The School Can't Experience

This episode is a collaboration between School Can't Australia and Yellow Ladybugs made possible through funding from the Information, Linkages and Capacity Building Grant.

This is the second of two special episodes with Yellow Ladybugs, who are dedicated to the happiness, success, and celebration of autistic girls, women, and gender diverse folk.

Leisa is joined again by founder Katie Koullas and Natasha Staheli. In the first episode of this series, they talked about distress that is channelled outwards. This time, the conversation turns to distress that is channelled inwards: self-harm and suicidal ideation in our young people, and what it is like to parent through it.

Content warning: This episode contains detailed discussion of parenting young people who are self-harming and experiencing suicidal ideation. Please take care of yourself as you listen. Hit pause whenever you need to, and come back when you're ready.

If you or your young person are not safe right now, please call Triple Zero (000) for assistance. If you are feeling overwhelmed or distressed, please reach out to Lifeline: call 13 11 14, text 0477 13 11 14, or chat online at lifeline.org.au.

This is a conversation that almost never happens in public. Katie, Natasha, and Leisa talk about why families carry this so privately, why autistic and high-masking young people are especially vulnerable, particularly in the early teen years, and why well-meant reassurance and problem-solving can land as not being heard.

They explore what it means to respond rather than react, starting with "I believe you". They cover safety planning, protective factors such as peer connection, a safe place to unmask, and access to joy, and the difference between an acute crisis and the chronic, long-running experience that many families quietly live with. They also talk honestly about how hard it is to judge when hospital is the right call, and about the hypervigilance, guilt, and exhaustion that parents carry along the way.

There is no fix-it list in this episode, and no perfect response. What there is: three parents speaking plainly about a reality many families are living, and the reminder that many young people do come through this and look back grateful for the adults who stayed alongside them.

Nothing in this conversation replaces professional advice about your own child's safety. If you are worried about immediate risk, please seek help straight away.

You are not alone.

Resources:

• Yellow Ladybugs Safety Plan Template: https://yellowladybugs.sharepoint.com/:b:/s/YellowLadybugs/IQBakAfYPN5_Sa7vDqFR6b8ZAUayZhsJcXpemWtLhY-_52s?e=Fveiii
• Yellow Ladybugs: yellowladybugs.com.au
• Olga Tennison Autism Research Centre (OTARC): https://www.latrobe.edu.au/otarc
•  Two key resources developed by OTARC-led projects are:
  •  span.toolkit: The Suicide Prevention for Autism Neuro-affirming Toolkit (span.toolkit) is an evidence-based, co-produced resource portal designed to support mental health professionals working with autistic adults. https://www.spantoolkit.com/
  •  The Suicide Response Project: Provides tips for the general public on how to detect and respond to suicide risk in others https://www.suicideresponseproject.com/
• An example of the personalised DBT skills poster Katie created for her child, along with an editable Canva template families can adapt to suit their own child or young person: https://canva.link/ec1gxv72rj4lm2i
• Mental Health first aid training for parents (other providers widely available): https://neuronavigators.com.au/mental-health-first-aid
• Episode 72 - Part 1 in this series: When distress turns outwards - https://schoolcantexperience.buzzsprout.com/2447546/episodes/19765352
• Episode 66, From School Captain to School Can't: Alex & Laila's Lived Experience: https://schoolcantexperience.buzzsprout.com/2447546/episodes/19554815

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If this episode helped you please take a moment to subscribe, rate, or review the podcast on Spotify or Apple Podcasts. It genuinely helps other School Can't families find us.

If you are a parent of carer in Australia and experiencing distress, please call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or contact the Parent Help Line. - https://kidshelpline.com.au/parents/issues/how-parentline-can-help-you

You can contact us to volunteer to share your School Can't story or some feedback via email on [email protected]

Disclaimer
The content of this podcast is based on personal lived experiences and is shared for informational and storytelling purposes only. It should not be treated as medical, psychological, or professional advice under any circumstances. If you have concerns about your health or well-being, please seek guidance from a doctor, therapist,...

