The Shameless Life Podcast

Here’s my tips:

1. Take Small Steps and Ignore Big Drama

Perfectionism loves drama. You’ll start to notice that even before you’ve taken any steps toward fulfilling a dream, perfectionism will chime in with endless, berating questions.

You can scare yourself into stuckness by assuming you have to make radical life changes in order to make progress. You don’t. Real change is practically invisible as it’s happening. No trumpets sound. A marching band will not play at your door. Meaningful progress doesn’t feel particularly exciting. Most days, it feels like work. You show up, grind it out (sometimes joyfully, sometimes not), and repeat. So keep your eye on the prize: Take small steps daily and steer clear of big drama.

2. Plan Ahead For Problems

No matter how organized or motivated you are, things will knock you off track. From illness to technology fails to everyday interruptions, there will be loads of obstacles on your path.

Anticipating and solving for them in advance is the key to steady progress.

3. Expect (and Embrace) Self-Doubt

Whether you’re getting in shape, working on your relationship, launching a new business or career, healing from your past, or just going after something new—expect self-doubt to at some point creep in.

Remember setbacks happen. They’re not “signs from the Universe” that you should quit. (Obviously, if you discover you genuinely don’t want to pursue this dream or goal anymore, then yes. Stop. Move on to something else.)

4. Ask: What’s the Next Right Move?

Sometimes the next right move is taking a break to gain a fresh perspective. Go for a run. Work out. Dance. Meditate. Take some space. Call a trusted, experienced, and supportive friend.

Or maybe when you ask yourself, “What’s the next right move here?” you’ll hear a response like, “That feedback stung, but there’s truth in it. Use that insight to get even better.” Or maybe you’ll hear, “Stop judging yourself and finish this darn thing.” Or perhaps, “Yes, we need to push our deadline back again. But we’re not quitting. Let’s refocus and keep going.”

5. Use the Power of Positive Quitting

There are times when you must be brave enough to cancel projects, goals, or relationships that no longer align with who you are or what you value.

Positive quitting is when you realize that you’ve gone as far as you possibly can. You’ve given it your very best effort and now it’s become clear—in your heart and soul—that the wisest and most productive next step is to cut your losses and move on.

6. Be patient

Cultivate patience.

Don’t believe the myth that if you were a “real” (artist, performer, activist, scientist, entrepreneur, etc.) that you’d make a full-time living from your work. Perhaps it’ll happen someday. But that’s not always true, no matter how hard you work. There are countless creatives who are legitimate and admired who also supplement their income through a variety of unrelated means—teaching, seasonal work, service jobs, or rental income.

More importantly, there’s no shame in doing whatever it takes to keep a roof over your head. Never be embarrassed about doing honest work. 

There are no shortcuts to getting to where you want to go.

If you’re not willing to work your butt off over an extended period of time (I’m talking years, not months), then be honest with yourself: that dream isn’t really that important to you. That’s okay. Drop it. Dig deeper. Find something you are willing to stick with and work for, no matter how long it takes.

Life doesn’t demand perfection. Life doesn’t require you to be constantly fearless, confident, or self-assured. Life simply requires that you keep showing up and continue to progress.

1. Success is a Moving, Target

Be honest: What, really, is success for you?

Is it about launching a product or new business?

Is it about paying off debt and being financially free?

Is it about doing what you love so you can care for your family?

Or is it something that kinda, sorta changes as time goes by?

Too often, we chase an idea of success that’s patched together from what we’ve read or observed or think we should be aiming for. Sometimes it’s built from what we’ve learned, and sometimes it’s based on the things you think success can deliver for you, extrinsic factors like lifestyle, property, status, or vacations.

2. Success is a Judgement

We’re taught from a young age to elevate success and the successful. Those who create multi-million (or billion) dollar businesses are splashed over magazine covers for us to idolize. So, our success begins to be measured by what they accomplished versus our actual goals.

3. Success Isn’t Here, Now

It’s easy to dream about the moment you become successful. We all tend to fantasize about the big pay-off for all our hard work, the moment when it all comes together, and how it’ll feel to finally have made it. So it’s funny that this kind of success is always in the future. Just a few more weeks or months away. Just one more challenge or goal. Just a bit more work, and you’ll finally be successful.

But where does that leave the right now? Feels to me like pinning your hopes on being successful in the future diminishes your value in the right now.

Placing your sights on the future to a possible successful event can sometimes be a good motivator (in the short term at least), but you only get to get real success by giving your very best right now, without knowing how things will turn out. Even knowing that you may fail in the process.

