Martha gets to practice her singing (and just so you know, she actually can carry a tune, unlike Slughorn) as Harry gets some implied help from Felix following Aragog's burial on this week's episode! Plus, find out which legendary character Odo the Hero is definitely based on and what Slughorn most likely did with the acromantual venom he procured. 

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Find out who Bathilda is (unless, like Harry, you've already figured it out), whether or not Godric's Hollow suffers from the Charity Burbage Effect, and why Snape may have a case for a lawsuit on this week's One Page at a Time. Alice and Martha's excitement for returning to the seventh book may or may not have been justified with this page! 

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Alice and Martha return to Grimmauld Place, where this crucial page includes plenty of dungbomb hilarity and... not much else! Don't worry, though, there are obviously plenty of unique adverbs and even a mention of dear old Crookshanks to keep us afloat!  

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Alice and Martha return to character studies, covering one of the realest weirdos of all time! So, don your sun colors, sit far away from any erumpent horns, and hope that you're one of Fleur's guests so that Viktor doesn't duel you right here and now! Luna will be back any minute with the Freshwater Plimpies...

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Lockhart makes his third appearance in the OPAAT series, but will he win Real Weirdo yet again? Alice and Martha discuss page 297 of Chamber of Secrets, where Ginny's body is already lying in the Chamber forever, and the author is abusing adverbs more than ever. 

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It's finally time for the iconic "MY BOYYYY" moment. Alice, Martha, and special guest Shut Up Tim reconvene to discuss Harry's amazing acting, Moody's impressive impressions, and... was that the Giant Squid?? Plus, Alice has both a Slumdog Millionaire moment and possibly her dumbest guess of all time (according to Tim) during the Gimme Five. 

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Alice and Martha head back to Owl Post Again, again! This time, the trio is released from the hospital wing, hardly believing the events of just last night. Was that the Giant Squid??

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This week, Alice gets a break from extended Jim Dale narration and Martha does much of the heavy lifting with a classic impression of a real weirdo. Phineas Nigellus Black makes his first appearance on a One Page at a Time episode, as he gives a Quora-like lecture to Harry and "simple girl" Hermione about the limitations of the Hogwarts portraits. 

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Alice and Martha are back to discuss page 752 of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. Hermione practices her improvisation skills and wows with her athletic prowess, while Umbridge falls for pretty obvious manipulation tactics and Harry resists the urge to strangle her. 

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When in doubt, follow the spiders to this week's One Page at a Time! Alice and Martha's discussion this week includes analysis of Ron's phobia and awe at Harry's experience with the Forbidden Forest. Plus, Lockhart is positively giddy following Hagrid's apprehension as Slytherin's heir. 

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