The Rabbi and The Shrink

How does our focus on big wins set us up for failure?

How can you be confident without sounding arrogant?

Why is it self-destructive to identify ourselves and other by performance?

These and other confidence-boosting topics are addressed when peak performance coach Jeff Koziatek returns to The Rabbi and the Shrink.

https://www.coreauthenticity.com/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/jeffkoziatek/

Focusing on little wins sets us on the path for huge success.

Every time temptation comes, either we push back and get stronger or give in and stay as we are.  Over time, we develop the habit of pushing back or giving in.

Confidence without competence is not a recipe for success.

Ethical leadership acknowledges mistakes, takes responsibility, and looks for lessons and solutions.

Is there ever a time to reward failure?

Failure is the time when loyalty really reveals itself.

When the team manager ignores the demands of 40,000 fans.

Churchill:  Success is going from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.

Focusing on short-term wins often sabotages long term goals.

The word of the day:  Simulacrum [ sim-yuh-ley-kruhm ]
Superficial representation or likeness
Leaders whose top priority is the appearance of competence or power are not genuine leaders

Overvaluing performance can make us go out of our way to prove something that was never true to begin with.

Keep asking until you understand.  No one knows everything all the time.

Should we be more afraid of pit bulls or chihuahuas?

How do the rules of the war room apply to the rules of the boardroom?

What are the six phases of crisis response?

These and other compelling questions are addressed when retired Naval Commander Mary Kelly joins The Rabbi and the Shrink.

https://www.linkedin.com/in/drmarykelly/

https://productiveleaders.com/

How can we transform our daily professional lives in five minutes a day?

Every morning ask yourself:  “What does my leadership need to look like today?”

Leadership skills prepare us to default to the right decision amidst chaos and confusion.

Proximity to greatness makes us great.

What are the ethics of self-sacrifice vs. scapegoating?

Use the Socratic method to correct bad behavior.

Influencing through facts vs. emotions.

Civility allows us to disagree while remaining friends.

Leaders have to create commonality and channel emotions in a healthy way.

Establish your reputation as a person of honor and integrity.

Value individuals for who they are, not for assumptions we make based on their identity labels.

The job of a team is to support decisions once they’re made even if we don’t like them.

Choosing character over ideology is key to success.

Earn trust and loyalty by admitting mistakes and take responsibility for them.

How do we balance hierarchical structure against individual initiative?

Word of the Day:  Martinet

• a strict disciplinarian, especially a military one.
• someone who stubbornly adheres to methods or rules

Successful leaders demand high standards and respect while showing respect and earning trust.

Kīnāʻole:  Do the right thing, in the right way, at the right time, in the right place, to the right person, for the right reason, and with the right feeling, the first time! In other words, “Just do the next right thing!”

How do we do a better job handling it when we get flustered and defensive?

How do we give and receive criticism in a way the builds trust and encourages improvement?

What is the alternative to flight or fight that promotes cooperation and collaboration?

These and other critical question for success in business and in life are answered when customer service maven Marilyn Suttle joins the Rabbi and the Shrink.

https://www.linkedin.com/in/marilynsuttle/

https://marilynsuttle.com/

0:50 Wellbeing and security are critical to a healthy work environment for workers and customers

Ethics creates a culture of trust, solid relationships, and loyalty

Raising trust increases expectations, which is a good thing

Develop the skill set to deal with difficult and unexpected situations

Different values and styles need to be accommodated

6:00 Learned behavior is not easily unlearned

How do we handle it better when we get flustered and defensive?

We’re 100% responsible for 50% of every relationship

We make assumptions about the facts, which may or may not be true

We make up stories that create feelings by exploiting our unmet expectations

What outcome do we really want?

Clear communication often defuses conflict before it happens.

13:00 When we get into fight or flight, our biology hijacks our thinking and decision making

The other option is a challenge response, which can focus and motivate us

Being honest make us vulnerable, which is frightening but creates the potential for closeness

17:30 It’s all in the palm of your hand:

First impressions -- eliminate the potential for annoyance

Last impression

Manage high emotion moments

Marry yourself to your team and your customers

Measure and gauge -- feedback

21:15 Value their time and ask only for meaningful feedback and use it

How do you respond to criticism

Redirect attention toward the good to promote reframing

Take responsibility and show appreciation

27:00 Empower employees to address customer issues

Have someone to call to help you regain clarity

31:00 Different perspectives generate an ethical view

32:00 The word of the day:  pithy

We don’t want to reduce all ideas to soundbites, but we do want to be concise so our ideas have impact

34:00 Happiness is a profound concept that come from being part of something important

36:00 Tailor your customer care according to the needs of each customer

37:00 Blaming, complaining, and making excuses are responses that will not lead to improvement

The difference between responding and reacting

Get comfortable with silence or pausing

Counting to 10 reboots your brain

Resist the pressure to fill empty space without thinking first

The benefit of one, two, and three second pauses

The pauses are the most essential part of the class

It takes stress to alleviate stress

46:00 The core of ethics is growing

Is it possible that we share responsibility for how others treat us?