4. Success Doesn’t Result in Happiness

Research shows that even if you have a successful career, money, and good physical health, you wouldn’t be happy without supporting, loving relationships.

5. Success is Already a Limitation

Your sense of self, your sense of identity, your level of self-confidence, and the power that your doubts and fears have over you will all help to paint that picture.

If you don’t see yourself as the kind of person who can write a novel, you never will. If you think you’re too introverted to present to 3,000 people, you’ll exclude that possibility. If you don’t feel capable enough to go for that promotion, you won’t try.

A vision of success comes with all of this other scary stuff, and is often tempered and shaped by it. If it’s too scary, you make it less scary, or you dismiss it completely. If it’s not “you,” you make it more you, something safer and more predictable. And if you don’t feel good enough or worthy enough of it, you set your sights much, much lower.

Here are the six reasons I find most people struggle to find success—and how to fix them!

1. You’re not setting goals

2. You don’t practice accountability

3. You’re making excuses

4. Your network sucks

5. You aren’t learning

6. You’re not owning up to things

Having a morning routine helps us set the tone for the day. As we start each day fresh, we can better focus on what is in front of us. A morning routine helps us determine where to prioritize our time, and, ultimately, increase our productivity.

Benefits: 

1. Studies show that the most successful people, wake up early and have strict morning routines 

Our brains function at their best first thing in the morning. Which means we should take full advantage of the first couple of hours of our day. Before you begin serving others, their agenda’s, emotions, and nonsense, serve yourself! What is it that you need? What are your current goals? What are you focused on accomplishing short term? Who should you be dedicating time to? What are your areas of improvement?

Successful people are successful because each and every day, they start their days by giving their most valuable time, to themselves. Really honing in on where they are, where they want to be, and what’s going to get them there. 

Here are the benefits:

1. Confidence

Having a morning routine will naturally begin to build and strengthen your self-confidence. Why? Because each and every day, you’re choosing to love yourself by giving you the “me time”, personal care and pep talk you deserve. All of the daily rituals you put in place will make you feel better about yourself as you go into your day. 

Think about it. When you start your day with a goal-oriented mindset, your confidence grows each and every time you accomplish those small goals. Confidence comes from observing and experiencing ourselves doing the things we set our minds to. Every time we accomplish something we said we would, our confidence grows a little bit more!

When you start to realize how capable you are of achieving your goals, you will begin to think of yourself in a more positive light. You will have more faith in your abilities and see the potential you haven’t really tapped into yet. 

1. Productivity 

A huge benefit that naturally comes with a morning routine is more productivity. Giving yourself intentional time to start your day properly will provide you with the opportunity to be more productive throughout your entire day! You’re simply going into the day with a more focused and calm mindset. Not rushing, not feeling behind or stressed out. 

If you’re ready to create a strong morning routine, here are my tips: 

1. Throw away the traditional alarm (if it’s not your thing)
   1. Wake up peacefully
   2. Choose your favorite song or sound over (beep, beep, beep)
   3. Let up your window curtains, this will help your body naturally wake up in the morning 
2. Create space for a moment of clarity 
   1. Realize it’s time to start the day but have enough time so that you don’t have to rush out of bed
   2. Start off with gratitude, think of all the amazing things and people in your life
   3. Think of the things you’re going to do to start your day off right
   4. Take a couple of deep breaths & stretches, then get the heck up
3. Self-Care
   1. Have a consistent routine to take care of your body and skin 
      1. Facial masks
      2. Steam Treatments
      3. Workout/Exercise
4. Have a glass of water
   1. Especially if you don’t drink a ton of water throughout the day
   2. Your body needs to be hydrated to function at its best 
5. Coffee, Tea, Shake, or Breakfast while you:
   1. Read the bible
   2. Journal
   3. Listen to a sermon or podcast
   4. Just take time to think, clear your mind, or prepare for the day 

Right now, I should be married and fully enjoying my husband celebrating that the wait is over. But as y'all know, the world was hit with something no one was prepared for. Due to travel being banded into the Dominican Republic and the safety and concern of our family and friends, we had to cancel the wedding. Now before we get into detail about what we’ve decided to do and why we decided it, here’s the review of the week.

So the wait continues….

We know God approves of our unity. We just have to make it official. So you would think, why not just go get married? And being honest, I thought the same thing at 1 point. But I have never wanted to get married in a courthouse and miss out on the full experience of enjoying and remembering my fairy tale wedding day. 

