Join Matthew as he speaks candidly (and humorously!) with Carmen and Rob about relationship anarchy, navigating multiple partnerships, open and closed periods of their 10+ yr relationship, the possibility of reprogramming one’s mind and body, attunement, transparency, listener tips for open relationships, and all around fun and relational sweetness.

A portion of my friend Madelyn Ilana’s song “Coming Into the Light” plays out this episode. Please support her work by purchasing her music at https://madelynilana.bandcamp.com/. You can find out more about her at www.madelynilana.com. Thank you Madelyn!

0:00 Introduction

5:27 Feelings check in

7:45 How Carmen and Rob met in Shanghai through a friend

15:57 The start of friendship

17:46 Early impressions (and judgments) of each other

21:37 Carmen and Rob’s beginnings with and philosophy of Relationship Anarchy

24:09 Carmen and Rob reflect on the beginnings of love and comfortability around each other

30:42 Becoming a couple

33:27 More on Relationship Anarchy - the philosophy of it and coming to embody it

36:05 How Rob is working through the emotions of Carmen having sustained intimacy with others

38:37 Carmen’s monogamous relationship history - programming of having “eyes only for one” and her journey with feeling like something was fundamentally wrong with her

41:57 Carmen meeting Rob and learning the term non-monogamy, and being met in that

43:02 The painful (and beautiful) beginnings of practicing non-monogamy and putting it on hold twice

49:07 Recent real examples of dating others and how each one works with the emotions that come up

53:11 Carmen’s other current relationship, the difficult relationships preceding this solid connection

55:37 Old patterns resurfacing, working through them

58:07 “Talk with me like I’m your best friend” - approaching full transparency with each other

60:12 Attunement and transparency

1:03:05 Listener tips for having an open relationship - establishing a solid foundation to allow for more freedom

1:08:17 Open relationships as a path for growth and supporting each partner’s freedom, being willing to give your partner away

1:12:17 Being with the possibility of loss of your partner as a way to deepen relationship

1:17:07 Listener tips - self-cultivation practice and anchor, finding non-judgmental supports

1:21:49 Outro - Madelyn Ilana “Coming Into the Light”

Join Matthew as he speaks with Mikyla and Christopher about intimacy, romantic/sexual monogamy with emotional openness, holding space, different ways of expressing and processing, the gift of revealing ourselves fully, tools such as improvising and developing characters to express our many parts, and other types of relational sweetness.

Stay tuned 'til the end for a song by Christopher and Mikyla!

0:00 - The unofficial official beginning of the podcast and podcast episode

1:57 - Introduction

4:37 Feelings check in

8:42 Mikyla and Christopher’s sweet, synchronous beginnings

16:11 Their Connection over the grief of Christopher’s Auntie Julie’s illness and eventual death

19:57 Clarification: at the airport we were not both single!

21:51 Monogamy, agreements, exclusivity

26:59 Why romance and sex are exclusive in this relationship, how other forms of intimacy can be created in love

34:46 Falling in love, and climbing and rising to the true state of love, time apart and letter writing

39:03 The faultiness of memory and letting go of being right

40:46 The parts and aspects that fall in love, co-creating with another sovereign being

46:11 When fear or intense emotion or uncertainty comes up in relationship, how do you navigate?

49:16 Holding space and not trying to fix it for someone, tending to the self in these situations

57:14 Different ways of expressing and processing, effects on each other and growing through these experiences

1:04:33 The gift of revealing ourselves fully, even when it looks “crazy”

1:06:51 Improv - taking on characters to work through things and more fully express, with a disclaimer!

1:12:01 Containers and how to use them to vitalize relationship

1:17:01 Improv as a tool to be able to address parts of someone/ourselves without seeing the whole being as that part, with a disclaimer! Do not use as a way to bypass things that need to be addressed in relationship.

1:23:46 Quick plug for @mikandmoon on TikTok - relational tools and pre-conception fertility work

1:25:55 Christopher and Mikyla’s Song

1:28:08 End

You can connect with Christopher and Mikyla on Instagram @flaxandsugar and on TikTok (by mid August 2015) @mikandmoon.