The RISE Experience

By Shannon DennistonBusiness Entrepreneurship

The RISE Experience episodes

October 15Stop Waiting for It to Feel Like It Used To
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Host Shannon Denniston closes out this month's arc with a story from her own living room: a house where everybody sings, all the time, and a long season where she quietly held back. Before sixteen, she sang competitively and won state competitions — then an accident changed her voice. She unpacks the difference between missing the strength her voice used to have, missing the confidence she used to feel, and believing that because it changed, she wasn't the same person anymore — and why only that third one is worth questioning. Drawing on Isaiah's "do you not perceive it," she lands on what brought her back to singing: she stopped waiting for her voice to sound like it used to before she let it be heard.
You'll Learn
Why losing some of what you could do isn't the same as losing the part of you that loved doing it
The difference between three kinds of "missing": lost ability, lost confidence, and a conclusion you drew about your identity
Why that third one is worth questioning, even when the first two are genuinely true
How "different" quietly gets filed under "gone" — and what that actually costs you
How Shannon started singing again once she stopped needing her voice to match an old standard
How Isaiah's "do you not perceive it" applies to noticing what's already here, even in a different shape
Episode Chapters
00:00 — Welcome + the question underneath
00:48 — A house full of song
01:38 — When singing went quiet
03:50 — Three kinds of missing
04:51 — Stop waiting for "before"
07:27 — A new thing in Isaiah
08:14 — Questions to ask yourself
09:07 — Prayer + closing
Memorable Quotes
"That's where we can get ourselves into trouble. Something changes, and before we even realize it, we've decided what that change means about who we are."
"I had just spent so much time listening for the voice I used to have that I wasn't really enjoying the one I still had."
"Some of what my voice used to do really was gone — I'm not going to pretend otherwise. But the part of me that loved singing... was never gone."
"I think I'd been filing 'different' under 'gone.'"
"I know my voice isn't what it was before the accident. I don't think that's really the point anymore. I'm just not waiting for it to be, before I sing."
Resources Mentioned
Isaiah 43:18-19 — "Do you not perceive it?"
About the Podcast
The RISE Experience is a weekly podcast for capable women who don't quite feel like themselves anymore. I talk about identity, faith, relationships, and the quiet patterns that shape how we live — so you can find your way back to yourself without erasing who you've become.
Follow & Connect
Follow The RISE Experience wherever you listen to podcasts, and share this episode with one friend who might need it.
Read the RISE blog
risewithshannon.blog
Follow along
Facebook: Shannon Bell Denniston
Instagram: @risewithshannon
10 min
October 08Switching Off Autopilot: When They Don't Need You Like They Used To
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Sometimes you keep doing something for so long that you stop realizing you're choosing to do it.
You make the appointment. Find the cleats. Fix the mistake. Get the waffles. Step in before anyone else has enough time to figure it out for themselves.
And somewhere along the way, everyone around you gets used to it too.
But what happens when they don't actually need you to do some of those things anymore?
In this episode of The RISE Experience, I'm talking about the roles that quietly start running on autopilot — and the surprisingly uncomfortable part of finding out that someone you love may have outgrown needing you in the same way.
Because sometimes the question isn't, Why am I doing everything?
It's: Do they actually need me to do this, or have I just never waited long enough to find out?
I'll talk about what happens when being needed gets tangled up with identity, why stepping back isn't the same as abandoning the people you love, and how letting someone need you less might create room for both of you to grow.
In This Episode
How something you once chose to do can quietly become a role you never reconsider
Why the people around you develop expectations around your autopilot too
The difference between genuinely being needed and simply being the person who always gets there first
Why stepping back can feel surprisingly uncomfortable when being needed has become part of your identity
What Gideon's fleece in Judges can teach us about testing what we've assumed
