Episode 17: Intergenerational Healing with Xeres

Welcome to The Shadow Side with Safrianna, where we illuminate what others too often keep hidden in the dark. I'm Safrianna Lughna - licensed therapist, CEO of Living LUNAs, and your guide into the world of shadow work.

In this episode, my guest Xeres Villanueva and I explore the complex journey of intergenerational healing, examining how generational trauma ripples through families and communities while also discovering pathways to liberation. Xeres shares her transformative story of deep self-inquiry, beginning with her grandmother's death in 2014, which initiated a profound process of uncovering family dysfunction, medical challenges, and the reclamation of ancestral wisdom.

We dive into how community-based art became a vehicle for healing, the importance of understanding our own privilege and marginalization, and how personal shadow work naturally evolves into activism and justice work. Xeres discusses her journey from struggling with identity within patriarchal Christianity to reclaiming pre-colonial Filipino spiritual practices and priesthood that honors community empowerment rather than control.

This conversation beautifully illustrates how knowing ourselves deeply—including our sticky places and areas beaten down by society—leads to authentic justice work. We explore how white men's lack of questioning themselves perpetuates systems of harm, while marginalized communities are forced into the gift of deep self-inquiry that becomes the foundation for collective liberation.

This podcast is for anyone ready to explore uncomfortable truths, do the inner work, and contribute to collective healing. If you're tired of surface-level conversations and ready to go deeper, this is your space.

GUEST INFO:

Xeres Villanueva is a leadership development coach and community organizer based in Los Angeles who serves clients everywhere. Her work supports people in discovering their genius and creating lives and work that honor their journey of liberating their soul. Xeres focuses on ancestrally rooted and culturally rooted approaches to transformation.

With extensive experience in community organizing, nonprofit organizational development, and small business support, Xeres brings a deep understanding of how systemic change and personal healing intersect.

Connect with Xeres:

Email: [email protected]

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/the_estuary_constellations

YouTube: www.youtube.com/@theestuaryconstellations1228

LinkTree: https://linktr.ee/xvilla1228

Contact: [email protected] | Safrianna.com | LivingLUNAs.com

**Content Warning: This episode discusses bullying, emotional abuse, childhood trauma, and mentions of violence. Please practice self-care while listening.

Welcome to The Shadow Side with Safrianna, where we illuminate what others too often keep hidden in the dark. I'm Safrianna Lughna - licensed therapist, CEO of Living LUNAs, and your guide into the world of shadow work.

In this powerful episode, I sit down with Dāli Rivera, parenting coach and bullying awareness advocate, to tackle one of the most pervasive yet under-addressed issues facing our children and communities: bullying. With a mental health epidemic affecting young people and bullying playing a significant role, this conversation couldn't be more timely or necessary.

Dāli shares her expertise on recognizing bullying behaviors, understanding their long-term impacts, and most importantly, giving parents and kids practical tools to stand up against bullying wherever it appears. We explore how bullying erodes self-worth over time, creating patterns that follow people into adulthood and affect everything from career choices to relationship dynamics.

What We Discuss:

— How bullying impacts develop over time, from childhood through adulthood

— The connection between self-love, boundaries, and standing up to bullies

— Practical scripts and responses kids can use when facing bullying

— Why some populations face disproportionately higher rates of bullying

— The importance of teaching emotional regulation and conflict resolution

— How cultural patterns around authority can enable or prevent bullying

— Why bullies need help too, and what happens when they don't get it

— Red flags for parents to watch for in their children's behavior

— How to respond when your child reports being bullied (and what NOT to say)

— The critical role of at least one supportive person in a bullied child's life

— Digital citizenship and cyber bullying in our connected world

— How self-advocacy for ourselves advocates for everyone else

Dāli brings both professional expertise and raw honesty to this conversation, breaking down the micro-habits and cultural patterns that allow bullying to thrive. From recognizing backhanded compliments to understanding gaslighting, she provides vocabulary and frameworks that help both kids and adults name what's happening to them.

We also address the uncomfortable truth that bullying isn't just a "kids being kids" issue - it's a form of abuse with serious, lasting consequences. The 84-year-old man still crying about high school bullying. The parent triggered by their child's experience because of their own unhealed wounds. The patterns of accepting mistreatment that begin when we're told we're not worth standing up for.