This week we're revisiting our conversation with Jackie Hall, first released as Episode 13. Since we recorded this conversation, Jackie has made her programs available free of charge. That includes a nine week autism parenting program, and Inside Autism, a 16 video neuroaffirming training series for teachers, educators, allied health professionals, support workers, counsellors and others supporting Autistic children and young people. Links are in the resources below.

Jackie Hall is a counsellor, author and the founder of the Parental Stress Centre. In this episode, she and host Leisa Reichelt talk about why so much of the stress we carry as School Can't parents comes from the gap between how we believe life should be going and what is really happening in front of us.

Jackie walks through the four "stressful thinking lenses" that keep us stuck: right versus wrong, missing out, could have/should have, and the core belief underneath them all, "what does this mean about me?" She explains how these lenses narrow our view, make it harder to be curious about what is going on for our young people, and stop us seeing options we had ruled out.

When Leisa pushes back with the realities many families face: jobs, mortgages, isolation, judgement from others, and young people in deep burnout, Jackie responds with practical starting points, including why small, easy ways to feel better are sometimes the only workable way in, and why "hard doesn't mean wrong".

They also discuss regret over decisions made earlier in the journey, the grief of letting go of the family life or career you expected, and what it takes to change long-held beliefs about school and success. This is not a bubble baths version of self-care. It is hard work, and Jackie is upfront about that.

Resources

• Parental Stress Centre: www.parentalstresscentre.com
• Episode 42: Tanya Valentin on School Can't Parental Grief and Transformation: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2447546/episodes/18277710

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If this podcast or the School Can’t Australia community has helped you, please consider making a donation or volunteering to help. Find out more here: https://www.schoolcantaustralia.com.au/get-involved#donate

If this episode helped you please take a moment to subscribe, rate, or review the podcast on Spotify or Apple Podcasts. It genuinely helps other School Can't families find us.

If you are a parent of carer in Australia and experiencing distress, please call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or contact the Parent Help Line. - https://kidshelpline.com.au/parents/issues/how-parentline-can-help-you

You can contact us to volunteer to share your School Can't story or some feedback via email on [email protected]

Disclaimer
The content of this podcast is based on personal lived experiences and is shared for informational and storytelling purposes only. It should not be treated as medical, psychological, or professional advice under any circumstances. If you have concerns about your health or well-being, please seek guidance from a doctor, therapist,...

We're taking a short break over the school holidays, so this week we're revisiting one of our most special episodes from the archive, the first time we've ever had a parent and their young person on the podcast together.

Simone and Yani joined us to share their long journey with School Can't, telling the same story from two very different vantage points. What makes this episode unlike almost anything else we've published is the chance to hear directly from Yani - now a teenager attending TAFE -  about what the experience actually felt like from the inside.

Yani is candid, thoughtful, and has a lot to say. They talk about what made small schools feel safe and large ones feel overwhelming, what it was like to know that dragging a child into school is a kind of violence even when the adults don't see it that way, and what it meant to have a parent who, on one memorable occasion, just said, "stuff it, we're going to the beach." They also describe finally finding education that works at TAFE, where being treated like an adult made all the difference.

Simone speaks honestly about the impossible logistics of managing a demanding job alongside a child who couldn't always get out of the car, about being told by her co-parent that the problem was something she was doing wrong, and about the long process of trusting her own instincts over the noise of what she was supposed to do.

If you're a parent who has felt like you were failing, or who has wondered what your young person is actually experiencing on the inside, this episode is worth your time.

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If this podcast or the School Can’t Australia community has helped you, please consider making a donation or volunteering to help. Find out more here: https://www.schoolcantaustralia.com.au/get-involved#donate

If this episode helped you please take a moment to subscribe, rate, or review the podcast on Spotify or Apple Podcasts. It genuinely helps other School Can't families find us.

If you are a parent of carer in Australia and experiencing distress, please call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or contact the Parent Help Line. - https://kidshelpline.com.au/parents/issues/how-parentline-can-help-you

You can contact us to volunteer to share your School Can't story or some feedback via email on [email protected]

Disclaimer
The content of this podcast is based on personal lived experiences and is shared for informational and storytelling purposes only. It should not be treated as medical, psychological, or professional advice under any circumstances. If you have concerns about your health or well-being, please seek guidance from a doctor, therapist,...

