Time is a flat circlejerk, but we can always learn from our past!

We've been at war for 20 years and we still don't even have cool songs about it like we did with 'Nam.

Kyle Rittenhouse is the Tara Reade of Save The Children, there's always exceptions.

I was named after Joe Rogan, and I'll take the vaccine even if it gives me AIDS, strictly for my Uighurs.

We're being gaslit by narcissists and hypocrites.

Lip synching is the highest form of comedy now. Stop writing and start synching! Comedy as we knew it is dead, killed by activist comedians who are barely capable of either.

The nanobots steal all your best business ideas and give them to the Googlement. We all know that we'd give to them for free.

With The Great Reset upon us, my main concern is how can I make this impending neofeudalism funny? I'd like to be like Mozart and perform for the new techno-aristocracy, as well as for the massive digital serfdom that will emerge.

Follow the science by ignoring it. LA is shutting down outdoor dining despite a lack of evidence. Mask compliance is religious, and when questioned, triggers anger from cognitive dissonance. People are taking comfort in their fear and are gulping down blue pills like candy.

We did it, fam. It was worth the cages and getting nuked twice.

Gavin Newsom follows the science and is pure of heart. He just wants to keep us safe in a color coded blanket of executive power.