This episode is essential listening for parents, educators, anyone working with children, and adults still carrying the weight of childhood bullying experiences. It's also for anyone who wants to understand how the patterns of accepting abuse begin early and how we can interrupt those cycles.

About Dāli Rivera:

Dāli Rivera is a parenting coach specializing in bullying awareness and prevention. She founded her organization and the Diversity and Anti-Bullying Academy in 2017, though her work in this space began long before. Dāli is passionate about teaching families that bullying is a form of abuse that can be life-altering, starting as early as preschool and contributing significantly to the current mental health epidemic among young people.

Through her work, Dāli provides parents, educators, and children with concrete tools for recognizing, responding to, and preventing bullying. She emphasizes teaching self-love, boundary-setting, and emotional intelligence from an early age. Her book, Confident Bulletproof Kids, offers scenarios, prompts, and practical scripts to help families navigate difficult conversations and build confidence in children.

Dāli advocates for addressing bullying at its roots - teaching empathy, kindness, and emotional regulation while also supporting bullies themselves, who are often hurting and lack proper role models. Her research-informed approach highlights how conservative social environments correlate with increased bullying against LGBTQ+ youth, Black and brown children, and girls, and she works tirelessly to create safer spaces for all children.

Beyond prevention, Dāli helps families understand the long-term impacts of bullying and provides pathways for healing. She believes that with the right support - even just one trusted person - children can overcome bullying experiences and thrive.

Connect with Dāli:

Instagram: @DaliTalks

Website: DaliTalks.com

Book: Confident Bulletproof Kids (available on Amazon)

https://www.dalitalks.com/store

https://www.amazon.com/Confident-Bully-Proof-Kids-Workbook-Parents/dp/B0CGKVFW8V?ref_=ast_author_mpb

This podcast is for anyone ready to explore uncomfortable truths, do the inner work, and contribute to collective healing. If you're tired of surface-level conversations and ready to go deeper, this is your space.

Contact: [email protected] | Safrianna.com | LivingLUNAs.com

Resources:

Join the Passionista Sisterhood: https://go.lunatrk.com/aff_c?offer_id=2695&aff_id=2966

The Passionistas Podcast - https://www.thepassionistasproject.com/passionistaspodcast

Passionista TV Network - https://www.youtube.com/@ThePassionistasProject/

Contact: [email protected] | Safrianna.com | LivingLUNAs.com

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Episode 15: Creating Inclusive Community with the Passionistas

Welcome to The Shadow Side with Safrianna, where we illuminate what others too often keep hidden in the dark. I'm Safrianna Lughna - licensed therapist, CEO of Living LUNAs, and your guide into the world of shadow work.

In this episode, originally recorded in early 2025, I sat down with sisters Amy and Nancy Harrington, co-founders of the Passionista Project—a truly inclusive community that launched in 2024. We dove deep into the messy, beautiful reality of building spaces where women from all backgrounds can show up authentically without perfection.

I've been a member of the Passionista Sisterhood since late 2024, and throughout 2025, this community became one of my anchors. Amy and Nancy's approach to building inclusive space has profoundly influenced how I show up in my own community work—and this conversation captures why.

Amy and Nancy shared their journey from entertainment industry careers to creating a sisterhood built on one core rule: kindness.

We explored the uncomfortable truth that building inclusive communities means sometimes excluding those who can't practice tolerance, the difference between healthy community and cult-like control, and why rupture and repair—not just harmony—creates real connection.

This conversation tackled the hard questions: How do you create space for difficult conversations? What do you do when members disagree? How do you handle the paradox of being inclusive while standing for something?

In This Episode, We Discussed:

- Why conformity destroys community (and Amy's experience being "one of the guys")

- The catalyst moment: how the 2016 election and Me Too movement sparked their mission

- Building community through listening rather than prescribing answers

- The difference between cults and community

- Why people weed themselves out when kindness is non-negotiable

This podcast is for anyone ready to explore uncomfortable truths, do the inner work, and contribute to collective healing. If you're tired of surface-level conversations and ready to go deeper, this is your space.

Guest Information:

Amy and Nancy Harrington are sisters, entertainment industry veterans, and co-founders of the Passionista Project. They've conducted over 1,500 celebrity interviews, host the Passionistas Podcast, run annual Women's Equality Summits, and created the Passionista Sisterhood—an online community where women from diverse backgrounds connect, support each other, and lift each other up. Learn more at https://www.thepassionistasproject.com/

Episode 14: The Season of Darkness with Camille A. Saunders

Welcome to The Shadow Side with Safrianna, where we illuminate what others too often keep hidden in the dark. I'm Safrianna Lughna - licensed therapist, CEO of Living LUNAs, and your guide into the world of shadow work.

