🌿 This podcast is now archived, but these conversations around self-awareness and self-compassion still matter deeply.
I now continue this work on Anchored & Alive with Blaze, a seasonal approach to emotional regulation, burnout recovery, and building a steady, supportive relationship with yourself. Listen here.
Society trains us to believe that more is always better. More money, more food, more time, more ideas, more friends, more fame. And if we don’t have those things, we feel let down and disappointed. Not with society, but with ourselves. But more is not better. It’s just more. What do you actually want in your life?
00:50 What is it about More that is so enticing? To understand that, we can start with unpacking what is Less.
01:40 When I am comparing myself between what someone else has and I don’t have yet, I am afraid that there isn’t enough for me to have that, too.
02:11 This feeling of lack triggers panic that makes me decide I have to work really hard to ensure that there is space for me and I can have more, too.
02:30 If I am not seen and noticed, what if I am not important?
03:31 How many of us share the same fear of dying at the concept of being ignored and forgotten?
03:51 The need for stuff is actually about a need for people; for support when we are at our worst. When we fear people won’t be there for us, we cram our lives full of stuff.
04:26 So much of our desire for objects and things comes down to a desire for connection with others and to be seen and deemed important.
04:45 It’s not enough to like something, what I really want is for someone else to like it with me.
05:19 Our first thought isn’t, “They didn’t like what I said.” It’s “They don’t like me.”
05:44 While I want to act immediately to coerce the other person to agree with me, I don’t have to fight my own feelings of fear. The other person isn’t automatically wrong by not sharing my opinion. And I am not actually in danger of dying just because they didn’t like my favorite TV show.
06:12 Coercing others into agreeing with you is a misguided way of trying to create more acceptance, more love, more friends, more harmony.
06:38 A pattern most of us have is looking for more of almost anything to make us feel better when we perceive a lack of acceptance, resonance, or agreement.
07:01 How often do we want to buy something or fill our time with something to avoid feelings of lack or loneliness?
07:11 It’s deeply uncomfortable to have to sit in silence and provide myself with peace, love, and acceptance. I’d really rather someone else gave me that instead.
07:57 Can I be OK with others not liking my ideas or actions if I had fun and enjoyed them? Can I accept myself in the perceived absence of others’ acceptance?
08:08 What if each moment doesn’t have to be everything for everyone, or even everything for myself?
08:11 Can I be OK with a little less? Fewer accolades, less noise, fewer things to do, and less encouragement?
08:30 Sometimes my answer is no, I want to stress and panic about it. And it’s OK to fill my time with that, even though more panic and stress are definitely not better.
08:50 If I allow all of my feelings to go through, I end up feeling safer. That there is space for me and all of my feelings, even when the worst has happened.
09:30 Having more and scrambling for more tends to drown out the real feelings underneath.
09:50 Filling my time until it’s too busy now al
If this episode supported you, you may enjoy my current work on Anchored & Alive with Blaze, where these ideas are explored through seasonal rhythms and deeper integration.
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