Why letting someone outgrow needing you for something doesn't mean you've lost your place in their life
How switching off autopilot can create room to rediscover parts of yourself outside of being needed
Episode Chapters
00:00 — Welcome + the question underneath autopilot
00:49 — The pediatrician voicemail
01:55 — Cleats, waffles + the things we automatically handle
03:57 — When a choice becomes a habit
05:28 — Do they actually need me to do this?
07:18 — Gideon, the fleece + testing what we've assumed
08:13 — When being needed becomes part of who you are
09:06 — Letting the people you love grow
10:01 — Switching off autopilot long enough to find out
10:51 — Prayer + closing
A Few Lines to Take With You
"You're not choosing to make the waffles anymore. You're just making the waffles."
"Does he actually need me to be the one who calls back, or have I just never waited long enough to find out if he'd get to it first?"
"The autopilot doesn't just run the tasks. Somewhere along the way, it started running our sense of who we are too."
"Their needing you less doesn't mean that their love for you changes. It means that they grew."
"You're allowed to switch off the autopilot long enough to wait and find out."
Scripture Mentioned
Judges 6 — Gideon and the fleece
About The RISE Experience
The RISE Experience is a weekly podcast for capable women who don't quite feel like themselves anymore. I talk about identity, faith, relationships, and the quiet patterns that shape how we live — so you can find your way back to yourself without erasing who you've become.
Follow & Connect
Follow The RISE Experience wherever you listen to podcasts, and share this episode with one friend who might need it.
Read the RISE blog
risewithshannon.blog
Follow along
Facebook: Shannon Bell Denniston
Instagram: @risewithshannon
12 min
October 01The Good Parts Get to Stay Too
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Host Shannon Denniston explores why you can miss who you were in a past season while also feeling relieved it's over, naming this mixed experience as ambivalence—holding two opposite feelings at the same time. She explains how we often reduce a complicated era to one flat label ("young and stupid," "so hard"), and how confirmation bias then shapes what we remember, pulling up evidence that supports the label while ignoring the good that was also there. Using 2020 as an example, she shows how a painful season can still contain moments worth reclaiming, without rewriting the hard parts away. Drawing on Ecclesiastes, she notes life doesn't separate cleanly into emotional chapters, and encourages listeners to honor what was hard while intentionally recognizing what was true and good in them then, carrying it forward now, ending in prayer.
You'll Learn
Why missing a past season and feeling relieved it's over can both be true at once
What ambivalence actually means — and why it's not the same as "not caring"
How confirmation bias quietly edits your memory once you settle on one label for a season
Why the good parts of a hard season don't disappear — they just stop getting pulled up
How Ecclesiastes reframes "a time to weep and a time to laugh" as living side by side, not in separate chapters
What it actually means to carry forward what was true and good, without pretending the hard parts weren't real
Episode Chapters
00:00 — Welcome to The Rise
00:51 — Missing Her and Relief
01:51 — Ambivalence Explained
02:38 — Confirmation Bias Memories
04:05 — Reclaim the Good Parts
05:50 — 2020 Mixed Memories
07:10 — Ecclesiastes Both And
08:27 — Takeaway and Prayer
09:35 — Closing and Goodbye
Memorable Quotes
"Ambivalence is holding two very real, very true, but very opposite feelings about the exact same thing literally at the same time."
"It's not that the good stuff got erased. You just stopped going back for it, because that story you settled on didn't have room for it anymore."
"You're allowed to be genuinely glad that a season is over and still recognize the good that was there too."
"That's not you being ungrateful for your life now. That's just refusing to let the hard parts have the final word on your whole story of who you were."
"There might still be something worth going back for."
"This isn't about rewriting the season into something better than it actually was, but it is, however, about refusing to rewrite it into something smaller than it actually was."
"The hard and the good right next to each other, and neither one gets to speak for the whole story alone."
"Finding your way back to yourself doesn't mean returning to an earlier version of yourself or a version of your life. It means recognizing what was true and good in you then, and deciding what still belongs with you now."
