Who do you become, when everything you own has been taken away you?

I heard this question for the first time while listening to Oprah’s “Super Soul Sunday” podcast. The topic was self-actualization, but of the truest nature. And by “true” I am referring to the discovery of essence - basically who you are, when you're not performing on the world stage.

It took me five years to arrive at an answer. Five years that were spent healing and hurting. We are talking about 1,825 days of redemptive suffering - a period of mayhmem and transformation.

But I made it to other side and found my roots.

Press play now to find out more about my discoveries.

Heavy is the burden carried by a child borne out of wedlock to a pair of youthful souls chasing adventure.

Your fate becomes single parenthood, and you will most likely be shipped elsewhere for rearing.

You may be loved, but you will always have questions - why did you throw me away? - was I not good enough for you to raise on your own? - or did you have times where you wish I didn’t disrupt your youth by coming into this world?

This was my story - and I finally found the courage to ask my mother the hard questions.

Press play now to hear more.

So I have spent years fantasizing about Prince Charming and now he is here.

In the flesh - outside of my head - and right inside my arms.

There is joy.

There is excitement.

There is healing.

But also a lot of anxiety as I try to answer some very difficult questions:

How do I know that I am prepared for true love?

How do I keep it? Hold space for it?

How do I get over the fear of loosing it?

How do I prevent self sabotage?

As with all things, it took pain for me to understand more about this thing we call "true love." It took a broken heart.

I realized that I was chasing an idea instead of waiting for the universe to provide what I needed - what was meant for me.

I still don't know what true love is. I have no idea what makes it "true" or what makes it "love."

But I do know myself that much more. And I'm now here to share the lessons that I've learned.

Press play and don't forget to share this offering with your tribe.

Finding love seems to be one of those impossible myths and yet the evidence shows that it is possible.

But how do you get there?

This the question that I've been asking myself for years. So I decided to create a miniseries exploring the notion of true love - but as a queer construct. Our first segment will be lead by Jordan Chanetsa (pronouns: she/her).

Jordan is a gift to the human rights movement of Zimbabwe. She is fighting for trans visibility in a country known for demonizing queer identities. She is also a writer - survivor - activist - talk show host -  pop culture enthusiast - sister - friend - goddess - matchmaker - shoulder to lean on - truth teller - and more. 

Go ahead and press play and don't forget to share the episode with your tribe.

My relationship with my grandmother ended when I came out. I became nothing to her. So I decided to write a letter because I had a lot of rage to process. Naturally, my first draft had a lot of anger in it, but somehow I made my way towards a place of gratitude. I never sent the letter and I never will because I did this for myself.

I have now decided to release the letter specifically for that queer black boy searching for the right words - or even just a place to start.

Please understand that everything that I say stems from my experiences with internalized homophobia - my own, hers, and everyone else's. The content may also trigger some painful memories for you. If it does, please take a break so that you can attend to your mental health.

P.S. - The episode is an audio extract from a YouTube that I made. Just search "Dear Grandma: A Coming Out Manifesto For The Queer Black Boy."

High school crushes, Masturbation, Backyard Experiments, Porn, First-time jitters, Threesomes, Sex parties, Raw Sex, Intimacy, Pleasure, Boundaries, Chemistry, Connection

Sexual Freedom.

This is what you’ll get when you listen to this episode. One of my friends Vladimir was gracious enough to lend his truth to the subject matter of queer sex. We both wanted to sit down and talk about our desires just as freely as our heterosexual comrades. Our perspective as gay men was limited of course but there were so many underlying messages with universal appeal. 

So press play and don’t forget to share the episode with your tribe!

I connected with one of my friends @kaispadamshi (he/him/his) to talk about shame as experienced through the eyes of a queer African man. All of us are thrown into this correctional facility by a society that doesn’t want us to exist. 

We are branded as genetic mistakes - sodomites - scum of the earth - all because of a code that has existed since the beginning of time. One that has protected the institution of toxic masculinity.

We also come from a continent that was raised to hate itself. Our lands are sitting on top of a mass graveyard of self hate - a pit dug by the oppressor. 

All of this creates a war inside our bodies - a death race with SHAME.

Some of us make it out alive, and some of us don’t.

Here’s the story of one survivor.

#TheSelfLoveMonologues

For this episode I sat down with my bestfriend Kemi and we talked about our lives as openly gay African men. It is a tough life to lead and I am so grateful to have him as a companion. Tune in for a good kiki and don't forget to share the episode with your tribe.

My journey towards self love started with a death wish. That death wish became a demon that I couldn’t shake and it followed me everywhere. All I could think about was killing myself. But then I hit rock bottom and at that point in my life I had two choices - stay down or rise. And so I rose and fought. I fought trauma; I fought addiction; I fought fear; I fought doubt; I fought regret.

After a long battle I claimed my victory with support from my ancestors, family and friends. But I knew the work wasn’t done. I had to do more - which is how this podcast was born. With it I became an activist for self love. I pledged my life to a movement in charge of protecting your first natural right:

Your right to survive. 

Tune into this episode to hear more of my story and don't forget to share with your tribe because you never know whose light you're turning on.