We have been planning this fairy tale wedding for over 2 years. I’ve been imaging my big day and I don’t think it’s worth throwing away because of the feeling or desire I have to have sex. 

I have the rest of my life to have sex but I only have 1 opportunity to experience my wedding day and create a day that I’ll cherish for the rest of my life and one day share with my children and grandchildren. 

At this point, our wait it purely continuing because we know that we want to vow to each other in front of God and our loved ones. Not on zoom or IG live but in a person with the people who matter most to us. The people who will be a part of the rest of our lives. 

We aren’t just marrying each other, we’re marrying our families and friends. So many of our loved ones have never even met before because they live in totally different places. Our wedding is a way to bring everyone in one place and fellowship and turn up in celebration of our wait and our unity. 

If I have to wait another year to have that, I say it’s worth it!

Our wait allows us to continue putting all our focus on our business, our relationship, and our individual goals. We are thriving in all areas of our lives right now and I know a huge reason for that is our discipline. A discipline that comes from being laser-focused, patient, and consistent. 

Not that that will end once we start having sex but we definitely plan on enjoying life a whole lot more once we are married. We will be spending a lot of time just traveling and continuing to learn about each other in a more intimate and physical way.  

So the more we focus and stay disciplined now, the harder we play once we reach our big day. 

I am so excited for the day where I finally get to give myself fully Dre. In my eyes, he’s already my husband. I don’t need a human-created piece of paper to prove that to me. What I do need, is the experience of vowing in front of God and the people we love most.

So the wait continues! 

I'm super excited for this episode on body confidence because it’s something that like it or not, we ALL struggle with. 

As women, most of our insecurities come from our physical appearance. We want smaller waists, bigger butts, flawless skin, perfect hair, the list goes on. It’s easy to feel less than when we compare ourselves to the models and celebrities we see on TV. Which of whom usually pay for all types of plastic surgery and have professional makeup artists and hairstylists any time they are caught on camera. Unfortunately, that’s not the reality for most people. Of course, we want to look good but at what cost? And since when does your physical appearance determine how you should feel about yourself as a whole

Beauty does not come in 1 shape, size or color! But when the world around us puts 1 type of woman on a pedestal, it makes the rest of us feel less than or “not as beautiful”.

The goal is to be YOUR best. That means instead of comparing your body to someone else, you’re looking at what God gave you and taking the best care of it as you can to ultimately feel and be your best!

Here’s my tips: 

1. Determine what your insecurities are. 

What are they and why do you have them? Where do they come from? Really take the time needed to think about this. Most of your insecurities aren’t surface level, they are buried deep inside and stem from childhood, past relationships and situations.

Journal your thoughts, pray on it and ask for clarity and give yourself the necessary time to truly figure it out. It may take 1 day or it may take an entire month to figure out. Be patient and remember the long term goal. If you truly want to feel confident about your body and appearance, a change needs to happen on the inside. 

2. Change it or love it

Determine if each insecurity you have is something you can change or something you have to learn to love. This is super important because you need to come to terms that some things may not be able to be changed. The sooner you understand that, the sooner you can start working on accepting it. 

And if the things can be fixed, determine how. What can you do to change or fix those insecurities?

3. Put in the work

Now that you know what the insecurities are and whether they can be changed or not, create a plan and put in the work! Look at all the methods of changing or fixing them from step #2 and determine which method is most realistic for you. Then, put a plan into action and get busy! 

The key is to remember that you are totally in control! You’re also human and insecurities are normal. Everyone has them, and everyone struggles with them. Just don’t let your insecurities define who you are and how you live your life. Being shameless means loving yourself flaws and all, so as I close out this episode, remember that you are imperfectly perfect and your beauty shines from the inside out!

We always want fast results. We jump from this 30-day challenge to that 7-day detox and then continue life as normal until we feel we’re getting too fat again and dive back into some unrealistic diet that leaves us feeling hungry and pissed because we aren’t eating what we want to be eating.

Each and every one of us have different body types, different genetic makeup, different goals and different versions of what we think “looks good”. So why do we buy into the hype of these 1 size fits all programs?

I am seriously thinking about creating a realistic program for different sized women to take control of their lives and get in their best shapes using practical and healthy practices based on individualized goals.

Especially because of the amount of knowledge I’ve learned over the last couple of years. I believe the best way to learn is through experience and this has by far been the most valuable lesson.

