The PoDKast: Donkey Kong Universe Tomfoolery

Tensions are running high between Jeff and Matt as they join Cameron to spend an entire episode talking about death. Why are we here? What happens when we die? Does it still count as murder if your victim is a terrifying acorn man? All of these great, timeless questions are not even remotely attempted to be answered. But that's alright because special guest Derek Acora is on hand to make contact with the other side in a world-exclusive where the PoDKast becomes the first podcast ever to communicate with the eternal spirits of the deceased. Probably. Give it a listen! If you like. It's got Wanky the Duck in it.

Hosts: Matt Cornah, Cameron Riegle, Jeff Onan

With: Wanky the Duck

Editor: Matt Cornah

Music: Andy Barrett, Matt Cornah ©2013 www.dkvine.com

In a desperate attempt to claw back (or, to put it another way, simply claw) some popularity amongst the COOL KIDS, the PoDKast boys return with an episode centred around ducks and, more specifically, the well-loved '90s Disney cartoon/comic/stage musical Duck Tales. They meticulously examine the series (because they're all sophisticated and stuff) and draw parallels between it and the DKU in a manner that can only be described as "WELL-THOUGHT OUT" and almost certainly not "TENUOUS". With apologies to the entire nation of Scotland.

Hosts: Matt Cornah, Cameron Riegle, Jeff Onan

With: Wanky the Duck

Editor: Matt Cornah

Music: Andy Barrett, Matt Cornah ©2013 www.dkvine.com

Jeff is wearing a gas mask for religious reasons and Andy Barrett (whom you'll remember from episode 108, obviously) has escaped from the well. Oh, and apparently a new home console Donkey Kong Country game has been announced or something. The PoDKast crew offer a few half-thoughts on the matter of this newly (well, semi-newly, considering how long it took for this episode to get edited) emerged news in their "new" segment, The Donkey Kong Country: Tropical Freeze-Dar. It's a clever pun on the word "radar". After all of that malarkey things progress into a strange discussion—constantly derailed by their well-escapee Andy—about Banjo and Kazooie's BLOCKY appearences, in honour of the B-K anniversary last month. Does this count as entertainment? I'm not sure, I can't remember what it is.

Hosts: Matt Cornah, Cameron Riegle, Jeff Onan

With: Andy Barrett, Wanky the Duck

Editor: Matt Cornah

Music: Matt Cornah ©2013 www.dkvine.com

After several months of not realising they were meant to be talking into microphones and sending it out on the internet for bored people to listen to, the PoDKast "team" decided that the best course of action would be to talk into some microphones and send it out on the internet for bored people to listen to. This episode is conspicuously lacking in any coverage whatsoever of the latest Donkey Kong Country game or, for that matter, any kind of plan. But worry not! What this show lack in content it makes up for in... erm... I'll get back to you on that one.

Hosts: Matt Cornah, Cameron Riegle, Jeff Onan

With: Wanky the Duck

Editor: Matt Cornah

Music: Matt Cornah and Andy Barrett ©2013 www.dkvine.com

Hey, GET THIS, there's a Christmas episode of the PoDKast! It's, er, feature length! Because naturally we assume that, what with it being all Crimbley and that, you'll have at least double the amount of time on your hands to fill up with... er, this. Join Matt, Cameron and Leanne for their comedically half-assed attempts to talk about something, *anything*, that feels like it might approximate to relevance! Plus, there was that whole thing-o about the world ending or something, I dunno. It's quite a journey, and who knows? It might just take you to the END OF THE UNIVERSE [Spoiler: it won't].

Hosts: Matt Cornah, Cameron Riegle, Leanne Coote

With: Jeff Onan and Wanky the Duck

Editor: Matt Cornah

Music: Matt Cornah and Andy Barrett ©2012 www.dkvine.com

It's a second series! Although we've attempted to change and improve (not to mention having forced our resident jingle-writer to replace self-deprecation with self-aggrandisement in a last-ditch attempt to fool people into sticking with us) it turns out that simply saying "this is a whole new series" doesn't necessarily mean it'll be particularly distinguishable from the last one. But HEY, who cares? It's Diddy Kong Racing's birthday (not to mention the birthday of the PoDKast pseudo-reboot, but probably nobody cares about that fact anyway) so we're allowed to suck ourselves off in a glorious lack of self-awareness. Plus as we do so, we're joined by guest host Karla as well as our all-new permanent co-host Wanky the Duck! Does anyone even read these blurb things? If so, HI BLURB-READER PERSON! I want to lick your nipples. NOW.

