The Self-Authority Podcast

How to Stop People-Pleasing: Boundaries, Codependency, and Internal Safety with Barb Nangle

On the Self Authority Podcast, host Elaine Belsen talks with boundaries coach and Fragmented to Whole podcast host Barb Nangle about why many women struggle to say no and prioritize their needs without guilt.

Barb shares how inviting a homeless parishioner into her home in 2015 led her to confront lifelong codependency, people-pleasing, and self-abandonment, and how 12-step recovery programs (Al-Anon, CoDA, ACA, and OA) helped her reparent herself, lose over 100 pounds, and build healthy boundaries.

They discuss women’s socialization under patriarchy, approval-seeking disguised as kindness, external versus internal boundaries, creating internal safety through nervous system support, ending gossip and victim mentality, and how changing personal dynamics can ripple into workplaces and culture.

00:00 Why Women Feel Guilty

01:39 Barb Meets Dan

03:22 Discovering Al Anon

05:45 Finding ACA Reparenting

08:47 From Recovery to Boundaries

12:36 Codependent Bottom Moment

16:35 Why Women Struggle

18:44 Approval Seeking Trap

23:10 Internal Safety Boundaries

28:26 When Helpers Feel Guilty

31:51 Gossip Indirect Communication

33:15 Gossip Culture Wakeup

34:02 Quitting Gossip in Recovery

36:01 Taking Ownership at Work

39:16 Resentment as Boundary Signal

41:29 Tools for Self Trust

44:52 Info Not Ammo Mindset

46:14 Reasonable vs Unrealistic Expectations

50:08 Discomfort Growth vs Dysfunction

53:23 Support Systems and Reciprocity

57:53 Changing Culture Through Self Authority

01:01:30 Internal Safety Takeaway

01:03:01 Closing and Listener Outro

At 52, Barb Nangle’s life transformed through 12-step recovery, after decades of therapy merely skimmed the surface. Addressing codependence unlocked healing from intergenerational trauma, childhood wounds, and compulsive overeating. Learning to build healthy boundaries revolutionized her relationships, impacting her professional life at Yale. Formerly masking her struggles with substance use and overeating, she shed over 100 pounds and confronted her deep-seated negativity and fear. Driven by a desire for growth and social justice, Barb now empowers professional women to break patterns of self-neglect. Through boundary coaching, speaking, and her podcast, "Fragmented to Whole," she guides women to build internal safety, reclaim their power and say no to what no longer serves them, fostering a world where inner change drives societal impact.

New internal safety course: "Boundaries That Hold: How to Stop Overriding Yourself in Real Time

Free 30 minute "Say No without Guilt" call: http://barbchat.net/

podcast: https://higherpowercc.com/podcast

https://higherpowercc.com

https://www.linkedin.com/in/barb-nangle

https://www.youtube.com/@higherpowercoaching

What's Draining Your Boundaries Quiz: https://higherpowercc.com/drain/

Connect with Elaine!

LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/elainebelsonlcsw

Free Discovery Call: https://zcal.co/esbelsonlcswc/15min

Website: https://www.TheSelfAuthorityCoach.com

Elaine Belson talks with coach and podcast host Leann Herron about rebuilding her life after multiple upheavals at 45, including the end of a 20-year marriage, leaving a misaligned career, bankruptcy, and becoming an empty nester.

Leann describes how abandonment and betrayal trauma fueled people-pleasing, loss of identity, and difficulty using her voice, and shares experiences of infidelity, family betrayal involving a custody battle, and workplace invalidation that culminated in severe panic and quitting her job.

She explains how stepping away allowed her to focus on healing through meditation, breathwork, nutrition, somatic and energy-based practices, and learning tools to regulate anxiety, set boundaries, and trust instincts. Leanne now coaches others, emphasizing that healing is coming home to yourself and giving yourself permission to change.

00:00 When Life Collapses

01:14 Leanne’s Fresh Start

03:18 Losing Identity

05:38 Roots of Abandonment

07:46 Betrayal Trauma Unpacked

11:27 Workplace Trigger Spiral

15:18 Trust Your Gut

18:57 Healing After Quitting

23:33 Tools Beyond Talk Therapy

26:19 Energy Work and Voice

30:58 Coaching and New Life

35:25 Advice at Crossroads

39:22 Starting Over With Power

42:59 Key Takeaways and Closing

Leann Herron is a Certified Life and Holistic Health Coach, founder of Finding Resilience with Leann, and the Host of the Happiness On Tap podcast. She is a passionate advocate for women's health and empowerment, specializing in guiding midlife women to break free from the cycle of over-giving and the stories that keep them stuck, to manage stress, and to enhancing their overall well-being so they can create a life that truly fulfills them—body, mind, and spirit. 

Leann has a deep background in trauma recovery, holistic health, and personal development. She has helped numerous women break free from the cycle of over-giving and step into a life of balance, joy, and purpose. Through her women-centered transformative 90-day programs, she empowers women to finally say YES to themselves—without guilt.

Connect with Leann!

Website: https://findingresiliencewithleann.com  

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/leannherron/

Podcast – Happiness On Tap: https://findingresiliencewithleann.com/podcast 

Connect with Elaine!

LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/elainebelsonlcsw

Free Discovery Call: https://zcal.co/esbelsonlcswc/15min

Website: https://www.TheSelfAuthorityCoach.com

Elaine Belson hosts the Self Authority Podcast with executive coach, author, and former HR executive Marlo Lyons to explore why high-achieving women struggle to trust their own authority and keep waiting for external validation.

Marlo recounts her path from TV news to law and entertainment at NBC and Viacom/Paramount, where she coached executives behind the scenes yet was overlooked for credit, reinforcing her drive to over-perform and feel indispensable.