What signals are we sending out that promote or allow them to treat us badly?

Can individuals with foundationally different values connect civilly and cordially?

These and other profoundly relevant questions are addressed when speaker and podcast host Scott Mason joins The Rabbi and the Shrink.

https://www.linkedin.com/in/smason1/

https://www.purposehighway.com/

1:00 People are responding to alienation by seeking meaning and purpose

Progress and purpose -- the source of happiness

You cannot pursue happiness

3:00 Make connections to build communities

Love emerges through giving and committing ourselves to a common purpose

A flame gives without giving anything up 

We should influence one another in a way that we improve one another

8:00 It’s a moral imperative to contribute light to the world

A lack of clarity or belief holds us back

Recognize your gifts so you can give

10:30 A leap into the unknown changed everything

A ride in the dark and the rain produced a service mindset

A new perspective brings new opportunities

Do we listen when we hear “the voice”?

The profound power of humility and opening ourselves to new possibilities

16:30 Be Theseus -- meet the challenges that will make you a hero

Get out of the comfort box

Build a circle of laughter and joy

Why is a safe place a place of terror?

21:00 Fight fear with fear

The power of shame

Recover balance to make the right decision by looking down all roads

23:00 Viewing the world as hostile makes us hostile

Embrace the challenges that are beyond our control and respond with what we can do with them

Radical accountability turns us into positive extremists

What signals are we sending out that promotes or allows them to treat us badly?

Is it possible that we share responsibility for how others treat us?

32:00 Irreconcilable differences?

Can individuals with foundationally different values connect civilly and cordially?

Absolute truth is truth, regardless of whether we like it or understand it

Living in a world where we don’t all agree on truth, we have to recognize the sincerity and good intentions of those with whom we disagree

37:00 Belief in our own soul is transformative

The nature of the universe transcends our ability to comprehend

Respect facts, logic, and reason

Seek commonality of belief and humanity before focusing on differences

Don’t be afraid of uncomfortable conversations

If you personalize every belief, you will find it impossible to coexist with others who have different beliefs

We need to disagree honestly in order to grow and be willing to revisit our beliefs

45:00 Befriending “adversaries” may bring us condemnation from our “allies”

Every human being is deserving of basic respect

Most of us are doing good things despite our shortcomings or errors

Principled compromise is not compromising our values

49:00  We have to be able to connect and to lead

Leadership is impossible without self confidence in who we are and what we believe

55:00 Word of the day: gorgonize

When we look for the ugliness in others, we petrify our own hearts

What's the single most effective way to avoid ethical pitfalls?
Why are so many people afraid to talk about ethics?
Has the world gotten less ethical?

These and other critical questions for success are answered when ethics auditor Amanda "Jo" Erven joins The Rabbi and the Shrink.

https://www.linkedin.com/in/amanda-jo-erven-ace/
http://www.auditconsultingeducation.com/
http://www.totalqualityauditing.com/
http://www.cpebookclub.com/

#27 Amanda “Jo” Erven

1:30 Changing one person’s mind contributes to a better world

It’s hard to sell ethics because people don’t have a definition and are scared by the word

Have an ethics icebreaker 

Ethics may not be simple, but don't  have to be complicated

6:00 Three ethical character types

The Big Me

The Ethical Rationalizer

The Everyday Ethicist

People who call themselves ethicists tend to be less ethical

10:00 Unethical behavior encourages others to behave unethically

Create your own ethical value statement or mantra

We can’t change our circumstances except by changing ourselves

14:30  Be ethically pro-active which is pro-self

Too many people don’t know their own values

16:00 Where do we start to put ethics into action?

We don’t have to be experts

Sometimes we’re scared to do what’s right

18:00 Individual, leadership, and organizational ethics

The seven deadly ethical sins

“Move fast and break things” mentality

Disingenuous leaders -- always speak the truth, even if your voice shakes

20:30 Have things really gotten worse?

We are definitely more self-absorbed today

We don’t feel shame, but we rush to shame others

The contradiction of AirBNB

24:15 Beware of conflicts of your own interest

Ethics is threatened by fear and entitlement

The ethics of COVID

Dan Ariely’s research: thinking of the 10 commandments makes us more honest

28:30 Find your trusted advisor

Facing and embrace your adversity

Teaching surly students in Budapest, Hungary

When we have to defend our behavior, we think more about our choices

33:00 Doing the right thing feels really good

Ethical discipline protects others and ourselves

38:00 The word of the day:  miscreate -- to produce in a way that is defective

Good intentions without disciplined execution can have disastrous results

40:00 Everyone deserves a better-than-good life

Why are we reluctant to "walk across the cafeteria" to start a conversation?

What is the soundtrack to your life?

Why don't books and history tell the whole story, and where should we turn to get it?

These and other critical questions for building a harmonious world are addressed when award-winning musician and race reconciliator Daryl Davis joins The Rabbi and the Shrink.

https://www.daryldavis.com/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/daryl-davis-5226b24/

1:00 Music is a bridge

The benefit of a global perspective

Legal desegregation took years to take effect

Attacked for being a Cub Scout?