"Both belong to your story... but neither one gets to tell a whole story alone."
Resources Mentioned
Ecclesiastes 3
About the Podcast
The RISE Experience is a weekly podcast for capable women whose lives look good on paper but don't feel like theirs anymore. Host Shannon Denniston explores identity, faith, and the quiet patterns that shape how we live and love — helping you find your way back to yourself, without erasing who you've become.
Follow & Connect
Follow The RISE Experience wherever you listen to podcasts, and share this episode with one friend who might need it.
Read the RISE blog
risewithshannon.blog
Follow along
Facebook: Shannon Bell Denniston
Instagram: @risewithshannon
10 min
September 24The 10 Minutes After You Speak Up: When Discomfort Doesn't Mean You're Wrong
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Host Shannon Denniston explores what happens in the minutes after you finally voice an honest opinion — like suggesting a restaurant in a group text — and then feel the urge to walk it back when responses are neutral or mildly disappointed. She explains that finding your voice isn't just speaking up, but resisting the impulse to abandon what you said to regain the "safety" of being agreeable. The uncomfortable "static" afterward doesn't automatically mean you overstepped or got it wrong; it may simply be the feeling of doing something new after years of equating agreement with belonging. Drawing on 2 Timothy, she notes God doesn't remove discomfort but gives power, love, and a sound mind, and she encourages listeners to sit with the feeling, discern conviction versus unfamiliarity, and keep practicing using their voice.
You'll Learn
Why the choice itself usually isn't the hard part — it's the ten minutes afterward
How to spot the difference between a genuine neutral response and the story you're telling yourself about it
Why years of being the "whatever works" friend can make your own body treat agreement and safety as the same thing
How to tell genuinely reconsidering something apart from just riding out the discomfort of doing something new
What 2 Timothy means by a "sound mind," and why it's still there even while the static is playing
Episode Chapters
00:00 Welcome and Setup 00:47 The Text Aftermath 02:20 Reading Into Responses 02:52 Let Them Be Disappointed 03:40 Why the Static Hits 04:57 Agreeable Equals Safe 06:43 Faith Over Fear 07:20 Reconsidering vs. Riding the Discomfort 07:50 Spiral Is Not Proof 08:53 Prayer and Sendoff
Memorable Quotes
"Finding your voice isn't only learning to say what you want. It's learning not to abandon what you said the moment someone else's response makes you uncomfortable."
"That spiral is not proof that you got it wrong. It's just what it feels like the first several times you do something and it still feels new."
"Your body might not be making all that noise because Thai food mattered all that much, but it might be making noise because letting your preference actually take up space now, that is new, and that matters."
"The static itself doesn't automatically mean that I got it wrong."
"You're not retreating back into being nobody. We're trying to find our way back to you again."
Resources Mentioned
2 Timothy — power, love, and a sound mind
About the Podcast
The RISE Experience is a show for women who are figuring out what real transformation actually looks like — the patterns underneath what we do, the relationships that shape us, our faith, our identity, and all the very human stuff that's been happening along the way.
Follow & Connect
Follow The RISE Experience wherever you listen to podcasts, and share this episode with one friend who might need it.
Read the RISE blog
risewithshannon.blog
Follow along
Facebook: Shannon Bell Denniston
Instagram: @risewithshannon
10 min
September 17Whatever Works: The Rudder You Didn't Know You Had
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We've all been there: the group text where everyone's picking a restaurant, and instead of saying what you actually want, you type "whatever works." In this episode, Shannon unpacks why those tiny moments of staying quiet matter more than we think — and how they might be the real place where we slowly lose ourselves.
It's easy to reserve "using your voice" for the big, dramatic moments — the confrontation, the boundary, the hard conversation. But what if the group text is the real moment? What if "I want Thai food" is the practice that actually shapes who you are?
Drawing from James 3 and the image of a rudder — small, unremarkable, yet steering an entire ship — this episode is an invitation to stop waiting for something dramatic enough to matter and start letting the tiny moments count.