She contrasts being needed with being valued, explains how women often tie worth to productivity and recognition, and describes over-functioning as a way to stay emotionally safe.

After being called back to the office post-COVID and declining available roles, she bet on herself, built her coaching business, and found greater fulfillment by listening to intuition, using her voice, and separating worth from output.

00:00 Why Women Wait

01:51 Marlo’s Career Path

04:33 Credit Stolen at Work

06:27 Betting on Herself

08:52 Needed vs Valued

14:12 Performing vs Power

16:57 Stop Using Mirrors

20:59 Designing Her Days

25:00 Body Signals and Voice

29:00 Ignoring Intuition Costs

30:28 Oxygen Mask Self Care

32:17 Recharge Your Capacity

33:49 Balance Over Supermom

36:44 Emotions As Data

38:25 Ban The Shoulds

40:31 Coaching Quiet Voices

42:12 Worth Beyond Output

43:44 Reframe Mistakes Learning

46:46 Advice To Younger Self

50:33 How To Reach Marlo

51:31 Needed Versus Valued

55:26 Podcast Closing Message

Connect with Marlo!

Website: https://wwwmarlolyonscoaching.com

Podcast: Work Unscripted: https://www.marlolyonscoaching.com/podcast

Award-winning, bestselling author:

Wanted: A Board Career: https://amzn.to/4ckbxpA

Wanted: A New Career: https://amzn.to/3FjnsG4

Wanted: My First Career: https://amzn.to/41gcc68

Connect with Elaine!

LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/elainebelsonlcsw

Website: https://www.theselfauthoritycoach.com/

Schedule a free 15-min discovery call: https://zcal.co/esbelsonlcswc/15min

Perfectionism, Over‑Independence & Finding Your Voice | Elaine Belson with Jessica Cumming

Elaine Belson hosts Jessica Cumming to explore why many women tie worth and love to achievement and perfection.

Jessica shares how feeling overlooked as the only girl among male cousins, being told she’d never amount to anything, and growing up largely alone shaped her perfectionism, over-independence, fear of disappointing others, and reluctance to ask for help—patterns that later influenced major career decisions and contributed to burnout and hesitation.

They discuss how women are often judged differently when speaking up, the importance of self-validation and focusing on root causes and non-negotiables when making decisions about jobs or relationships, and reframing layoffs and other losses.

Jessica explains her “unapologetic mindset” framework—your voice is your power, confidence is an action, and putting yourself first isn’t selfish—and emphasizes modeling change for future generations.

00:00 Why Perfection Feels Required

01:28 Jessica Origin Story

02:20 Proving Yourself Through Achievement

03:06 Turning Down The Dream Job

05:30 Over Independence As Survival

06:45 Why Women Stay Quiet

11:48 When Confidence Gets Shot Down

13:30 Unapologetic Mindset Framework

15:36 Second Guessing And Seeking Advice

18:38 Layoffs Identity And Perspective

20:31 Root Cause And Non Negotiables

22:26 Reinventing Work And Relationships

23:51 Career Pivot Booklet

24:16 Unapologetic Training

25:03 Dell Story Speaking Up

26:47 Assertive Scripts Practice

27:19 Meeting Pushback Example

29:46 Facts Over Feelings

34:14 Stop Hesitating Speak Early

35:51 Mind Reading And Boundaries

39:38 Legacy And Owning Gaps

43:29 Connect And Final Wrap

Connect with Jessica!

LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/jessicacumming04/

We Are Women Unapologetically podcast: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oN0IdbNTYOQ&list=PLArOnUYs4_0pxDmP3a1m0HxOyUOv0n07p

Website: https://www.jcnewbeginnings.com

Get a free booklet on managing career changes: https://www.jcnewbeginnings.com/from-layoff-to-legacyConnect with Elaine!

LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/elainebelsonlcsw

Free Discovery Call: https://zcal.co/esbelsonlcswc/15min

Website: https://www.TheSelfAuthorityCoach.com

Host Elaine Belson welcomes executive career and business coach and two-time bestselling author Liz M. Lopez to discuss why many women struggle to claim their victories and wait for external validation.

Coach Liz shares how a female CIO minimized a major revenue-driving achievement after being told to “stay in your lane,” inspiring Liz’s book, Permission to Dominate Your Success, and its seven “permissions,” including permission to fail, take support, and walk away.

They explore how conditioning, fear of disapproval, negative self-talk, people-pleasing, and identity-based approval-seeking keep women small, including taking on non-promotable work.

Coach Liz recounts leaving a high-paying corporate job that was harming her wellbeing, and emphasizes separating job identity from career, asking clearly for support, and honoring dreams rather than settling.

00:00 Why Women Downplay Wins

01:04 CIO Story and Resume Win

04:02 Where Hesitancy Comes From

06:55 Permission to Fail Mindset

09:02 Seven Permissions Framework

11:10 Trust Instincts and Walk Away

17:07 Honoring Dreams and Regrets

20:53 Non Promotable Work Trap

24:28 Permission to Walk Away

29:58 Permission to Take Support

34:27 Asking for Help and Boundaries

38:35 Final Takeaway and Wrap Up

Liz M. Lopez is an Executive Career & Business Coach, Speaker, and 2XBestselling Author who guides corporate professionals and business owners into their next level of success through strategic and practical frameworks. She loves connecting with colleagues!

Connect with Liz!

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lizmlopez/

Website: www.LizMLopez.com

Free Discovery Call: https://schedulesessionwithlizmlopez.as.me/

Book: Permission to Dominate Your Success: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0DL2FPW8S

Connect with Elaine!

LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/elainebelsonlcsw

Free Discovery Call: https://zcal.co/esbelsonlcswc/15min

Website: https://www.TheSelfAuthorityCoach.com