Raechel Smart is a former primary school teacher, a parent to three neurodivergent children who has navigated years of school non-attendance from the other side of the fence, and is now completing her PhD on school non-attendance in autistic children at Griffith University's Autism Centre of Excellence. That combination gives her a genuinely rare vantage point, and this conversation makes the most of it.

One of Raechel's most striking research findings is that many teachers hold an underlying belief that non-attendance is ultimately the child's choice. She traces exactly how that belief forms - a child who presents as fine when they're at school, a teacher who can't see what more they could do to support them -  and how it leads directly to the child being blamed rather than supported.

Her proposed reframe is the environment. Not blaming teachers, not asking for structural changes outside anyone's control, but asking: what is it about this environment  - the noise, the social load, the pace, the unpredictability - that isn't working for this student? That question is less threatening to raise and often more actionable. 

The practical suggestions throughout are genuinely modest: a Teams message, a check-in email, a questionnaire done at home and brought to the teacher. For parents, Raechel has one key tip: frame conversations with schools around the environment rather than around what the teacher is doing wrong. It triggers less defensiveness, and it tends to actually get somewhere.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

• National Guidance for Inclusive Education for Autistic Students (Australia): https://www.autismcrc.com.au/best-practice/inclusive-education
• Reframing Autism -  free courses and resources from an autistic-led organisation: reframingautism.com.au 
• Raechel Smart on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/raechel-smart-315ba4122/

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If this podcast or the School Can’t Australia community has helped you, please consider making a donation or volunteering to help. Find out more here: https://www.schoolcantaustralia.com.au/get-involved#donate

If this episode helped you please take a moment to subscribe, rate, or review the podcast on Spotify or Apple Podcasts. It genuinely helps other School Can't families find us.

If you are a parent of carer in Australia and experiencing distress, please call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or contact the Parent Help Line. - https://kidshelpline.com.au/parents/issues/how-parentline-can-help-you

You can contact us to volunteer to share your School Can't story or some feedback via email on [email protected]

Disclaimer
The content of this podcast is based on personal lived experiences and is shared for informational and storytelling purposes only. It should not be treated as medical, psychological, or professional advice under any circumstances. If you have concerns about your health or well-being, please seek guidance from a doctor, therapist,...

Dr Shelley Moore is one of the most widely cited voices in inclusive education, working with schools, organisations, and jurisdictions around the world on how to make education genuinely accessible for all students. She also hated school herself, was bullied badly enough to lose hearing in one ear, and has spent her career asking why the system keeps trying to fix the kids rather than the conditions.

In this conversation with Leisa, Shelley starts with the history of autism and disability classes: why the research is clear that segregated programs don't provide equal access to education, why that doesn't mean autistic community and identity should be dismantled, and how schools can offer congregation without segregation.There are no easy answers here, and that families sometimes make the right call for their child even when it conflicts with the research.

The bigger argument running through the episode is that schools are still designed for the Industrial Revolution workforce: rows of seats, bells, standardisation, compliance. That design is failing an increasing proportion of students, and the solution isn't to produce more IEPs or more specialist programs. It's planning for goals rather than activities, and designing for what students are rather than what they're not.

Shelley introduces the Five Dimensions framework (Identities, Interests, Strengths, Stretches, and Needs) as a practical starting point for getting to know a class before designing for it. She also shares what she calls educational guerrilla tactics for parents: rather than fighting for what your child needs, advocate for what the teacher needs: training, resources, collaboration time, because that way the whole community ends up supporting your child, not just you.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

• Dr Shelley Moore: website: https://www.drshelleymoore.com/
• Outside Pin collective: https://www.outsidepinconsulting.com/

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If this podcast or the School Can’t Australia community has helped you, please consider making a donation or volunteering to help. Find out more here: https://www.schoolcantaustralia.com.au/get-involved#donate

If this episode helped you please take a moment to subscribe, rate, or review the podcast on Spotify or Apple Podcasts. It genuinely helps other School Can't families find us.

If you are a parent of carer in Australia and experiencing distress, please call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or contact the Parent Help Line. - https://kidshelpline.com.au/parents/issues/how-parentline-can-help-you

You can contact us to volunteer to share your School Can't story or some feedback via email on [email protected]

Disclaimer
The content of this podcast is based on personal lived experiences and is shared for informational and storytelling purposes only. It should not be treated as medical, psychological, or professional advice under any circumstances. If you have concerns about your health or well-being, please seek guidance from a doctor, therapist,...