You'll Learn
Why we reserve "using your voice" for big, dramatic moments, when most real moments look more like a restaurant nobody will remember by next week
Why we build a whole plan or a new communication style around a small preference instead of just saying it
How to tell the difference between genuinely not caring and defaulting to invisible because it's easier than being seen having a preference
Why years of "whatever works" can quietly train the people around you — and yourself — to stop expecting an answer
What James 3's image of the rudder says about how small, unremarkable choices steer the whole direction of a life

Episode Chapters
00:00 Welcome and Setup 00:58 The Group Text We've All Been In 02:05 Why the Small Moment Feels Too Tiny to Count 03:12 Building a System Instead of Just Saying It 04:20 What This Is Actually Asking of You 05:15 Indifferent or Defaulting to Invisible? 06:30 When People Stop Asking What You Want 07:20 The Rudder: Small but Steering the Whole Ship 08:15 What to Leave With Today 09:00 Prayer and Closing

Memorable Quotes
"Nobody's handing you a dramatic showdown on a Tuesday. They're handing you a group text."
"Building a whole system around 'I'd like Thai food' is kind of its own way of not doing the actual small thing."
"Enough years of 'whatever works,' and people stop asking. Not because they don't care — because you trained them not to expect an answer."
"It's just a small, unremarkable piece of wood doing its unremarkable job. But it's the thing actually deciding where the whole ship ends up."
"You're still in there, still worth asking, and letting it count is how you start proving that to yourself before you wait for anyone else to."

Resources Mentioned
James 3 — the tongue as the rudder

About the Podcast
The RISE Experience is a show for women whose old way of doing life has stopped working, and who are figuring out how to build one that actually holds. Here we talk about identity, faith, and the quiet inner wisdom that gets buried under all the doing.

Follow & Connect
Follow The RISE Experience wherever you listen to podcasts, and share this episode with one friend who might need it.
Read the RISE blog
risewithshannon.blog
Follow along
Facebook: Shannon Bell Denniston
Instagram: @risewithshannon
8 min
September 10The Awkward Middle: Why Understanding Comes Faster Than Change
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Shannon Denniston explores why we can understand a habit or pattern immediately but still repeat it within a day, focusing on the gap between insight and actual change. She compares understanding to getting a map of an old road, while our "feet" keep taking the familiar groove unless we deliberately practice a new path, often clumsily and repeatedly. She names this space the "awkward middle," where progress feels like failure because your brain knows better but your body is still defaulting. Using the example of jumping in to fix things when someone is venting, she explains that change often looks like noticing the wrong road sooner — at the end, halfway down, then at the fork — until you can choose differently. She warns against endlessly chasing more insight when what's missing is reps, and closes with Philippians about God carrying the work to completion and a prayer for grace and practice.

You'll Learn
Why understanding a pattern almost never arrives at the same speed as actually changing it
What the "awkward middle" actually is — not before you knew, not after you've changed, but right in the middle of doing the thing while watching yourself do it
Why catching yourself a little sooner each time is the real, invisible progress, even while the pattern still shows up
Why chasing more insight can quietly become a way of avoiding the practice that's actually needed
What Philippians means by God "carrying" the work to completion, and why that's different from finishing it in one sitting

Episode Chapters
00:00 Welcome and Setup
01:04 Why Awareness Isn't Change
02:10 The Map and the Road
03:28 The Awkward Middle
04:22 Real-Life Example: Jumping In to Fix It
05:26 Catching the Fork Sooner
06:46 Less Insight, More Reps
07:38 Philippians and Being Carried
08:31 You're Not Failing
09:20 Prayer and Closing

Memorable Quotes
"That's not you failing to change. That's just what change is actually made of."
"Right there, mid-sentence, watching yourself do the thing while you're doing it."
"More understanding isn't actually what's missing. What's missing is reps."
"Being carried and being finished are two different moments, and you're allowed to be in the first one without treating it like failure."
"You are not failing because you still do the thing you understand. That was never the goalpost."

Resources Mentioned
Philippians 1:6 — being carried to completion
About the Podcast
The RISE Experience is a show for women whose old way of doing life has stopped working, and who are figuring out how to build one that actually holds. Here we talk about identity, faith, and the quiet inner wisdom that gets buried under all the doing.

Follow & Connect
Follow The RISE Experience wherever you listen to podcasts, and share this episode with one friend who might need it.
Read the RISE blog
risewithshannon.blog
Follow along
Facebook: Shannon Bell Denniston
Instagram: @risewithshannon
11 min
September 03You Don’t Need a Crisis to Take Your Feelings Seriously.
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What if that weird, can’t-quite-name-it feeling under “I’m good” is actually the thing you’re meant to pay attention to?

