Breakups suck. No one goes into a relationship thinking they’ll break up. But the way I look at it, we have to go through experiences and people to become who we are supposed to be and attract who we are supposed to be with. The girl you were 5 years ago, isn’t the woman you are now. The reason why most relationships that start at a young age don’t last is that as we grow we evolve. We change and mature and the things we want don’t always align with the other person. 

Or, something bad happens. You cheat, they cheat, you have an argument that you can’t forgive or worse, something tragic happens and you lose them due to a freak accident, health-related issues or even murder. Maybe, it wasn’t something they did, but something you did. Or maybe, there was no clear reason at all, the relationship just ended. The reason in which you may need to get over an ex vary but either way, I’m here to help you if you’re feeling stuck. I’ve had relationships end in many different ways, each of them hard to deal with. 

The beauty of breakups is that they end one chapter to begin another. The next chapter is always more beautiful than the last because we get closer to where we’re supposed to be. Even if it’s tough to deal with. Think about all of the things that you have overcome in your life. You’re better now because of those tough times and the same goes for your ex. 

Don’t allow yourself to get so caught up in your emotions that you forget that your happiness and future comes first. Stop giving men the benefit of doubt and just recognize when they aren’t the one for you. Stop making excuses for them, stop finding reasons to forgive. Most of the time, they don’t deserve it. When you find the person who is right for you, it won’t be so hard. You won’t have to make excuses and try to make things make sense, they just will!

I’m so excited to share my tips for getting over an ex. My relationship before Dre ended really badly and had I not gotten over my ex, dealt with my own issues and moved on, I would have passed up the man of my dreams and not of even known it. 

So here they are: 

1. Completely End It 
2. Evaluate Your Experience 
3. Create a New Vision for Your Future That Doesn’t Include Them
4. Stay Busy 
5. Be Patient

Your singleness is a time to figure yourself out. Learn what you like, don’t like. What you want and don’t want. In life, your career, your relationships, you name it. The difference is that once you become 1 with someone, you should have a clear idea of who you are and what you want out of life and your relationship. Because the 2 of you will expect certain things out of each other and at that point, trying this and that is no longer acceptable because you have a role to play. Because marriage is 2 wholes coming together, each individual should know exactly who they are and their hearts desire. Otherwise, how do you know if you’re making the right choice to be with them?

So here are my tips for mastering your singleness and falling in love with you: 

1. Stay Busy 

Look at your life and determine what you should be prioritizing. Whether it’s you health and wellness, your career, your friends, family or a combination of, you have things in your life that need your time and focus much more than any man out there. Get busy with those things.

2. Date Yourself 

Don’t make being alone a chore. You can spend quality time with yourself by dating yourself! Take yourself shopping, or to the movies. Take a trip you’ve been wanting to go on. Pour yourself a nice bubble bath with a glass of wine and smooth music. Put in the effort to make “me time” fun time! I still carve out time through my week to have a “me day” and I love it! I go get massages, eat at my favorite restaurant, watch chick-flicks, whatever my little heart desires. Be creative. Make it fun and enjoyable!

3. Evaluate 

Your singleness is time to look at yourself, your behaviors and habits and challenge yourself to do and be better. What don’t you like about yourself? What would you change? Self-evaluation is a form of self-love. You are taking the time to be intentional and make choices that will make you feel better about yourself. In order to get the man you want, you have to become the woman you’re meant to be. Ask yourself, what does the man I want, look for in a woman? And see if you fall short of that. How can you close the gap? How can you get closer and closer to being the woman you know you’re capable of being? What have you dealt with in your past that may be holding you back from reaching your full potential?

4. Heal & Apply 

To fall in love with yourself, you must apply the process of working through your self-evaluation. Taking what you found when you analyzed your life and your behaviors and creating a plan of action to address them and do better. This includes healing from your past to move forward with a bright future. If you missed the episode about healing, making sure to listen to episode #4 because we dive deep into the healing process and why it’s important.

5. Be Patient 

You are a work in progress. It takes time to heal from past and work through behaviors and habits that you no you want to change. Be patient with that process but also be patient once you feel your work is done and you’re ready for your man. Remember, you’re not the only part of the equation that has to be ready. Your man has to be ready too. So while I know waiting is hard, you have to continue to fall in love with yourself each and every day until your man is ready for you. 

Always remember that you are worthy but you also owe it to yourself to be your very best. And that means challenging yourself, taking a look in the mirror and constantly doing things to grow and evolve as a woman.