Content warning: This episode contains discussion of physical and verbal aggression directed at parents and caregivers by young people in acute distress, including descriptions of property damage, physical assault, and extreme verbal behaviour. Please take care of yourself as you listen. Hit pause whenever you need to, and come back when you're ready.

If you or your family are in immediate danger, please call Triple Zero (000) for assistance. 

If you are feeling overwhelmed or distressed, please reach out to Lifeline. 
Call 13 11 14, text 0477 13 11 14, or chat online at lifeline.org.au.

This episode is a collaboration between School Can't Australia and Yellow Ladybugs made possible through funding from the Information, Linkages and Capacity Building Grant.

This is the first of two special episodes with Yellow Ladybugs, who are dedicated to the happiness, success, and celebration of autistic girls, women, and gender diverse folk. Leisa is joined by founder Katie Koullas and Natasha Staheli for a conversation about something far more common in our communities than is ever openly discussed: what happens when a young person's distress is expressed outwardly in ways that are frightening and isolating for families.

This episode talks plainly about young people throwing objects, punching holes in walls, physically hitting parents, and using extreme verbal language. It names clearly from the outset that all of this behaviour comes from a place of acute distress, from a nervous system in full fight response, from a child who has often been trying to communicate unmet needs for a very long time.

Katie, Natasha, and Leisa explore why this happens, why it so often lands on mums, and why instinctive parenting responses like sending kids to their room can actively make things worse. They cover the PACE framework (Playful, Acceptance, Curiosity, Empathy), safety planning, the realities of involving police or child protection, the impact on partnerships, and what repair after an incident can actually look like.

This is a conversation wrapped in shame for too many families. You are not alone. 

Resources mentioned in this episode:

• Yellow Ladybugs Safety Plan Template:https://yellowladybugs.sharepoint.com/:b:/s/YellowLadybugs/IQBakAfYPN5_Sa7vDqFR6b8ZAUayZhsJcXpemWtLhY-_52s?e=Fveiii
• PACE Strategy, Yellow Ladybugs Podcast Ep 4 with Dr Alberto Veloso:https://open.spotify.com/episode/5XoCkUD6qPus0GHHkGQZVv?si=UVXSM-ojTbyStOsKBMuyjA
• Dialectics and DBT panel with Sonny Jane Wise and Sarah Hens:https://vimeo.com/1215986538/b08abd3258?share=copy&fl=sv&fe=ci
• Yellow Ladybugs: yellowladybugs.com.au
• Dr Alberto Veloso, Relational Minds: relationalminds.com.au
• A list of support resources for families experiencing adolescent or child violence in the home: https://ap1.hubs.ly/H01m7TB0

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If this podcast or the School Can’t Australia community has helped you, please consider making a donation or volunteering to help. Find out more here: https://www.schoolcantaustralia.com.au/get-involved#donate

If this episode helped you please take a moment to subscribe, rate, or review the podcast on Spotify or Apple Podcasts. It genuinely helps other School Can't families find us.

If you are a parent of carer in Australia and experiencing distress, please call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or contact the Parent Help Line. - https://kidshelpline.com.au/parents/issues/how-parentline-can-help-you

You can contact us to volunteer to share your School Can't story or some feedback via email on [email protected]

Disclaimer
The content of this podcast is based on personal lived experiences and is shared for informational and storytelling purposes only. It should not be treated as medical, psychological, or professional advice under any circumstances. If you have concerns about your health or well-being, please seek guidance from a doctor, therapist,...

Content warning: Tammie briefly mentions suicidal ideation in this episode. We also discuss instances of violent behaviour stemming from dysregulation and overwhelm.

Tammie is a School Can't mum raising an autistic son in rural Victoria. When mainstream school stopped working for her son, there were no alternative schools, no specialist programs, no hybrid options within reach. The choice was mainstream or nothing, and for years, she kept choosing mainstream because no one ever told her she didn't have to.