I start with a simple moment in a school parking lot, giving the quick, easy answer we all use. I smiled, said, “I’m good, busy, you know, but good,” and headed to my car, but something in me stopped long enough to stare at the gear shift and think, “I am good, right?” That weird feeling under the surface would not quite go away. It kept showing back up in the pickup line, in the scroll I could not remember, in the tiny things that felt bigger than they should.This is a show that gives us a place to talk about what real transformation actually looks like, so I gently push back on the idea that you need a crisis, diagnosis, or burnout before you are allowed to notice yourself. With the story of Elijah and the still, small voice, I talk about how God often meets us in the quiet, ordinary moments and how you are allowed to let that repeated “something feels off” be real, even if your life looks fine on paper.

You’ll learn:
How “I’m good, busy, but good” can sit on top of a steady, weird feeling you cannot name.
Why a hundred small, explainable moments can add up to a real pattern.
How “I should be grateful” talk can make you feel guilty for even asking, “Why do I feel like this?”
That you do not need a crisis, diagnosis, or disaster before your feelings count.
What Elijah’s story shows about God speaking in a quiet whisper, not in the loud, dramatic moments.
A simple first step of just noticing, “I don’t feel like myself right now,” and letting that be real with God.

Episode Chapters
00:00 The “I’m good, busy, but good” moment in the school parking lot
02:10 The weird feeling you cannot quite put your finger on
04:30 When small irritations and tired days start to look like a pattern
07:15 Feeling ungrateful for asking why you feel off when life looks fine
10:10 Waiting for a big reason before paying attention to yourself
13:20 Elijah, the mountain, and the still, small voice
17:05 Letting quiet moments with God matter more than the earthquake
19:20 A prayer for women who feel off but do not know why yet

Memorable Quotes
“You don’t need a crisis to justify paying attention to yourself.”

“When the same feeling keeps quietly showing back up week after week, maybe it’s not nothing anymore.”

“Whatever’s underneath ‘I’m good, I’m busy, but I’m good’ doesn’t have to arrive like an earthquake to be real.”

“Somewhere along the way, we decided that noticing ourselves has to be earned.”

“You don’t need somebody else’s permission or a big enough reason, you’re allowed to let how you feel count, starting today.”

Resources Mentioned
Elijah in the wilderness – 1 Kings 19

About the Podcast
Welcome to The RISE Experience, a podcast for women who are finding their way back to themselves. This is a space to slow down when everything feels loud, to lead from steadiness instead of urgency, and to finally hear yourself think again. Here we talk about identity, faith, and the quiet inner wisdom that gets buried under all the doing. A place to pause, reflect, and rise from clarity instead of pressure.

Follow & Connect
Follow The RISE Experience wherever you listen to podcasts, and share this episode with one friend who might need it.
Read the RISE blog
risewithshannon.blog
Follow along
Facebook: Shannon Bell Denniston
Instagram: @risewithshannon
13 min
August 27When “You’ve Changed” Tests How Safe Your Relationship Really Is.
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“You’ve changed” can sound like a compliment, a quiet ache, or a warning. I’m talking about what those words really reveal about our relationships, our growth, and who we’re becoming together.

Episode Summary
There are a hundred ways to hear “you’ve changed,” and most of us know exactly which one we got just from the tone. I walk through the quiet, very human side of change, the friend who’s proud of you but misses what you used to have, the husband whose healthy new habit shifts the whole rhythm at home, the person who loves you enough to say, “I don’t like where this is taking you.”
We look at what’s actually underneath the arguments and the silence: grief, fear, longing, and the deep desire to still belong to each other while we grow. I’ll invite you to ask better questions about your relationships, your boundaries, and who you’re becoming with the people closest to you and whether all of that lines up with who God is calling you to be.