Learning about racism at age 10

How can you hate me if you don’t know me?

7:30 Responding to injustice and hate with genuine curiosity

Breadth of experience provides perspective to moderate our responses

10:00 Books and histories did not explain hate

Meeting the head of the American Nazi Party as a high school student

The coming race war?

“Joining” the Nazi rally before the White House

The “rationalism” of white supremacy

18:00 What happens when whites become the minority in the U.S.?

What does the fear of that do to people?

Charleston, PIttsburgh, El Paso

22:30 A chance encounter with the KKK

Here was the answer to the question

28:00 We have to know who we are

Exposure to different cultures and ideologies make us broader

The five values all humans want:

Love, respect, to be heard, to be treated fairly, we want those values for our families

A missed opportunity for dialogue is a missed opportunity for conflict resolution

33:00  Meeting the Imperial Wizard of the KKK

The “noise”

We all feel fear of the unknown, we are all relieved when that fear is removed

We hate what we don’t understand because it frightens us

Awareness of our collective ignorance can bring us together

Education cures ignorance, which cures fear, which cures violence

48:00 What can we all do to transcend and eliminate hate?

Spend time listening to people to learn who they are

Debate doesn’t bring people together; getting to know one another as human beings does

53:45 Music contains the key

Harmony allows our differences to become a source of strength and unity

57:00 The word of the day:  liminal

of, relating to, or situated at a sensory threshold : barely perceptible or capable of eliciting a response

What if life had background music?

Any moment can offer the opportunity to change our lives and our world

Does the glass ceiling promote pink collar crime?

What conditions encourage our "evil twin" to come out from the shadows?

How  do we balance trust against vigilance without toxifying the workplace?

These and other contemporary challenges are addressed when Pink Collar Crime expert Kelly Paxton joins The Rabbi and the Shrink.

How does the “Great Resignation” point the way to creating a workplace renaissance?

Why is unlearning a greater challenge than learning, and how does it take leadership to a new level?

Why is genuine curiosity an essential component to an ethical culture?

These and other enlightening topics are addressed when renaissance leadership guru Jean Marie DiGiovanna joins The Rabbi and the Shrink.

https://www.linkedin.com/in/jeandigiovanna/

How does contentment with the status quo prevent us from getting what we really want?

What does curling teach us about business and about life?

How do we steer away from chaos and crisis by preparing in times of calm?

These and other critical questions are addressed when Drop-in CEO Deb Coviello joins The Rabbi and the Shrink?

https://www.linkedin.com/in/deborahacoviello/

What causes stress and what will relieve it?

If work-life balance isn't the cause of our stress, what is?

Can you reorder your stress environment

These and other urgent questions for our personal well-being when anti-stress guru Eliz Greene joins The Rabbi and the Shrink.

https://www.linkedin.com/in/elizgreene/

https://elizgreene.com/

1:00 Lessons from cardiac arrest while carrying twins

A bubble of contentment protects us from tragedy and trauma

Where we want to be vs. where we need to be

It’s harder to watch someone you love going through uncertainty

Denying our pain can be fatal

Subtle pain can be just as deadly as intense pain

9:00 Gauging early warning signs against the fear of hypochondria

Job stress can have consequences at home

What causes stress and what will relieve it?

Overwhelm and uncertainty

NOT work-life balance

95% of our efforts are trying to solve the wrong problem

15:00 Stress is good in crisis, but dangerous when chronic

We’re stressed about being stressed

First responders are most at risk for stress

Pay attention to what you’re experiencing

20:00 What we can do to release stress

Changing focus relieves our cortisol level

The power celebrating little victories

The time and place for stoicism

Problem-solvers are vulnerable to difficult-to-solve problems

Wonderful is not always relaxing

Unreasonable expectations are the source of anxiety

27:00  We don’t live in joy all the time

Joy vs. contentment

How to keep stress outside my bubble

The sticky note solution

Can you reorder your stress environment

Ethics requires us to balance our responsibilities to others and to ourselves

We can’t mortgage ours health for the benefit of the team

32:00  We don’t do what we should because we know we should

Visualize what-ifs and what-if-nots

“I will because…”

Meet the goal, know why it’s important, do it your own way

Rebuke = validation, if it’s done the right way for the right reasons

The power of reward systems

47:00 The Word of the Day:  Averted vision

We perceive brightness and color through the cones that are concentrated in the fovea, the central part of the eye.  Fainter objects are more easily detected by the rods, which occupy the outer regions of the eye and perceive dim, monochromatic light.

First alluded to by Aristotle, the phenomenon called averted vision allows us to process information by looking away from an object of interest, just as a filter makes it possible to study the nuances of the sun’s surface by eliminating the intense light that makes direct observation impossible.  Since the cones that make up the fovea register brighter light, we have to rely on the peripheral rods to capture subtleties of shading.  But that only works when we look away.

We can overlook what’s right in front of us no matter how important it is

Consequences live at the periphery of our vision

Looking away can help us see more clearly