In this episode, sex and relationships therapist Camille A. Saunders joins me to explore winter as a season of rest, reflection, and necessary darkness. We discuss how modern society's relentless productivity demands clash with nature's call to hibernate, and why honoring seasonal rhythms is essential for our physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual wellbeing.

Together, we examine the pressure to maintain high energy during the darkest time of year, the importance of setting boundaries during holiday obligations, and how to find balance between preparation and actual rest. Camille shares her experience navigating winter in the Pacific Northwest, while I discuss the grief and family dynamics that often surface during this season.

We explore winter through four bodies—physical (managing darkness and vitamin D), mental (resisting premature goal-setting), emotional (allowing the full range of feelings including grief), and spiritual (going inward for reflection and shadow work). This conversation challenges the commercialized holiday hustle and invites listeners to honor winter as a time for genuine hibernation and inner work.

This podcast is for anyone ready to explore uncomfortable truths, do the inner work, and contribute to collective healing. If you're tired of surface-level conversations and ready to go deeper, this is your space.

Contact: [email protected] | Safrianna.com | LivingLUNAs.com

Guest Bio

About Camille A. Saunders

Camille A. Saunders is a sex and relationships therapist, gardener, cat mom, witch, and bisexual human navigating life in the Pacific Northwest. She brings a holistic approach to her therapeutic work, honoring the intersection of nature's rhythms, personal healing, and relational wellbeing. Camille believes in creating space for the full range of human emotions and experiences, particularly during challenging seasons—both literal and metaphorical. https://www.camilleasaunders.com/

Looking for Ways to Connect with the Wheel of the Year? Join Safrianna and Dr. Melissa Bird for their eight ritual series. For more information, visit: https://safrianna.com/seasonal

Breaking the Cycle of Violence with Heartly House - The Shadow Side Ep. 13

Content Warning: This episode discusses intimate partner violence, child abuse, sexual assault, human trafficking, and trauma in detail. Please care for yourself while listening.

In this essential episode, licensed trauma therapist and domestic violence survivor Safrianna Lughna sits down with Caroline Dato, MSW (she/her) and Natalie Feit (she/her) from Heartly House, a nonprofit agency providing free services to survivors of intimate partner violence, child abuse, sexual violence, and human trafficking in Frederick County, Maryland.

Drawing on both her clinical expertise and lived experience, Safrianna creates space for an honest, comprehensive conversation about the realities of intimate partner violence, the barriers survivors face when trying to leave, and the pervasive nature of abuse in our society.

In This Episode, We Discuss:

— The difference between domestic violence and intimate partner violence

— Why it takes survivors an average of seven times to leave an abusive relationship

— The cycle of violence and why the "honeymoon phase" keeps people trapped

— How financial abuse occurs in many intimate partner violence cases

— The connection between childhood abuse and adult abusive relationships

— Why male survivors of childhood sexual abuse take 20-25 years on average to come forward

— The role of consent in preventing all forms of violence

— Human trafficking realities that don't match the stereotypes

— How to support survivors without re-traumatizing them

— The power of simply saying "I believe you"

Caroline and Natalie share information about Heartly House's comprehensive services including their 24/7 hotline, emergency shelter, counseling, case management, youth prevention team, abuser intervention program, and support for secondary survivors (those supporting survivors in their lives).

This conversation goes beyond awareness to provide practical education on recognizing abuse, understanding trauma responses like freezing, and building community support that can literally change the trajectory of a survivor's healing journey.

Guest Bios:

Caroline Dato, MSW (she/her) is the Community Engagement and Prevention Lead at Heartly House, where she trains individuals who live, work, or go to school in Frederick County on supporting survivors and recognizing abuse patterns.

Natalie Fight (she/her) is a Bachelor of Arts student majoring in social work at Hood College and served as a Community Engagement Intern at Heartly House.

This podcast is for anyone ready to explore uncomfortable truths, do the inner work, and contribute to collective healing. Connect with Safrianna at [email protected] | Safrianna.com | LivingLUNAs.com

Resources:

Heartly House 24/7 Hotline: 301-662-8800

If you live outside Frederick County, Maryland, you can still call the hotline to be connected with resources in your area.