You’ll Learn:
How “you’ve changed” can hold celebration, concern, or quiet grief all at once.
Why a good change for you can still feel disorienting for the people who love you.
How jokes, criticism, or distance often cover smaller, truer feelings we don’t say out loud.
Why slower replies or silence might be someone missing you, not judging you.
Questions to help you sort out concern rooted in love from pushback rooted in comfort.
What makes a relationship feel truly safe when disagreement and apology show up.
Why repair after a hard moment matters more than never saying the wrong thing.
How to notice when you’re the one clinging to who someone used to be.
A simple filter: Who are we becoming here, and does this help me live closer to God’s call on my life?
Episode Chapters
00:00 You’ve changed: the many tones
02:05 When your growth costs someone their comfort
05:00 Grief, silence, and missed versions of you
08:10 Concern, control, and who really wants your good
11:15 What real safety in a relationship looks like
14:00 Repair, apology, and what happens next
17:20 When you’re the one resisting someone else’s change
21:05 Iron sharpening iron and becoming who God is calling you to be
24:00 Prayer and reflection for your closest relationships

Memorable Quotes
“Sometimes something can be genuinely good for one person and still require adjustment from the people who love them.”

“It’s so easy to build a case against the change instead of saying the smaller, truer thing underneath: I’m happy for you, and I’m scared this changes us.”

“Silence can feel like a verdict, even when it’s really just someone quietly grieving the version of you they miss.”

“Healthy doesn’t mean nobody ever disagrees with you; it means disagreement doesn’t automatically put your belonging up for a vote.”

“Healthy relationships don’t just accept who we are—they help us become people we’re proud to be.”

About the Podcast
Welcome to The RISE Experience — a podcast for women who are finding their way back to themselves. This is a space to slow down when everything feels loud, to lead from steadiness instead of urgency, and to finally hear yourself think again. Here we talk about identity, faith, and the quiet inner wisdom that gets buried under all the doing. A place to pause, reflect, and rise from clarity instead of pressure.

