Two new queens have entered the scene, and they come in the form of a melting iced cake and the oldest house elf in the world. In other words, we’d be glad to see anything Miss Hepzibah has to show us, and we’ve never been more in sympathy with SPEW. Get ready for some master manipulation this chapter, as Tom Riddle charms Zacharias’s great-great-something and Dumbledore plays puppet master to just about everyone else.

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The post 6.20 Lord Voldemort’s Request appeared first on The Real Weird Sisters.

Ron spends some time recovering in the hospital wing, avoiding Lavender, and leaning into his true feelings for Er-my-nee. Harry spends his time obsessing over Malfoy, avoiding Lavender (and Cormac), and jumping to conclusions about Sn-I SHOULD NOT HAVE SAID THAT. And like McLaggen’s Bludger does with Harry’s head, worlds collide as Peeves, Dobby, and Kreacher (and Martha’s impressions of them) all find themselves in the same room.

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The post 6.19 Elf Tails appeared first on The Real Weird Sisters.

Two real weirdos are back to talk about tales of elves — all 399 of them! That number is certainly significant, though not quite as significant as this chapter’s opening words: so, all in all. Wow. Brilliant. Really brilliant. You may be surprised by this week’s real weirdo and chapter ranking, but nothing is as surprising as the shock of finding out that “it’s locked!”

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The post 6.19 Elf Tales appeared first on The Real Weird Sisters.

No shortcuts or cheats are going to help Harry during the most challenging Potions lesson of the year so far, so he resorts to sheer cheek–oh, he is his mother’s son! The sixth years begin Apparition lessons, though Harry’s not really fussed; after all, he prefers brooms. Ron gets a seriously good haul for his birthday, but he also gets–as the title of the chapter suggests–a few surprises.

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The post 6.18 Birthday Surprises appeared first on The Real Weird Sisters.

Harry and the gang return to Hogwarts via the Floo Network, and are sure not to get any ash on the carpet. In the fallout of the Fat Lady’s overindulgence over the holidays, Alice and Martha finally figure out the true meaning behind some of Lupin’s most enigmatic words. And finally, Slughorn does a very convincing job of covering up his darkest memory.

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The post 6.17 A Sluggish Memory appeared first on The Real Weird Sisters.

It’s Christmas at the Burrow, and everyone is celebrating (except the poor garden gnome being held hostage on the top of the tree). The Weasley family listens to Celestina Warbeck’s marvelous tunes, with varying degrees of enthusiasm, and Harry takes the opportunity to catch up with his buddy Arthur and wise old Professor Lupin, whom we neither like nor dislike this chapter. Finally, Scrimgeour should watch out, because this young man may have finished his meal, but he’s about to have Minister of Magic for dessert.

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The post 6.16 A Very Frosty Christmas appeared first on The Real Weird Sisters.

Slughorn’s Christmas party has everything we could ever ask for, from a real vampire (though sadly, it’s not Rufus Scrimgeour), to a Weird Sisters sighting. Harry spends the night dodging all his least favorite people, and the Queen Slug stoops to astonishing lows when she invites the King Slug to be her date. It’s a relatively short chapter, but there’s still plenty of time for Ron to be a jerk, for Luna to inform everyone about the Rotfang Conspiracy and for Harry to obsess over Malfoy’s late night wanderings.

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The post 6.15 The Unbreakable Vow appeared first on The Real Weird Sisters.

Awkward teenage romance features heavily in this chapter, which clearly served as the main inspiration for the makers of the sixth movie. Ron’s insecurities both on and off the Quidditch pitch lead to some very unfair and frustrating interactions with Hermione (though it was pretty awful that she probably/might have/could plausibly have snogged Krum two years ago). And as Harry grapples with his purely elder brotherly feelings toward Ginny, we are introduced to a new character who is also very emotionally mature: the monster inside his chest.

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The post 6.14 Felix Felicis appeared first on The Real Weird Sisters.

In Dumbledore’s office, we dive deep into the Pensieve, a storytelling device that gets more and more convenient each week. Thankfully, Phineas is no longer there to give his commentary! We hear from old Caractacus Burke, see Jude Law drink gin, and even catch a glimpse of one (possibly two) components of the homicidal triad. But shhh, nobody knows about any of this except Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Leanne — oh, and Malfoy knows, of course.

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The post 6.13 The Secret Riddle appeared first on The Real Weird Sisters.

In this crossover episode, The Real Weird Sisters (Alice and Martha) are joined by special guest Amanda Frickle and Uncle Sam’s Sorting Hat to sort prominent U.S. presidents into Hogwarts houses.

Be aware that the show contains spoilers from the Harry Potter series as well as a few political discussions.

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The post Sorting Hat: U.S. Presidents appeared first on The Real Weird Sisters.