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233

RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network): 1-800-656-4673

National Human Trafficking Hotline: 1-888-373-7888

Episode 12: Dating and Trauma with Miran Dalley

In this illuminating episode, licensed therapist Safrianna Lughna sits down with Miran Dalley, fellow therapist and owner of Inner Self Healing Center and coach for Healing Hearts Dating, to explore how trauma impacts our dating lives and relationships.

Drawing from their professional expertise and personal experiences, Safrianna and Miran discuss the concerning trends they've observed in online dating communities—where fear, hypervigilance, and misused terminology like "narcissist" and "gaslighting" have created a culture of disconnection rather than connection.

In This Episode, We Discuss:

- How past trauma creates patterns that show up in new relationships

- The difference between genuine red flags and trauma responses

- Why seeking validation from Facebook groups can increase anxiety

- How to distinguish between your intuition and your trauma telling you stories

- The importance of communication over "testing" your partners

- Why instant gratification culture makes dating harder

- Breaking free from gender norms and societal expectations in relationships

- Building self-love as the foundation for healthy partnerships

- The "burned haystack method" and why immediate rejection isn't always the answer

Miran shares wisdom about finding connection instead of disconnection, staying curious instead of defensive, and empowering ourselves to set boundaries while remaining open to authentic relationships.

This podcast is for anyone ready to explore uncomfortable truths, do the inner work, and contribute to collective healing. If you're tired of surface-level conversations and ready to go deeper, this is your space.

Connect with Miran Dalley:

Inner Self Healing Center - https://www.innerselfhealing.center/

Healing Hearts Dating: https://HealingHeartsD­ating.com

Connect with Safrianna:

[email protected] | https://Safrianna.com

Episode 12: Dating and Trauma with Miran Dalley

In this illuminating episode, licensed therapist Safrianna Lughna sits down with Miran Dalley, fellow therapist and owner of Inner Self Healing Center and coach for Healing Hearts Dating, to explore how trauma impacts our dating lives and relationships.

Drawing from their professional expertise and personal experiences, Safrianna and Miran discuss the concerning trends they've observed in online dating communities—where fear, hypervigilance, and misused terminology like "narcissist" and "gaslighting" have created a culture of disconnection rather than connection.

In This Episode, We Discuss:

- How past trauma creates patterns that show up in new relationships

- The difference between genuine red flags and trauma responses

- Why seeking validation from Facebook groups can increase anxiety

- How to distinguish between your intuition and your trauma telling you stories

- The importance of communication over "testing" your partners

- Why instant gratification culture makes dating harder

- Breaking free from gender norms and societal expectations in relationships

- Building self-love as the foundation for healthy partnerships

- The "burned haystack method" and why immediate rejection isn't always the answer

Miran shares wisdom about finding connection instead of disconnection, staying curious instead of defensive, and empowering ourselves to set boundaries while remaining open to authentic relationships.

This podcast is for anyone ready to explore uncomfortable truths, do the inner work, and contribute to collective healing. If you're tired of surface-level conversations and ready to go deeper, this is your space.

Connect with Miran Dalley:

Inner Self Healing Center - https://www.innerselfhealing.center/

Healing Hearts Dating: https://HealingHeartsD­ating.com

Connect with Safrianna:

[email protected] | https://Safrianna.com

Episode 11: The Power of Self-Love Vs. Neglect

In this deeply personal and timely episode, licensed trauma therapist Safrianna Lughna addresses the critical importance of self-care versus self-neglect during times of collective turmoil.

Recording during a period of significant political upheaval in early 2025, Safrianna explores how systems of oppression benefit from our depletion and how reclaiming our power starts with genuine self-love.

Drawing on her own journey of leaving a burnout-inducing therapy practice and rebuilding a soul-aligned business, Safrianna discusses how society trains us into self-sacrifice through productivity culture, hustle mentality, and the false promise of external validation. She reveals how chronic self-neglect manifests in our bodies, leading to conditions like fibromyalgia and burnout, and shares her personal experience with medical debt that further trapped her in exhausting cycles.