Follow & Connect
Follow The RISE Experience wherever you listen to podcasts, and share this episode with one friend who might need it.
Read the RISE blog
risewithshannon.blog
Follow along
Facebook: Shannon Bell Denniston
Instagram: @risewithshannon
12 min
August 20Are You Shrinking Yourself to Keep the Peace?
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If "I'm good with whatever" flies out of your mouth before you even know what you want, this one's for you. Let's talk about the quiet ways you've been editing yourself down to keep the peace and what it could look like to bring your whole, honest self back into the room.
Episode Summary
Hey friend, this is for the woman who's spent years being easy to be around and is just now realizing it's cost her herself. You've gotten so good at reading the room, softening your edges, and taking the path of least resistance that you can't always tell what you actually want anymore. You know how to make everyone else comfortable, but you're quietly exhausted from disappearing in the process.
In this episode, I pull that pattern into the light, not to shame you, but to honor why you learned it and to help you loosen your grip on it. From restaurant orders to hard conversations, I walk through the small, ordinary places where you've been shrinking, and I invite you to start holding your preferences, opinions, and needs one beat longer. I anchor it all in the kind of rest Jesus talks about in Matthew 11, the kind that doesn't require you to be less to be loved.
You'll Learn
How "I don't care, whatever's easiest" became a reflex you built a long time ago
The specific ways you've been managing how other people experience you without even noticing
Why softening your opinions so they sound like "just a preference" slowly disconnects you from your own convictions
How chronic accommodating makes it harder and harder to name what you need or ask for anything at all
The deeper belief underneath it all: if you're difficult to be around, you must be difficult to love
How Matthew 11 is an invitation to stop curating yourself for God and come as the tired, complicated, real you
Everyday examples — ordering food, making plans, resolving conflict — that help you spot this pattern in real time
A simple question to ask yourself in any room: "Am I adjusting because I want to, or am I shrinking because I'm afraid of what happens if I don't?"
Why waiting for someone else to finally make room for you will keep you stuck, and why that permission has to come from you
A way to thank the version of you who survived by staying small, while letting her rest so you can step into your full self
Episode Chapters
00:40 — The cost of staying easy to be around
02:20 — When being considerate becomes disappearing
04:10 — Opinions, needs, and losing your sense of self
06:30 — "If I'm difficult, I'm hard to love"
08:50 — Matthew 11 and the invitation to real rest
10:30 — The everyday moments you edit yourself down
12:40 — The "that wasn't me" feeling
14:20 — Adjusting from wholeness vs. shrinking from fear
16:10 — Choosing to take up space today
18:10 — Gratitude, rest, and prayer for the real you
Memorable Quotes
"At what point does being considerate turn into you disappearing?"
"When you spend so long, so much of your life curating yourself for every room that you walk into, for everyone else in the room, you start to lose track of which version of you is actually you."
"If I become difficult to be around, I become difficult to love. That belief is doing an enormous amount of work."
"The tax was managing yourself well enough to stay easy, hoping that's what would earn you love or rest or belonging. But Jesus never asked you to manage yourself into easy before you could come to him and rest."
"You may not control how everyone receives you, but what you can do is stop requiring their permission before you bring yourself into the room."
Resources Mentioned
Matthew 11 — "Come to me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."
About the Podcast
The RISE Experience is a weekly podcast for capable women who don't quite feel like themselves anymore. I talk about identity, faith, relationships, and the quiet patterns that shape how we live — so you can find your way back to yourself without erasing who you've become.
Follow & Connect
Follow The RISE Experience wherever you listen to podcasts, and share this episode with one friend who might need it.
Read the RISE blog:
risewithshannon.blog
Follow along:
Facebook: Shannon Bell Denniston
Instagram: @risewithshannon
14 min
August 13Are You Loved for Who You Are or Just Needed for What You Do?
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If you're the woman who gets the late-night text, who always figures it out, who never drops the ball, this is for you. I'm going one layer deeper into the pattern of building love and belonging on how useful you are, and the quiet fear that if you stop showing up, you might stop mattering.
I'll name the ache underneath all the giving, the part of you that longs to be seen and stayed for, even when you're not doing anything for anyone. I'll look at what it costs to lead with usefulness, what Scripture (especially Romans 8) has been saying all along about love you don't have to earn, and how to begin receiving love as who you are, not just what you bring to the table.
Key Takeaways
How early on you may have learned that being helpful, responsible, or "the strong one" felt like the safest way to be loved
The difference between giving from fullness and giving because you're afraid of what might happen if you stop
Why always being available and never asking for much keeps you from being truly known
A key question to sit with: Would they still be calling if I didn't always answer?
How confusing being needed with being loved quietly shapes the way you show up in your closest relationships
Why the fear you feel when you imagine saying "I can't this time" tells you more about what you believe keeps the relationship together than how lovable you are
How Romans 8 invites you into a love that has nothing to do with your performance or usefulness
How to honor the version of you who learned to lead with usefulness and gently let her rest
A new picture of yourself as a woman who walks into the room already enough, giving from fullness and not fear
Episode Chapters
00:40 — When staying small in relationships started for you
02:10 — The late-night text and the warmth of being needed
04:00 — How usefulness became the safest way to be loved
06:00 — "I'm a helper, I'm a giver" – when strategy becomes identity
08:10 — Giving from fullness vs. giving from fear
10:00 — The longing to be known beyond what you do
11:50 — Choosing to stop hiding behind usefulness
13:10 — What your fear is really telling you about your relationships
15:20 — Receiving appreciation as who you are
17:10 — Letting the "always useful" version of you rest
18:50 — Romans 8 and a love you don't have to earn
19:40 — Prayer for the woman who's tired of only being needed
Memorable Quotes
"Would they still be calling if you didn't always answer?"
"Being needed started to feel safer than being truly known."
"There's a difference between giving from fullness and giving because you don't yet trust that who you are, apart from what you do, is enough to keep people close."
"That fear tells you very little about how much they actually love you. But it sure tells you a lot about what you believe keeps you there."
"Indispensable can get you a role in somebody's life, but it can't by itself get you the feeling of actually being loved in it."
Resources Mentioned
Scripture: Romans 8
About the Podcast
The RISE Experience is a weekly podcast for capable women who don't quite feel like themselves anymore. I talk about identity, faith, relationships, and the quiet patterns that shape how we live — so you can find your way back to yourself without erasing who you've become.
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15 min

About The RISE Experience

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Sometimes you realize you've been disconnected from yourself for longer than you thought.

The RISE Experience is a podcast for the woman who can handle a lot. She shows up,…

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