Getting in my best shape went from being a challenge to being a new lifestyle. Most of the changes happened on the inside of me which brought dramatic changes to my physical appearance.

When we shift our way of thinking and build our confidence inside out, we tackle life a little differently. We start to see the glass half full instead of empty and begin to appreciate ourselves and our bodies. I used to hate certain body parts and would get really discouraged because I felt like no matter what I did, they never changed.

But in all reality, I was getting discouraged so often that I never actually committed to being consistent with anything long enough to see real results.

The harsh truth ladies is this. There are no shortcuts to being healthy and feeling and looking your best. The same way that we learned bad habits like eating before bed, not eating breakfast, not drinking enough water, over seasoning our food, not making exercise a priority or my personal favorite, eating a whole bowl of chipotle in 1 sitting even though we know it has enough calorie intake for the entire day is the same way that we have to change those habits.

Cleanses, binge diets and challenges will not change those habits and they definitely don’t teach us new ones. Nothing about those methods equal long term practices.

So instead, I challenge you to view your toning or weight loss journey differently and begin with your mind first.

So if you too are looking to get into your best shape and feel and look amazing, here are my 5 steps:

1. Determine Your “Why”
Decide what your reason for changing is. Be detailed and specific. Is it to feel better? Feel more confident? Fit Your Clothes Better? What does your dream body even look like?

2. Set Realistic Goals
Setting unrealistic goals will only discourage you when you don’t meet them. Start with small and achievable goals and slowly work your way up.
 
3. Expect Off Days
We all have them, it’s about how we bounce back that counts. Create a plan of action for when you stumble or lose your motivation and momentum.

4. Don’t Weigh Your Progress
Forget the scale and stop chasing numbers. Judge your progress from what you see in the mirror and how you feel about yourself.

5. Make It A Lifestyle, Not A Challenge
Consistency is key! Challenges might give you temporary results but the goal is to be in your best shape long-term. Every day you’re making choices to be better, that’s called a lifestyle.

Free Guide: “The 5 Steps To: Getting in your dream body” 

Learning to be submissive...what does this even mean?
 
Ephesians 5:22-25 says it best, “Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church. As the church submits to Christ, wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”

I love this because it says how the wife should submit to her husband but ends with how the Husband should love his wife as Christ loves the church.

This is important because a lot of women have the wrong idea of submission. God is not telling us to submit to men, he is telling us to submit to our HUSBAND. We get to choose we marry. And if we choose based on Godly love, we would choose a man who loves us as Christ loved the church. Meaning your husband would do anything for you, to protect you, to make you happy and to support you.

By submitting to a man like that, you are giving him your full trust and respect to lead you as the head of your household and relationship. Therefore the love you have for him and the love he has for God holds him accountable.

Submission becomes complicated when you submit to the wrong man OR when the man you submit to doesn’t follow God. God’s principals are what guide a man’s moral compass and the actions that he makes. If he is following God’s example, every choice he makes will be in your best interest.

Submitting to your husband doesn’t mean that you don’t have a voice or your opinion doesn’t matter. You make choices as a team. But as the husband, it is his job to lead you and he should have the final say. If you are in a loving relationship with God at the core, you will never go wrong by following your husband because the 2 of you are a team. He will also take your judgment and concerns into account when making a decision because you are just as important in the decision-making process.

Submission is a beautiful thing when it’s with the right person. 

Here are my tips for women learning to be submissive

1. Find a guy worth submitting to
Again, pay close attention to his actions. Do his words and actions align? Does he treat you like you’re supposed to be treated? Does he know your heart and care about what you want? Does he value you as a partner? Does he value your opinion and care about your well being?

2. Communicate what submission in the relationship looks like (be on the same page)
This is huge, please don’t submit to a fool that doesn’t even know what submission is. You can only submit to a man, you can’t submit to a boy or an immature excuse of a man. Make sure you guys are on the same page and have a clear understanding of your relationship and roles.

3. Work on it (its a process)
The only reason I got to where I am with submission is that I am with a man who every day shows me he is worthy but also because he was patient with me through the process. 

Hear my answers to the 10 most frequently asked questions about becoming a wife!

The first thing to do is talk to your soon to be hubby to get a good idea of both of your expectations and desires for your wedding. Most men don’t really care and will leave all the details up to you (if you’re lucky lol) but it’s important to know what type of wedding you guys ultimately want. A small wedding, large wedding, destination wedding, church wedding, etc.