Key Topics Explored:

— How self-neglect keeps us from challenging injustice and creating change

— The difference between performative, consumer-based self-care and genuine rest

— Understanding body wisdom and what our physical symptoms are trying to tell us

— The power of boundaries as acts of self-love (not restrictions on others)

— Ancient wisdom about sustainable caregiving and community care

— Practical, free tools for self-care including breathwork and the "no tiger twist"

— The critical phrase: "If someone does not respect your no, they do not deserve your yes"

— How intergenerational trauma shapes our relationship with productivity and self-worth

Safrianna pulls three oracle card readings that emphasize the need for evolution, personal connection with the divine, coming together in harmony, and clearing karmic patterns. She challenges listeners to anchor into unconditional love—not as passive acceptance, but as a radical act that honors boundaries while refusing to participate in cycles of harm.

This episode is essential listening for anyone experiencing burnout, struggling to set boundaries, or wondering how to maintain their energy and values during overwhelming times.

Safrianna's ultimate message is that true resistance and lasting change require us to care for ourselves first, so we have the capacity to show up for collective healing.

Content Note: This episode discusses burnout, chronic illness, medical debt, political stress, and systemic oppression.

This podcast is for anyone ready to explore uncomfortable truths, do the inner work, and contribute to collective healing. If you're tired of surface-level conversations and ready to go deeper, this is your space.

Contact: [email protected] | https://Safrianna.com | https://LivingLUNAs.com

Recognizing Authoritarian Control - The Shadow Side with Safrianna Ep. 10

Licensed trauma therapist and domestic violence survivor Safrianna Lughna delivers an essential education on recognizing authoritarian control wherever it appears—from intimate relationships to religious organizations, from hobby groups to governmental systems.

Drawing on her extensive background working in domestic violence shelters and surviving cult-like control herself, Safrianna breaks down the BITE Model of Authoritarian Control from Freedom of Mind: Behavior, Information, Thought, and Emotion control. She reveals how these manipulation tactics show up not just in obvious cults, but in churches, families, social groups, and political structures.

As someone who has both provided clinical services to abuse survivors and personally escaped controlling environments, Safrianna brings clarity to patterns many people don't realize they're experiencing. She explores how control can appear innocuous at first—dictating hairstyles, limiting information sources, discouraging questions—before escalating to more severe manipulation and harm.

She Discusses:

— The four pillars of the BITE Model: Behavior, Information, Thought, and Emotion control

— How behavior control ranges from dress codes to physical punishment

— Information manipulation through censorship, propaganda, and limiting outside sources

— Thought control tactics like "us vs. them" narratives and thought-stopping clichés

— Emotional manipulation through guilt, fear, love bombing, and phobic indoctrination

— Why questioning authority is healthy, not disrespectful

— How "us vs. them" thinking enables authoritarian control

— Red flags that distinguish healthy community from cult-like control

— The difference between chosen community participation and coerced conformity

— Why people who grew up in trauma are especially vulnerable to these patterns

— Practical ways to recognize if you're in a controlling situation

— Resources for exiting negative environments

Safrianna Lughna is a licensed trauma therapist, coach, healer, author, and speaker dedicated to helping people recognize manipulation and reclaim their autonomy. She combines clinical expertise with lived experience to illuminate the shadows we don't want to talk about.

Connect with Safrianna and find support resources at https://livinglunas.com & https://safrianna.com

For information on the BITE Model, visit https://freedomofmind.com

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 (thehotline.org)

988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Call or text 988

Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741

Connect with Ikenna: https://www.ikennagraycounseling.com/

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The Truth About Hierarchy

It's Time to Break Free from Artificial Power Structures!

Join licensed trauma therapist Safrianna Lughna and counselor Ikenna as they dive deep into the destructive nature of artificial hierarchies that divide and control our society.

In this powerful episode of The Shadow Side, they expose how hierarchical thinking creates an "us versus them" mentality that keeps us disconnected from our true collective potential.

They Discussed:

— How hierarchies are human-created constructs that don't exist in nature

— The origins of us versus them mentality in childhood and societal systems

— Inherited power structures and how they perpetuate inequality

— The myth of human supremacy and our relationship with the natural world

— How curiosity and unconditional love can break down hierarchical barriers

— Practical ways to recognize and challenge hierarchical thinking

This conversation challenges everything you thought you knew about social structures, power, and human connection. Safrianna and Ikenna offer a radical vision of equality that goes beyond surface-level diversity to true mutual understanding.

This podcast is for anyone ready to explore uncomfortable truths, do the inner work, and contribute to collective healing. If you're tired of surface-level conversations and ready to go deeper, this is your space.

Contact: [email protected] | https://Safrianna.com