One of the most vital ingredients to keep a relationship going is a capacity for humour.

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“We know by instinct that humour is pretty important in relationships. But the reasons are often left a little vague. It isn’t that we crudely want entertainment – there are enough comedians on TV. We don’t just want a laugh. We want to find a way to be annoyed with, and criticise one another’s most maddening sides without eliciting a drama, with lightness and a special kind of diplomatic immunity…”

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Ana Tortos

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Jacques Derrida was a key philosopher of modern times who made pioneering explorations into the subtexts of our key concepts.

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Produced in collaboration with Mike Booth

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One of the oddest things we need in order to love is a vital ingredient known as self-love.

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“One of the great and slightly strange dangers of falling in love with someone is how we may respond the day they start to love us back.

Some of the reasons we fall in love with people is because we long to escape from ourselves into the embrace of a person who appears as beautiful perfect and accomplished as we feel ourselves to be flawed, dumb and mediocre. But what if such a being were one day turn around and love us back? Nothing could discredit them faster. How could they be as divine as we had hoped when they have the bad taste to approve of someone like us? …”

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Artrake studios

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Are you cheerfully single or catastrophically single? This film explores why some people find peace in solitude while others experience an existential crisis without a partner. Discover how your childhood relationship with your parents dictates your current self-worth, the intensity of your dating app use, and your ability to tolerate your own company. #Psychology #SingleLife #SelfEsteem Unlock all the content of The School of Life with a subscription to our podcast, articles, videos, and exercises, specially tailored to your needs. Get weekly insights for better relationships, deeper self-knowledge, and inner calm straight to your inbox. Sign up for more ideas, plus 10% off your first shop order: https://www.theschooloflife.com/signup/

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“We might posit the existence of two very different kinds of single people: what we could call the cheerfully single on the one hand, and the catastrophically single on the other. The first kind might last have been in a relationship five years ago, or perhaps six or seven, they aren’t really counting at this stage. They hope they might find someone one day, but if they don’t, they could tolerate their own company, possibly till the very end. They have good friends, they go travelling, they pursue their hobbies. In the evening, they make themselves a nourishing dinner for one and sit on their own in the living room, absorbed in an article about ants or a film from Iran…”

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We all long to be truly known, but the paradox of early dating is that total honesty can be perilous. This film explores the art of "emotional editing"—the necessary practice of pacing our most difficult truths so they can be heard. Discover how judicious sequencing allows a partner to first witness our sanity and kindness, creating a safe foundation for eventually sharing our oddities, fragility, and deeper complexities. #DatingTips #EmotionalIntelligence #FirstDateAdvice Unlock all the content of The School of Life with a subscription to our podcast, articles, videos, and exercises, specially tailored to your needs.

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“We are here, ultimately, because we are fed up with being unseen; we have come here to be known, to share our inner lives, for another person to witness us as we really are.

But herein lies a paradox of early dating: if we say too much too soon, if we too readily declare ourselves, if we show now what our last three partners knew by the end, we will be abandoned. Were we to tell them right now - in this pretty restaurant with candlelight and prints of Sicily and an interesting pear and almond tart for later - about the crisis at work, the illness we survived, the sort of sex we’re really interested in, our susceptibility to anxiety and the amount of time we have to spend on work trips and with our families of birth, they will run. The full facts of any life are generally perilous to bear…”

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Diego Lodeiros

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Title animation produced in collaboration with

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We all are, at times, the victims of one of the cruellest and most remorseless of all mental afflictions: obsessive thinking. But why?

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“For some of us, today like every day, will mean another case of immersing ourselves, from the moment we wake up, in a by-now very familiar set of painful thoughts. We will dwell – once again – on how awful we look and more particularly, on how our nose is repulsively proportioned relative to the rest of our face. We will think – once again – of a website we inadvertently visited twelve years ago and how the police might be preparing to close in on, and arrest, us. We will think – once again – of how several of our neighbours (especially the people upstairs) might be colluding to ruin and disgrace us. Or we will think – once again – of something we said to a colleague which we fear they misconstrued and which may well lead them to seek disciplinary action against us at any moment…”

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Natalia Biegaj

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One of the key requirements for having a good chance of finding the right partner is not to mind too much being single.

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“One of the most important principles for choosing a lover sensibly is not to feel in any hurry to make a choice. Being satisfied with being single is a precondition of satisfactory coupledom. We cannot choose wisely when remaining single feels unbearable. We have to be utterly at peace with the prospect of many years of solitude in order to have any chance of forming a good relationship. Or we’ll love no longer being single rather more than we love the partner who spared us being so…”

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Produced in collaboration with:

Sashko Danylenko

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We’re given very little guidance on how to choose our partners and tend to leave it to that mysterious force we know as ‘instinct’. However, it truly pays to be a little more rational in this area and work out how our instincts operate and why they push us towards some people and away from others.

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“How do we choose the people we fall in love with? The Romantic answer is that our instincts naturally guide us to individuals who are kind and good for us. Love is a sort of ecstasy that descends when we feel ourselves in the presence of a benign and nourishing soul, who will answer our emotional needs, understand our sadness and strengthen us for the hard tasks of our lives. In order to locate our lover, we must let our instincts carry us along, taking care never to impede them through pedantic psychological analysis and introspection or else considerations of status, wealth or lineage. Our feelings will tell us clearly enough when we have reached our destiny. To ask someone with any degree of rigour why exactly they have chosen a particular partner is – in the Romantic world-view – simply an unnecessary and offensive misunderstanding of love: true love is an instinct that accurately and naturally settles on those with a capacity to make us happy.…”

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Many of us find our work rather boring and when we do, we tend to blame ourselves. But there are very large-scale reasons, rooted in history and economics, why certain sorts of modern work are both more lucrative and rather more boring than they might have been in the past.

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“One of the overriding reasons why modern work is so boring is that we keep having to do more or less the same thing every day. We have to be specialists, whereas we would – deep in our hearts – surely be so much more fulfilled if we could be wide-ranging, endlessly curious generalists…”

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GM films

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Martin Pickles

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