This episode is her account of those years: the Groundhog Day mornings with no sleep behind them, the evacuated classrooms, the Child Protection call she received because her son wasn't attending school, the moment she turned up after an hour and a half of trying to get him there and found his aide wasn't in that day. And the realisation that eventually came: "I thought I was failing him by not sending him to school. I realised I was failing him by sending him."

Eighteen months after pulling him out, Tammie describes a completely different kid. He sleeps. He's regulated. He's happy. He recently told her he'd like "some friends I can touch." Eight months of gaming and sleeping and complete decompression came first. And she now sees that as the best thing she could have done for both of them.

Tammie is also honest about what's still hard: the social piece is genuinely unsolved, and rural isolation makes it harder. But she's clear on her priorities. Mental health first. Everything else after.

Her message to parents still in the thick of it is direct: take them out for a term, six months, a year — you can always go back. Almost certainly, you'll see a change. And ask yourself honestly whether your child is actually learning anything in the state they're in.

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If this podcast or the School Can’t Australia community has helped you, please consider making a donation or volunteering to help. Find out more here: https://www.schoolcantaustralia.com.au/get-involved#donate

If this episode helped you please take a moment to subscribe, rate, or review the podcast on Spotify or Apple Podcasts. It genuinely helps other School Can't families find us.

If you are a parent of carer in Australia and experiencing distress, please call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or contact the Parent Help Line. - https://kidshelpline.com.au/parents/issues/how-parentline-can-help-you

You can contact us to volunteer to share your School Can't story or some feedback via email on [email protected]

Disclaimer
The content of this podcast is based on personal lived experiences and is shared for informational and storytelling purposes only. It should not be treated as medical, psychological, or professional advice under any circumstances. If you have concerns about your health or well-being, please seek guidance from a doctor, therapist,...

Kristy Forbes is a neurodiversity advocate, former classroom teacher, PDAer herself, and parent of four PDAers. She's also a School Can't kid — she left school at 15 — who has since built an internationally recognised body of work supporting PDA families. She brings all of that to this conversation.

In this episode Kristy answers questions asked by the School Can’t Australia community in their peer support Facebook group. 

The questions cover a lot of ground. How do you figure out if your child is PDA when professionals don't know much about it? Does the label even matter, or is the more useful question just: what is their nervous system protecting them from? How do you handle sleep, eating, and basic life tasks without everything turning into conflict? What does a healthy parent-PDA child relationship actually look like? And is "maintaining authority" even the right frame? What about goals and aspirations when the act of wanting something can trigger the very resistance that stops it happening?

Kristy shares experience from her own lived experience as a PDAer herself and as a PDA parent. She talks about how we do the best we can, but still get things wrong, and the importance of the repair that follows. And why she thinks modeling being human is more useful than modeling perfect regulation. And she ends the conversation with something this topic doesn't always make room for: what she genuinely loves about being a PDAer.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

• Kristy’s website with with free resources including self-care guide for adults in crisis and free PDA masterclass: https://www.kristyforbes.com.au/
• Kristy on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/_kristyforbes/
• Kristy on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/inTunePathways

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If this podcast or the School Can’t Australia community has helped you, please consider making a donation or volunteering to help. Find out more here: https://www.schoolcantaustralia.com.au/get-involved#donate

If this episode helped you please take a moment to subscribe, rate, or review the podcast on Spotify or Apple Podcasts. It genuinely helps other School Can't families find us.

If you are a parent of carer in Australia and experiencing distress, please call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or contact the Parent Help Line. - https://kidshelpline.com.au/parents/issues/how-parentline-can-help-you

You can contact us to volunteer to share your School Can't story or some feedback via email on [email protected]

Disclaimer
The content of this podcast is based on personal lived experiences and is shared for informational and storytelling purposes only. It should not be treated as medical, psychological, or professional advice under any circumstances. If you have concerns about your health or well-being, please seek guidance from a doctor, therapist,...

Pete Wharmby is a neurodiversity advocate, autistic adult, and former English teacher in the UK. He brings a perspective that's genuinely rare in this space: he's been on both sides of the classroom, as a student who masked his way through school while quietly drowning in anxiety, and as a teacher who,without quite knowing why,  instinctively ran his classroom in a way that felt calm, fair, and safe for the autistic students in it.