Download my FREE Guide "Mastering Your Singleness"

Links:

Book: "What To Do Until Love Finds You"

We ALL have a past and we ALL have been hurt. However, in order to shamelessly love yourself and create a life you love, you have to move past the hurt and on to bigger and better things. This is why healing is so important. If you don’t take the time to heal old wounds, they can easily affect other aspects of your life. Let me also make it clear that if you are listening to this and are thinking that you aren’t affected by anything that has happened in your past, you are mistaken. 

Psychology proves that we are a product of our environment, taught behaviors and past experiences. Who we are today is a collection of things from our past. We are usually unaware of the effect of our past until it’s too late. 

Healing from your past is important for a couple of reasons. The main one is relationships. If you never fully healed from a relationship, you won’t be able to have a happy and healthy relationship with someone else. All you’ll do is carry over the baggage from your last relationship, right into the next one. New relationship, same problems.

Here are my tips for healing: 

1. Find the problem

Look at your life and your relationships with friends, family and or your significant other. What are you struggle with? What would you change? Write them down.

Once you write them down, take time to dive deep into each thing. Don’t judge yourself or be too proud to realize your issues because we all have them and the first step to fixing them is to admit that they exist. 

2. Find the root of the problems

Take the list of behaviors, beliefs, mindset, habits, anything that you wrote down and work from top to bottom to try and determine the root of each problem. Where do you think the problem stems from? Why do you think its a problem? 

3. Create a plan 

Now that you know the root of the problems, let’s determine what you can do to change. For each thing on your list, come up with 2-3 things that you can do to start the healing process. What does it look like? What is needed in order for it to happen? Whose support do you need? 

4. Commit to the plan 

Once you have your plan, it’s time to put it into action. Again, this is not an overnight process. It takes real time and effort to change so don’t get discouraged by the process. Tell your loved ones about your plan, they can help hold you accountable through your journey. Don’t set specific deadlines. Healing is not a race, it’s an emotional journey and only you can determine how quickly you move.

5. Find Support 

It may be necessary to reach out for professional help. There is nothing wrong with counseling or therapy. It’s actually really healthy and helpful, especially for healing from your past. Finding the right person who can help you unpack your baggage and clearly lay it out and help you understand it may be needed. And understand that the first person you go to may not be the best fit. It’s like my massage membership. I was a member for 4 months until I found someone who gave me the experience I was looking for. Shop around, try people out until you find someone who feels right. 

Lastly, don’t give up. So many people start the process of healing but few make it out on the other side. With something so painful, it’s easy to find coping mechanisms like shopping, drinking, sexual relationships, etc. Don’t allow yourself to be a woman who masks herself to the world as if she’s this well put together person but on the inside, you’re suffering. You have the power to be exactly who you are and own it but you have to start with healing.

Download my FREE Guide: "Healing From Your Past"

Before we can talk about building your relationship with God, you have to understand your “why”. Before you can throw yourself into any relationship, you have to know why you want to be in it in the first place. So my question to you is, WHY do you want to build a relationship with God? My reason was that I was hopeless. I had no hope and felt like giving up so I turned to God. As I grew in my relationship I learned how amazing God is and how much better my life is when he is involved. Following his laws and principals makes me a better person for myself and the people around me. So what is your reason?

Here are my 7 tips for building a relationship with God:

1. Church 

The church is amazing for fellowship and worship if you can find a church home you’re comfortable with but don’t think that just because you attend church your building an intimate relationship with God.

2. Bible Study 

Bible study is one of my favorite ways to grow closer to God. It allows you to fellowship with other believers, be interactive, ask questions and most importantly, be intentional.

3. Online Sermons 

Online sermons allow you to have top pastors all around the world, share their messages with you right from your home, car or even shower.

4. Faith-Based Books & Journaling 

Faith-based books are awesome because they will include the principals of God in a way that’s more interesting and relatable. For example. If you’re single and also trying to build a relationship with God, a good book to read is “secrets of an irresistible woman” by Michelle Hammond McKinny. The other thing that is really helpful is Journaling. When you self-reflect and analyze your desires, goals, and actions and compare them to God’s word and principals, you are learning a lot about yourself and your heavenly father.

5. Daily Prayer 

The most important and obvious way to grow closer to God is by praying to him daily. Think of prayer like conversations. It doesn’t have to be structured and proper, just talk to him.

