Yeah, you only need the light when it's burning low. Only know you've been high when you are feeling low. Only know you love her when you let her go. But she let me go! Me? Me! Me.

Like the Israelites, when she lets you go, that is when you know heartbreak can be a motherfucker. Ei. That shit hurts. In this Season 3 debut, we let it all out. You might hear some sniffs and mpfhs and sniffles, but must be the allergies. Or maybe it was just dusty. I've definitely got something in my eye. These are not just stories of how we (almost) simped, but they are stories of utter rejection and pure baloney that is love. It's incredible how I can even put this down, as my eyes are so blurred with tears I can hardly see the keyboard. It is not heartbreak if you have not played "Alivyonipenda" by Otile Brown on loop 24 hours a day. Or if you are feeling boujee, "Heartbreak Hotel" by the heartthrob Whitney Houston. My personal favourite is "Ex Wako Hawezi" by Flier. 

Imagine we even went to Kamukunji together to buy vyombo and she still left! I bought her bata ngomas, because she was my sole mate...and she still left! I event went to a mganga and..okay, I didn't go to a mganga. At least, not yet. 

As it is written, a man shall leave his father and mother and become one with his lover. And then the lover shall leave him. But it doesn't matter. It's all vanity. Mtaachana tu. Besides, ex wako hawezi! 

We somehow managed to talk about Stevo Simple Boy again because we wanted to make sure kila mtu ako Freshi Barida. Eddy was nowhere to be seen and so were his two dreadlocks and heavy socks that, if you used to cover eggs with, they would hatch on the second day. He sent his apologies though. 

So it was just Ndugu and Brian in studio. Seeing as we just had our Live show, it was time to wrap up season two and get ready for season 3. We talked about nothing in particular but it was still a fire show because we don't know how to be boring. Listen in here, and get ready for season 3 which will culminate to a live show in a cinema hall because we are going bigger.

Before you join Facebook, you think your mother is not your mother, you think they adopted you. And then you join Facebook and discover that there was a template for mothers on how to become a mother in three easy steps. Because the experiences are the same even though our mothers are different. 

It could be your mother buying you an oversize pair of shorts that will last you six primary school years. 

Or, prey on the money a visitor gave you because you belong to her and it is doubly unthinkable that the money you have doesn't also belong to her. 

Corollary, you don't know what to think of her in your early and teenage years. In your adult life, someone will ask you about her and you sill sigh, a deep sigh that invites an expectant silence. To say that you can't possibly fit her into one description. Or a fistful of words. 

If you are lucky to have children of your own, your mother buys a pair of velvet gloves and you watch, antsy, how your mother lets the sins you have been prosecuted for before slide.  

They are unpredictable. And decent whoop of the ass is not far away from their reach especially when you act out of their unwritten code of conduct. 

Our mothers became our stories on this episode. 

Their hilarity meets our stories. And on this episode, we speak of them a little more fondly. Because there ain't no hood like motherhood. 

Look, He rose again from the dead and Brian thought the episode was about him. We are sorry we forgot to upload jana but I mean, think about it. Jesus was ascending to heaven or something. Some of you men are still asleep where you are!

Anywho, we had the beautiful Joy Morraa of Punny Crafts in studio and she brought each of us fantastic gifts. I mean she has an eye for detail and oh she puts the f u in fun. 

Have you paid for your ticket to the next show? We are recording live on 1st May (which is a Sunday and also a holiday, meaning Monday will also be a holiday so yeah no excuse!). Our Lipa an Mpesa till no is 5620115. Ticket are only KES 1500 bob! 

Management suspended Eddy after he showed up in studio wearing a maroon palazzo. It was shocking to everyone present because we have always thought the boy will somehow turn the corner, see the light and start dressing like a normal human being, but it seems things can only get wise. His brown sandak made things worse and so he was not allowed on the mic. 

Ndugu came to studio with a biker, again. This was even more disturbing than Eddy's palazzo and so we sent him home to bring his girlfriend so she can explain what she is trying to do. She claimed what Ndugu was wearing was not a biker, as if we are blind, and so both her and Ndugu were suspended. Ndugu from the podcast and her from Ndugu. They are not to be seen together. 

So this left us with Brian, the only sane person who also happens to be the most handsome and fashionable man on the podcast. We asked him to do something and that's how we ended up with Podcast With No Name- Undateables Edition, featuring Brian Mbanacho and his lovely voice. 

The other two will be back later this week but for now, take advantage of their absence and enjoy these three stories that Mbanacho wants you to hear.