His new book, Different Minds, makes the case that schools don't fail autistic young people out of malice. They fail them because the system was designed long before autism was understood, and has been stubbornly slow to change since. 

In this conversation with Leisa, Pete works through what that looks like in practice: the monotropic brain that's just getting into the zone when the bell rings and forces a subject change; the sensory assault of that same bell; the collars and ties; the disconnected curriculum that gives neurodivergent brains nothing to hook onto; and the attendance obsession that pushes kids into burnout and then punishes them for being burned out.

Pete also discusses research showing that non-autistic people often have an immediate, unconscious negative response to autistic people,including teachers, and argues that awareness of this bias, not blame, is where change has to start.

His message to teachers is simple and delivered with characteristic patience: when an autistic child or their parent tells you something is difficult, just believe them. Don't make them prove it. That default of belief, he says, would change everything.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

• Different Minds by Pete Wharmby: https://www.amazon.com.au/Different-Minds-Autistic-School-Children/dp/1785046225/
• Pete’s website: https://petewharmby.com/
• Pete on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/pete_wharmby_books/
• Pete on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Petewharmbyauthor/

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If this podcast or the School Can’t Australia community has helped you, please consider making a donation or volunteering to help. Find out more here: https://www.schoolcantaustralia.com.au/get-involved#donate

If this episode helped you please take a moment to subscribe, rate, or review the podcast on Spotify or Apple Podcasts. It genuinely helps other School Can't families find us.

If you are a parent of carer in Australia and experiencing distress, please call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or contact the Parent Help Line. - https://kidshelpline.com.au/parents/issues/how-parentline-can-help-you

You can contact us to volunteer to share your School Can't story or some feedback via email on [email protected]

Disclaimer
The content of this podcast is based on personal lived experiences and is shared for informational and storytelling purposes only. It should not be treated as medical, psychological, or professional advice under any circumstances. If you have concerns about your health or well-being, please seek guidance from a doctor, therapist,...

Content note: This episode includes a description of family violence during a period of acute distress for a young person.

Frank is the first grandfather to share his story on The School Can't Experience Podcast. Over several years, Frank was deeply involved in supporting his daughter and granddaughter through one a difficult School Can't journey. His grand daughter, a young girl who desperately wanted to be at school but simply couldn't get there, and whose distress escalated into crisis. But who found a way through and has gained entry to her Melbourne University course of choice with an ATAR of 89.9.

Frank speaks with honesty about what it was like to watch his daughter's job, wellbeing, and mental health erode under the weight of it all; about the moment he lost patience while trying to get his granddaughter into the car, and also about the "Cone of Silence Milkshake Sessions" that eventually became part of keeping their relationship strong as she found her path.

He also shares the line that changed everything: his granddaughter telling him and her mum, "You're backing the school instead of me. I'm on my own." That moment forced them to ask whose side they were actually on, and once they answered it honestly, things started to shift.

The path forward included stepping away from psychologists who weren't getting to the root of the problem, stopping the pressure to attend school, leaning into what she loved (horses, in particular), getting her into distance education, and encouraging her to get a job at McDonald's  which gave her something school never had: a sense of purpose, earning power, and the discovery that the behaviour tolerated in schools simply wouldn't fly in a workplace.

Frank's message to other grandparents is clear: take your foot off the pedal, stop sending the message that the child is to blame, and start listening. And when your family is in the dark times — there is a way through.

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If this podcast or the School Can’t Australia community has helped you, please consider making a donation or volunteering to help. Find out more here: https://www.schoolcantaustralia.com.au/get-involved#donate

If this episode helped you please take a moment to subscribe, rate, or review the podcast on Spotify or Apple Podcasts. It genuinely helps other School Can't families find us.

If you are a parent of carer in Australia and experiencing distress, please call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or contact the Parent Help Line. - https://kidshelpline.com.au/parents/issues/how-parentline-can-help-you

You can contact us to volunteer to share your School Can't story or some feedback via email on [email protected]

Disclaimer
The content of this podcast is based on personal lived experiences and is shared for informational and storytelling purposes only. It should not be treated as medical, psychological, or professional advice under any circumstances. If you have concerns about your health or well-being, please seek guidance from a doctor, therapist,...