for the right reason.

Now that we've got that list, the second thing that we do is we apply "At what cost?". Now, I'm not just talking about a financial cost here or even a cost in time. What I'm talking about is looking at it from a perspective of the overall plan. We've talked about this before, where people have to do lists that never end, and they've got so many things on their list and they look busy and they feel busy and they're overwhelmed and they think that they're moving forward because they're ticking things off, but they're not really ever achieving things, and that was me for many, many years. So, what we want to do here is use this as a second level of elimination and pay her back on the things that we're going to put in the results column and therefore plan to achieve in 2021.

So if the cost takes us away from our true priorities, if it's a shiny thing, something new, because we feel that the path that we're on, we're not good enough to do that, if it's something that's going to give us a full sense of significance, or it's going to make us feel better about ourselves to overcome what other people are saying or anything like that, then we give it the flick and we take it off the list. So by using the process of "For what purpose? At what cost?", we ended up then with a list of things that we could do that are going to serve us, the people around us, and the greater good.

The third thing we want to do now is we want to commit to our choices. Now that we've got this list of things that we're doing for a great purpose, that fit and are in line with our overall vision and mission or whatever it is that we use for our life, what we want to do is make a commitment to ourselves, not to anybody else, to self that these are the things that I want out of 2021. And then we can go back to that R4 model and in the results column, we've got those things ready to go. How do we commit to them?

Well, the first thing we do is we put them in our calendar somewhere. We put them into our plan. We take them further than just going, "These are things that I'd like to do", and we put them somewhere that reminds us that we're going to do them. Another thing that we can then do is come up with a statement that's in the present of what things look like in 2021 at the end of December.

So, we start off by writing out a statement that says, "It is the 31st of December 2021 and...", and we list out then the things that we have achieved. And at the end, we put the icing on the cake and we finish it off by going, "And I feel fantastic, fulfilled", whatever it is for you. What we've now done is we've taken a look at what we would like to do, what are our priority things to do. And now we've committed to putting those things into practice, we can then formulate our plan, put projects together and actions for each of those projects step by step by step what we need to do to get there. This is what we need to do first though. We need to have a list so that we can reverse engineer the year.

By using this process of setting the results and choosing your destination. You've got a greater chance of ending up where you want to be at the end of 2021, rather than just turning up somewhere and hoping that it's better than where you are now.

Well, that's it from me for another week. Next week, we will go into the second area and we'll have a look at your reality. So, make sure you hit the subscribe button and the little bell so that you get a reminder to let you know to come back and to join in again, where we reconcile your reality. I'll see you then.