Venue:
Once you have that figured out, you can start looking for your venue. I say look for your venue before you look for a coordinator because most locations will refer you to someone who has their own coordinators for you to work with.

Date:
Once you have the location, you start looking at date options. I would suggest doing a year out because time flies but at minimum, 6 months. If you’re doing a more intimate wedding less time is obviously needed to plan but I always say more time is better than not enough time.

Choosing Guests:
There is a very strategic way to go about this and here it is. Both you and your fiance need to create 3 different lists: 1 of priorities or must-haves, 1 of would be nice to have their people, and 1 of additional options or waitlist.

Find Your Coordinator:
This should be someone you trust to pull off your vision. Interview multiple people to find someone who meshed well with your personality and understands your vision for your big day.

Inspiration:
I suggest creating different Pinterest boards and sharing them with your coordinator. The ceremony, cocktail hour, reception, cake, florals, table settings, etc.

Invitations:
With invitations, if you MUST do the traditional route, this is when it makes sense, not for the save the dates. But if you’re like me and want to save money where it makes sense to, you can definitely email the actual invitations as well.

Wedding Website:
The funniest part to me was setting up our wedding website but I’m a total dork :) I created a custom site with WIX so I am unfamiliar with any wedding site hosts but I do know I’ve heard good things about “the knot”.  The most important thing you need to have a beautiful website is quality photos that are consistent in color and theme. For us, we used our photos from our engagement shoot.

Wedding Dress:
Even if you are getting a custom dress made like I did, I highly recommend doing dress fittings. Partially because it’s fun to do and your family and friends would want to experience it with you but also because you never actually know what you want until you see it on you.

Bridal Party:
I have been apart of many weddings and the trending issue with bridesmaids was drama and stress. The bigger the bridal party, the more opportunity for drama and stress.

Registry:
Zola
Blueprint 

The major 5 areas to set boundaries for are work, your relationship, friends, family and personal time.

For each of you, these areas will look a little differently so it’s important to sit down and really evaluate each area of your life and create boundaries that make sense for you and ultimately help you get closer to whatever personal or career goals you have for yourself.

When it comes to work, it can be hard to determine what boundaries are needed because you have a variety of variables to look at. What type of work do you do? What is your work setting like? What is your position? Who do you have to communicate with in order to do your job? What are the hours like? What is your income? Some of you may be working more than 1 job so it can get even harder.

Whatever your position, look at creating boundaries within these areas:
- Co-workers
- Clients or Customers
- Your Time

With your friends/family:

I’m going to address friends and family at the same time because they pretty much fall in the same boat. Your friends and family are the people you love and care about the most. So it’s safe to say, they will consume a good amount of your time. Nothing is wrong with that, as long as you have boundaries in place.

You never want to pour so much out of your cup that you have nothing left to give yourself. You also don’t want to be the person who is constantly taking from someone else either. There should be a balance.

We all have those 2-3 people who we know we can talk to when we’re going through things and that’s good to have. Just be mindful of how much you are requesting of someone and vise versa.

Something that comes to mind when I think of boundaries with friends and family is the information you disclose about your significant other.

Your relationship is your business and many of the things you go through with your partner should stay between you and your partner, especially if you’re married. However, I do think outside council is good to have every now and then. My advice is this, if you’re married, find a married friend who could be your support friend. If you’re dating, have a friend who is also in a relationship as a listening ear, and if you’re single, talk to you whoever you please.

I hate when girls who are in relationships go to their single friends for advice. Not saying that your single friends can’t have good advice it’s just wise to receive a council that can relate to your situation and properly guides you because they are in a similar or better boat than you.

Relationships within your friend circle or family can also get a little complicated when people tell you their business. So another boundary to think about is gossip. You should have an expectation for your friends and family not to share your business, just as they wouldn’t want you to share theirs. 
 
Your Personal Time:

My absolute favorite! We kind of talked about this in each of the other areas and it’s because your personal time is valuable!

Set limits and boundaries to the things you say “yes” to and the things you say “no” to. This is huge with creating balance in your life. If you haven’t read my blog post on “the power of saying no” definitely check it out! I go into detail about determining your yes and no items and ways to politely turn things down and master the art of saying “no”. 

Whenever we overextend ourselves to others, we are ultimately depriving ourselves of “me time”. When this happens too much, we are left with an empty cup and nothing else left to give to the people we love. This is the cause of imbalance, stress, and anxiety. 

Set clear boundaries and commit to a schedule that allows you to give a generous amount of time and effort to yourself and the people and things you care about most.