6. Worship

Hallelujah, amen! I cannot stress enough how important it is at any stage of your relationship with God to give him praise and worship daily. Look at where you were then, compared to now. Look at all the tough times God has brought you through.

7. Influence 

Your influences will help or hinder your growth with God. If you surround yourself with people who don’t believe what you believe, it will foster an environment that is destructive for you. 

Links mentioned in Episode:

Bible Study Guide: Armor of God
Devotional: God Hears Her
YouTube Video: Our Spiritual Journey

Being true to yourself starts with knowing who you are and accepting yourself. This means knowing your strengths, passions, limitations, and purpose in life and then living that way all the time. You come to know yourself only by living life. Finding what works for you. What defines you and makes you whole.

Finding who we are outside of the things that we do or have is tough. Sometimes we create fake identities to hide behind because we think it’s a good look and others will be impressed. We throw around titles like “CEO, business owner, head of this, leader of that” and most of the time it’s to hide our insecurities about who we are and what we actually do. 

Our character and identity is questioned when we don’t hold true to our morals, values, and beliefs. 

To make it simple, I have broken down 5 steps and key elements to help you determine your identity and who you truly are so you can be true to yourself:

1. Beliefs; trust, faith, or confidence in someone or something. 

What do you believe in? Do you ever allow your beliefs to shift based on situations outside of your control or when you’re surrounded by certain people? Would you shout your beliefs to the rooftop and stand by them no matter who may try to challenge them?

2. Morals; a person's standards of behavior or beliefs concerning what is and is not acceptable for them to do.

Do you make choices with your moral compass or just take the easier route? Do you struggle to be consistent with your actions and words? Saying one thing and doing another?

3. Values; one's judgment of what is important in life.

Do you ever find yourself making decisions that don’t align with what you want out of life? It’s so easy to get caught up in the hype of life that sometimes our values are determined by what’s going on around us.

4. Behavior; the way in which one acts or conducts oneself, especially toward others.

Do you switch up your behavior around different people? Are you one way one day and another the next? Are you easily persuaded to do things out of your character when your surroundings change?

5. Identity; the distinguishing character or personality of an individual

Do you hide behind job titles or roles? Do you know that who you are is a combination of your beliefs, morals, and values? Do you hide behind fancy words or things to show people who you are?

Our identity is challenged every day because the world we live in is a constant distraction. From our phones to social media, TV and even our communities, we are faced with challenges that test our identity. We are taught to want more, do more, have more. This causes us to confuse our identity with what we are busy doing. 

I challenge you to journal your thoughts on who you are and your identity. Try not to include what you do for a living, any positions, titles or roles and get to the core of who you are.

Funny thing is, when you realize who you are. You might not like it. And that’s okay! Because the beauty of discovering yourself is that YOU are in control. If you don’t like something, you can work on changing it. But you would never know unless you take the time to peel off the layers that society has laid on you and get down to the core of who you really are. 

I encourage you to dig deep and take the steps to knowing who you are, and loving who you are.

Download my free guide “Who Are You? The 5 Steps To Finding Your Identity”.

Learn my “shame method” to master the art of being shameless. Each of these things is key for you to abandon fear, be your BEST self and turn your dreams into reality!

S, for self-doubt: 

The number 1 reason why people feel shame is because they are seeking affirmation from others. When we judge ourselves based on what we see others doing or what the world says is beautiful or successful, we lose sight of loving ourselves as is and allow self-doubt to creep in. 

The first step to accomplishing your dreams and creating a life you want is to believe you can actually do it. You would be surprised what you’re capable of achieving when you just believe in yourself. A way to get rid of self-doubt is to swap it for self-love. 

H, is for healing: 

We have all been hurt in the past. It sucks, but it’s a part of life and it makes us better in the long run. Whether you have been hurt in the past by your parents, friends, significant other or even traumatizing experience, you have got to deal with it, heal and move on. As women, we scare very easily. We usually wear our hearts on our sleeves until someone comes along and breaks it. Then instead of understanding the situation, doing self-evaluation and learning from the experience, we shut the world out and say all guys are dogs, leaving us in a space where we have trust issues going into new relationships with people who don’t deserve our mistrust. 

In order to be your best self, you have got to deal with your past. You can’t be ashamed to talk about the bad things you have gone through because your story could encourage and help someone else. 

