Have you ever been in that ‘I’m so done with this’ space and you are ready to embark on a full out healing journey, doing a drastic energetic house cleaning, toss out everything that you aren’t resonating with, and moving into a new paradigm? You want to be happy, feel good, have no more problems and you’re willing to go all the way to achieve it? 

I have been there before and occasionally I have done that but always regretted it later because in my haste to get rid of everything, I didn’t consider what I was getting rid of and whether it was a momentary thing or something I really needed to give more thought. There was a price I was willing to pay but I didn’t consider the full cost of my actions and I couldn’t – I was so ready to get out of the pain space that I thought I was ready to go full scorched earth to get there. 

And in that moment I was, it was after the dust had settled that I had to consider what it was going to take to get my life back together and back to normal.

And the problem with acting too hastily is that we don’t have a clean release so these things start creeping back into our lives.

But what’s more important is the price we must pay and the cost we must bear of our healing journey. It isn’t without some degree of discomfort and regret and anyone who doesn’t tell you that or prepare you for it is doing you a huge disservice.

Unlike other spiritual teachers and mentors, I don’t paint a rosy picture of the healing journey. While it can have a fantastic outcome, the process is often less than rosy and it can be quite uncomfortable. Because there is a price for healing – which is the actions we must take, and a cost we must bear – which is what we’re willing to get rid of, to arrive at the healing outcome we want.

And while we tend to look at the price and cost in terms of others, the real price and cost are at an inner level, the things that we must transform in ourselves, to arrive at our destination.

Let’s look at price and cost in terms of our outer transformation because this is where we see the proof of our willingness to transform, right? While the transformation is reflected there, unless there is an equal amount of effort and attention given to our inner landscape, the outer transformation won’t last too long because it is a reflection of our inner selves.

Our outer transformation is usually the product of what I call ‘false congruence’ when we haven’t done the inner transformation work. It’s a reality that is pieced together with sticky tape and twine, consisting of anything we can attract that will prove to us that we are lovable, deserving, worthy, and can have what we so desperately want and are secretly afraid that we will never have or be able to get.

I see this so often in clients who say they want to change, they want something new, and they’re willing to jump in with both feet, without giving the inner work any consideration. That’s the hard part – the outer transformation is easy. Change the cushions, slap on a coat of paint and a fixer upper becomes the next big real estate success. But if the foundation is cracked, the walls have termites, and there is mold everywhere, you just covered up a real estate disaster that will become a money pit of problems for the new owners.

One client came to me for relationship help. She was tired of dating men who didn’t make her happy, who were selfish and inconsiderate, who didn’t meet her needs, and wanted to transform that. I suggested we coach through my Raise your Love Vibes program but all she wanted to know was when the next person was coming around. Over the next 5 years she would call me for advice about her next ‘new partner’ and I would always tell her the same thing, it will last 6-9 months then you’ll be hurt and disappointed and it would end. 

She got so angry she quit calling me although she knew I was right because every relationship ended the same way. Then one day I got a tearful call asking for my help after her 11th (yes 11th) relationship had died a painful death. She was now ready to do the inner work.

In her mind, the price of a new relationship meant being willing to take another risk on getting her heart broken, which she did. But she was not willing to pay the cost, which was being alone with herself until she understood why she was attracting such miserable relationships.

But the real cost was to do her own healing work so she stopped attracting the same kind of person over and over again. Until she was willing to pay the cost to have the relationship she said she wanted, she would never get it. 

Let’s look at another example of price and cost – parents will relate to this. 

My youngest son wanted to move out of the house, to have freedom, to be on his own, never have to clean his room or make his bed, stay out as late as he wanted. He eventually moved out and then a week later I got a phone call from him saying that his refrigerator was empty. I told him he had to go to the grocery store to buy more food. 

But, he said, the refrigerator at home was never empty. I said that’s because every Saturday morning while you were asleep I went to the store and by the time you got up I had put the groceries away. 

There was a long pause and than an ‘oh’. Would you go to the grocery store with me, he asked? I did and as he lived on his own longer he realized that there was a price he had to pay for his freedom lifestyle – actions he had to take – and a cost to bear, he had to take responsibility for the many details of his life that he never realized I had been doing for him.

What is the price you have to be wiling to pay for your transformation and outcome? Is it to take action even though you are afraid? Is it to allow yourself to have clarity about your needs, your limitations, and your energy burdens so you can heal and release them? Is it to acknowledge that some things in your life are not worth your time and energy or that certain people will never be or become what you want or need them to be? 

With my children I used to call this the price of being an adult, taking responsibility for yourself. It’s also a commitment to your own transformation, being wiling to do what it takes to get there.

What is the cost you have to be willing to take on for your transformation? To overcome a fear, release a burden, heal traumas like guilt and shame, to take some action you have avoided for a long time? 

Maybe it is to stop using your pain, trauma, and whatever happened to you when you were 5 years old as a crutch or an excuse to continue in your comfort zone. 

Maybe it is to release your unconscious beliefs that you are not good, perfect, gifted, talented, or educated enough to succeed. 

Maybe it is to release your fears of success to allow yourself to define your own definition of success (because that is different for everyone).

Maybe it is to look at how you have pieced together a reality that is so shaky and unstable that it falls apart and has to be put back together on a regular basis. Let me give you an example of my car light.

Every journey of transformation has a price and a cost as we do our inner and our outer healing work. And I use healing to describe one part of this 3 part process because healing just means you stop energy leaks and drains, you stop scattering your energy and you bring it to a place where you’re whole, you can actually face your problems and see them with clarity and understanding. 

That is wholeness and now we move into part 3 which is congruence – but this is true congruence. Not just putting any random thing together and holding it up with sticky tape and twine so it works while we pray it doesn’t fall apart. But real congruence where there is fit, flow, and harmony, where everything works together, there is energetic resonance and things flow with grace and ease.

We can have all of that and more, when we are willing to do pay the price and the cost we are willing to bear, the inner and outer transformation we are willing to do, to have the rich, happy, and successful life that we want, one that radiates congruent harmony and flows with grace and ease.

Created, narrated, and produced by Jennifer Hoffman.

Artwork by Jennifer Hoffman.

Copyright (C) 2004-2025 by Jennifer Hoffman, all US and international rights reserved.

Visit enlighteninglife.com for more information.

Please note our policies regarding copyright infringement, content misuse, and theft of intellectual property. We prosecute all infringers and have a ZERO TOLERANCE POLICY for abuse, infringement, misappropriation, and illegal use of our content. You can read our full Terms of Use at enlighteninglife.com

email [email protected] with questions