Hosts: Jeff Onan, Matt Cornah, Cameron Riegle

With: Karla Gurney and Wanky the Duck

Editor/Music: Matt Cornah ©2012 www.dkvine.com

This is the very last PoDKast episode EVER! Well, until we decide to make more I guess. That's right, it's our season 1 finale! Matt, Jeff, and Cameron run through some of the best (and worst) DKU finales, including one FORGOTTEN GAME in particular. Following this, we finally follow up with our Jingle Contest winner, Andy Barrett/Zeppelin for an exclusive interview of HIGH PHILOSOPHICAL SIGNIFICANCE. Finally, we end with a short-lived reunion and a surprise phonecall from some long lost friends. It's almost as good as getting stabbed!

Hosts: Jeff Onan, Matt Cornah, Cameron Riegle

Special Thanks: Andy Barrett, The Vine Donkey Kong Audio Program, Joe Mudd

"With": Ben Sciortino

Editor/Music: Matt Cornah ©2012 www.dkvine.com

Missing the mid-summer hype completely, the PoDKast crew brings you it's most tangentially relevant episode theme yet: BATMAN! Ben's whereabouts are still unknown, as Matt, Jeff, and their new cohort Cameron spend most of their time trying to justify talking about the caped crusader. But can this new host be trusted?

Following a breakdown of the Bat's ape-related comparisons, we delve into the back story of Bachelor Bear in our latest instalment of Which Brothers Bear is Best?. Jeff lays down some bat-shit theory in Jeff Reckons He Knows What's Going On, which leads us into an exciting analysis of bats in the DKU.

Finally, after discussing villains and sidekicks, we get to the real meat of the episode: DK's on again/off again co-hero, Super Mario. It's the Donkey Kong themed audio show you deserve, but not the one you need right now!

Hosts: Jeff Onan, Matt Cornah, Cameron Riegle

Editor/Music: Jeff Onan ©2012 www.dkvine.com

In honour of the non-terrestrial (or, at least, the mildly drug-addled) listeners to our almost-as-popular-as-a-shit-smeared-dinner-plate podcast, we bring you this: our first episode dedicated to outer space, aliens and futuristic jiggerypokery; essentially everything you'd expect from an ape-oriented audio show!

With Ben mysteriously non-present, new boy Cameron joins jizz-drizzling regulars Jeff and Matt for a voyage through the cosmos, featuring out-of-this-world analysis of everything from Donkey Kong Jungle Climber's terrifying alien banana-people to the possible implications of haemorrhoids on a space pig (in our particularly porcine Specific Character Segment). Plus, this episode introduces another brand new segment by the name of Jeff Reckons He Knows What's Going On in which Jeff attempts to rationalise the brainfuckery presented by Donkey Kong Barrel Blast's Disco Space Unicorn Gorillas! It's the audio show you've been waiting for your whole life!

Games That Were Going To Be Made But Which Were Aborted At Some Point In Development also returns with a once-over on the ever-yearned-for (I-really-need-to-stop-constructing-hyphenated-adjective-phrases-don't-I) Dinosaur Planet. Plus, the long-awaited announcement is made pertaining to the PoDKast jingle competition. But since we KNOW that's the only reason you'll be listening, we stuck that bit at the end.

Hosts: Jeff Onan, Matt Cornah, Cameron Reigle

Editor/Music: Matt Cornah ©2011-2012 www.dkvine.com

It's Easter! It's all Eastery and stuff! We love Easter! And what better way for the PoDKast's proud wazzocks to celebrate than with this: an offering of what is arguably their most off-colour offering to date, featuring Jeff's award-winning rape joke and some entirely uncalled-for Buddhist-baiting? I can't possibly imagine! The boys ramble on unabated, touching on such diverse and deep-reaching topics as "chickens" and, at a push, "eggs" to say nothing of some of their spectacularly well-thought-out analysis of a specific "rabbit" in the Specific Character Segment. They continue by detailing the latest (and, I'm sure you'll agree) most amazing PoDKast once-in-a-lifetime competition, which has to be heard to believed! Probably!

The episode concludes with the Forgotten Games segment, which revisits one of the most timeless classics of all... er, time. Listen now, or else RISK CRUCIFIXION!

Hosts: Jeff Onan, Matt Cornah, Ben Sciortino

Editor/Music: Matt Cornah ©2011 www.dkvine.com