A, is for anxiety: 

In order to be shameless Hunny, we have got to kick anxieties butt! Anxiety is a feeling of fear or apprehension about what's to come. I didn’t realize that I struggled with anxiety until dating Dre. He would say “you’re such a worrier” and I would, of course, say “nut-uh”. But he was totally right. I never realized how much I worried about things that were completely out of my control. Worry, anxiety, and fear are all in the same family and we do not want to invite them into our home. They trick us into spending valuable time stressing about day to day things, doubting our abilities and playing life safe instead of going after our wildest dreams.

M, is for mentality: 

Adopting a shameless mindset is to believe in yourself and your abilities as a strong woman while also being humble enough to accept help, learn new things and constantly grow to be better. It’s also a mindset that allows you to be transparent about who you are and what you go through because you have no shame of your imperfections and use it to inspire and encourage others. This type of mindset will allow you to see things from a different perspective. When you focus on the bigger picture, you can work towards your goals without being distracted by bumps in the road. Life is a journey and learning to enjoy the process will help you maintain your sanity and happiness. Nothing in life is ever perfect. When you begin to realize that and make the best out of every situation, you will be 1 more step closer to living shamelessly. 

E, is for emotion: 

Getting control of our emotions is the final step to mastering the art of being shameless. Have you ever said something out of anger that you later regretted? Have you let fear talk you out of taking risks and going after your dreams? Emotions are powerful. Your mood determines how you interact with people, how much money you spend, how you deal with challenges, and how you spend your time. Gaining control over your emotions will help you become mentally stronger and overall put you in a place where you can truly be shameless. 

My free guide to “Mastering the art of being shameless”

Welcome to the Shameless Life Podcast where we master the art of being shameless. I’m your host Breanna. Self-made entrepreneur, brand expert, and online coach helping everyday women create and live a life they love. If you’re ready to Abandon fear, become your best self and turn your dreams into reality, you’re in the right place!

I am so excited to introduce the Shameless Life Podcast. In this episode I tell you about myself, let you know why I’ve started this podcast and share what you can expect from future episodes.

This podcast will feature the good, the bad and the ugly reminding us that being human is okay. And being human means we aren’t perfect, every day won’t be roses and sunshine but it’s apart of growing and I think those aspects are important too. It’s something that we naturally shy away from sharing because at times it can be hard, painful or embarrassing. But that’s life! We live and we learn and we shouldn’t feel ashamed for sharing our truth, especially if it can help someone else. 

The reason I titled it “the shameless life podcast” is pretty simple. My favorite word is shameless and I try to live every day with a shameless mindset. The definition of shameless is “showing a lack of shame.” Imagine if we lived in a world where it was perfectly okay to be imperfect, where people weren’t comparing themselves to altered versions of women on tv screens and Instagram. Where being human was okay and we weren’t ashamed to talk about real-life issues like depression, anger, failed marriages, bad habits, mistakes, and the list goes on. If we weren’t so busy keeping up with the Kardashians and every other social media influencer on the gram, maybe we could be grateful for who we are and what we have and actually enjoy and love our own lives instead of trying to live someone else’s.

This podcast is my way of saying, I will not sit by and watch young ladies and women lose themselves in this messy world and feel inferior or ashamed to be exactly who they are. You are beautiful and have all the potential in the world if you just choose the right priorities and master the art of truly being shameless. And I promise you that I will help with that. This podcast will cover healing, spirituality, relationships, sex, building confidence, going after your dreams, and all the key elements of being shameless and living a life that you can be proud of no matter what's going on around you. I wasn’t always this confident person and to be completely honest, I too have my moments. I know what it feels like to be stuck, lost, unsupported, overlooked, unattractive and shameful. That’s why I do what I do.

I am 27 years old and I live in Washington DC with my fiance Dre Smith who will be my hubby as of May 2020. Together we own a social media and branding business called All About iT where we help creatives, entrepreneurs, and professionals take their “it” to the next level. Your “it” is whatever you have to offer the world. Whether it’s your personality, services or products, we have mastered proper branding and free platforms like Instagram to help everyday people create, launch and build a successful business just like we have. We are the founders and creators of All About iT University which is an online educational platform for aspiring entrepreneurs to learn how to create, launch and grow successful brands and businesses on their own, in their own time.

Outside of being full-time entrepreneurs, Dre and I have a couples brand where we share our journey of waiting for marriage. Yes yall, we have never had sex together. We have a Youtube Channel dedicated to helping people build healthy relationships as well as a couple's Instagram page where you can follow us as a couple.

Connect:

• @breannaaponte
• @shamelesslifepodcast